opening my world

Everyone has their favorite activities and topics, and encouraging others to share their passions with me has opened my world. Whether it's sports or culture or career, I have been able to navigate through many worlds. The openness of the people who come through my life has fostered a generous spirit.

I am optimistic because of all my friends give their best selves to me. I am honored and hope that in return, I can share my best self.

Counter to intuition, being very open has only brought the most generous people to my life. It has not invited negative people in. In fact, by insisting on respect, those who are not so nice stand out glaringly.

Similarly, people with fear tend to drop out of my life. Many of the men I dated, for instance, let their fears get in the way and disappear before I can get hurt. I dare people to let go of their pretenses, and those who are afraid to be true will leave. Thus, I remain adventurous because I know only the gentlemen will remain in my life.

So it's another Friday and another weekend of possibilities ahead. Full speed ahead!

my light is not on

There is a concept in dating about whether someone is ready to settle down.

I meet a lot of people who want to have a partner and maybe a family, but they do very little to attract that person.

The metaphor for being ready to settle down is taxi cab lights. Don't you always see people trying to flag down a cab whose "taxi" light is not on? That cab is not available!

Now I know why I am single. Because my light is not on! Between having fun and career, I don't have much time left for a man. Being single by choice is liberating.

Still, I know that for a woman, her ability to attract a man is limited by her fertility. Having witnessed the struggle of single female friends past 35 trying to date, I am aware of the reality down the road.

So I'll be turning my light on, but maybe selectively. Keeping the light off has eliminated a lot of players and just friends types. It's a balance. I am ready to share my life with someone, but the bar been set high by all the good company I keep. I am an eternal optimist. If I am meant to be single for now, then let me enjoy this time just as I have enjoyed every other phase of my life.

we have a new sup!

What an exciting moment in SF history! The newest supervisor, although temporary, is Carmen Chu.

For a fellow Asian American woman who cares about policy, this is huge. Mayor Newsom was under pressure to select an Asian American b/c now-former Supervisor Ed Jew's district was predominantly Asian. Newsom also considered selecting a female because only 2 out of 11 supervisors are women.

As much as I believe in financial stability and having fun, I also believe strongly about making a difference in the world. The fact that Carmen Chu studied policy and worked as a budget analyst could be good for the City. She is someone who already made a difference.

This is a story I'll be watching...

true desires

A girlfriend e-mailed me this morning about taking a motorcycle-riding class. Getting the license has been a goal of mine. Looks like I am one step closer.

Whether it is in my professional or personal life, I have always had opportunities that align with my life goals.

True, I don't have lofty goals like saving human lives or be a billionaire, but I do have unique ideas about my lifestyle.

Besides money and time, the limiting factor is often finding activity partners. Usually, I just go ahead and plan the events and invite others. Lately, the invitations have been coming my way. Besides the motorcycle class, I am attending a number of events this fall thanks to thoughtful friends.

This is also the year that I am taking more trips with people. I haven't gone solo any where in a while. Not a complaint but an observation given that I do know what it's like to spend alone time.

Having fun with people just remind me that if we stay true to ourselves, opportunities will come our way if we choose to exercise them...

the thing I learned from sports

Playing sports is a great metaphor for life.

Besides good sportsmanship and working hard, there are a lot of ups and downs in sports, just like life.

I've struck out a lot lately in love, and I am okay with that. I was psyched about that blast from the past, but it looks like the game got rained out.

Given that I am not the most coordinated person, I usually have to take private lessons or practice lots before getting to an intermediate level in any sport. I envy athelets who have natural talent.

Still, having a steep learning curve in sports helps me see that life is like that. For every at bat, I can strike out, hit a fly that is caught or get tagged out. Now and then, I'll get on base (hehe) but then it has to do with my persistence.

I tend not to have baggage from the past because it's the way life is. I accept full responsibility for moving my life forward and leave some of the outcome to luck too. Life has been too full for me to think anything but positive, and I am grateful that the ups and downs just remind me that I need to keep stepping up the plate.

