I have a few female friends who are beyond child-bearing years, and hanging out with them is always interesting.
One thing is that they care more about the guy's financial status, where as I care about a man's potential as a father. Also, men never know what to do with these very together women who don't want kids.
It's different. Just as I am changing as I grow older, I care less about a man's lifestyle than what this person will teach me and my kids.
One reason my ex and I broke up was that we couldn't imagine raising kids with one another. That's why he and I parted on good terms, and he now has a family of his own.
It's all fate, but I am looking for that man to start a family with. At the same time, I trust that my gut will guide me to the right person. Fortunately, all but two people made the cut in the past three years. Well, those two are unavailable, so I am keeping my eyes out. Just enjoy and let things unfold!
Friday, June 01, 2007
accepting my fate
Reporting back after Thursday night out: SF party scene is not happening Thursday nights!
Actually, it's about knowing where to go and understanding the crowd. Now that I know where to go Sat nights, it's time to do the same for Thursdays.
On to the today's topic. Every time I try to approach a guy romantically, disaster happens. The thought is to do nothing and wait for a manly man to do something...NOT.
I just have to follow my gut. It's ironic. Because I believe in fate I can be completely uninhibited. Last night, when M and I were tearing it up at Fluid, I sensed that some people wished that they could be just as free. They can, they just have to know that there is very little consequence to following one's gut.
So I am going to follow my gut w/all the guys...until they make me annoyed or mad. Grrrr! :P
All right, back to my happy self again...
Actually, it's about knowing where to go and understanding the crowd. Now that I know where to go Sat nights, it's time to do the same for Thursdays.
On to the today's topic. Every time I try to approach a guy romantically, disaster happens. The thought is to do nothing and wait for a manly man to do something...NOT.
I just have to follow my gut. It's ironic. Because I believe in fate I can be completely uninhibited. Last night, when M and I were tearing it up at Fluid, I sensed that some people wished that they could be just as free. They can, they just have to know that there is very little consequence to following one's gut.
So I am going to follow my gut w/all the guys...until they make me annoyed or mad. Grrrr! :P
All right, back to my happy self again...
Thursday, May 31, 2007
what I seek
Party weekend. Going out tonight, Fri and Sat night.
Board member aka Uncle asked if I can cancel my plans tomorrow night to go to a dinner w/Willie Brown. Uncle promised that I'll learn from Willie Brown. No thanks. I know he is one of the most powerful people, but I am out to celebrate with my friend at this fundraiser.
Going to put some effort to talk to guys. This year is all about changing myself. The dating has been so fun, and I don't see any end to that. Still, time to mix it up. Will try to talk to 2 guys at each event. Never know!
Board member aka Uncle asked if I can cancel my plans tomorrow night to go to a dinner w/Willie Brown. Uncle promised that I'll learn from Willie Brown. No thanks. I know he is one of the most powerful people, but I am out to celebrate with my friend at this fundraiser.
Going to put some effort to talk to guys. This year is all about changing myself. The dating has been so fun, and I don't see any end to that. Still, time to mix it up. Will try to talk to 2 guys at each event. Never know!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
always enough time and money
Took my match profile off the site this morning.
Over time, I have trained myself to get more out of my time and money. Looking at my match experience this past year, it wasn't the best use of my time.
I demand so much of my time and money that if any experience doesn't feel worthy, I move on.
How do I know? What is the litmus test? Again, intuition. Making the right choices should be so easy that you know they are meant to be. If an experience isn't working, then move on. Don't dwell. Holding onto something that is not meant to be just drains our spirits.
Take my second car. From the purchase to the sale, it's been a beautiful and fun experience! Now that the car is taking up more of my time and money given other priorities, it's time to let it go. The buyer is picking it up tomorrow, and I will move on to the next big thing.
Wonder what is that next big thing (or person)?!
Over time, I have trained myself to get more out of my time and money. Looking at my match experience this past year, it wasn't the best use of my time.
I demand so much of my time and money that if any experience doesn't feel worthy, I move on.
How do I know? What is the litmus test? Again, intuition. Making the right choices should be so easy that you know they are meant to be. If an experience isn't working, then move on. Don't dwell. Holding onto something that is not meant to be just drains our spirits.
Take my second car. From the purchase to the sale, it's been a beautiful and fun experience! Now that the car is taking up more of my time and money given other priorities, it's time to let it go. The buyer is picking it up tomorrow, and I will move on to the next big thing.
Wonder what is that next big thing (or person)?!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
yet another dating theory
E asked me today why all these people are single when we all seem to want the same thing. The men just want a nice girl, and the women just want a nice guy...
It's not that simple. I think there are two deterrents.
One is that our criteria have been warped by our unrealistic expectations. The men don't just want a nice girl. She has to be HOT, smart, educated and stylish. The women don't just want a nice guy. He has to be tall, handsome, athletic, funny, and make more money than her.
Hey, I am just summarizing these past few years' research. Personally, no two guys have been alike in my dating history.
The second challenge to finding someone is unwillingness to compromise. My divorce is a big lesson in that I was not ready to compromise with someone else. Maybe our generation has it too easy. We all grow up so cuddled by our families and live so comfortably that we don't know how to deal with adversity.
Unless we have had a very successful relationship in our 20s, most singles in our early 30s are out of practice when it comes to compromising with others. Most of us don't even have roommates because we can afford to have our own places.
Perhaps the number one consequence of busy work lives and zero community involvement is the loss of training ground for how to compromise. The work place is not a substitute for how to deal with people because there is the common goal of profit or getting something done. It is only through settling conflicting goals that we learn how to compromise.
unrealistic expectation + refusal to compromise = not finding someone
I am going to apply this theory on myself. Hopefully the match experience will be a starting point. I did e-mail a couple of people back. Will keep you posted.
It's not that simple. I think there are two deterrents.
One is that our criteria have been warped by our unrealistic expectations. The men don't just want a nice girl. She has to be HOT, smart, educated and stylish. The women don't just want a nice guy. He has to be tall, handsome, athletic, funny, and make more money than her.
Hey, I am just summarizing these past few years' research. Personally, no two guys have been alike in my dating history.
The second challenge to finding someone is unwillingness to compromise. My divorce is a big lesson in that I was not ready to compromise with someone else. Maybe our generation has it too easy. We all grow up so cuddled by our families and live so comfortably that we don't know how to deal with adversity.
Unless we have had a very successful relationship in our 20s, most singles in our early 30s are out of practice when it comes to compromising with others. Most of us don't even have roommates because we can afford to have our own places.
Perhaps the number one consequence of busy work lives and zero community involvement is the loss of training ground for how to compromise. The work place is not a substitute for how to deal with people because there is the common goal of profit or getting something done. It is only through settling conflicting goals that we learn how to compromise.
unrealistic expectation + refusal to compromise = not finding someone
I am going to apply this theory on myself. Hopefully the match experience will be a starting point. I did e-mail a couple of people back. Will keep you posted.
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