experience counts

Went ice skating by myself last night to break in the new skates. Lovely. Been to this rink a few times before, so I knew just where to park, how much it cost, what to bring (thick socks, gloves and water) and what the crowd was going to be like. Being in an urbanized area, it was mostly teenagers at 10pm at night.

As I am enjoying myself on the ice, I felt grateful that life has brought me so many experiences. Whether together with people or on my own, I have done enough that I always want to do more.

It wasn't always like this. I used to spend more time thinking about doing things than actual execution.

Same with relationships. I used to try to control the man in my life rather than grow and evolve with that person. After Mr. PA, where I tried so hard to change him and drove him away, I see that I applied the same controls placed on me by others.

I finally learned. Relationships are about letting go completely and enjoy the other person as he is. I am excited but ever more appreciative of all the falls I have along the way. Those past experiences make the present that much sweeter.

fact or fiction

My sister-in-law is expecting my nephew in a couple of months. I am quite excited! They call the kid peanut because that's what he looked like in his first ultrasound picture.

I have been talking to the baby in hopes that he will recognize my voice. It's silly to talk loudly to a pregnant belly, but I am bonding with the bebe. "Greetings from your favorite aunt!"

One of the changes that my sister-in-law endured is her palate. She used to prefer savory food, but ever since her pregnancy, she prefers sweets and fresh fruit. That happens to be what most people in my family prefer. We even joke that the baby is going to be like my older sister, who is fanatic about her fresh fruits.

My mother confirmed that all the foods she craved while pregnant with each of us turned into our favorite foods. Pineapple for me!

So the doctors out there, any validity to my mother's claim? Better yet, all my mommy friends: did your pregnancy cravings turned into your children's favorite foods?

crafts

I spent an hour last night trying to fix a broken string on a bracelet. Didn't have the right type of string (need a sturdy fishing line), so I ended up in the exact same place as when I started - the beads are connected except for one place where it is broken.

Never been much of an arts-and-crafts person. I'll sew a button here and there, but I am just not a crafts person.

I did fix a tear in the back of my over-the-knee boots right after. Success! Plan to wear them for the 80s dancing tonight...

Lately, I have had a lot of "know my limit" experiences (motorcycle class, mini-triathlon, trying to have a serious relationship before I am ready...). They are not meant to be discouraging, more of a note.

Meditation has been wonderful in allowing me to see things as neutral rather than having an emotional response. So, duly noted, I am not great at fixing broken jewelry.

work hard

This is why I love my work...

inquiring minds

p.s. I didn't go to Tahoe Sat. The lack of snow was a blessing in disguise. I did lots of fun things and even renewed an old connection. Life is very, very good.

dear girlfriends...

Hello to my former Dinner-For-the-Ladies friends,

Weren't those monthly dinners back in 2004-2006 fun?

Back when I first became single, organizing those monthly dinners was such a fun outlet. I found the perfect formula. Every last Wednesday of the month, we would all meet at a restuarant that I found (and this was before I discovered yelp!). The budget was about $20 per person, and the location had to be accessible to all of us, some working in SF, some in Peninsula, others in the South Bay.

My repeat this every month, usually sending the evite out the week after the last dinner to continue the tradition.

All this because I read a research that the only indicator of a woman's happiness is her female companionship. We were all amused that the only indicator of a man's happiness is also his female companionship. Does that mean women may need men but aren't necessary happier with them? Well, that's the subject of another post.

Thank you all for the great times! We bonded over great food, sometimes bad service, traffic, men, Sex and the City, laughter and frustration, and all of life's ups and downs. Eventually, some of us settle down.

Anyways, after I discontinued the dinners, we tried to get together a couple of times a year.

So much has happen in the past year, and those of you who stayed in touch know that. Most recently, I got a new job and made some lifestyle adjustments (one of them has a V6!).

That's why I have not responded during this latest group invite for us to consider a get together. I do care, and I am forever grateful for your support during those dinners and gatherings, but I do ask that we catch up electronically and maybe meet up at one the larger social gatherings in 2008.

Thank you for everything, and I look forward to catching up with you (either in cyberspace or in person)!!

