friend of the moment

I tend to change my female friend of the moment just as I change the men I date. I have no qualm about dropping female friends of the moment if I feel that there is no longer meeting of the minds or reciprocation. I used to give without expecting anything in return. Now that I am much more selfish, I don't try too hard if it takes more than three to four tries to get together.

I learn to move on w/friends given my dating experience. Men have taught me how to not take lost connections personally. If a woman is important enough, the guy will make the effort.

Maybe learning how to move on is the reason why I have civilized break-ups. I don't understand how people have shouting matches or arguments at the end. It's just not worth the emotional upheaval. Connections are suppose to uplift us. If it feels like too much work or scary, then either work on ourselves, communicate clearly, or exit gracefully.

One interesting note. At times, my female friends have commented negatively on the men of the moment. I always pick the romantic interest over the friend. Not listening to friends has worked out very well for me; they reveal the friends of the moment.

thinking too much

I think the last post was a reaction to J's comment last Fri that I am not going to make it through July w/o dating someone.

Should be an interesting month. Yes, let the guy lead for a change. Did I mention that I am taking private salsa lessons? Going to a salsa club tonight to be twirled around.

Can't talk about or think about dating too much. I do everything by gut, but then when I write about it, it takes the fun out of the magical experiences.

Oh! Some exciting news. I have an informational lunch w/a big company next Thursday. It's for a possible position. Cross my fingers.

how the game is played

Ended a hanging out session. Stayed out in public. ;) It wasn't a date b/c there wasn't any formality to it. I am not sure where I stand, but I always know before the guy when it's not going to work out. :P

The night ended w/o much commotion. I know it's not meant to be. Almost amused that the men often think there is more b/c of their hormones. Too bad I am focused on career right now. I want to have a magical experience, but I cannot invest in a man when work is my mistress.

Ultimatley, I see how people see me; I get a lot of facination and admiration but not true understanding. Until that one guy is willing to walk to the end of the earth for me and me him, game is at love. Hum, still no ace yet, but it's a five-set game baby.

satisfaction

I can die happy now.

It's a random but powerful thought that popped into my head yesterday. I have everything I want in life.

Was exchanging e-mails with a new friend. In telling me their how-we-met story, she joked that she meant to go out, date lots of men and break some hearts but ended up marrying her high school sweetheart. Then I remembered being 12 and believing that I was going to be single forever. It's an odd example of wanting something and getting it, but many facets of my reality are subconscious goals from childhood.

That's why whenever I ask my dad for advice, he always say that I have all the answers myself. Yes, I do!

We all have the answers. Every single one of us has the insight to overcome every challenge, if we listen to our intuition.

Life is quite easy. There is no negativity, only the wonder of how we will choose to embrace challenges and fulfill our destiny.

loving this book

I stayed up last night to read Min Jin Lee's book. Half way through, and I love it!!

Besides the great writing and the relevance of the story to our generation, the plot makes me so grateful to be me.

My life is quite ordinary. I don't have any worries, am surrounded by lots of support, and I have all the resources to realize my goals.

Excited that this will be a year of even more good reading!

clear my head

B/t the hike yesterday and the walk tonight, I feel invincible. Others have yoga, but I have my own ways of centering myself.

What's even more perfect is how fate introduces the opportunities for me to hike or walk.

The hike was partly work; I represent the company at community functions. Although I would probably have hiked even if not to represent the company, it was this job that led me to one of the most hidden treasures in the Bay Area, the San Bruno Mountain.

Same thing tonight; I felt better after a long walk. C and I met for our regular dinner out. It's always fun b/c we always eat well despite the tab; some unexpected saving always happen, especially at the better dinners. Tonight, b/t the happy hour wine prices and my discount card, it was more like buying each other lunch.

After, I walked home. The 2.7 miles felt short b/c at times I was going faster than the post-parade traffic on Van Ness. The trek made me want to find some more walking trips aroudn town...

being smarter

Tonight, I drove back late from hanging out with a girlfriend, around 2am. Driving around SF late at night is liberating b/c there isn't any traffic. I also paid more attention b/c people are crazier at that time of the night.

Sure enough, there was a couple, attempting to cross the street in the middle of the block. They were forced to go back on the median when my car passed by them.

It was a stylish couple, although a foolish one. I felt so sorry for the woman b/c she was dragged by this man, with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

Then, I felt sorry for both of them. Obviously, being in this relationship lowered their intelligence enough that they actually thought it was a good idea to cross the street from the middle of the block, in the dark.

Lately, many friends asked what I am looking for in a man. I finally figured out my answer. I want someone who can inspire me to be better.

There is someone that I admire right now who makes me want to be better, and that's a start.