Ran into the attorney that I had a huge crush on. He was with his dog...and his financee. There you go, taken. Upon hearing this story, my friend J said that I was lucky that I didn't do anyting. Yes, lucky indeed.
Life goes on.
Somewhat satisfied that I get to know every answer on my own terms. Have a feeling that the job situation is about to change...we'll see...
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
chasing men
Many of my friends don't understand why I chase after men who are not always eager to be my partner.
I don't pursue men to make them mine. In fact, I "pursue" women more than I do men. When I meet someone who can make me take notice, I want to get to know that person b/c they might be able to add to my life.
With women, it's easy; they become new girlfriends.
With men, it's a little harder. I've had a lot of men pass through my life because I didn't know how to just be their friends first and foremost. Some of the connections faded b/c neither party sees a romantic future.
Now I know better. For now, I am not suppose to have that one great love, that'll happen in due time. In this new phase of my life, it's all about enjoying people, especially all the amazing men in my life...
I don't pursue men to make them mine. In fact, I "pursue" women more than I do men. When I meet someone who can make me take notice, I want to get to know that person b/c they might be able to add to my life.
With women, it's easy; they become new girlfriends.
With men, it's a little harder. I've had a lot of men pass through my life because I didn't know how to just be their friends first and foremost. Some of the connections faded b/c neither party sees a romantic future.
Now I know better. For now, I am not suppose to have that one great love, that'll happen in due time. In this new phase of my life, it's all about enjoying people, especially all the amazing men in my life...
choices
For the first time in my life, I canceled a social event for work. I made plans with a friend for a special guided tour of a current museum exhibit at 5. After being out of the office all day, I found out about a conference call at 530. Usually I skip the calls if they conflict, but it felt important to be on that call.
It was not a rewarding choice. Not much came out of the call, and afterwards, as I was trying to give my two managers more input, it just didn't seem to matter.
Still, I am glad I experienced something people do everyday, give up their personal committment for work.
One thing that is great about my current job, it tests my values almost everyday. I am always myself, but I see clearly how that self belongs somewhere else. I belong in a place where being myself is the most valuable thing to that organization. I have that right now, in my personal life, so I am grateful.
It was not a rewarding choice. Not much came out of the call, and afterwards, as I was trying to give my two managers more input, it just didn't seem to matter.
Still, I am glad I experienced something people do everyday, give up their personal committment for work.
One thing that is great about my current job, it tests my values almost everyday. I am always myself, but I see clearly how that self belongs somewhere else. I belong in a place where being myself is the most valuable thing to that organization. I have that right now, in my personal life, so I am grateful.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
relax
Watched a bit of Zoolander on TV last night, and the scene with the song Relax was funny. At the same time, that song feels like the perfect theme song for my life today.
It's been a while since I have been so relaxed. After a wonderful vacation and a visit to my masseuse, I am better than ever. Have a sports injury slowly healing, but I am no longer bogged down by the little things.
Why is that?
Perhaps I am finally able to let go of work. I recognized that work is not going to be the core of my identity right now. Yes I enjoys working, but I also value my life outside of work. Striking that balance was hard b/c I was measuring myself by the monetary and power status of those around me. Tough to view work objectively when I pressure myself to be something bigger than myself.
Right now, I just want to savor what I have in my life.
This holiday season, it's been a blessing to do so little. I have so little responsibilities right now. Even the idea of looking for a serious relationship seems ridiculous. I was mistaken. Just when I think I am ready for a significant other, the idea of just enjoying lots of men is still appealing. Why work at a relationship when I can have these loose ties?
It's a new stage in life, and I no longer call the shots. Yet I continue to gravitate toward the risks. Let's see what this next stage is all about.
It's been a while since I have been so relaxed. After a wonderful vacation and a visit to my masseuse, I am better than ever. Have a sports injury slowly healing, but I am no longer bogged down by the little things.
Why is that?
Perhaps I am finally able to let go of work. I recognized that work is not going to be the core of my identity right now. Yes I enjoys working, but I also value my life outside of work. Striking that balance was hard b/c I was measuring myself by the monetary and power status of those around me. Tough to view work objectively when I pressure myself to be something bigger than myself.
Right now, I just want to savor what I have in my life.
This holiday season, it's been a blessing to do so little. I have so little responsibilities right now. Even the idea of looking for a serious relationship seems ridiculous. I was mistaken. Just when I think I am ready for a significant other, the idea of just enjoying lots of men is still appealing. Why work at a relationship when I can have these loose ties?
It's a new stage in life, and I no longer call the shots. Yet I continue to gravitate toward the risks. Let's see what this next stage is all about.
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