With Love and Happy Holidays,
TOE

nice...but

Reporting after the HH meet up. It was good enough for dinner after, but we split the tab.

There was physical attraction but completely different outlooks on life. Yet another very cool guy who will be just a friend. I can appreciate a guy who takes good care of his body, but I am looking for a deeper connection. It's hard to explain, but having had it a couple of times, I'll know it when it happens again.

Going into work tomorrow again. Don't mind because I have to be in downtown for errands and to meet a friend. Plus, will finally catch up with my boss after his long business trip. Time to approach him about that conference in Vail next month!

finding time for everything

Today, I took a couple of hours off during the middle of the afternoon. First, I visited a friend's new antique store nearby work. I have been talking to him about this idea for almost 2 years, since I first met him. It was so amazing to see the beautiful space and to witness a dream realized.

Then, a second friend came by the store, and we went to a new housing development in town. I introduced this friend to my broker, who is also a friend. We looked at some units together, and then they dropped me off before heading to look at more places.

Now I am back at the office, working away. I will have to make up for the time tonight and this weekend, but this is why I love my new job. I still have time for everything I want to do. I am working harder but loving every moment of it. Nothing beats learning from great people and meaningful projects.

Have a HH with a new guy tonight. Maybe friends, maybe more. It takes time to get to know someone, and I am willing to invest the time and take my time until I find the right person to settle down with.

Being an attorney fits because I have always been conscious of the value of time and want to get more out of each .25 increments. Learning how to evolve and to let go of people and habits that no longer fit is second nature now. The goal is to be able to use my time to connect with people and to do good work, and I will strive to make time always.

create your own opportunity

There is a lot of information out there. What particular information one focuses on at any given point creates the necessary opportunities. Although many people see the opportunities, the willingness to risk and take action separates the lucky ones from the ordinary.

It all begins with one's intuition. I had the idea to go snowboarding this upcoming Saturday after talking to one friend who lives in Seattle and another who jetted to Vancouver to board.

That's the start of the process: one must create the opportunity by following one's intuition.

Next, honing our intuition, so that it acts as a critical tool to begin to select the relevant information. Given my desire to snowboard, I check weather, think about the list of action items (tune snowboard - maybe, research Tahoe resorts for lesson rates - will take a lesson to get a jump start on the season, send e-mails to a few friends who might be interested).

Meanwhile, competing events are going on. So they need to be incorporated into the original plan or be dismissed. This is where creativity is very important. Often, people think two events are mutually exclusive, when in fact they can be combined to create a better outcome.

My family might get together for dinner Saturday night, and if I go to Tahoe, that just means that I either get a ride so get dropped off at dinner or drive myself in order to meet them on my own. When things don't go according to plan, know that they are meant to be in order to help direct you to the end result. Too often, people get stuck trying to figure out how to circumvent the unexpected when it should just be embraced to create a better result.

How did you think I manage to learn one new sport a year although quite uncoordinated? I often let my friends lead the way and inspire me to find short cuts to all the trick of the trade!

Like any habit, to create and seize opportunities is not a linear movement but a dynamic process in which you must teach your brain to function at all levels but stills stay disciplined.

Back to the idea to board. The periodic checking of the weather suggests that it might rain/snow Fri or Sat. The snow may not be great, but I definitely need company if I want to split a SUV rental or find someone who has one. The trick is focusing in on the information by having some basic premise. I always want to be safe when I go to Tahoe, and that safety margin changes depending on the weather.

Then, another idea struck while I was considering at Tahoe. My Seattle friend teaches snowboarding there on Saturdays starting last weekend, so I spent 5 minutes investigating last-minute plane tickets to Seattle to see if it's worth just going there.

Yes, that's crazy! Still, how did you think I managed to cram 11 roundtrip flights in 2007 (2 international), all of them personal trip on my own time and dime? It takes a bit of craziness to get more out of life. I happen to know a lot of people who were going places because of good deals, and I traveled during off season (translate being in very cold places) to get even better deals.

