true friends

This year, I made more efforts to meet new people. By organizing lots of social events, I did meet new people. In return, I received invitations to events and met more people.

Now that it's the end of the year, I am taking a break and assessing.

Some of these people will not be in my life because it's time to let go. It's been hard at times because the friendships sometimes grew demanding. I still haven't quite learned how to just be with like-minded spirits. Part of being like-minded is how much space I need in a friendship. Choosing to focus on career and a new man, I am looking for friends who are at the same point in life.

I felt guilty for not doing as much for others, but now the guilt is replaced by the realization that many ties are simply lengthened but not broken. It's especially hard with the guy friends because now one person is taking up more of my energy. Still, I send out good wishes to everyone as the year comes to a close.

Hope your year was fantastic too!

make time (part 2)

Managed to find time this morning to go to the climbing gym to introduce the sport to a friend's friend in town for the holidays. She is the 26th person I introduced to climbing.

I have to work today, so we made the meeting at 8am. It's amazing that 1. the gym was open and 2. we were all on time. 90 minutes later, my new friend got her belay card and was climbing. I managed to hit three routes, and rushed off to work just one hour off my usual time.

Work is getting busier, but I still want to make time for all the important things. Just checked out ice skating class schedule. Maybe that'll be my new sport for 2008. The classes would be Mondays at 630pm...

mini victory

After dropping out of mini-triathlon training and getting kicked out of motorcycle class, I thought this was going to be the year that I find my limits.

Then, I went to Tahoe the last two days and accomplished a major goal for the last two years: I finally snowboard as well as I ski.

Growing up, I was quite uncoordinated. I drop things, I trip all the time, and I was never good at sports. Then, learning to ski and master to ski changed my attitude about challenges. Instead of giving up, I realized that mastering skills require learning the trick to the task.

Learning to snowboard had to do with the changing demographics of people I spent time with. As more and more of my friends were snowboarders, I felt the pressure to learn the new sport.

As with skiing, I took many lessons and try to hit the slopes as much as I can. I also bought a used board in order to have my own equipment. The formula worked.

Now, boarding is my favorite sport. I am still trying to learn new things, but in every other sport, I am trying to reach that point of pure bliss I feel when I finish a black run with complete confidence.

experience counts

Went ice skating by myself last night to break in the new skates. Lovely. Been to this rink a few times before, so I knew just where to park, how much it cost, what to bring (thick socks, gloves and water) and what the crowd was going to be like. Being in an urbanized area, it was mostly teenagers at 10pm at night.

As I am enjoying myself on the ice, I felt grateful that life has brought me so many experiences. Whether together with people or on my own, I have done enough that I always want to do more.

It wasn't always like this. I used to spend more time thinking about doing things than actual execution.

Same with relationships. I used to try to control the man in my life rather than grow and evolve with that person. After Mr. PA, where I tried so hard to change him and drove him away, I see that I applied the same controls placed on me by others.

I finally learned. Relationships are about letting go completely and enjoy the other person as he is. I am excited but ever more appreciative of all the falls I have along the way. Those past experiences make the present that much sweeter.

fact or fiction

My sister-in-law is expecting my nephew in a couple of months. I am quite excited! They call the kid peanut because that's what he looked like in his first ultrasound picture.

I have been talking to the baby in hopes that he will recognize my voice. It's silly to talk loudly to a pregnant belly, but I am bonding with the bebe. "Greetings from your favorite aunt!"

One of the changes that my sister-in-law endured is her palate. She used to prefer savory food, but ever since her pregnancy, she prefers sweets and fresh fruit. That happens to be what most people in my family prefer. We even joke that the baby is going to be like my older sister, who is fanatic about her fresh fruits.

My mother confirmed that all the foods she craved while pregnant with each of us turned into our favorite foods. Pineapple for me!

So the doctors out there, any validity to my mother's claim? Better yet, all my mommy friends: did your pregnancy cravings turned into your children's favorite foods?

crafts

I spent an hour last night trying to fix a broken string on a bracelet. Didn't have the right type of string (need a sturdy fishing line), so I ended up in the exact same place as when I started - the beads are connected except for one place where it is broken.

Never been much of an arts-and-crafts person. I'll sew a button here and there, but I am just not a crafts person.

I did fix a tear in the back of my over-the-knee boots right after. Success! Plan to wear them for the 80s dancing tonight...

Lately, I have had a lot of "know my limit" experiences (motorcycle class, mini-triathlon, trying to have a serious relationship before I am ready...). They are not meant to be discouraging, more of a note.

Meditation has been wonderful in allowing me to see things as neutral rather than having an emotional response. So, duly noted, I am not great at fixing broken jewelry.

work hard

This is why I love my work...

inquiring minds

p.s. I didn't go to Tahoe Sat. The lack of snow was a blessing in disguise. I did lots of fun things and even renewed an old connection. Life is very, very good.

dear girlfriends...

Hello to my former Dinner-For-the-Ladies friends,

Weren't those monthly dinners back in 2004-2006 fun?

Back when I first became single, organizing those monthly dinners was such a fun outlet. I found the perfect formula. Every last Wednesday of the month, we would all meet at a restuarant that I found (and this was before I discovered yelp!). The budget was about $20 per person, and the location had to be accessible to all of us, some working in SF, some in Peninsula, others in the South Bay.

My repeat this every month, usually sending the evite out the week after the last dinner to continue the tradition.

All this because I read a research that the only indicator of a woman's happiness is her female companionship. We were all amused that the only indicator of a man's happiness is also his female companionship. Does that mean women may need men but aren't necessary happier with them? Well, that's the subject of another post.

Thank you all for the great times! We bonded over great food, sometimes bad service, traffic, men, Sex and the City, laughter and frustration, and all of life's ups and downs. Eventually, some of us settle down.

Anyways, after I discontinued the dinners, we tried to get together a couple of times a year.

So much has happen in the past year, and those of you who stayed in touch know that. Most recently, I got a new job and made some lifestyle adjustments (one of them has a V6!).

That's why I have not responded during this latest group invite for us to consider a get together. I do care, and I am forever grateful for your support during those dinners and gatherings, but I do ask that we catch up electronically and maybe meet up at one the larger social gatherings in 2008.

Thank you for everything, and I look forward to catching up with you (either in cyberspace or in person)!!

With Love and Happy Holidays,
TOE

nice...but

Reporting after the HH meet up. It was good enough for dinner after, but we split the tab.

There was physical attraction but completely different outlooks on life. Yet another very cool guy who will be just a friend. I can appreciate a guy who takes good care of his body, but I am looking for a deeper connection. It's hard to explain, but having had it a couple of times, I'll know it when it happens again.

Going into work tomorrow again. Don't mind because I have to be in downtown for errands and to meet a friend. Plus, will finally catch up with my boss after his long business trip. Time to approach him about that conference in Vail next month!

finding time for everything

Today, I took a couple of hours off during the middle of the afternoon. First, I visited a friend's new antique store nearby work. I have been talking to him about this idea for almost 2 years, since I first met him. It was so amazing to see the beautiful space and to witness a dream realized.

Then, a second friend came by the store, and we went to a new housing development in town. I introduced this friend to my broker, who is also a friend. We looked at some units together, and then they dropped me off before heading to look at more places.

Now I am back at the office, working away. I will have to make up for the time tonight and this weekend, but this is why I love my new job. I still have time for everything I want to do. I am working harder but loving every moment of it. Nothing beats learning from great people and meaningful projects.

Have a HH with a new guy tonight. Maybe friends, maybe more. It takes time to get to know someone, and I am willing to invest the time and take my time until I find the right person to settle down with.

Being an attorney fits because I have always been conscious of the value of time and want to get more out of each .25 increments. Learning how to evolve and to let go of people and habits that no longer fit is second nature now. The goal is to be able to use my time to connect with people and to do good work, and I will strive to make time always.

create your own opportunity

There is a lot of information out there. What particular information one focuses on at any given point creates the necessary opportunities. Although many people see the opportunities, the willingness to risk and take action separates the lucky ones from the ordinary.

It all begins with one's intuition. I had the idea to go snowboarding this upcoming Saturday after talking to one friend who lives in Seattle and another who jetted to Vancouver to board.

That's the start of the process: one must create the opportunity by following one's intuition.

Next, honing our intuition, so that it acts as a critical tool to begin to select the relevant information. Given my desire to snowboard, I check weather, think about the list of action items (tune snowboard - maybe, research Tahoe resorts for lesson rates - will take a lesson to get a jump start on the season, send e-mails to a few friends who might be interested).

Meanwhile, competing events are going on. So they need to be incorporated into the original plan or be dismissed. This is where creativity is very important. Often, people think two events are mutually exclusive, when in fact they can be combined to create a better outcome.

