Yes, one day Mr. Right will appear and sweep me off my feet...Or not. Now that I accept the reality that I could end up without a life partner, I am a lot happier. Having a family is still a major goal in life, but I am not quite ready to settle down just yet.
It's all about cultivating my spirituality right now. By tapping into my spiritual self, I am able to connect with lots of people who are good companions.
Wanted to learn to tango, and I met a new friend who is a good dancer but new at tango too. Wanted to go see a risque foreign film, and my friend suggested it first. Love hockey, so will tag along another big group who arranged to watch the game at the Tank.
Life is full of opportunities to realize our dreams, but it is up to us to be true to ourselves and to be confidant. Cultivating the connection to my spirituality is the guidance I need to accept life's uncertainty. Growing my spiritual self is the key to finding answers. Dad was right, all the answers are within, and I shall not fear but only embrace challenges, overcome them, and succeed beautifully.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
settling
Another friend asked me why so many of us are single.
My new theory is that there is a fine line between settling and finding the right person. Most people don't want to settle; they want Mr. or Ms. Perfect. Compared to dating just a generation ago, we have so many more expectations of our mates.
Instead of just a person to have kids with, we now want a friend, a confidant, a model, a genius, a tycoon, and the list goes on.
How many of your parents are actually all those things to each other? Yet we want it all?! Some of the traits are not even compatible. A lot of men who appreciate my outgoing personality are disappointed to find that I don't want to spend all my free time with them...
Instead of going for so many qualities, maybe just pick two. I know my two... ;)
My new theory is that there is a fine line between settling and finding the right person. Most people don't want to settle; they want Mr. or Ms. Perfect. Compared to dating just a generation ago, we have so many more expectations of our mates.
Instead of just a person to have kids with, we now want a friend, a confidant, a model, a genius, a tycoon, and the list goes on.
How many of your parents are actually all those things to each other? Yet we want it all?! Some of the traits are not even compatible. A lot of men who appreciate my outgoing personality are disappointed to find that I don't want to spend all my free time with them...
Instead of going for so many qualities, maybe just pick two. I know my two... ;)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
meeting of the minds
Had an interview at a law firm yesterday. Yes, I am considering returning to the profession where many are dissatisfied. There is something about the way us attorneys think, and no other profession can beat the quality of training.
It was a great interview. We went as far as discussing starting dates and salary, but there are a few more candidates yet to meet the partner.
The highlight of the conversation was discussing the other members of the firm. One of them is not licensed to practice although went through law school and does excellent research and writing. That person is currently in China on a personal investment venture. The other was on vacation and only works at 75%. I would replace an associate who moved to a bigger firm. What was impressive was the way this partner, who would be my direct supervisor, accepts his colleagues' choices.
Perhaps that is also my motto in life. I want to accept those around me completely despite their differences.
So now I wait. I will hear back next week. Regardless of what happens, I am psyched to meet a good soul, someone who is at his best despite life's challenges.
It was a great interview. We went as far as discussing starting dates and salary, but there are a few more candidates yet to meet the partner.
The highlight of the conversation was discussing the other members of the firm. One of them is not licensed to practice although went through law school and does excellent research and writing. That person is currently in China on a personal investment venture. The other was on vacation and only works at 75%. I would replace an associate who moved to a bigger firm. What was impressive was the way this partner, who would be my direct supervisor, accepts his colleagues' choices.
Perhaps that is also my motto in life. I want to accept those around me completely despite their differences.
So now I wait. I will hear back next week. Regardless of what happens, I am psyched to meet a good soul, someone who is at his best despite life's challenges.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
standing by my decision
I happened to look up parcel information for work, and I decided to check out my old place, the one that I bought together with my ex but then moved out of when we divorced. It was an amicable parting. He bought me out by paying me a lump sum that was suppose to cover my initial investment and the appreciation.
In California, community property is an asset acquired during marriage that is considered equally owned by both parties. At time of divorce, all assets are suppose to be divided equally.