Here's to lots of wins and the losses that are worth more the wins. Play ball!

hesitation

The best advice I was given was to say yes to opportunities. A wise woman told me that very few people ever look back and regret doing something. Usually, the regret is over not taking an action.

The topic came up in the context of taking trips. How many people regret going some where? The regret is usually not taking the opportunity to travel to a foreign place. Thanks to this woman's advice, I have gone to two foreign countries every year for the last 4 years, and it's easy when I make it a priority.

Same thing with the small things in life. I get invited to events all the time, and I usually go without hesitation if I am free. In the process, I have met some amazing friends and have more than a drawer full of life experiences.

Yes it's a lot of planning, and sometimes it can be tiring. The way I see it, I have the rest of my life to do solitary things and to nap. Why not make those connections while these opportunities are abundant?

girlfriends

I read a study a long time ago that
1. a man's happiness is determined by his female companionship
2. a woman's happiness is determined by her female companionship

Ever since that study, I have been slowly building my female support team, and it has made all the difference.

Through life's ups and downs, my female friends' opinion and support helped me be stronger. The connections I have with my girlfriends have created a web that I fall into time after time. It's like a cradle that support me. Of course, my mother, sister and sister-in-law are part of this support system.

I learned long ago that a woman should never go to her man about her worries. It just complicate things unnecessarily. She always has her female friends.

Sure, I envy people who are one with their partners. That's just not me. I still look for that partner, but that's not looking so likely these days. I don't mind at all, as life has never been better. Being on my own is truly more me at this point. And my girlfriends are there to remind me that it's good to be me.

spirituality

Went for my first energy healing session last night.

Even though Maria, the practitioner, did not touch me at all, I was able to feel the energy at various points of the session. At times it was tension on the head, the shoulder and the stomach. At other times, it was a numbing sensation on the legs. I also felt pressure on my body and on my head as if a weight was on me.

Maria was centering me because ever since my trip to Peru, I was not feeling quite myself. Apparently, spiritual centers such as Macchu Picchu has high energy fields that change people's own energy levels. The trip probably explains my quick annoyance with people of late.

Overall, the session was amazing. I learned so much about myself and have new-found respect for how we develop as human beings. Perhaps this is the "what's next" I knew was bound to happen. Looking forward to studying a new topic and learning more ways to find peace and happiness.

everyone has an idea

Volunteered at my friend's event last night. Fun to do something totally different and see a different world.

It was the world of start-ups.

Some how, by going away to grad school and then working in a non-tech field, I am quite removed from all the moving and shaking in Silicon Valley.

Is it time to try something new? I don't believe in accidents. Everything happens for a reason, so I am absorbing and checking it out.

Just when I think working both days last weekend was no big deal, I am crashing big time today. Now I can admit that I do need down time, even if it's running around having fun.

paradox

Having fun is a major priority in my life. Whether it's dancing, sports, or being with family and friends, having fun is the answer to all of life's questions.

For instance, when I am get pressured from work, I try to have more fun outside of work to create that balance. Rather than get caught up in the bundle of stress, I have fun to untie the knots and to find the answers.

Or, when others' judgment or stress imbue into my life, I have fun to find my center.

The paradox comes in that our culture doesn't teach us to do the opposite in order to find our true selves again. Instead, the linear way of looking at life tends to add more pressure to an already tense situation.

I want to see myself as disciplined but relaxed, organized but laid-back, accomplished but free-spirited. These opposite traits can work together to create a harmonious life, and having fun is the first step to be completely happy.

it's all play

Someone asked me once if money was not a concern, what would I do. I replied, an activist. In some ways, the community component of my work is just that. I advocate for my company. As a result of my work, I do understand some of the complexities of city planning and commmunity activism.

In fact, I love what I do and am paid for it. I am grateful, and that attitude is in turn helping me connect with the community.