My family might get together for dinner Saturday night, and if I go to Tahoe, that just means that I either get a ride so get dropped off at dinner or drive myself in order to meet them on my own. When things don't go according to plan, know that they are meant to be in order to help direct you to the end result. Too often, people get stuck trying to figure out how to circumvent the unexpected when it should just be embraced to create a better result.

How did you think I manage to learn one new sport a year although quite uncoordinated? I often let my friends lead the way and inspire me to find short cuts to all the trick of the trade!

Like any habit, to create and seize opportunities is not a linear movement but a dynamic process in which you must teach your brain to function at all levels but stills stay disciplined.

Back to the idea to board. The periodic checking of the weather suggests that it might rain/snow Fri or Sat. The snow may not be great, but I definitely need company if I want to split a SUV rental or find someone who has one. The trick is focusing in on the information by having some basic premise. I always want to be safe when I go to Tahoe, and that safety margin changes depending on the weather.

Then, another idea struck while I was considering at Tahoe. My Seattle friend teaches snowboarding there on Saturdays starting last weekend, so I spent 5 minutes investigating last-minute plane tickets to Seattle to see if it's worth just going there.

Yes, that's crazy! Still, how did you think I managed to cram 11 roundtrip flights in 2007 (2 international), all of them personal trip on my own time and dime? It takes a bit of craziness to get more out of life. I happen to know a lot of people who were going places because of good deals, and I traveled during off season (translate being in very cold places) to get even better deals.

I cannot stress the importance of opportunity costs; all these trips happened because other things didn't. I hardly buy anything at retail (sale, online or used instead), and I am typing this on a 7-year-old laptop. I have zero wall hangings and minimal furniture, and I cook more than I eat out. I drive cars that are at least 5 years old, and the most important things in my life are my relationships.

Well, Seattle didn't work out, but it's the start of another idea. Time to check in with my friend on which is the best weekend to visit. See how this works? Also, I need to send some confirming e-mails out and decide by Fri morning what I will do.

The most important part of this exercise isn't about going to Tahoe, but how easy it is for me to go to Tahoe or not to go. By enjoying the process and doing it so frequently in every area of my life, I can live in the moment and not get stressed out or slowed down by the journey. BOTH the journey and the destination are thoroughly satisfying.

Yes, I know you want to find out what happens to the Tahoe trip. That's not the point of this post though. Instead of wondering whether I will be on the slopes, why not take this opportunity to follow through on an idea and go for it?

I'll see you on the slopes then, if not this Sat, then definitely March. Planned Park City 2008 with 5 friends and booked the flight and ski house two weeks ago!!

if we all think like a president

Yesterday, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner was sworn in as the President of Argentina.

Given my current focus on career, I wonder what does a President think about with such enormous responsibilities.

Even the corrupt leaders have to focus on how to make the system work, so imagine what a legitimate world leader have to contemplate on a daily basis.

Me, I am not too ambitious, although being born in Virginia means that I can be the President. Still, I am starting to think more about how to make the world a better place.

It's the little things. I refuse extra bags and extra plastic utensils. I try to pay attention to civic happenings. I vote. Even the return to law is to give myself more preparation for future service opportunities.

Also, I truly believe that thinking about bigger things makes us happier. I don't ever worry about personal things; advances in science and world events are more important!

How are you using your brain cells today?

meditation

After being inspired by Eat, Pray, Love, I decided that it was time to start meditating.

Meditation has been proven scientifically to lower brain activity, and that state of calm has tremendous health benefits. There is so much we don't know about the links between body, mind and spirit.

It wasn't as hard as Elizabeth Gilbert described b/c yoga often talked about focusing on the breath to free the mind. I just sat and focused on my breath and observed my thoughts without reacting to it. Will try to meditate daily.

Still, the initial reaction was that my mind felt more scattered the day after. It was a reminder that I have been so intent to focusing that I lose sight of the need to relax. Ironic!

I do feel a sense of well being lately. I have been listening more to my body and my intuition. Things have become much easier in the last few months.

Next is the focus on how to ground myself and be caring without draining myself (a family trait)! Now I know why I had to stay single the last four years because I still need to learn how to balance giving and taking and being.

Namaste.

the system

A colleague e-mailed me about getting laid off from his job. He was a co-worker at my last work place who decided to take a big risk after just five months at our former company. He left to work for an independently wealthy investor on a Hawaii project. After a month, he is unemployed.

Now he is scrambling to find something else, including consulting for my old company. Rather than making a personal call or take his old boss to lunch, he wrote an e-mail and received a short but firm rejection.

By leaving after a short period, he definitely burned some bridges. The worst part was that he often looked down at the others. I firmly believe that people can detect elitism faster than they can smell fear. If you think you are better, people's guards will be up.

Sometimes it's a curse to be smart and achieve at a young age. It sets up for very high expectations that makes life that much more dissatisfying. I feel lucky because I have very little expectations for life. I still believe that most of my professional and personal accomplishment comes by the way of fate more than anything else. I try hard, but I know to expect nothing.

One lesson in all this - the most important quality to gain in life is humility.

networking

I have been receiving many invites to join many social networks by friends. Just don't want to set up yet another profile and spend time updating it or not update it due to the lack of time.

Professionally, I like where I am and don't see the need to network online.

Personally, b/t my blog, my social gatherings, my calls and e-mails, I keep in touch with all the people that I need to connect with.

It comes down to time. I know for many of my friends, these sites help them keep in touch, so there is value. For me, they may take up precious time that I want to spend doing something else...

yet another friend

Sometimes being intuitive is a curse.

After a second date, I knew that this latest guy and I can only be friends. Told him that tonight. I believe in being honest, and if I see a perfect mate for the other person that is not me, then I lose interest completely. I want this great guy to be completely free to meet the right person for him. It's too bad because there was a connection, and he is impressive.

Even though I want to have a relationship, I am not quite ready to give up my hectic life. When I can meet someone who can relate to or support my four-events-a-day schedule, then I'll be in a relationship.

Until then, there are single parties to plan, weights to lift, and work to do. Went into the office Sat and was productive. I also brought work home tonight. It's all right because I used to have community meetings that go on til 10pm!

Excited because I do believe in what I am doing and am grateful for the opportunity to learn!

show me what you've got

In reading M's blog about the different types of guys, I can't help compare the two that pique my interest of late.

Totally different types of guys. One is who I want to be - smooth, successful, and very focused. The other is who I can relate to - humble, loner and an unconventional life path.

In consulting with the energy lady Maria, I know that one of them will be the one I end up with in 2008. (Do I dare to think beyond next year?)

I have chosen to invest my time with them lately because in both instances, the chemistry is incredible. This has happened once this past year, and Maria cleared that guy out quickly because it wasn't meant to be.

In their own ways, these guys impress me without trying. For now, that is the one trait I look for. Let's see who steps up next. Well, I think I know who's going to be my NYE date...

shifting gears

The one thing I love about driving a stick is that you can adjust the performance of the car more precisely to the conditions of the road.

It's all about paying attention, having fun, shift, and having more fun.

Work is kicking up a notch. It's all about how to be even more productive as a major deadline looms. I never thought I would love work this much, but I really do. There are some bumps b/c some of the deals are complicated, but the learning is exciting.

I am going to be working a few hours this weekend and late one day next week. Don't mind at all because all the fun things this week and next will balance things out. Besides, I am still working about the same hours as the last job even with overtime.

It's like shifting, one actually step on the gas during the gear change, so it's more efficient at a higher speed.

p.s. Started to talk to dealer again about the next car. Stayed tuned...

man of the times

There is being oneself, and there is being oneself that is embraced by others.

In talking to a couple of guy friends lately, being a nice just doesn't seem to win the ladies' hearts any more.

My mother told me that one of the reasons that she picked my father over her many suitors was that most of her friends agreed that he was the nicest guy.

These days, being accomplished seems to be the most desirable trait. A person has to be fit, intelligent, talented, and well-traveled. Whatever happen to just having a good heart?

When has being adventurous a desirable trait? My father is not the most adventurous person, but he was respected due to his dedication to the community. He is very lucky that his personality suited his era.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, women tends to look for men that have what is socially desirable.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I don't usually follow the trend. Let's see if the current candidate will be around long enough for me to see if I need Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Accomplished...

work, play and evolve

As luck would have it, I am currently working on affordable housing projects. It's exciting to do something I truly believe in.

Am filling out a planning application for the project and justifying why this project promotes the various policies of the City's general plan.

I am thoroughly inspired to make this my life's work - increasing housing stock, especially affordable housing. Only by providing everyone with a comfortable home, can we strive toward utopia.

It makes me sad to see people ask for money at freeway junctions. I don't give change then, but I hope that when I have kids or grandkids, we can have less homelessness and better housing stock.

unexpected surprises

Just when I have life all figured out, it throws me a curve ball. I am no longer phased by surprises, but some how people who don't fit neatly into boxes continue to appear in my life. Like-minds attract?