At the time, I decided to take the buyout b/c I could not imagine throwing someone I cared about out into the streets. I took the cash, moved to my parents temporarily and got back on my feet shortly. Today, I have a place of my own.
My ex is now selling the place at a substantial windfall. He stands to gain double what I got from the settlement. The unequal payout is the reason why most of my family and friends urged me to sell the place and divide the proceeds equally.
Still, there are some decisions in life that are made more based on our gut than our logic. I knew that he probably would not have met, married his new wife and had a child as easily if it were not for his property in the City. The move would have taken a bigger toll than I could wish upon him even though he asked for a divorce in part due to my struggles with career.
I will never forget the way he declared that if my boss could not believe in me, how could he believe in me. However, I have long since forgiven.
The turn of events explained my father's prediction based on his fortune telling that my ex would need me more than I need him.
Today's information discovery is a reminder that I must always trust my gut in making unpopular decisions. I am glad that his new family will benefit as a result of my decision.
In California, community property is an asset acquired during marriage that is considered equally owned by both parties. At time of divorce, all assets are suppose to be divided equally.
At the time, I decided to take the buyout b/c I could not imagine throwing someone I cared about out into the streets. I took the cash, moved to my parents temporarily and got back on my feet shortly. Today, I have a place of my own.
My ex is now selling the place at a substantial windfall. He stands to gain double what I got from the settlement. The unequal payout is the reason why most of my family and friends urged me to sell the place and divide the proceeds equally.
Still, there are some decisions in life that are made more based on our gut than our logic. I knew that he probably would not have met, married his new wife and had a child as easily if it were not for his property in the City. The move would have taken a bigger toll than I could wish upon him even though he asked for a divorce in part due to my struggles with career.
I will never forget the way he declared that if my boss could not believe in me, how could he believe in me. However, I have long since forgiven.
The turn of events explained my father's prediction based on his fortune telling that my ex would need me more than I need him.
Today's information discovery is a reminder that I must always trust my gut in making unpopular decisions. I am glad that his new family will benefit as a result of my decision.
Monday, October 08, 2007
drama v. serenity
Over the weekend, met some new people who have lots of drama in their lives. Between dissatisfying work, mismanaged finances and unresolved romances, it's no wonder that the group partied hard.
It's all about being disciplined. Everyone talks about goals, but how many actually get rid of the distractions and focus?
Personally, I have a hard time focusing on my career, but it gets easier as I focus more in my own health and spirituality. By having sound mind and sound body, life's tough choices become much easier.
Work, money and love are all areas we want satisfaction, but those goals can't happen until we are healthy and spiritually connected to the universe. That means cutting off people or activities that hinder those first steps.
If one is struggling in matters of the heart, finance and work, it's time to tap into our physical and spiritual beings. The answers are all within, but we must be still to hear the messages.
It's all about being disciplined. Everyone talks about goals, but how many actually get rid of the distractions and focus?
Personally, I have a hard time focusing on my career, but it gets easier as I focus more in my own health and spirituality. By having sound mind and sound body, life's tough choices become much easier.
Work, money and love are all areas we want satisfaction, but those goals can't happen until we are healthy and spiritually connected to the universe. That means cutting off people or activities that hinder those first steps.
If one is struggling in matters of the heart, finance and work, it's time to tap into our physical and spiritual beings. The answers are all within, but we must be still to hear the messages.
Friday, October 05, 2007
what's truly important
Yesterday during our monthly managers' meeting, a co-worker pointed out Covey's Urgency/Importance Quadrant.
The concept is to prioritize our tasks into one of four categories: urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent, and not important and not urgent. For instance, networking is important but not urgent.
I spent most of yesterday thinking about the quadrant and noted that many people spend most of their time on the last category. There are constant distractions from life, and their feigned urgency pulls us toward unimportant matters.
So from now on, I will examine how I spend my time more closely and try to make time for the truly important things.
The concept is to prioritize our tasks into one of four categories: urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent, and not important and not urgent. For instance, networking is important but not urgent.