My work has humbled me as no other life experience has been able to do. In turn, I am much more appreciative of all other components of my life.

More and more, I am trying to make all components of my life play. The more fun I have, the more productive I am. I just signed up to be on the Advisory Council to the President of a local community college. The chair of the committee is a contact through work. It should be another good outlet for my energy. That and being on the garden committee of my HOA. And my singles parties and wine tasting. What's next?!

living in the now

Challenge for you:
1. to throw away all the excess baggage from the past.
2. to cease the unnecessary worries about the future.
3. to live in the present and to embrace this very moment

Feeling quite happy b/c I have everything I ever need and have achieved all that I ever want. This is who I am meant to be. Life is good.

detour

Whoa. Someone from my past e-mailed me via Friendster. It's a welcoming whoa (as oppose to the contacts that make me grimace). :) Will keep you posted...or not.

On to the latest social observations:

Recently, I met a couple of new groups. Quiet exciting at first b/c I mistakenly thought more is better. Great! I am making more friends!

Then, it occurs to me that (to my horror) I am overly sensitive! I'll admit, that may be a PC way to say that I am an elitist, but you can make that call as you read the rest of this post.

After spending time and talking to people from these two groups, I realized that I can't be around people with negative energy.

Both groups have men and women in their 30s who are desparate to settle down. I was pleased with the attention from the men at first, then I wanted to run away from the pressure. Several people came with this implicit question: could you be the one I settle down with? I can sympathize with the women, but I can't hang out with them b/c I can't appreciate their efforts to find a husband.

I always assumed that one's mate is determined by fate, so why bother asking if someone could be the one. It's difficult to get close to people who spend so much time and energy trying to figure out something that they cannot control. I understand but don't want to be part of the madness.

The other source of negative energy is getting frustrated with some parts of their lives and then taking it out on other people. I certainly can relate to the frustration with life (see every other prior post on this blog), but to act out is not the answer. I believe in taking constructive steps to improve oneself and to minimize bad luck.

I witnessed quite a bit of lashing out and destructive behavior such as excessive drinking recently that I just have to distance myself. This makes me uncomfortable because I want to be accepting but instead can only minimize contact. Guess I am out of the running for sainthood. :P

Am grateful for the experience because these people created a giant mirror for me to see how my negative energy was what drove several good people away earlier in life. Grateful that so many people (yes YOU) stood by me and taught me how to change my ways. Now, it's second nature to always think positively and thus attract and keep the positive people. Hey, maybe that's why there is the blast from the past. Whoa.

make your best life

A clarification on the last post. The environment that fosters good manners is one that gives guidance AND freedom to allow individuals to make the appropriate choices. Overbearing parenting has the same affect as absentee parenting; it encourages inappropriate behavior.

Many children enter adulthood without many responsibilities or have sufficient life experience because their parents have done too much for them. From time management, finances, relationships to health, it's not about teaching the kids everything but teaching how to choose wisely.

Every child is different, so the most difficult task for the parent is to know when to be firm and when to let go.

Although I don't have kids, I feel so passionately about child rearing because I benefited so much from almost-perfect parents. Having enjoyed unconditional acceptance and love my entire life, it still shocks me when I meet adults who are trying to make up for what was lacking in their childhood.

Still, there is self-parenting. No one should blame just the parents, so I apologize for the tone in the last post. It is up to us as adults to cultivate a beautiful life from this point forward, regardless of the past.

new criteria

To make it simpler, I am posting my three current musts, in order of importance:
1. gentlemanly
2. worldly
3. successful (happy w/job)

It's not asking for much, noticed no physical criteria, no financial requirements nor educational standards.

Still, it's sad to think how many guys failed number one of late. I can't help it, but I blame the parents, especially the mothers. It's all in the formidable years; science shows that most behaviors are learned before 8. It's quite easy for most parents, especially mothers, to let their children behave badly.