On another note. I spent a few days in San Jose, CA, and the 10th largest city in the U.S. is a force to be reckoned with. Between new high-rise condomiums, a light rail transportation system that is on-time to the minute, and more brain power than anywhere else in the world, SF should be very affraid. City persons like myself might just find another city to live in soon. The most unexpected conclusion is the diversity. Some how San Jose is allowing all types of lifestyle to co-exist more seamlessly.

Appaulse to the City to the South.

go see this

During my trip to NY, I saw the Hirst shark. It was sad that not many people were crowded around this amazing piece. Guess not everyone is a modern art fan.

Then, there is the Eliasson exhibit at SFMOMA going on now through February 24.

Good art makes us feel so much. The amazing pieces energize me and give me a sense of joy.

Happy viewing.

work and play

One observation about the new job is that I am working about the same hours as before but learning 3 times as much.

It's all about focusing. Now that I am not trying to put out fires around the office, I am able to zero in on the substantive assignments.

It helps to have a good boss and an amazing support staff.

Also scaling back in my personal life. It's been six months since someone made it past the second date. Looking forward to falling madly in love again, but I am not holding my breath.

Life is perfect as is, and I want to enjoy this moment for a while.

yet another sustainable tool

New job is fantastic. My first three assignments are a senior care facility, rebuilding dilapidated affordable housing and tax-credit housing project, and it's only the second day.

New job means new ways to get around. I take public transportation to work now.

Today, had to go to a community meeting (I am helping Skyline College raise money. How to get there when there is no public transit close to the campus?

Car share program. I had signed up during their free annual-fee promotion, so I only pay as I use the cars.

I was able to sign up for a car last night. Today, I drove take a car from a public parking lot that is a 5-minute walk from the office, attended my meeting and got back to work without worrying about parking or traffic to and from work. The process costs less and was faster than driving my own car.

It's fun to be green.

life gets better w/age

Went to a couple of events tonight. One professional and another at a friend's place. Wow, is it the latest session with energy healer, or am I seeing everything so clearly? It's a lot easier to just see people for themselves and not be so concerned about how I can fit in or be liked.

Felt slightly foolish for being so eager to please in the past, especially with men, but now it's just about letting events unfold.

Lots of candidates running for Mr. Right, but I know better. Many are more suited as Mr. Right Now, so why not just enjoy their friendship and free them from finding someone who will care about them unconditionally?

It's tricky. Give first or wait to be given. I am still giving first, but that's part of who I am. Waiting to see what happens next.

fully committed

What have you done for your community lately?

The reason for all the posts lately about recycling and sustainability is due to the belief that each of us can make a difference.

To make more of a difference, I decided to join my HOA Board and the President's Council at Skyline College (fundraising group).

In addition, organizing all the social events are quite fun, but they are merely reminders that to receive, we must give.

It can be something small, like voting or donating to charities, or it can be as big as changing another human being's life.

We don't know the limitations of our powers until we test it. I am lucky that my passions happen to be quite social, so I can stay connected and continue to pursue what makes me happy.

Tomorrow is another day off, but I will be going to a community meeting and a professional function. There is something about being connected to civic organizations that increase the meaning of living in the now.

What are you going to do for your community tomorrow?

new beginning

Started to use my compost bin. Whoohoo!!

sustainability

What have you done for Mother Earth lately?

After I toured the NorCal Transfer Station (the garbage dump), I thought long and hard about my daily habits. They are pretty good but could be much better.

Garbage is a big part of sustainable living. I recycle and throw out very little garbage (I take plastic bags to grocery stores and packing pellets to mail stores). After this Thursday, I'll throw out almost no garbage as my building joins the compost service (green bins that take away food scraps).

I bring my own bags to stores. It throws the clerks off to not bag, but I insist on not creating more waste.

I bring my own coffee mug to cafes. Think about how many cups you throw away on a weekly basis, so just recycling paper at the office is not enough.

I keep metal utensils at work, so I don't have to use plastic forks, knives, and spoons.

Once a week, I have my no-car day. This is a day (it'll be Sunday this week) in which I get around by walking or public transit or carpooling. I also walk to the gym and one of my grocery stores.

Food turns out to consume the most energy, even more than driving because so many items have to be trucked in. Also, some items take much more energy to produce than other items. Red meat is the worst. The rule of thumb in the sustainability movement is that if you cut down the red meat that you eat by half, you will save more resources than giving up a car. Who knew!

Also, eating locally helps. My try to not eat food that come in a package and shop at farmers' market. It's also better for our body and tastier.

It's not hard to be environmentally conscious, but it does take a conscience. So get on it already!

policy choices

One of my professional interest is affordable housing (or BMR, below-market-rate, units).

I truly believe that providing adequate housing is the first step in making the world a better place. By taking away someone's worry about having a roof over their heads, that person can begin to focus on financial stability, health, and making the world a better place.

The latest debate over affordable housing is on-site versus off-site.

Affordable housing policies usually require a certain percentage of large housing projects to be affordable. This percentage of units are sold at a capped price. In SF, that number ranges from 12 to 20 percent. For the developer, the affordable housing requirement cuts into the projects' profits because these units are sold at below-market value, thus the nickname BMRs.

In an effort to compromise, a new type of BMR has emerged, the off-site. These BMRs are located not on the project site but within the City boundary. In SF, the off-site has to be located within one mile of the project site. Another requirement is that the number of BMR will increase relative to the original percentage.

The idea is that the cost of the off-site will be lower and that the developer is making enough on the original market-rate units that there is a financial incentive to opt for more affordable housing units. It's a win-win situation because the developer don't lose out as much and more housing units are created overall.

Is it really?

I am against off-site because w/o integration of the different classes, affordable housing are not as successful. Many of the public housing of the past are slums because throwing a lot of people who are financially strapped is never a good idea, not to mention many of the drugs and mental health issues that are often associated with those in public housing/affordable housing projects.

Housing, like neighborhoods, need to be diverse and integrate different populations to be successful. San Francisco is not as viberant as Los Angeles, scale aside, because it is not economically diverse. On-site BMRs are just another solution to create diversity.

True, BMR is not public housing, it is merely subsidized. Many people will never be able to afford even BMRs. Also, many developers feel that BMR is yet another exaction that is similar to the taking of property, so they argue that off-site is the best compromise.

One reason to leave my job (yes, I've accepted the offer) is that my company is about to embark on off-site BMRs, and it feels wrong to work on a project that wants to create off-site affordable housing.

The debate continues, and I am excited that I learned enough from this last job to be able to know where I stand. The next job will have its share of tough choices, and I welcome the opportunity to help clients make the right choices.

decision time

I got the offer from the law firm. The meeting of the mind was not just in my head.

What's next?

time for a vacation

Am organizing yet another social event. This time, I made a couple of errors in corresponding to the venue manager. The details are now straightened out, but I know it's a sign to slow down.

Since February 2004, I have organized over 100 events. 70 of those were organized via evites. This is not counting the dinners and guests that I hosted over the years. Of course, not counting the dates with men...

Wow, that is a lot of good times. I am grateful for the events, but it's time to change focus.

I am not quite ready to give up my guestlists, but I am ready to slow down. Am off to a mini vacation and then possibly the last wine event?!

turn it down

For a couple of months now, I have been on a mission to not take a plastic bag at stores. It's simpler than you think, but some effort to think is required.

Every time I was at the check out and offered a bag, I either have my own bag or refuse a bag. It's amazing how many bags I have saved.

Try it. Keep a cloth bag around or bring old plastic/paper bags to the grocery store. Try carrying items in your hands from the store to the car; you don't need a bag when you've got hands.

Also, I try to use a travel coffee mug when I get coffee. Between my weekend breakfast with E and my community meetings at the local cafes, I saved closed to 40 paper cups this year! It was funny to carry my coffee mug to lunch and to the movies this past Sunday, but at least I didn't throw yet another paper cup away...

opportunities

Yes, one day Mr. Right will appear and sweep me off my feet...Or not. Now that I accept the reality that I could end up without a life partner, I am a lot happier. Having a family is still a major goal in life, but I am not quite ready to settle down just yet.

It's all about cultivating my spirituality right now. By tapping into my spiritual self, I am able to connect with lots of people who are good companions.

Wanted to learn to tango, and I met a new friend who is a good dancer but new at tango too. Wanted to go see a risque foreign film, and my friend suggested it first. Love hockey, so will tag along another big group who arranged to watch the game at the Tank.

Life is full of opportunities to realize our dreams, but it is up to us to be true to ourselves and to be confidant. Cultivating the connection to my spirituality is the guidance I need to accept life's uncertainty. Growing my spiritual self is the key to finding answers. Dad was right, all the answers are within, and I shall not fear but only embrace challenges, overcome them, and succeed beautifully.

funny!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

Too bad M&M have corn syrup in them...

settling

Another friend asked me why so many of us are single.

