fearless

After a fun night w/friends and co-workers, I made sure my girlfriend got in a cab and then decided just to hop on a bus rather than take the train.

Whoa. Talk about the difference between bus and train! I was surrounded by nearly all working-class men on the bus, and it was all right.

After traveling solo for years, confronting a stalker and even carpooling to Tahoe with a stranger, what else is there to fear?

There are tricks. No eye contact. Sit up straight and be quietly confidant. "Don't mess with me" is a universal language that everyone respects.

So, I can handle the solo ride on a bus with lots of strangers who are rough around the edges. There is a lot of life opportunities awaiting me, and fear will not slow me down.

I feel happy tonight because I finally have zero fear. It's the most liberating feeling to know that no matter what happens to me, I can handle it. The biggest fear I had before this point was that I was not going to be as great of human beings as my parents. I am finally getting over it. I'll just be me, even if I am short of my parents' greatness...

Things are still quite uncertain on the men front, but I am no longer afraid. I do wish I wasn't so single at times, but then how would I be trained in handling myself so well in odd situations? Life skills come with experience, and I wouldn't trade my amazing journey for anything.

possessions

Besides my car, the most expensive things I have are my sports equipment.

Just bought ice skates, and it's turning out to be great exercise!

Am in the market for a new snowboard. My current board was purchased from a co-worker. He was much taller, so the board is slightly too long. Still, now that I am comfortable with the sport, it's time for some better gear.

Looking at my storage closet, I plan to invest more time this year on sports. Some equipment to dust off: tennis racket and golf clubs. Plus swimming. My goal is to get to the point of mastery in every sport where I can get up and go. Only by hitting that intermediate/advanced level can a sport be pure fun.

It's ironic because I used to very uncoordinated, but I had friends who were athletic. In order to spend time with them, I started to learn each sport.

It's a metaphor for other aspects of life. You don't know your own limits unless you test it. Now I do believe that anything is possible. I have only scratched the surface of my abilities. I love getting older and getting better!

uncertainty

I freaked out this week b/c there are some uncertainties in my life right now. After talking things through with a few friends, I realized that I wasn't being in the present.

Uncertainty is part of life, yet our lifestyle tend to minimize uncertainties that we don't know what to do when faced with it.

One result of meditation is that I can separate myself from my thoughts, especially the ones that bring anxiety. I am learning to embrace the unknown, and it isn't so bad.

Although I know that uncertainty is healthy, it's still hard for me to accept it fully. Well, here's my chance. It feels scary, but I pride myself on being fearless that I can just let things unfold for a change.

Breath in, breath out...

the right fit

Work is quite exciting right now. Besides a huge lawsuit that I am slowly getting involved in, I possibly might be handling a small matter before the Planning Commission all on my own. That client is coming in to meet me this month.

I never thought I would be so career-oriented, but nothing else is competing against the thrill of the job. To have this great opportunity, to find kindred spirits, to perfect my skill, and to see amazing results.

Actually, all the other hobbies I have been undertaking for years (organizing events, sports, dating, etc.) helped to prepare me for this moment. The irony. I know exactly what I have to do to get to the next level, and I am well on my way.

Now, if dating were this easy. Still, I have the same optimism about settling down with someone. Things are starting to get interesting in that department too, but aren't they always? ;)