I cannot stress the importance of opportunity costs; all these trips happened because other things didn't. I hardly buy anything at retail (sale, online or used instead), and I am typing this on a 7-year-old laptop. I have zero wall hangings and minimal furniture, and I cook more than I eat out. I drive cars that are at least 5 years old, and the most important things in my life are my relationships.

Well, Seattle didn't work out, but it's the start of another idea. Time to check in with my friend on which is the best weekend to visit. See how this works? Also, I need to send some confirming e-mails out and decide by Fri morning what I will do.

The most important part of this exercise isn't about going to Tahoe, but how easy it is for me to go to Tahoe or not to go. By enjoying the process and doing it so frequently in every area of my life, I can live in the moment and not get stressed out or slowed down by the journey. BOTH the journey and the destination are thoroughly satisfying.

Yes, I know you want to find out what happens to the Tahoe trip. That's not the point of this post though. Instead of wondering whether I will be on the slopes, why not take this opportunity to follow through on an idea and go for it?

I'll see you on the slopes then, if not this Sat, then definitely March. Planned Park City 2008 with 5 friends and booked the flight and ski house two weeks ago!!

if we all think like a president

Yesterday, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner was sworn in as the President of Argentina.

Given my current focus on career, I wonder what does a President think about with such enormous responsibilities.

Even the corrupt leaders have to focus on how to make the system work, so imagine what a legitimate world leader have to contemplate on a daily basis.

Me, I am not too ambitious, although being born in Virginia means that I can be the President. Still, I am starting to think more about how to make the world a better place.

It's the little things. I refuse extra bags and extra plastic utensils. I try to pay attention to civic happenings. I vote. Even the return to law is to give myself more preparation for future service opportunities.

Also, I truly believe that thinking about bigger things makes us happier. I don't ever worry about personal things; advances in science and world events are more important!

How are you using your brain cells today?

meditation

After being inspired by Eat, Pray, Love, I decided that it was time to start meditating.

Meditation has been proven scientifically to lower brain activity, and that state of calm has tremendous health benefits. There is so much we don't know about the links between body, mind and spirit.

It wasn't as hard as Elizabeth Gilbert described b/c yoga often talked about focusing on the breath to free the mind. I just sat and focused on my breath and observed my thoughts without reacting to it. Will try to meditate daily.

Still, the initial reaction was that my mind felt more scattered the day after. It was a reminder that I have been so intent to focusing that I lose sight of the need to relax. Ironic!

I do feel a sense of well being lately. I have been listening more to my body and my intuition. Things have become much easier in the last few months.

Next is the focus on how to ground myself and be caring without draining myself (a family trait)! Now I know why I had to stay single the last four years because I still need to learn how to balance giving and taking and being.

Namaste.

the system

A colleague e-mailed me about getting laid off from his job. He was a co-worker at my last work place who decided to take a big risk after just five months at our former company. He left to work for an independently wealthy investor on a Hawaii project. After a month, he is unemployed.

Now he is scrambling to find something else, including consulting for my old company. Rather than making a personal call or take his old boss to lunch, he wrote an e-mail and received a short but firm rejection.

By leaving after a short period, he definitely burned some bridges. The worst part was that he often looked down at the others. I firmly believe that people can detect elitism faster than they can smell fear. If you think you are better, people's guards will be up.

Sometimes it's a curse to be smart and achieve at a young age. It sets up for very high expectations that makes life that much more dissatisfying. I feel lucky because I have very little expectations for life. I still believe that most of my professional and personal accomplishment comes by the way of fate more than anything else. I try hard, but I know to expect nothing.

One lesson in all this - the most important quality to gain in life is humility.

networking

I have been receiving many invites to join many social networks by friends. Just don't want to set up yet another profile and spend time updating it or not update it due to the lack of time.

Professionally, I like where I am and don't see the need to network online.

Personally, b/t my blog, my social gatherings, my calls and e-mails, I keep in touch with all the people that I need to connect with.

It comes down to time. I know for many of my friends, these sites help them keep in touch, so there is value. For me, they may take up precious time that I want to spend doing something else...

yet another friend

Sometimes being intuitive is a curse.