My new theory is that there is a fine line between settling and finding the right person. Most people don't want to settle; they want Mr. or Ms. Perfect. Compared to dating just a generation ago, we have so many more expectations of our mates.

Instead of just a person to have kids with, we now want a friend, a confidant, a model, a genius, a tycoon, and the list goes on.

How many of your parents are actually all those things to each other? Yet we want it all?! Some of the traits are not even compatible. A lot of men who appreciate my outgoing personality are disappointed to find that I don't want to spend all my free time with them...

Instead of going for so many qualities, maybe just pick two. I know my two... ;)

meeting of the minds

Had an interview at a law firm yesterday. Yes, I am considering returning to the profession where many are dissatisfied. There is something about the way us attorneys think, and no other profession can beat the quality of training.

It was a great interview. We went as far as discussing starting dates and salary, but there are a few more candidates yet to meet the partner.

The highlight of the conversation was discussing the other members of the firm. One of them is not licensed to practice although went through law school and does excellent research and writing. That person is currently in China on a personal investment venture. The other was on vacation and only works at 75%. I would replace an associate who moved to a bigger firm. What was impressive was the way this partner, who would be my direct supervisor, accepts his colleagues' choices.

Perhaps that is also my motto in life. I want to accept those around me completely despite their differences.

So now I wait. I will hear back next week. Regardless of what happens, I am psyched to meet a good soul, someone who is at his best despite life's challenges.

standing by my decision

I happened to look up parcel information for work, and I decided to check out my old place, the one that I bought together with my ex but then moved out of when we divorced. It was an amicable parting. He bought me out by paying me a lump sum that was suppose to cover my initial investment and the appreciation.

In California, community property is an asset acquired during marriage that is considered equally owned by both parties. At time of divorce, all assets are suppose to be divided equally.

At the time, I decided to take the buyout b/c I could not imagine throwing someone I cared about out into the streets. I took the cash, moved to my parents temporarily and got back on my feet shortly. Today, I have a place of my own.

My ex is now selling the place at a substantial windfall. He stands to gain double what I got from the settlement. The unequal payout is the reason why most of my family and friends urged me to sell the place and divide the proceeds equally.

Still, there are some decisions in life that are made more based on our gut than our logic. I knew that he probably would not have met, married his new wife and had a child as easily if it were not for his property in the City. The move would have taken a bigger toll than I could wish upon him even though he asked for a divorce in part due to my struggles with career.

I will never forget the way he declared that if my boss could not believe in me, how could he believe in me. However, I have long since forgiven.

The turn of events explained my father's prediction based on his fortune telling that my ex would need me more than I need him.

Today's information discovery is a reminder that I must always trust my gut in making unpopular decisions. I am glad that his new family will benefit as a result of my decision.

drama v. serenity

Over the weekend, met some new people who have lots of drama in their lives. Between dissatisfying work, mismanaged finances and unresolved romances, it's no wonder that the group partied hard.

It's all about being disciplined. Everyone talks about goals, but how many actually get rid of the distractions and focus?

Personally, I have a hard time focusing on my career, but it gets easier as I focus more in my own health and spirituality. By having sound mind and sound body, life's tough choices become much easier.

Work, money and love are all areas we want satisfaction, but those goals can't happen until we are healthy and spiritually connected to the universe. That means cutting off people or activities that hinder those first steps.

If one is struggling in matters of the heart, finance and work, it's time to tap into our physical and spiritual beings. The answers are all within, but we must be still to hear the messages.

what's truly important

Yesterday during our monthly managers' meeting, a co-worker pointed out Covey's Urgency/Importance Quadrant.

The concept is to prioritize our tasks into one of four categories: urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent, and not important and not urgent. For instance, networking is important but not urgent.

I spent most of yesterday thinking about the quadrant and noted that many people spend most of their time on the last category. There are constant distractions from life, and their feigned urgency pulls us toward unimportant matters.

So from now on, I will examine how I spend my time more closely and try to make time for the truly important things.

rapper toe

only those who suffer the lowest of low
will understand the joy of makin' it

i have had it good,
no doubt,
but i do see all the lows because
no one can hide from me

finally understand that
i don't have to suffer
to be motivated

but there is also no puttin' others down
because i have had to struggle too

having every opportunity means
i've got more to prove

am i running out of time,
or is this just the beginnin'?

and the bears are No 3!

It's an exciting time to be a Cal alum.

Goooooooooo BEARS!

opening my world

Everyone has their favorite activities and topics, and encouraging others to share their passions with me has opened my world. Whether it's sports or culture or career, I have been able to navigate through many worlds. The openness of the people who come through my life has fostered a generous spirit.

I am optimistic because of all my friends give their best selves to me. I am honored and hope that in return, I can share my best self.

Counter to intuition, being very open has only brought the most generous people to my life. It has not invited negative people in. In fact, by insisting on respect, those who are not so nice stand out glaringly.

Similarly, people with fear tend to drop out of my life. Many of the men I dated, for instance, let their fears get in the way and disappear before I can get hurt. I dare people to let go of their pretenses, and those who are afraid to be true will leave. Thus, I remain adventurous because I know only the gentlemen will remain in my life.

So it's another Friday and another weekend of possibilities ahead. Full speed ahead!

my light is not on

There is a concept in dating about whether someone is ready to settle down.

I meet a lot of people who want to have a partner and maybe a family, but they do very little to attract that person.

The metaphor for being ready to settle down is taxi cab lights. Don't you always see people trying to flag down a cab whose "taxi" light is not on? That cab is not available!

Now I know why I am single. Because my light is not on! Between having fun and career, I don't have much time left for a man. Being single by choice is liberating.

Still, I know that for a woman, her ability to attract a man is limited by her fertility. Having witnessed the struggle of single female friends past 35 trying to date, I am aware of the reality down the road.

So I'll be turning my light on, but maybe selectively. Keeping the light off has eliminated a lot of players and just friends types. It's a balance. I am ready to share my life with someone, but the bar been set high by all the good company I keep. I am an eternal optimist. If I am meant to be single for now, then let me enjoy this time just as I have enjoyed every other phase of my life.

we have a new sup!

What an exciting moment in SF history! The newest supervisor, although temporary, is Carmen Chu.

For a fellow Asian American woman who cares about policy, this is huge. Mayor Newsom was under pressure to select an Asian American b/c now-former Supervisor Ed Jew's district was predominantly Asian. Newsom also considered selecting a female because only 2 out of 11 supervisors are women.

As much as I believe in financial stability and having fun, I also believe strongly about making a difference in the world. The fact that Carmen Chu studied policy and worked as a budget analyst could be good for the City. She is someone who already made a difference.

This is a story I'll be watching...

true desires

A girlfriend e-mailed me this morning about taking a motorcycle-riding class. Getting the license has been a goal of mine. Looks like I am one step closer.

Whether it is in my professional or personal life, I have always had opportunities that align with my life goals.

True, I don't have lofty goals like saving human lives or be a billionaire, but I do have unique ideas about my lifestyle.

Besides money and time, the limiting factor is often finding activity partners. Usually, I just go ahead and plan the events and invite others. Lately, the invitations have been coming my way. Besides the motorcycle class, I am attending a number of events this fall thanks to thoughtful friends.

This is also the year that I am taking more trips with people. I haven't gone solo any where in a while. Not a complaint but an observation given that I do know what it's like to spend alone time.

Having fun with people just remind me that if we stay true to ourselves, opportunities will come our way if we choose to exercise them...

the thing I learned from sports

Playing sports is a great metaphor for life.

Besides good sportsmanship and working hard, there are a lot of ups and downs in sports, just like life.

I've struck out a lot lately in love, and I am okay with that. I was psyched about that blast from the past, but it looks like the game got rained out.

Given that I am not the most coordinated person, I usually have to take private lessons or practice lots before getting to an intermediate level in any sport. I envy athelets who have natural talent.

Still, having a steep learning curve in sports helps me see that life is like that. For every at bat, I can strike out, hit a fly that is caught or get tagged out. Now and then, I'll get on base (hehe) but then it has to do with my persistence.

I tend not to have baggage from the past because it's the way life is. I accept full responsibility for moving my life forward and leave some of the outcome to luck too. Life has been too full for me to think anything but positive, and I am grateful that the ups and downs just remind me that I need to keep stepping up the plate.

Here's to lots of wins and the losses that are worth more the wins. Play ball!

hesitation

The best advice I was given was to say yes to opportunities. A wise woman told me that very few people ever look back and regret doing something. Usually, the regret is over not taking an action.

The topic came up in the context of taking trips. How many people regret going some where? The regret is usually not taking the opportunity to travel to a foreign place. Thanks to this woman's advice, I have gone to two foreign countries every year for the last 4 years, and it's easy when I make it a priority.