I spent most of yesterday thinking about the quadrant and noted that many people spend most of their time on the last category. There are constant distractions from life, and their feigned urgency pulls us toward unimportant matters.
So from now on, I will examine how I spend my time more closely and try to make time for the truly important things.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
rapper toe
only those who suffer the lowest of low
will understand the joy of makin' it
i have had it good,
no doubt,
but i do see all the lows because
no one can hide from me
finally understand that
i don't have to suffer
to be motivated
but there is also no puttin' others down
because i have had to struggle too
having every opportunity means
i've got more to prove
am i running out of time,
or is this just the beginnin'?
will understand the joy of makin' it
i have had it good,
no doubt,
but i do see all the lows because
no one can hide from me
finally understand that
i don't have to suffer
to be motivated
but there is also no puttin' others down
because i have had to struggle too
having every opportunity means
i've got more to prove
am i running out of time,
or is this just the beginnin'?
Monday, October 01, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
opening my world
Everyone has their favorite activities and topics, and encouraging others to share their passions with me has opened my world. Whether it's sports or culture or career, I have been able to navigate through many worlds. The openness of the people who come through my life has fostered a generous spirit.
I am optimistic because of all my friends give their best selves to me. I am honored and hope that in return, I can share my best self.
Counter to intuition, being very open has only brought the most generous people to my life. It has not invited negative people in. In fact, by insisting on respect, those who are not so nice stand out glaringly.
Similarly, people with fear tend to drop out of my life. Many of the men I dated, for instance, let their fears get in the way and disappear before I can get hurt. I dare people to let go of their pretenses, and those who are afraid to be true will leave. Thus, I remain adventurous because I know only the gentlemen will remain in my life.
So it's another Friday and another weekend of possibilities ahead. Full speed ahead!
I am optimistic because of all my friends give their best selves to me. I am honored and hope that in return, I can share my best self.
Counter to intuition, being very open has only brought the most generous people to my life. It has not invited negative people in. In fact, by insisting on respect, those who are not so nice stand out glaringly.
Similarly, people with fear tend to drop out of my life. Many of the men I dated, for instance, let their fears get in the way and disappear before I can get hurt. I dare people to let go of their pretenses, and those who are afraid to be true will leave. Thus, I remain adventurous because I know only the gentlemen will remain in my life.
So it's another Friday and another weekend of possibilities ahead. Full speed ahead!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
my light is not on
There is a concept in dating about whether someone is ready to settle down.
I meet a lot of people who want to have a partner and maybe a family, but they do very little to attract that person.
The metaphor for being ready to settle down is taxi cab lights. Don't you always see people trying to flag down a cab whose "taxi" light is not on? That cab is not available!
Now I know why I am single. Because my light is not on! Between having fun and career, I don't have much time left for a man. Being single by choice is liberating.
Still, I know that for a woman, her ability to attract a man is limited by her fertility. Having witnessed the struggle of single female friends past 35 trying to date, I am aware of the reality down the road.
So I'll be turning my light on, but maybe selectively. Keeping the light off has eliminated a lot of players and just friends types. It's a balance. I am ready to share my life with someone, but the bar been set high by all the good company I keep. I am an eternal optimist. If I am meant to be single for now, then let me enjoy this time just as I have enjoyed every other phase of my life.
I meet a lot of people who want to have a partner and maybe a family, but they do very little to attract that person.
The metaphor for being ready to settle down is taxi cab lights. Don't you always see people trying to flag down a cab whose "taxi" light is not on? That cab is not available!
Now I know why I am single. Because my light is not on! Between having fun and career, I don't have much time left for a man. Being single by choice is liberating.
Still, I know that for a woman, her ability to attract a man is limited by her fertility. Having witnessed the struggle of single female friends past 35 trying to date, I am aware of the reality down the road.
So I'll be turning my light on, but maybe selectively. Keeping the light off has eliminated a lot of players and just friends types. It's a balance. I am ready to share my life with someone, but the bar been set high by all the good company I keep. I am an eternal optimist. If I am meant to be single for now, then let me enjoy this time just as I have enjoyed every other phase of my life.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
we have a new sup!
