Despite a holiday in the middle of the week, it felt like a very long week.
Fortunatley, a friend joined me to climb for a couple of hours tonight. Plus, I ran into my neighbors who were walking with their kid, and they fed me some yummy stew for dinner!
Now that I have released all the stress of the week, I feel amazing. Still, I have been complaining to everyone in my life. So grateful for all the acts of kindness. Hopefully I can remain in this zen state and continue to be a good friend and neighbor.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
rise above
I had my performance review at work today. It didn't go too well. I spent half the time explaining unsuccessfully to my general manager why I struggle with working in this company. Fortunately, I was able to steer the review and got it done. I am glad that I contained my emotions and moved forward.
It's all about being a better person. Take for instance, we interviewed an environmental attorney this morning. He was such an eloquent speaker and intelligent thinker that the rest of the group was able to follow along in a very meaningful discussion. So delightful to be in his presence!
That has always been one of my goals. To be the one who brings up the level of interaction and bring out the best in other people. Sure, it's a lot of work, but over time, it's becoming easier. I am excited about work now because I am finally more passionate about it. This is the balance I am looking for. I already feel completely satisfied by my personal life. Now, my career will have the same return.
It's all about being a better person. Take for instance, we interviewed an environmental attorney this morning. He was such an eloquent speaker and intelligent thinker that the rest of the group was able to follow along in a very meaningful discussion. So delightful to be in his presence!
That has always been one of my goals. To be the one who brings up the level of interaction and bring out the best in other people. Sure, it's a lot of work, but over time, it's becoming easier. I am excited about work now because I am finally more passionate about it. This is the balance I am looking for. I already feel completely satisfied by my personal life. Now, my career will have the same return.
playing with fire
The best part about dating someone truly wonderful was that it built up my defense against guys who can never be more than friends.
Lately, when I talk to guys, I can see right through to their motives. It's easy to spot the users because I spent so many months with the most sincere person I know. After being with a good guy, it's hard to hang with the users. Perhaps I have learned on my own too.
Still, it's nice to have that one person who everyone else has to measure up against. I mean, had.
Lately, when I talk to guys, I can see right through to their motives. It's easy to spot the users because I spent so many months with the most sincere person I know. After being with a good guy, it's hard to hang with the users. Perhaps I have learned on my own too.
Still, it's nice to have that one person who everyone else has to measure up against. I mean, had.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
glad to be single still
Yesterday, a friend confided that he is tired of being single and is ready for someone in his life.
I, too, am ready for someone in my life, but my motivation is completely different. My friend said that he is tired of having to figure out what to do every weekend. I don't think planning for the weekend goes away once a person has a partner.
Having been in great relationships, I do look forward to the next one because relationships always change me dramatically. I crave the process of growing with someone into a new person.
At the same time, I like who I have evolved into as a result of staying single for the last 3 years. I have seeked out many single people and women in relationships in order to have activity buddies. I couldn't have these amazing friendships had it not for being single.
Trade offs.
The one thing that I don't have is the social pressure of having someone. I truly believe that as individuals, partners can never replace our own company. Until a person can accept the possibility of being alone forever, he or she will never be truly satisfied in a relationship. Until we look to ourselves completely for answers, we cannot be the best partner for our significant other.
I, too, am ready for someone in my life, but my motivation is completely different. My friend said that he is tired of having to figure out what to do every weekend. I don't think planning for the weekend goes away once a person has a partner.
Having been in great relationships, I do look forward to the next one because relationships always change me dramatically. I crave the process of growing with someone into a new person.
At the same time, I like who I have evolved into as a result of staying single for the last 3 years. I have seeked out many single people and women in relationships in order to have activity buddies. I couldn't have these amazing friendships had it not for being single.
Trade offs.
The one thing that I don't have is the social pressure of having someone. I truly believe that as individuals, partners can never replace our own company. Until a person can accept the possibility of being alone forever, he or she will never be truly satisfied in a relationship. Until we look to ourselves completely for answers, we cannot be the best partner for our significant other.
Monday, July 03, 2006
electric moment
While in Vegas this past weekend, I was "electrocuted" by a man. My friend and I were walking around Wynn when I caught the eyes of someone laughing with his friends. He looked so happy. All I could do was smile back, and HE smiled back. And my heart skipped a beat in that moment. Too bad we were on our way to the airport. Still, it's moments like those that I know I will never settle.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
good or bad
Sometimes something happens and appears to be a great thing, but upon closer examination, a different set of reasonings can alter the character of an event.
Take for instance, my short weekend trip to Vegas. Had so much fun (some things will have to stay there!) that I completely erased the stress of work.
From the last post, I was getting burnt out. This vacation was just what I needed right? Well, not if the vacation erased the stress that can remind me why I am job hunting...
In the end, there is no good or bad, there is only what my gut tells me. One of the best things about vacations is that I always read more than usual, since I travel by myself quite a bit. For this short trip, I was at the airports for a total of 7 hours. So satisfying to be able to read an entire Sunday LA Times from front page to the calendar section! Not to mention reading half way through a think book.
All the reading does still my mind (not quite able to start meditating yet). In the stillness, I realized that I have been focusing too much on petty things. It's a shame that I have not done much to better myself of late.
The first step to make the world better is to keep learning and keep getting better.
Take for instance, my short weekend trip to Vegas. Had so much fun (some things will have to stay there!) that I completely erased the stress of work.
From the last post, I was getting burnt out. This vacation was just what I needed right? Well, not if the vacation erased the stress that can remind me why I am job hunting...
In the end, there is no good or bad, there is only what my gut tells me. One of the best things about vacations is that I always read more than usual, since I travel by myself quite a bit. For this short trip, I was at the airports for a total of 7 hours. So satisfying to be able to read an entire Sunday LA Times from front page to the calendar section! Not to mention reading half way through a think book.
All the reading does still my mind (not quite able to start meditating yet). In the stillness, I realized that I have been focusing too much on petty things. It's a shame that I have not done much to better myself of late.
The first step to make the world better is to keep learning and keep getting better.
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