Same thing with the small things in life. I get invited to events all the time, and I usually go without hesitation if I am free. In the process, I have met some amazing friends and have more than a drawer full of life experiences.

Yes it's a lot of planning, and sometimes it can be tiring. The way I see it, I have the rest of my life to do solitary things and to nap. Why not make those connections while these opportunities are abundant?

girlfriends

I read a study a long time ago that
1. a man's happiness is determined by his female companionship
2. a woman's happiness is determined by her female companionship

Ever since that study, I have been slowly building my female support team, and it has made all the difference.

Through life's ups and downs, my female friends' opinion and support helped me be stronger. The connections I have with my girlfriends have created a web that I fall into time after time. It's like a cradle that support me. Of course, my mother, sister and sister-in-law are part of this support system.

I learned long ago that a woman should never go to her man about her worries. It just complicate things unnecessarily. She always has her female friends.

Sure, I envy people who are one with their partners. That's just not me. I still look for that partner, but that's not looking so likely these days. I don't mind at all, as life has never been better. Being on my own is truly more me at this point. And my girlfriends are there to remind me that it's good to be me.

spirituality

Went for my first energy healing session last night.

Even though Maria, the practitioner, did not touch me at all, I was able to feel the energy at various points of the session. At times it was tension on the head, the shoulder and the stomach. At other times, it was a numbing sensation on the legs. I also felt pressure on my body and on my head as if a weight was on me.

Maria was centering me because ever since my trip to Peru, I was not feeling quite myself. Apparently, spiritual centers such as Macchu Picchu has high energy fields that change people's own energy levels. The trip probably explains my quick annoyance with people of late.

Overall, the session was amazing. I learned so much about myself and have new-found respect for how we develop as human beings. Perhaps this is the "what's next" I knew was bound to happen. Looking forward to studying a new topic and learning more ways to find peace and happiness.

everyone has an idea

Volunteered at my friend's event last night. Fun to do something totally different and see a different world.

It was the world of start-ups.

Some how, by going away to grad school and then working in a non-tech field, I am quite removed from all the moving and shaking in Silicon Valley.

Is it time to try something new? I don't believe in accidents. Everything happens for a reason, so I am absorbing and checking it out.

Just when I think working both days last weekend was no big deal, I am crashing big time today. Now I can admit that I do need down time, even if it's running around having fun.

paradox

Having fun is a major priority in my life. Whether it's dancing, sports, or being with family and friends, having fun is the answer to all of life's questions.

For instance, when I am get pressured from work, I try to have more fun outside of work to create that balance. Rather than get caught up in the bundle of stress, I have fun to untie the knots and to find the answers.

Or, when others' judgment or stress imbue into my life, I have fun to find my center.

The paradox comes in that our culture doesn't teach us to do the opposite in order to find our true selves again. Instead, the linear way of looking at life tends to add more pressure to an already tense situation.

I want to see myself as disciplined but relaxed, organized but laid-back, accomplished but free-spirited. These opposite traits can work together to create a harmonious life, and having fun is the first step to be completely happy.

it's all play

Someone asked me once if money was not a concern, what would I do. I replied, an activist. In some ways, the community component of my work is just that. I advocate for my company. As a result of my work, I do understand some of the complexities of city planning and commmunity activism.

In fact, I love what I do and am paid for it. I am grateful, and that attitude is in turn helping me connect with the community.

My work has humbled me as no other life experience has been able to do. In turn, I am much more appreciative of all other components of my life.

More and more, I am trying to make all components of my life play. The more fun I have, the more productive I am. I just signed up to be on the Advisory Council to the President of a local community college. The chair of the committee is a contact through work. It should be another good outlet for my energy. That and being on the garden committee of my HOA. And my singles parties and wine tasting. What's next?!

living in the now

Challenge for you:
1. to throw away all the excess baggage from the past.
2. to cease the unnecessary worries about the future.
3. to live in the present and to embrace this very moment

Feeling quite happy b/c I have everything I ever need and have achieved all that I ever want. This is who I am meant to be. Life is good.

detour

Whoa. Someone from my past e-mailed me via Friendster. It's a welcoming whoa (as oppose to the contacts that make me grimace). :) Will keep you posted...or not.

On to the latest social observations:

Recently, I met a couple of new groups. Quiet exciting at first b/c I mistakenly thought more is better. Great! I am making more friends!

Then, it occurs to me that (to my horror) I am overly sensitive! I'll admit, that may be a PC way to say that I am an elitist, but you can make that call as you read the rest of this post.

After spending time and talking to people from these two groups, I realized that I can't be around people with negative energy.

Both groups have men and women in their 30s who are desparate to settle down. I was pleased with the attention from the men at first, then I wanted to run away from the pressure. Several people came with this implicit question: could you be the one I settle down with? I can sympathize with the women, but I can't hang out with them b/c I can't appreciate their efforts to find a husband.

I always assumed that one's mate is determined by fate, so why bother asking if someone could be the one. It's difficult to get close to people who spend so much time and energy trying to figure out something that they cannot control. I understand but don't want to be part of the madness.

The other source of negative energy is getting frustrated with some parts of their lives and then taking it out on other people. I certainly can relate to the frustration with life (see every other prior post on this blog), but to act out is not the answer. I believe in taking constructive steps to improve oneself and to minimize bad luck.

I witnessed quite a bit of lashing out and destructive behavior such as excessive drinking recently that I just have to distance myself. This makes me uncomfortable because I want to be accepting but instead can only minimize contact. Guess I am out of the running for sainthood. :P

Am grateful for the experience because these people created a giant mirror for me to see how my negative energy was what drove several good people away earlier in life. Grateful that so many people (yes YOU) stood by me and taught me how to change my ways. Now, it's second nature to always think positively and thus attract and keep the positive people. Hey, maybe that's why there is the blast from the past. Whoa.

make your best life

A clarification on the last post. The environment that fosters good manners is one that gives guidance AND freedom to allow individuals to make the appropriate choices. Overbearing parenting has the same affect as absentee parenting; it encourages inappropriate behavior.

Many children enter adulthood without many responsibilities or have sufficient life experience because their parents have done too much for them. From time management, finances, relationships to health, it's not about teaching the kids everything but teaching how to choose wisely.

Every child is different, so the most difficult task for the parent is to know when to be firm and when to let go.

Although I don't have kids, I feel so passionately about child rearing because I benefited so much from almost-perfect parents. Having enjoyed unconditional acceptance and love my entire life, it still shocks me when I meet adults who are trying to make up for what was lacking in their childhood.

Still, there is self-parenting. No one should blame just the parents, so I apologize for the tone in the last post. It is up to us as adults to cultivate a beautiful life from this point forward, regardless of the past.

new criteria

To make it simpler, I am posting my three current musts, in order of importance:
1. gentlemanly
2. worldly
3. successful (happy w/job)

It's not asking for much, noticed no physical criteria, no financial requirements nor educational standards.

Still, it's sad to think how many guys failed number one of late. I can't help it, but I blame the parents, especially the mothers. It's all in the formidable years; science shows that most behaviors are learned before 8. It's quite easy for most parents, especially mothers, to let their children behave badly.

It's not just on the parents though. I grew up in a very small community where plenty of caring adults - relatives, family friends, and even community elders - helped to guide my sense of right and wrong.

That guidance is still in my life. I have many older female friends (ranging from 40 to mid-60s) who are always there to offer their wisdom. Of course, my mother and close family friends also shape my conduct.

In contrast, most men simply don't have this collective wisdom to encourage gentlemanly behavior. I don't see older guys who treat ladies with respect, so the younger guys can follow suit. There isn't the community of responsible men who can tell men 18-35 that they should behave better, especially in the presence of women.

So, what to do? I think us women need to stop settling. If we see men being crass or being obnoxious, we need to distant ourselves or show our disapproval. For instance, I stopped inviting men who are offensive to my social events. I don't need that lowly kind of humor. In addition, I always speak up when a man is vulgar in my company. It's not acceptable!

There may not be an universal definition of worldly or successful, but one always know whether a man is gentlemanly or not. May you always be in the company of a gentleman!

pretender

Went out of town this past weekend. During the trip, one girlfriend suggested that we couldn't use a more complex word if there was a simpler word. For instance, rather than saying ubiquitous, we had to say everywhere. The result was hilarious; I ended up trying to use big words just for fun.

Then, I was saddened by how this started because my friend felt that men are intimidated by smart women.

During the trip, I happen to be reading the book by Maureen Dowd. Of course, fueled by my feminist urges, I chided my friend for her ludicrous idea.

I pointed out that no man would ever dumb himself down to nab a woman. In fact, the men who hit on us over the weekend all puffed themselves up quite a bit. The double-standard is very real.

My friend said that all this pretending was suppose to be fun, but it was yet another reminder that as a woman, we have to make our own rules or be ruled by what's not real. That's when the real fun starts, when we do simply what pleases us and not based on how to illicit a particular response.

no worries

Was late for a phone conference today due to another meeting right before. Yes, lesson learned, should have asked for the meeting to start later.