What an exciting moment in SF history! The newest supervisor, although temporary, is Carmen Chu.
For a fellow Asian American woman who cares about policy, this is huge. Mayor Newsom was under pressure to select an Asian American b/c now-former Supervisor Ed Jew's district was predominantly Asian. Newsom also considered selecting a female because only 2 out of 11 supervisors are women.
As much as I believe in financial stability and having fun, I also believe strongly about making a difference in the world. The fact that Carmen Chu studied policy and worked as a budget analyst could be good for the City. She is someone who already made a difference.
This is a story I'll be watching...
For a fellow Asian American woman who cares about policy, this is huge. Mayor Newsom was under pressure to select an Asian American b/c now-former Supervisor Ed Jew's district was predominantly Asian. Newsom also considered selecting a female because only 2 out of 11 supervisors are women.
As much as I believe in financial stability and having fun, I also believe strongly about making a difference in the world. The fact that Carmen Chu studied policy and worked as a budget analyst could be good for the City. She is someone who already made a difference.
This is a story I'll be watching...
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
true desires
A girlfriend e-mailed me this morning about taking a motorcycle-riding class. Getting the license has been a goal of mine. Looks like I am one step closer.
Whether it is in my professional or personal life, I have always had opportunities that align with my life goals.
True, I don't have lofty goals like saving human lives or be a billionaire, but I do have unique ideas about my lifestyle.
Besides money and time, the limiting factor is often finding activity partners. Usually, I just go ahead and plan the events and invite others. Lately, the invitations have been coming my way. Besides the motorcycle class, I am attending a number of events this fall thanks to thoughtful friends.
This is also the year that I am taking more trips with people. I haven't gone solo any where in a while. Not a complaint but an observation given that I do know what it's like to spend alone time.
Having fun with people just remind me that if we stay true to ourselves, opportunities will come our way if we choose to exercise them...
Whether it is in my professional or personal life, I have always had opportunities that align with my life goals.
True, I don't have lofty goals like saving human lives or be a billionaire, but I do have unique ideas about my lifestyle.
Besides money and time, the limiting factor is often finding activity partners. Usually, I just go ahead and plan the events and invite others. Lately, the invitations have been coming my way. Besides the motorcycle class, I am attending a number of events this fall thanks to thoughtful friends.
This is also the year that I am taking more trips with people. I haven't gone solo any where in a while. Not a complaint but an observation given that I do know what it's like to spend alone time.
Having fun with people just remind me that if we stay true to ourselves, opportunities will come our way if we choose to exercise them...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
the thing I learned from sports
Playing sports is a great metaphor for life.
Besides good sportsmanship and working hard, there are a lot of ups and downs in sports, just like life.
I've struck out a lot lately in love, and I am okay with that. I was psyched about that blast from the past, but it looks like the game got rained out.
Given that I am not the most coordinated person, I usually have to take private lessons or practice lots before getting to an intermediate level in any sport. I envy athelets who have natural talent.
Still, having a steep learning curve in sports helps me see that life is like that. For every at bat, I can strike out, hit a fly that is caught or get tagged out. Now and then, I'll get on base (hehe) but then it has to do with my persistence.
I tend not to have baggage from the past because it's the way life is. I accept full responsibility for moving my life forward and leave some of the outcome to luck too. Life has been too full for me to think anything but positive, and I am grateful that the ups and downs just remind me that I need to keep stepping up the plate.
Here's to lots of wins and the losses that are worth more the wins. Play ball!
Besides good sportsmanship and working hard, there are a lot of ups and downs in sports, just like life.
I've struck out a lot lately in love, and I am okay with that. I was psyched about that blast from the past, but it looks like the game got rained out.
Given that I am not the most coordinated person, I usually have to take private lessons or practice lots before getting to an intermediate level in any sport. I envy athelets who have natural talent.
Still, having a steep learning curve in sports helps me see that life is like that. For every at bat, I can strike out, hit a fly that is caught or get tagged out. Now and then, I'll get on base (hehe) but then it has to do with my persistence.