After a second date, I knew that this latest guy and I can only be friends. Told him that tonight. I believe in being honest, and if I see a perfect mate for the other person that is not me, then I lose interest completely. I want this great guy to be completely free to meet the right person for him. It's too bad because there was a connection, and he is impressive.

Even though I want to have a relationship, I am not quite ready to give up my hectic life. When I can meet someone who can relate to or support my four-events-a-day schedule, then I'll be in a relationship.

Until then, there are single parties to plan, weights to lift, and work to do. Went into the office Sat and was productive. I also brought work home tonight. It's all right because I used to have community meetings that go on til 10pm!

Excited because I do believe in what I am doing and am grateful for the opportunity to learn!

show me what you've got

In reading M's blog about the different types of guys, I can't help compare the two that pique my interest of late.

Totally different types of guys. One is who I want to be - smooth, successful, and very focused. The other is who I can relate to - humble, loner and an unconventional life path.

In consulting with the energy lady Maria, I know that one of them will be the one I end up with in 2008. (Do I dare to think beyond next year?)

I have chosen to invest my time with them lately because in both instances, the chemistry is incredible. This has happened once this past year, and Maria cleared that guy out quickly because it wasn't meant to be.

In their own ways, these guys impress me without trying. For now, that is the one trait I look for. Let's see who steps up next. Well, I think I know who's going to be my NYE date...

shifting gears

The one thing I love about driving a stick is that you can adjust the performance of the car more precisely to the conditions of the road.

It's all about paying attention, having fun, shift, and having more fun.

Work is kicking up a notch. It's all about how to be even more productive as a major deadline looms. I never thought I would love work this much, but I really do. There are some bumps b/c some of the deals are complicated, but the learning is exciting.

I am going to be working a few hours this weekend and late one day next week. Don't mind at all because all the fun things this week and next will balance things out. Besides, I am still working about the same hours as the last job even with overtime.

It's like shifting, one actually step on the gas during the gear change, so it's more efficient at a higher speed.

p.s. Started to talk to dealer again about the next car. Stayed tuned...

man of the times

There is being oneself, and there is being oneself that is embraced by others.

In talking to a couple of guy friends lately, being a nice just doesn't seem to win the ladies' hearts any more.

My mother told me that one of the reasons that she picked my father over her many suitors was that most of her friends agreed that he was the nicest guy.

These days, being accomplished seems to be the most desirable trait. A person has to be fit, intelligent, talented, and well-traveled. Whatever happen to just having a good heart?

When has being adventurous a desirable trait? My father is not the most adventurous person, but he was respected due to his dedication to the community. He is very lucky that his personality suited his era.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, women tends to look for men that have what is socially desirable.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I don't usually follow the trend. Let's see if the current candidate will be around long enough for me to see if I need Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Accomplished...

work, play and evolve

As luck would have it, I am currently working on affordable housing projects. It's exciting to do something I truly believe in.

Am filling out a planning application for the project and justifying why this project promotes the various policies of the City's general plan.

I am thoroughly inspired to make this my life's work - increasing housing stock, especially affordable housing. Only by providing everyone with a comfortable home, can we strive toward utopia.

It makes me sad to see people ask for money at freeway junctions. I don't give change then, but I hope that when I have kids or grandkids, we can have less homelessness and better housing stock.

unexpected surprises

Just when I have life all figured out, it throws me a curve ball. I am no longer phased by surprises, but some how people who don't fit neatly into boxes continue to appear in my life. Like-minds attract?

On another note. I spent a few days in San Jose, CA, and the 10th largest city in the U.S. is a force to be reckoned with. Between new high-rise condomiums, a light rail transportation system that is on-time to the minute, and more brain power than anywhere else in the world, SF should be very affraid. City persons like myself might just find another city to live in soon. The most unexpected conclusion is the diversity. Some how San Jose is allowing all types of lifestyle to co-exist more seamlessly.

Appaulse to the City to the South.

go see this

During my trip to NY, I saw the Hirst shark. It was sad that not many people were crowded around this amazing piece. Guess not everyone is a modern art fan.

Then, there is the Eliasson exhibit at SFMOMA going on now through February 24.

Good art makes us feel so much. The amazing pieces energize me and give me a sense of joy.

Happy viewing.