What gives me the most joy in life is perfect balance. Reaching that state of near perfection is why this is the best year yet.
There is not one thing or one person in my life that means everything, except my sense of self.
By adding my health, my work, my family, my friends and all the things that I do for fun, my life is complete.
At the same time, if any one thing goes wrong, I have all the other parts to remind me that sometimes life goes up and then it comes down. It is all part of the rhythm of life.
The best part is that getting older means lots of practice to achieve balance. I finally have the experience to appreciate my reality.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
this is how
How do I meet so many people?
Being outgoing helps, but following through is the key. Whenever I meet a cool person, I try to spend some time one-on-one with that person to get to know them.
Last Saturday night, I met a girl who was very together. You know, the type that is kind of serious at first but funny once you get to know her. She asked if I would join a dragon boat team for a race in late September.
At first, I fully rejected the idea but offered to invite other women for her. As the week wore on, I realized that this is a chance to get to know her and her group of friends better. Besides, the time committment is minimal, 2 hours for 3 weekends and then the morning of the race.
As life settles into a routine, it takes more effort to do something different. Life does present plenty of opportunity at every turn. It's up to us to say why not.
Being outgoing helps, but following through is the key. Whenever I meet a cool person, I try to spend some time one-on-one with that person to get to know them.
Last Saturday night, I met a girl who was very together. You know, the type that is kind of serious at first but funny once you get to know her. She asked if I would join a dragon boat team for a race in late September.
At first, I fully rejected the idea but offered to invite other women for her. As the week wore on, I realized that this is a chance to get to know her and her group of friends better. Besides, the time committment is minimal, 2 hours for 3 weekends and then the morning of the race.
As life settles into a routine, it takes more effort to do something different. Life does present plenty of opportunity at every turn. It's up to us to say why not.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
finding the one, part 2
Just as my right brain contradicts with my left brain, my other theory on finding the right partner is all about the head and not the heart.
It has to do with our history.
More and more, I am convinced that respecting our identiy from our family history is key to happiness. Just as learning about our genetics can improve our health, understanding the family tree can lead to the one.
According to one of my favorite books, A General Theory of Love (Lewis, Amini and Lannon), we often end up with people who are similar to the parent that we don't get along with because we are trying to resolve some unfinished business. Of course, those relationships are never completely fulfilling just as we rarely come to terms with one or both parents.
Perhaps finding the one is all about checklists, but not for our partners, but for ourselves. If I know that my social life is very important to me, how will someone compliment that nonstop schedule. The conclusion: this is not the right time to have someone in my life!
In the end, Part 1 and 2 are the same. It is all about looking inward and knowing who we are at the core and how to surround ourselves with the people who allow us to grow. The trick is to assess those people with our intuititon and not our feelings or other people's opinions.
It has to do with our history.
More and more, I am convinced that respecting our identiy from our family history is key to happiness. Just as learning about our genetics can improve our health, understanding the family tree can lead to the one.
According to one of my favorite books, A General Theory of Love (Lewis, Amini and Lannon), we often end up with people who are similar to the parent that we don't get along with because we are trying to resolve some unfinished business. Of course, those relationships are never completely fulfilling just as we rarely come to terms with one or both parents.
Perhaps finding the one is all about checklists, but not for our partners, but for ourselves. If I know that my social life is very important to me, how will someone compliment that nonstop schedule. The conclusion: this is not the right time to have someone in my life!
In the end, Part 1 and 2 are the same. It is all about looking inward and knowing who we are at the core and how to surround ourselves with the people who allow us to grow. The trick is to assess those people with our intuititon and not our feelings or other people's opinions.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
finding the one, part 1
Some people carry around their checklist or some loose preferences for the person they want to end up with. Fortunatley, these lists are constantly edited, so there are usually some accuracy in the lists.
I offer a simpler method for finding the one: be your own best company.
Spend an entire Sunday afternoon by yourself (phone calls allowed). Take up a simple activity that you have always enjoyed but wish for more of. Being outdoors? Reading? Surfing (web or on water!)? Shopping? The only two requirements are that 1. you must not have company and 2. you are actively engaged with yourself. You must be able to ask yourself at any given point what/when/where/how. It can even be work, excep this should be a peripheral project.
For instance, I went to a condo project site today to take some photos. Our overseas animation creators did not accurately depict the surrounding waterfront property. I had to decide what, when, where, and how to take the pictures. The pace was perfect, and I cannot complain about being on a state park on a Sunday afternoon.