I tend not to have baggage from the past because it's the way life is. I accept full responsibility for moving my life forward and leave some of the outcome to luck too. Life has been too full for me to think anything but positive, and I am grateful that the ups and downs just remind me that I need to keep stepping up the plate.
Here's to lots of wins and the losses that are worth more the wins. Play ball!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
hesitation
The best advice I was given was to say yes to opportunities. A wise woman told me that very few people ever look back and regret doing something. Usually, the regret is over not taking an action.
The topic came up in the context of taking trips. How many people regret going some where? The regret is usually not taking the opportunity to travel to a foreign place. Thanks to this woman's advice, I have gone to two foreign countries every year for the last 4 years, and it's easy when I make it a priority.
Same thing with the small things in life. I get invited to events all the time, and I usually go without hesitation if I am free. In the process, I have met some amazing friends and have more than a drawer full of life experiences.
Yes it's a lot of planning, and sometimes it can be tiring. The way I see it, I have the rest of my life to do solitary things and to nap. Why not make those connections while these opportunities are abundant?
The topic came up in the context of taking trips. How many people regret going some where? The regret is usually not taking the opportunity to travel to a foreign place. Thanks to this woman's advice, I have gone to two foreign countries every year for the last 4 years, and it's easy when I make it a priority.
Same thing with the small things in life. I get invited to events all the time, and I usually go without hesitation if I am free. In the process, I have met some amazing friends and have more than a drawer full of life experiences.
Yes it's a lot of planning, and sometimes it can be tiring. The way I see it, I have the rest of my life to do solitary things and to nap. Why not make those connections while these opportunities are abundant?
Monday, September 17, 2007
girlfriends
I read a study a long time ago that
1. a man's happiness is determined by his female companionship
2. a woman's happiness is determined by her female companionship
Ever since that study, I have been slowly building my female support team, and it has made all the difference.
Through life's ups and downs, my female friends' opinion and support helped me be stronger. The connections I have with my girlfriends have created a web that I fall into time after time. It's like a cradle that support me. Of course, my mother, sister and sister-in-law are part of this support system.
I learned long ago that a woman should never go to her man about her worries. It just complicate things unnecessarily. She always has her female friends.
Sure, I envy people who are one with their partners. That's just not me. I still look for that partner, but that's not looking so likely these days. I don't mind at all, as life has never been better. Being on my own is truly more me at this point. And my girlfriends are there to remind me that it's good to be me.
1. a man's happiness is determined by his female companionship
2. a woman's happiness is determined by her female companionship
Ever since that study, I have been slowly building my female support team, and it has made all the difference.
Through life's ups and downs, my female friends' opinion and support helped me be stronger. The connections I have with my girlfriends have created a web that I fall into time after time. It's like a cradle that support me. Of course, my mother, sister and sister-in-law are part of this support system.
I learned long ago that a woman should never go to her man about her worries. It just complicate things unnecessarily. She always has her female friends.
Sure, I envy people who are one with their partners. That's just not me. I still look for that partner, but that's not looking so likely these days. I don't mind at all, as life has never been better. Being on my own is truly more me at this point. And my girlfriends are there to remind me that it's good to be me.
Friday, September 14, 2007
spirituality
Went for my first energy healing session last night.
Even though Maria, the practitioner, did not touch me at all, I was able to feel the energy at various points of the session. At times it was tension on the head, the shoulder and the stomach. At other times, it was a numbing sensation on the legs. I also felt pressure on my body and on my head as if a weight was on me.
Maria was centering me because ever since my trip to Peru, I was not feeling quite myself. Apparently, spiritual centers such as Macchu Picchu has high energy fields that change people's own energy levels. The trip probably explains my quick annoyance with people of late.
Overall, the session was amazing. I learned so much about myself and have new-found respect for how we develop as human beings. Perhaps this is the "what's next" I knew was bound to happen. Looking forward to studying a new topic and learning more ways to find peace and happiness.