To make matters worst, I didn't have the call-in info due to a zealous round of deleting e-mails yesterday.

What can I do? Tried to reach the host's secretary, but she was not at her desk. E-mailed the host and waited for a response. Sure enough, I was able to call in, but late.

Still, at no point did I let fear take over or worry. This calm is just how it is at work now. My company is paying for plenty of talent to worry, so I am there to execute and to manage the process.

This has been the best month of work ever. Maybe this is the place to stay for a while after all...

get happy!

It's been a great week!

Between throwing parties and spending lots of time with family and friends, I realized that work is the least crazy part of my life. Truly appreciate the stability of work.

Now that work has a very competent admin, I can focus on getting my projects done, including a very exciting acquisition deal. It is a lot of work, but I love it. Every day is different, and I still get off in time to have fun.

To be loved by so many and to share all the simple things in life with people I care about. This is more than enough!

Life is perfect right now. Who knew this positive feeling would be so overwhelming?

what I know for sure

Life has always been taken up by having fun. Even work has to be fun (like right now) for me to appreciate it.

Men are always a source of fun, but I just haven't met the guy who can ride out the good times and the bad times with me. I do meet stellar guys, but it just isn't meant to be.

Instead, I count on my family, my friends, my routines and my sense of self.

I feel special to be single and completely happy. Don't see any reason to change the status quo any more. So this is what it means to get old; I am so comfortable in my life that the idea of a relationship no longer holds much appeal.

Cool but also twisted indeed.

just like that

Went to open salsa session with a friend. Happy to report that I finally got over my fear of dancing.

Who knew? All the pressure is on the guy. Just like in dating. Haha. Instead of wondering what I should be doing and worry about not being able to follow, I just let the guy do all the work.

Yes, I was very uncomfortable in letting the guy do the thinking and acting, but I am starting to like it. Last night was so fun. I kept up. Just have to do my part and smile.

Everyone was right; I would love salsa. My friend and I are planning to take up tango next. Excited that I found a new dancing partner...

evolution

I was quite excited about possibly going club dancing with an out-of-town friend tonight, but for one reason or another, I didn't have my potential dancing partner. Fortunately, this is the not the first time that I found myself unable to go dancing. In fact, I have taken up salsa in order to find an outlet for my love of dancing.

Having hated instructional dancing and had a terrible time at my first few salsa experiences, even the group lessons, I wasn't sure if salsa was for me. Fortunately, a friend who takes many dance lessons suggested that I do a few privates. The first couple of classes reminded me one major rule in my life: there is always an efficient way to learn, and with time and money, it is possible to be proficient at almost everything.

Rather than thinking that I have to give up dancing, I am finding a new outlet. I even started to invite friends who are excellent salsa dancers to join me.

In fact, rather than staying disappointed of not dancing, I am looking forward to meeting a friend at salsa tomorrow night. Besides, last night's unexpected dancing w/newly made friends was a reminder that life has a way to answer our desires.

no need to explain

Got several feedbacks that my blog has not been inspiring of late. All this effort to date and nothing.

My apologies. ;) Don't mean to repeat the same formula: go out, try, and nada. Life is like that. Looking at the surface can be defeating and makes you wonder: why bother?

Upon closer examination though, the real meaning surfaces. A good debate tonight with an older female friend (I have several, this one is in her late 50s) clarified why I am not receptive to love quite just yet.

I had unresolved feelings for someone I dated last year. He is no longer into me, but I believed that a connection still exists. Somehow, his independence, his quirkiness, and the je-ne-sais-quoi drew me to him time after time. Rather than just let the kite go, I insisted on making it a romantic connection. No can do.

We still have e-mail exchanges, but they are initiated by me and answered with politeness from him. He and I are not friends, so why not move on?

What he has been is an ideal that kept me from getting involved and getting hurt until I am ready. This week, I finally let go. Like Mr. TO, this will just be another chapter that gives me hope on finding real love.

Yes, M, I admit it, I am looking for love.

knowing one's fate

It's technically "tomorrow", so I am going to post again, bur for the new day. :D

Had to talk about how knowing my fate has comforted me. By now, most of you know that my dad is an amature fortune teller who is very accurate. He correctly predicted that I would divorce and that I will settle down in my late 30s. I am only 32 right now.

Anyways, the proof of his wisdom is due to the numerous disasterous dating experiences of the last 4 years of singlehood. If it wasn't for Dad, I would seriously be depressed.

The latest not-meant-to-be: A guy contacted me online back in May when I was on a dating site, but dismissed him b/c he was geographically-undesirable (back when I only wanted to date men who lived in the City). He actually wrote again b/c we had a mutual friend who suggested that we go out.

Of course, back then being more than 20 minutes away seemed tough, so I never followed up.

Fast forward to last night. Our mutual friend invited him to a small celebration (some friends passed the CFA, and one friend just got engaged!), so I had no idea he was coming out.

OMG! The guy was cool and attractive. His goodness was so evident that I couldn't wait to get to know him better. I asked my friend about him today, and of course, there was a catch. He just started to date someone recently.

DOH!!! I am so bummed. I cannot believe that this is like the sixth nice guy I have met in the last year where some unfortunate factor (usually another woman) just made it not so. Actually, it's been more he's-not-into-me than anything else. Image-control, but I'll save that for another entry...

Good thing I know about my destiny, or else I would really be hating life right now. Instead, it makes for great practice to spot the good guys from the jerks (don't even get me started on that roster!!). I now can confidently say that I am looking for a man whose heart makes him handsome, and I know exactly what that looks like now.

So I wait. One day, there will be that one guy who is confident, generous, gentlemanly, relaxed, and into me. So, I wait. And wait. And wait. There's plenty of time because we were probably connected in prior lives already. In the meanwhile, let's have some fun! ;)

hedging

Lamented to a friend tonight on how several guys recently act disinterested in the beginning of the date and only open their hearts (and wallets) when I entertain them enough through wit and humor...

She told me that's called hedging. Apparently the trend of coffee or drinks are a way for guys not to invest a great deal in case the date doesn't work out.

Ironic, but a great date can only happen if both parties are willing to dive right in and invest full attention. I have had many first dates where the guys make it clear early on that they are not thrilled about paying for me. That's all fine by me, but implicitly in the unwillingness to pay is also an emotionally guarded self that influence the other person's interest.

I try not to look at the money issue and have ruined more than one first date by paying for myself, but I think the subconscious result of hedging is the fear that this might not work out.

Given that I take risks in all areas of my life, I am quite carefree on the first date. It's fun when the guy can get carried away by me and enjoy that complete acceptance I try to give everyone in my life. Still, I always notice when the fear of rejection or a bad date lurks behind the guy's behavior on dates.

Maybe that's why the jerks/bad boys always get the woman. They are offering the same freedom that I try to give the men.

Still, having hedged a couple of times myself, it's not noble behavior. Ahh, karma.

diversity

Besides having progressive parents, another lucky aspect of my childhood was the diverse characters. Surprising b/c I grew up in a homogeneous culture. Still, I knew so many unconventional adults growing up, especially women, that I don't think too much about the shoulds.

Why should women get married and have children when I knew some who were quite happy in their own unique situations?

Why should a woman look to others for approval when many females in my childhood were independent AND well respected?

I just don't know what fate has planned for me, and I am adventurous enough to not know exactly what is going to happen. I love how all the individuals I keep meeting remind me that I must staying on my own unbeaten path.

being oneself

Having been different my entire life, I don't ever try to conform. It drives my mother crazy, but as I asked her, what should I do differently if I am happy?

More than ever, I feel free because I waste very little time and energy wondering how far I am from my goals. Sometimes I wonder about people who are completely driven by their goals. How do you let life unfold otherwise? What fun is knowing you will get to certain places?

I feel very driven, but it's to always live in the moment. My most defined goal is to be happy, and I have obtained that almost on a daily basis. More than ever, happiness comes from enjoying the world and the people around me.

Whether it is hosting a big party or reading a good book, I have found my peace.

So what's next??

where it leads me

My work has brought me into the Brisbane community.

Besides working on the development projects in this small city, I also handles community relations for the company.

One documentary coming out of this community full of artists is a film about the San Bruno Mountain.

Here the trailer for those who love nature. You can click on the format link to download HD versions.

be the man

If the guy is going invite me to a nice restaurant, at least have the courtesy to make reservations. Instead, it was an awkward splitting of an appetizer sampler and one entree at the bar. I ended up paying for dessert elsewhere b/c I was hungry. Commute or not, cheap or not, asking me out at 8 should just be a dinner date.

I overlooked the dinner faux pas, but the illegal left turn where it said no left turn except buses and taxis pretty much summarized the night. He did it anyway after I pointed out the sign.