At the end of the project, there is a certain satisfaction of accomplishment. More importantly, I achieved a state of ease. I am lucky to have often arrived at this point, and more so as I have gotten older. It is almost zen-like not because of my accomplishment, but because of how I led myself through a conscious yet almost-effortless process.
The same should be said about being with the one. Being with the right person is all about being comfortable and being at ease but with a sense of purpose.
It appears that many people confuse lust with this sense of well being. I myself made the mistake in the past in thinking that the right person is going to add excitement to my life. That is usually inevitable because of lust (how do you think the human species has endured?!).
One fallacy in using lust as a measurement of compatibility is that it does not last.
What does endure is compatibility through our mental engagement and some inexplicable ease that comes from the confidance of accomplishing something great.
Relationships are not easy, but it should not be frustrating. We should be with people who make us optimistic and joyful, especially if this person is to be our romantic partner, no matter for how long.
The reason that it is so hard for people to be in the right relationship with someone is because they have yet to relate to themselves completely. I have a long way to go despite my fortunate of being able to accept myself. Perhaps when I can completely let go of the attachment out of fear of not being loved, I will find my true love.
I offer a simpler method for finding the one: be your own best company.
Spend an entire Sunday afternoon by yourself (phone calls allowed). Take up a simple activity that you have always enjoyed but wish for more of. Being outdoors? Reading? Surfing (web or on water!)? Shopping? The only two requirements are that 1. you must not have company and 2. you are actively engaged with yourself. You must be able to ask yourself at any given point what/when/where/how. It can even be work, excep this should be a peripheral project.
For instance, I went to a condo project site today to take some photos. Our overseas animation creators did not accurately depict the surrounding waterfront property. I had to decide what, when, where, and how to take the pictures. The pace was perfect, and I cannot complain about being on a state park on a Sunday afternoon.
At the end of the project, there is a certain satisfaction of accomplishment. More importantly, I achieved a state of ease. I am lucky to have often arrived at this point, and more so as I have gotten older. It is almost zen-like not because of my accomplishment, but because of how I led myself through a conscious yet almost-effortless process.
The same should be said about being with the one. Being with the right person is all about being comfortable and being at ease but with a sense of purpose.
It appears that many people confuse lust with this sense of well being. I myself made the mistake in the past in thinking that the right person is going to add excitement to my life. That is usually inevitable because of lust (how do you think the human species has endured?!).
One fallacy in using lust as a measurement of compatibility is that it does not last.
What does endure is compatibility through our mental engagement and some inexplicable ease that comes from the confidance of accomplishing something great.
Relationships are not easy, but it should not be frustrating. We should be with people who make us optimistic and joyful, especially if this person is to be our romantic partner, no matter for how long.
The reason that it is so hard for people to be in the right relationship with someone is because they have yet to relate to themselves completely. I have a long way to go despite my fortunate of being able to accept myself. Perhaps when I can completely let go of the attachment out of fear of not being loved, I will find my true love.
tone of voice
Last night, I was relaxing and watching TV when a friend called to go drinking. I answered b/c I thought about going out. Somehow, the tone of the invitation (demanding) and the shows I was watching (recording one and surfing 4 others) made it seem better to just stay home.
I knew I made the right decision when I had to sound negative and very tired about staying home. If this person was a true friend, he wouldn't have given me such a hard time for staying in.
Then, an hour later, another friend texted about having a drink. It was completely different tone. The person started the message apologizing in case he woke me up. Timing. The shows were over, and I was just about to head to bed.
It turned out to be a great night.
I cannot help but notice tone more and more in my everyday life. It makes me almost want to record myself to make sure I am always my most charming self. Regardless of what the message is, I should always speak with care and grace.
It still amazes me how much I am changing ever since last December...
I knew I made the right decision when I had to sound negative and very tired about staying home. If this person was a true friend, he wouldn't have given me such a hard time for staying in.
Then, an hour later, another friend texted about having a drink. It was completely different tone. The person started the message apologizing in case he woke me up. Timing. The shows were over, and I was just about to head to bed.
It turned out to be a great night.
I cannot help but notice tone more and more in my everyday life. It makes me almost want to record myself to make sure I am always my most charming self. Regardless of what the message is, I should always speak with care and grace.
It still amazes me how much I am changing ever since last December...
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