hedging

Lamented to a friend tonight on how several guys recently act disinterested in the beginning of the date and only open their hearts (and wallets) when I entertain them enough through wit and humor...

She told me that's called hedging. Apparently the trend of coffee or drinks are a way for guys not to invest a great deal in case the date doesn't work out.

Ironic, but a great date can only happen if both parties are willing to dive right in and invest full attention. I have had many first dates where the guys make it clear early on that they are not thrilled about paying for me. That's all fine by me, but implicitly in the unwillingness to pay is also an emotionally guarded self that influence the other person's interest.

I try not to look at the money issue and have ruined more than one first date by paying for myself, but I think the subconscious result of hedging is the fear that this might not work out.

Given that I take risks in all areas of my life, I am quite carefree on the first date. It's fun when the guy can get carried away by me and enjoy that complete acceptance I try to give everyone in my life. Still, I always notice when the fear of rejection or a bad date lurks behind the guy's behavior on dates.

Maybe that's why the jerks/bad boys always get the woman. They are offering the same freedom that I try to give the men.

Still, having hedged a couple of times myself, it's not noble behavior. Ahh, karma.