Being the man should mean having good judgment and being a gentleman. It shouldn't be so hard to do the right thing. I appreciate very much the attention and the effort, but I don't think there will be a second date...

so much easier this way

For a change, I am going to let the guy lead the whole dating dance.

Duh.

Yes, I know, I shouda figured this out long ago. It's ironic b/c my need to control is great at work but not in dating. If the guy is not ready, he is not ready. At least I finally stopped trying if the guy isn't on board. It sucks to be attracted to someone who doesn't make time for me, but at least I have learned to sit out of that situation.

Given that I am ready to settle down, the guy is going to have to drive. He will have to do most of the work to get things going, so I can get to know him and decide whether the ride is worth the time.

It's so much easier this year, since the guy is making the plans and initiating. Maybe that's work is so much better; I can finally focus. Also, I can quickly tell when it's not meant to be. I am not wasting time wondering if the guy is worthy. It's quite obvious when we don't think inside our heads so much. Live and learn.

The only minus to letting someone else drive is when it's the rejection, it hurts a lot. My pride has been sufficiently bruised this year b/c I take the rejection rather than trying to make something out of nothing.

stress, fat and ailments

The body produces excess cortisol when it's under stress. This hormone has been linked to higher blood pressure, decreased bone density, and blood sugar imbalance.

Ever since I learned about cortisol a couple of years ago, I have been paying attention to the two interesting effects of this "stress hormone": increased abdominal fat and lowered immunity. I truly believe that cortisol can explain why our populations have unhealthy bodies and are sick so frequently.

So what to do? Besides eating well and regular exercise, the big one is stress management. I am learning to cut out sources of stress, including people who are toxic.

Perhaps that's why I am much more selective about the company that I keep. Other than family, I have learned to let the friends come and go. I still put in efforts to cultivate my friends, but I do let them go if it's just too hard to stay connected.

Conversely, things that are important need to be re-examined. Even if I believe the importance of having a great job and a life partner, I am not going to worry about why they aren't here yet. It's the journey, but it's my joyous journey. I am not going to let anyone else judge me; the way things are is mean to be.

just friends

It can be tricky to be platonic with guy friends who are single. I finally figured out, so it's quite simple. Unless a guy is going to pursue me full on, he will stay just as a friend.

I developed feelings that were more than friends for this one guy friend, and the few times our schedules would work out for a meal or a drink, the chemistry was amazing.

Still, it occurred to me that I don't want just a friend, or friend with benefits, or anything limited that this would have turned into. I talked to him about this one day, and he was clear that he did not want the same thing.

Yes, it was a little sad, since we had such great times. I am looking for a boyfriend, so this guy is just not going to be a candidate.

Today, he called again to invite me over to watch a movie. I have plans. So that's the extent of this friendship. It's good to have friends to hang out, and I have more than my shares of male and female friends to share all the simple things. It's just time to find that one person who will be there for me all the time and who drive me crazily happy all the time!

it's called...

a girl crush when I meet a fellow woman who is cool. that's probably why I court women. oh.

the making of something wonderful

I probably applied to more jobs than anyone I know because of all the career changes, but mostly the changes occur because I have grown so much at each job.

It's time to change again. Except this time, it's truly a group effort. I started the job search by talking to two mentors who are attorneys in the industry. The year of lunches made me see that I have cultivated a good set of skills.

Then, I befriended 3 women real estate project managers, and their advice have been invaluable. I knew I was going in the right direction, and their friendship was inspiring. They all enjoy their jobs but gave me insights on the limitations of project management.

Now, I am starting to talk to industry heavy weights. It's quite exciting because I am learning on the job and through all the networking. My sights are higher - acquisition. I don't have all the pieces yet, but I know I love deal making. This latest project was a taste of how satisfying getting a deal done can be.

I never intend to be career-oriented, but I love to work and am more driven than ever. Kicking into high gear!

romance v. practicality

A cousin in his early 20s is staying with me this week. Last night, showed him the Ferry Building, and he asked if guys take me there on dates.

I laughed and replied no because now that I date mostly guys in their 30s, it's less about romance and more about finding someone compatible as a life partner.

At the same time, his question made me glad for the way things work out. I definitely have had more romance and fun than I ever thought possible in a life time. All the fun and joy make me believe in the goodness of everyone and in the magic of romantic love.

The search continues and with ever more faith.

metamorphosis

I never though I would be career-oriented, but after this week, I might be changing focus.

My company sued one of its neighboring property two years ago for contamination, and the two sides decided to settle after many attempts to mediate. I have been integrally involved in the entire process, first acting as in-house counsel, then as project manager as we solicited remediation contractors in an RFP process.

Yesterday, the board decided to move forward with the deal. It's a GO. I nearly passed out from the exhilaration.

In light of the disappointments on the dating front, I welcomed the news with pride. This project has been my baby, and I also sit on the City of SF Redevelopment Agency Community Advisory Committee for the proposed redevelopment area.

While many friends found partners and welcomed babies, I have my projects. Without realizing, I have cultivated a career that grows in leaps and bounds. I put just as much effort into my personal life, but for some reason, the relationships just don't quite work out.

It is truly fate. I put in equal efforts in many areas of my life, yet my career has been the most rewarding. Odd, but I accept my fate.

It's a GO!

So exciting. This morning, the board of directors at my company decided to move forward with the settlement of our $99M lawsuit. I feel so proud b/c I have been the project manager for the remediation contract to clean up the contaminated site. It's been a lot of work, but now it's all worth it.

Well, the transfer agreement happens September 4th. Cross my fingers.

So this is how one become career oriented. It's so much easier to devote myself to work and be rewarded than wonder whether some guy is going to be into me. :P

bruise to the ego

It's been a rough week on the dating front. Getting rejected not once, but twice. I should be used to these things and not take it personally, but when you poke a needle at a very full balloon, it bursts rather than deflates slowly.

The rejections were subtle but obvious. Why do I have to be so intuitive? I don't get hurt any more b/c I can see the inevitable end so early that I usually bow out gracefully. Still, being graceful does not prevent one from feeling unwanted.

At the same time, these rejections speak more about my own preference. If I was more into them, then I would put more effort and make more time. So it's all meant to be.

Moving on. Time to focus back to my hobbies and plan the next party. It's going to be a singles party where everyone has to bring a single member of the opposite sex. The couples have to bring two single people. hehe. Should be interesting.

can't read too much into it

Went to a DJ show tonight. Took public transit. :) Met my friend there, and her group grew to 20+. Cool b/c those of us who stayed on the dance floor loved it.

Then I go to get a water. It took forever b/c the three groups in front of me all had 5 or 6 orders of drinks each. I finally asked to cut in front of the third group.

By the time I got back to the pit, I had no idea where my friend was. We tried texting each other, but it was just too packed. What was I gonna do? I just ended up dancing by myself for the rest of the night. I usually stayed around couples b/c there is usually a space b/t them and the other people (mostly guys).

With a breakfast get-together tomorrow morning, I decided to take off before too late. Of course, couldn't flag down a cab. Ended up walking home by myself. It was only 20 minutes, and it was safe b/c the bars were getting out and people were all walking to their cars or waiting for cabs.

Got home safely. Equally important, I had the best time. Appreciated how I am used to being on my own and always know what to do to achieve desired result.

Okay. Crashing. It's tomorrow already.

it's a good date

...when the conversation feels like it could last forever;
...when i wonder about how i look b/c i usually don't care that much;
...when i walk away impressed - and that's hard to do!
...when i am glad to be set up;

just like the favorite song that was playing when i pulled into the parking space - who knew?! i like these little surprises in life. even if nothing came of the first date, at least it was a great time...

making friends

I accept the trade-offs of not having best friends.

That means having to do more to court people who already have best buddies. Take the b-day I missed last Saturday. I am now inviting the few guy friends at the party to dinner. They've all been over for dinner before, but it's been a while since we've all hung out.

First, the invite. It has to be known that I am invite the others. Then, I have to track down every single one, make sure that there is an opening, and pursuade each person to be here.

Why so much work? Because I enjoy entertaining, and because unconventional methods requires more persuasion. Friendships are like this. They take time to cultivate.

The best part is that most of the people in my life are used to these invites, so they come over, empty-handed, and ready to eat and share the good life!

opposite of what i had expected

Sometimes it's good to just blab b/c that let's me test out theories. It also burns out the people who don't really care.

Looking back at the best relationships, and they were people who understood all my theories, even if they didn't agree. I miss those times.

The current guy is history b/c he either doesn't have the patience or just not that into me to hear me out.

The irony is that the one guy that I was in love with in the last four years always said the right things. So much so that I don't even have to keep on talking. I know he gets it, and that's enough for me to stop talking and just be happy.

