Some people carry around their checklist or some loose preferences for the person they want to end up with. Fortunatley, these lists are constantly edited, so there are usually some accuracy in the lists.
I offer a simpler method for finding the one: be your own best company.
Spend an entire Sunday afternoon by yourself (phone calls allowed). Take up a simple activity that you have always enjoyed but wish for more of. Being outdoors? Reading? Surfing (web or on water!)? Shopping? The only two requirements are that 1. you must not have company and 2. you are actively engaged with yourself. You must be able to ask yourself at any given point what/when/where/how. It can even be work, excep this should be a peripheral project.
For instance, I went to a condo project site today to take some photos. Our overseas animation creators did not accurately depict the surrounding waterfront property. I had to decide what, when, where, and how to take the pictures. The pace was perfect, and I cannot complain about being on a state park on a Sunday afternoon.
At the end of the project, there is a certain satisfaction of accomplishment. More importantly, I achieved a state of ease. I am lucky to have often arrived at this point, and more so as I have gotten older. It is almost zen-like not because of my accomplishment, but because of how I led myself through a conscious yet almost-effortless process.
The same should be said about being with the one. Being with the right person is all about being comfortable and being at ease but with a sense of purpose.
It appears that many people confuse lust with this sense of well being. I myself made the mistake in the past in thinking that the right person is going to add excitement to my life. That is usually inevitable because of lust (how do you think the human species has endured?!).
One fallacy in using lust as a measurement of compatibility is that it does not last.
What does endure is compatibility through our mental engagement and some inexplicable ease that comes from the confidance of accomplishing something great.
Relationships are not easy, but it should not be frustrating. We should be with people who make us optimistic and joyful, especially if this person is to be our romantic partner, no matter for how long.
The reason that it is so hard for people to be in the right relationship with someone is because they have yet to relate to themselves completely. I have a long way to go despite my fortunate of being able to accept myself. Perhaps when I can completely let go of the attachment out of fear of not being loved, I will find my true love.