It's not just on the parents though. I grew up in a very small community where plenty of caring adults - relatives, family friends, and even community elders - helped to guide my sense of right and wrong.

That guidance is still in my life. I have many older female friends (ranging from 40 to mid-60s) who are always there to offer their wisdom. Of course, my mother and close family friends also shape my conduct.

In contrast, most men simply don't have this collective wisdom to encourage gentlemanly behavior. I don't see older guys who treat ladies with respect, so the younger guys can follow suit. There isn't the community of responsible men who can tell men 18-35 that they should behave better, especially in the presence of women.

So, what to do? I think us women need to stop settling. If we see men being crass or being obnoxious, we need to distant ourselves or show our disapproval. For instance, I stopped inviting men who are offensive to my social events. I don't need that lowly kind of humor. In addition, I always speak up when a man is vulgar in my company. It's not acceptable!

There may not be an universal definition of worldly or successful, but one always know whether a man is gentlemanly or not. May you always be in the company of a gentleman!

pretender

Went out of town this past weekend. During the trip, one girlfriend suggested that we couldn't use a more complex word if there was a simpler word. For instance, rather than saying ubiquitous, we had to say everywhere. The result was hilarious; I ended up trying to use big words just for fun.

Then, I was saddened by how this started because my friend felt that men are intimidated by smart women.

During the trip, I happen to be reading the book by Maureen Dowd. Of course, fueled by my feminist urges, I chided my friend for her ludicrous idea.

I pointed out that no man would ever dumb himself down to nab a woman. In fact, the men who hit on us over the weekend all puffed themselves up quite a bit. The double-standard is very real.

My friend said that all this pretending was suppose to be fun, but it was yet another reminder that as a woman, we have to make our own rules or be ruled by what's not real. That's when the real fun starts, when we do simply what pleases us and not based on how to illicit a particular response.

no worries

Was late for a phone conference today due to another meeting right before. Yes, lesson learned, should have asked for the meeting to start later.

To make matters worst, I didn't have the call-in info due to a zealous round of deleting e-mails yesterday.

What can I do? Tried to reach the host's secretary, but she was not at her desk. E-mailed the host and waited for a response. Sure enough, I was able to call in, but late.

Still, at no point did I let fear take over or worry. This calm is just how it is at work now. My company is paying for plenty of talent to worry, so I am there to execute and to manage the process.

This has been the best month of work ever. Maybe this is the place to stay for a while after all...

get happy!

It's been a great week!

Between throwing parties and spending lots of time with family and friends, I realized that work is the least crazy part of my life. Truly appreciate the stability of work.

Now that work has a very competent admin, I can focus on getting my projects done, including a very exciting acquisition deal. It is a lot of work, but I love it. Every day is different, and I still get off in time to have fun.

To be loved by so many and to share all the simple things in life with people I care about. This is more than enough!

Life is perfect right now. Who knew this positive feeling would be so overwhelming?

what I know for sure

Life has always been taken up by having fun. Even work has to be fun (like right now) for me to appreciate it.

Men are always a source of fun, but I just haven't met the guy who can ride out the good times and the bad times with me. I do meet stellar guys, but it just isn't meant to be.

Instead, I count on my family, my friends, my routines and my sense of self.

I feel special to be single and completely happy. Don't see any reason to change the status quo any more. So this is what it means to get old; I am so comfortable in my life that the idea of a relationship no longer holds much appeal.

Cool but also twisted indeed.

just like that

Went to open salsa session with a friend. Happy to report that I finally got over my fear of dancing.

Who knew? All the pressure is on the guy. Just like in dating. Haha. Instead of wondering what I should be doing and worry about not being able to follow, I just let the guy do all the work.

Yes, I was very uncomfortable in letting the guy do the thinking and acting, but I am starting to like it. Last night was so fun. I kept up. Just have to do my part and smile.

Everyone was right; I would love salsa. My friend and I are planning to take up tango next. Excited that I found a new dancing partner...