Now that I know what I am looking for, it's a lot easier to hang out with men. I truly enjoy their company now. Ironic b/c it's so much easier to see when they are not right. Sigh...

make time

Some of my fellow travelers on the Peru trip packed giant suitcases to ensure that they had everything, especially the right outfits. They looked great. Yours truly did not put much thought into my outfit selection b/c of other priorities. I was at a house party an hour away right before it was time to leave for the airport. Of course, I packed before leaving for the party! ;)

I ended up wearing mostly my ski clothing and some random hiking items found at Sports Basement the day of departure. It was a bummer to not have any party outfits to wear on our nights out at Cusco, but consider how much time I gained by not spending it on packing, it was worth it.

One of the observations during my trip was how much time people spend on vanity. I am all about looking good, but when I travel, I don't much care. Traveling is for me to see the world and not for the world to see me. I repeated my outfits and didn't always match. By not focusing on myself, I also managed to read almost three books, over 900 pages, during the trip.

This trip was a reminder that I can do so much more with my time. It never occurred to me to slow down b/c I always feel as if I can do more. From the last entry, looks like I am about to make more time by not going dancing as much. What's next?...

diversity in friends

Got invited to a b-day party tonight. The b-day star and the organizer are two guy friends that I know. Was excited about going, since I have been going to their b-day celebrations for the past few years. After several attempts to find a wing-woman or a group of girlfriends to go with, I am left with passing on the event.

By always hanging out with different friends, it is nearly impossible to find party buddies/dancing partners so last-minute.

Given my constant planning and courting women, very rarely have I had to stay in on a Saturday night.

By being out of the country for the last two weeks, I haven't followed up with the usual suspects. It's even harder that almost all my party buddies are in relationships; I get them when the SOs are busy or out of town.

I don't mind at all. Just as on the trip these past two weeks, I embrace all that life brings me. There is a great chance that I might be single for a while, so I have to get used to spending time by myself. There is also a chance that the current guy is the one, so I should relish this time to be alone. Will continue to let life unfold. Party or not, I am in a happy state right now.

i did it

After 4 days of hiking, I made it to Machu Picchu. It was an amazing experience. Felt lucky that everything worked out for me to be able to take this trip of a lifetime.

The vacation was long, 12 days. I was ready to come back and am back at work this Friday morning.

Lots of thoughts but will take my time in jotting them down.

growing

I love a good party, especially hosting. This 4th, I ended up attending other people's instead. It was wonderful to meet new people and catch up with old friends. The best part is the second party was close to my brother's place, so I could stop by and get rested. Those South Bay events are fun, but the drive is long.

I like spending time with people who are very different. The experience challenges me and makes me see everything more clearly.

The one thing that I felt today from many men that has been missing in a lot of the men I dated of late is sweetness, a certain eagerness that is almost clumsy. I see how I've lost so much of that when I talk to men. Blah, I must sound so stuck up.

This latest crush is no longer b/c he takes my company for granted. I told him that I don't want to be a convenience. Why be more than friends if he isn't going to be serious about me? True, no one knows what is going to happen, but I always know when the guy is not into me. Curse or blessing? Definitely a blessing.

So I move on.

p.s. The iPhone made an appearance. So Bay Area where the place to review gadgets is at parties and not the retail stores.

right to choose

Been spending time with older women who don't have children. These women have cultivated themselves and have the luxury to care for anyone they choose, including me. I like being taken under their wings. The wisdom from an older female friend is invaluable as I navigate through my career and love life.

I now know that women are always givers, and it is in our nature to care. That's why motherhood is so fulfilling; it is the ultimate role as care takers. Still, I give in my own ways. My life will always be filled with people, and I will always give w/o expecting anything in return.

It is quite liberating to be in my 30s and to have zero pressure to marry and to have kids. Perhaps this lack of desparateness is what makes me more attractive now than five years ago. I don't have to cater to anyone in hopes of settling down. I am with a man because I enjoy his company. Dating and getting to know men have shaped me because I learn from all of these men's best qualities.

Similarly, I am learning much from my older female friends, especially that life is meant to be lived with joy and passion. I am inspired to live each day as if it were my last. So I could use more sleep and stay in more, but I have the rest of my life to rest. For now, I am having too much fun!

the old and the new

Went on a tour of SOMA buildings Fri. Caught a good picture of past, present and future. It's the Chronicle headquarters in SOMA, the renovated Mint, and the InterContinental Hotel.

friend of the moment

I tend to change my female friend of the moment just as I change the men I date. I have no qualm about dropping female friends of the moment if I feel that there is no longer meeting of the minds or reciprocation. I used to give without expecting anything in return. Now that I am much more selfish, I don't try too hard if it takes more than three to four tries to get together.

I learn to move on w/friends given my dating experience. Men have taught me how to not take lost connections personally. If a woman is important enough, the guy will make the effort.

Maybe learning how to move on is the reason why I have civilized break-ups. I don't understand how people have shouting matches or arguments at the end. It's just not worth the emotional upheaval. Connections are suppose to uplift us. If it feels like too much work or scary, then either work on ourselves, communicate clearly, or exit gracefully.

One interesting note. At times, my female friends have commented negatively on the men of the moment. I always pick the romantic interest over the friend. Not listening to friends has worked out very well for me; they reveal the friends of the moment.

thinking too much

I think the last post was a reaction to J's comment last Fri that I am not going to make it through July w/o dating someone.

Should be an interesting month. Yes, let the guy lead for a change. Did I mention that I am taking private salsa lessons? Going to a salsa club tonight to be twirled around.

Can't talk about or think about dating too much. I do everything by gut, but then when I write about it, it takes the fun out of the magical experiences.

Oh! Some exciting news. I have an informational lunch w/a big company next Thursday. It's for a possible position. Cross my fingers.

how the game is played

Ended a hanging out session. Stayed out in public. ;) It wasn't a date b/c there wasn't any formality to it. I am not sure where I stand, but I always know before the guy when it's not going to work out. :P

The night ended w/o much commotion. I know it's not meant to be. Almost amused that the men often think there is more b/c of their hormones. Too bad I am focused on career right now. I want to have a magical experience, but I cannot invest in a man when work is my mistress.

Ultimatley, I see how people see me; I get a lot of facination and admiration but not true understanding. Until that one guy is willing to walk to the end of the earth for me and me him, game is at love. Hum, still no ace yet, but it's a five-set game baby.

satisfaction

I can die happy now.

It's a random but powerful thought that popped into my head yesterday. I have everything I want in life.

Was exchanging e-mails with a new friend. In telling me their how-we-met story, she joked that she meant to go out, date lots of men and break some hearts but ended up marrying her high school sweetheart. Then I remembered being 12 and believing that I was going to be single forever. It's an odd example of wanting something and getting it, but many facets of my reality are subconscious goals from childhood.

That's why whenever I ask my dad for advice, he always say that I have all the answers myself. Yes, I do!

We all have the answers. Every single one of us has the insight to overcome every challenge, if we listen to our intuition.

Life is quite easy. There is no negativity, only the wonder of how we will choose to embrace challenges and fulfill our destiny.

loving this book

I stayed up last night to read Min Jin Lee's book. Half way through, and I love it!!

Besides the great writing and the relevance of the story to our generation, the plot makes me so grateful to be me.

My life is quite ordinary. I don't have any worries, am surrounded by lots of support, and I have all the resources to realize my goals.

Excited that this will be a year of even more good reading!

clear my head

B/t the hike yesterday and the walk tonight, I feel invincible. Others have yoga, but I have my own ways of centering myself.

What's even more perfect is how fate introduces the opportunities for me to hike or walk.

The hike was partly work; I represent the company at community functions. Although I would probably have hiked even if not to represent the company, it was this job that led me to one of the most hidden treasures in the Bay Area, the San Bruno Mountain.

Same thing tonight; I felt better after a long walk. C and I met for our regular dinner out. It's always fun b/c we always eat well despite the tab; some unexpected saving always happen, especially at the better dinners. Tonight, b/t the happy hour wine prices and my discount card, it was more like buying each other lunch.

After, I walked home. The 2.7 miles felt short b/c at times I was going faster than the post-parade traffic on Van Ness. The trek made me want to find some more walking trips aroudn town...

being smarter

Tonight, I drove back late from hanging out with a girlfriend, around 2am. Driving around SF late at night is liberating b/c there isn't any traffic. I also paid more attention b/c people are crazier at that time of the night.

Sure enough, there was a couple, attempting to cross the street in the middle of the block. They were forced to go back on the median when my car passed by them.

It was a stylish couple, although a foolish one. I felt so sorry for the woman b/c she was dragged by this man, with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

Then, I felt sorry for both of them. Obviously, being in this relationship lowered their intelligence enough that they actually thought it was a good idea to cross the street from the middle of the block, in the dark.

Lately, many friends asked what I am looking for in a man. I finally figured out my answer. I want someone who can inspire me to be better.

There is someone that I admire right now who makes me want to be better, and that's a start.