Even though Maria, the practitioner, did not touch me at all, I was able to feel the energy at various points of the session. At times it was tension on the head, the shoulder and the stomach. At other times, it was a numbing sensation on the legs. I also felt pressure on my body and on my head as if a weight was on me.
Maria was centering me because ever since my trip to Peru, I was not feeling quite myself. Apparently, spiritual centers such as Macchu Picchu has high energy fields that change people's own energy levels. The trip probably explains my quick annoyance with people of late.
Overall, the session was amazing. I learned so much about myself and have new-found respect for how we develop as human beings. Perhaps this is the "what's next" I knew was bound to happen. Looking forward to studying a new topic and learning more ways to find peace and happiness.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
everyone has an idea
Volunteered at my friend's event last night. Fun to do something totally different and see a different world.
It was the world of start-ups.
Some how, by going away to grad school and then working in a non-tech field, I am quite removed from all the moving and shaking in Silicon Valley.
Is it time to try something new? I don't believe in accidents. Everything happens for a reason, so I am absorbing and checking it out.
Just when I think working both days last weekend was no big deal, I am crashing big time today. Now I can admit that I do need down time, even if it's running around having fun.
It was the world of start-ups.
Some how, by going away to grad school and then working in a non-tech field, I am quite removed from all the moving and shaking in Silicon Valley.
Is it time to try something new? I don't believe in accidents. Everything happens for a reason, so I am absorbing and checking it out.
Just when I think working both days last weekend was no big deal, I am crashing big time today. Now I can admit that I do need down time, even if it's running around having fun.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
paradox
Having fun is a major priority in my life. Whether it's dancing, sports, or being with family and friends, having fun is the answer to all of life's questions.
For instance, when I am get pressured from work, I try to have more fun outside of work to create that balance. Rather than get caught up in the bundle of stress, I have fun to untie the knots and to find the answers.
Or, when others' judgment or stress imbue into my life, I have fun to find my center.
The paradox comes in that our culture doesn't teach us to do the opposite in order to find our true selves again. Instead, the linear way of looking at life tends to add more pressure to an already tense situation.
I want to see myself as disciplined but relaxed, organized but laid-back, accomplished but free-spirited. These opposite traits can work together to create a harmonious life, and having fun is the first step to be completely happy.
For instance, when I am get pressured from work, I try to have more fun outside of work to create that balance. Rather than get caught up in the bundle of stress, I have fun to untie the knots and to find the answers.
Or, when others' judgment or stress imbue into my life, I have fun to find my center.
The paradox comes in that our culture doesn't teach us to do the opposite in order to find our true selves again. Instead, the linear way of looking at life tends to add more pressure to an already tense situation.
I want to see myself as disciplined but relaxed, organized but laid-back, accomplished but free-spirited. These opposite traits can work together to create a harmonious life, and having fun is the first step to be completely happy.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
it's all play
Someone asked me once if money was not a concern, what would I do. I replied, an activist. In some ways, the community component of my work is just that. I advocate for my company. As a result of my work, I do understand some of the complexities of city planning and commmunity activism.
In fact, I love what I do and am paid for it. I am grateful, and that attitude is in turn helping me connect with the community.
My work has humbled me as no other life experience has been able to do. In turn, I am much more appreciative of all other components of my life.
More and more, I am trying to make all components of my life play. The more fun I have, the more productive I am. I just signed up to be on the Advisory Council to the President of a local community college. The chair of the committee is a contact through work. It should be another good outlet for my energy. That and being on the garden committee of my HOA. And my singles parties and wine tasting. What's next?!
In fact, I love what I do and am paid for it. I am grateful, and that attitude is in turn helping me connect with the community.
My work has humbled me as no other life experience has been able to do. In turn, I am much more appreciative of all other components of my life.
More and more, I am trying to make all components of my life play. The more fun I have, the more productive I am. I just signed up to be on the Advisory Council to the President of a local community college. The chair of the committee is a contact through work. It should be another good outlet for my energy. That and being on the garden committee of my HOA. And my singles parties and wine tasting. What's next?!
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