working

Work has always been a big part of my identiy, and I do take work personally. Unfortunately, that means when work is not going well, I can get depressed. Lately, I feel down b/c work has been frustration.

Maybe it's too much expectation? Did I think I would be riding the high of this past year still? I hate to admit it, but my work affects me more than it should. We had two IT meltdowns yesterday, and I am still waiting for the phone people to come fix things (two days after I first contacted them.) I feel some resentment b/c I didn't come to this job to be an admin person, yet the majority of my time is being an executive assistant.

The good thing was that I snapped out of it this morning. I realized that I was too presumptuous. I assumed that this position was going to be plum, not realizing that this company will never be able to offer the perks of a world-class company. I AM glad that I see for myself why this company has fallen short of its potential. In the end, it's about people. Companies who value its people (and that can translate into many different ways) will be the ones that get things done.

One reason that I am doing so much at work may be due to the fact that I have worked at more place than anyone else at the current company. Since high school, I have worked at 22 jobs. All that experience means that instinctively, I know what works and what doesn't.

Today is a good day. It is the realization of what I can and cannot control at my job. I feel the cloud that has hung over me in the last few weeks lifting. Just in time for partying with friends this weekend!!

don't get me mad

I loved the cartoon angry kid b/c it's so twisted.
http://www.angrykid.com/main.html

There is also an appreciation for this character due to the metaphor. As much as I pride myself on being a nice person, I can get mad. Getting mad is okay b/c it's an indication that something is not right.

It's then my duty to focus and fix the problem. With people, it's all about removing myself from unpleasant situations. With work, it's all about figuring out how I can resolve the problems. Take today, the accounting department's computers were all down. It took me a while to track down our consultants and fix it, but it's fixed. Now we are having VM issues, and I am once again tracking down the vendor to come take care of it.

I was angry today because I did not sign up to be the IT person, but I inherited this duty when the prior non-IT-but-do-IT person quit. As much as I pride on being capable, this is not how I envision my career. I do miss being at a well-staffed company where the problems are solved by competent people.

So even though a lot of people say don't get mad, I encourage anger. It's what you do with the anger that is important. Anger should be the motivation to change and not lead to frustration. One must not give up at the sign of challenge but to always have faith that the solution is up to us.

in the name of environmentalism

One of the things that I like about urban planning in California is the political process. Although burdensome, the political process created in part by the California state law guards against abuse by any one party.

However, if a community group does insist on hijaking the process, development can be stopped, which can sometimes be a negative thing.

One of the property bordering my company's site was going to be turned into Home Depot in 1999. Unfortunately, with a very strong anti-development and anti-big-box movement, Home Depot pulled out. It was just too expensive to keep fighting the community. This was a factory that was closed down in 1989 and sat vacant and fenced up for 10 year.

Fast-forward 7 years, and the site is still vacant and fenced up. That 11 acres of abandoned site hurt the community's ability to revitalize itself.

Now, my company is in talks to take over the site because we are suing the neigbhoring company for contamination. The deal is not happening because the other side wants an impossible indemnity. It would be too expensive and too risky for us to let the other side off the hook completely. Back in 1999, Home Depot and this company were going to give each other mutual indeminity...

So, the only likely result is redevelopment, which would take another 15 years before something will happen.

This story would not have been as personal has it not for getting to know the community. Almost everyone I meet supports the Home Depot deal, and they never found out what reallky happened. There was one woman who spearheaded the fight against it, and she is also my company's biggest opponent in many other projects.

Without full understanding of economic development, this woman spent hours meeting with city officials and staff and wielding her influence with the various organizations around the area to fight development. I cannot help but feel sad for the community because this woman is not serving them. She is so idealistic that she drives away many opportunities that this poor community needs.

This story is a reminder that there is a dark side to the open political proces...

hustling

Last night, several friends met up at a bar in the Mission and walked toward my place after. Right after we walk down the street, one friend remembered that she has yet to close the tab. Two guy friends went with her. The rest of us waited near Mission and 16th.

A black man approached us and introduced himself. He shaked hands with one friend and asked for some change. It was sad that when he tried to shake the another person in the group, that person was paralyzed by fear. I didn't realize that some of the group was not used to this environment.

For me, I usually just politely but firmly refuse the request, because the act may encourage more of it.

The first friend handled the situation by giving the stranger a quarter. That person did walk away.

Still, I was a bit surprised by the reaction of the rest of the group. Yes, there were some very sheltered people in our mix.

It was unfortunate, because I never let fear stop me. I practice caution, but in a crowded street corner in San Francisco, most of the people who approach others are quite harmless. One should just have a policy and stick to it. I try to be polite and wish pan-handlers luck because I don't want to give them money or encourage them.

Cannot help but think that part of the reason why some neighborhoods don't improve is because people are not used to walking out and about and enjoy the city. Yes, pan-handling is part of the city experience, but so are learning about the problems first hand and have an appreciation if we don't have to deal with those problems on a personal level.

Everytime I see poverty, I am reminded that I must focus on trying to make the world a better place. Part of the reason that work has lost some of its appeal is because I don't know if my company is focused on making the world better. I am once again re-directed to try to do some good.