the payoff of generosity

Why give? So many of my social activities are about catering to other people, but what's in it for me?

First, every challenge I take on is a new life experience. There is a thrill of doing something new. Giving to others don't always go according to plan because I can't always predict people's reaction. I have thrown so many singles party, but not even one couple resulted. The biggest lesson of all is to have zero expectations and still have a positive experience.

Second, it's great practice for bigger things. Take this week. Besides hosting a dinner at my place for all my co-workers Friday night, I'll be taking five newbies to the slopes on Sunday for their first day of snowboarding ever. Those two events require lots of planning.

The invitiations were important. I want people to join me but also feel free to turn me down. Not everyone from work is coming to dinner, and that will just mean a more intimate dinner. For the Tahoe trip, I also now have the dilemma of having one extra person that doesn't have a ride.

I rented a car, but the driver of the second car bailed. I do know two other cars going, but it's a matter of figuring out how to get that extra girl to ride with strangers.

All the event planning and making things happen has been perfect training for all the other challenges I faced in life. Dating, especially being rejected, is cake compared to some of the mishaps I had to deal with trying to get people together. In dating, it's just one other guy. In event planning, I have had upwards of 60 people to please.

In preparing the five women for their first day, I made sure that everyone started to shop or borrow for gear. All the costs and the itinerary were discussed already with each person. I even sent two girlfriends who didn't know each other to attend a mock snowboarding class together where they practiced on a conveyor-belt like machine to fine tune their balance.

Most importantly, organizing events and planning my packed social life have been the perfect outlet for all the extra time as a single person. I would probably be much more desparate in dating if I usually sit at home and do nothing. I probably would have gone mad if I sat around and pondered about all the unfathomable behaviors that I had to face in dating men. Instead, I've got friends and fun activities waiting for me.

In an ironic way, the giving to my friends substituted the need to have a family right away. I am walking down that path, but taking my sweet time to enjoy each person who has joined me in the journey has been incredible. My travel buddies shape me and help to formulate the person I am meant to be.

I am having fun because it's more about my friends than about me. Learning how to let go of the ego and to be in the moment and enjoy life are the best externalities of making things happen.

Even though I am scaling back in 2008, I know the experiences will be so rewarding. There is much satisfaction in knowing that everything is easy from this point forward.