Went to Berkeley w/a community member who is more of a friend. She treated me to chocolates at Alegio and lunch at Chez Panisse. It was for my b-day, since I picked up the tab for her b-day a couple of months ago. It's been amazing to have all these mentors and older friends over the years who showed me that being successful starts with a frame a mind.
The Gourmet Ghetto is no longer ghetto. It's pretty, and upscale!
The one surprise to this lovely lunch was how the food was great but not as wow as I remembered it. Okay, so it's the Cafe and not the actual restaurant. Still, living in SF has upped my expectations of everything.
It was the perfect break to a busy work week, and now I am ready to head off to celebrate my b-day!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
read this book
Went to my second book reading in a week. Good thing I don't have rules about events.
Actually bought the book at the signing. Fun to have a book signed out to me!
Glad that I have Monday's experience to compare. This is a first-time writer and a fiction book. Also an Asian American story.
Talked to the author Min Jin Lee after about how I don't have much of an Asian American experience b/c I was raised overseas by progressive parents. My parents accomplished so much that I don't have to live out their dreams. I wish I can live their reality!
That's why I want to buy the book. Maybe now I'll finally understand some of my friends better.
It was marvelous to be inspired by someone who is so passionate about fiction. I never read fiction, but now I am going to start. Love it when someone gets me to try something new...
Actually bought the book at the signing. Fun to have a book signed out to me!
Glad that I have Monday's experience to compare. This is a first-time writer and a fiction book. Also an Asian American story.
Talked to the author Min Jin Lee after about how I don't have much of an Asian American experience b/c I was raised overseas by progressive parents. My parents accomplished so much that I don't have to live out their dreams. I wish I can live their reality!
That's why I want to buy the book. Maybe now I'll finally understand some of my friends better.
It was marvelous to be inspired by someone who is so passionate about fiction. I never read fiction, but now I am going to start. Love it when someone gets me to try something new...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
hobby
Went to my favorite store today. Crossroads is a chain of thrift stores all over the country. They buy and sell current fashion, and the key is that they are quite selective about the items that they buy back.
Shopping at Crossroads is part of how I change my style. And more importantly, how I afford my lifestyle.
Rather than just shop at the stores as a retail experience, it is thrift shopping. There is a certain element of serendipidy. One also accept the likelihood of not finding anything, or worst, finding something almost right but for size, color, or defect (tear/stain/etc.).
To make it even more worth while, I usually sell something back and use the credit to buy something. The key is to get rid of things that don't quite work before they are completely outdated.
The buyback can be embarassing, as the buyer rejects item after item. I love it though; if they reject it, I shouldn't have it in my closet anyways. Today, I happen to have a few barely-worn items. Given that I hardly shop these days, even at Crossroads, I have had quite a few trips where they took nothing back...
No one can do this to make a living. Crossroads pays 35% cash value of sales prices and 50% in trade. Which translates to $3-$10. I always trade and even take a credit to use another time. In fact, I learned about Crossroads b/c a friend w/designer taste would go there to get a little something for her 3-to-4-digit purchases. In comparison, I rarely buy clothing for over $50...
After the buyback, if at all, I shop. There are quite a few rules. I only look for one or two types of clothing at once. For instance, today was all about trendy tops, for work and for play. Tops are grouped by colors, and I usually look through 3-4 colors at the most. The limitation helps me stay focused. I don't think the human mind can process too much information at once, so rather than trying to buy outfits, I look for pieces. Somewhat like finding that last missing piece of a puzzle.
I don't particularly love shopping. Supposedly women are gatherers and love the variety of shopping (it's suppose to simulate our food-gathering skills). I find shopping quiet inefficient and treat it as a need, like buying groceries. Shopping is merely finding costume for my life; my true passion is living in the moment.
Back to the rules. I usually have an intuitive sense of what I am looking for, and every article of clothing gets 2 seconds. If it doesn't impress me, it is passed over.
If something catches my eye and doesn't look too big, then I look for the tag. It helps to know that most tags are on the left-hand side seam, except certain brands like Benetton is on the right shoulder seam. Few woman's brands still have it on the back of the neck, but less so these days.
The tag tells the fabric. 100% cotton is a pass. Lycra content makes it less likely to wrinkle and help to maintain the shape. The blended content is also how I only iron once a month.
Dry-clean only doesn't matter. I use Dryel, and most of the stuff can be hand-washed. The warning is just the manufacturer's way of making sure you don't ruin the stuff.
Most of the shopping is done on the floor. I can eliminate 99% of the rack right there at the rack. I don't even have to look at the tags to reject based on style and size on about 70% of the inventory.
Try on is next. This is even more intuitive. Well, sometimes comical. I have had so many things that I could not even zip up or pull down; it's a relief that I am the only one in the dressing room.
Today was rare; I actually found four tops for every occasion. Even a "we're a couple" top! Well, I'll get into dressing for dating another day. Total cost? I actually bought something designer so had to spend money. It wasn't bad. Four tops for under $37 given the credit.
The best part? The entire time spent in the store was 32 minutes, counting the buyback. I think it took me longer to post this entry...
Shopping at Crossroads is part of how I change my style. And more importantly, how I afford my lifestyle.
Rather than just shop at the stores as a retail experience, it is thrift shopping. There is a certain element of serendipidy. One also accept the likelihood of not finding anything, or worst, finding something almost right but for size, color, or defect (tear/stain/etc.).
To make it even more worth while, I usually sell something back and use the credit to buy something. The key is to get rid of things that don't quite work before they are completely outdated.
The buyback can be embarassing, as the buyer rejects item after item. I love it though; if they reject it, I shouldn't have it in my closet anyways. Today, I happen to have a few barely-worn items. Given that I hardly shop these days, even at Crossroads, I have had quite a few trips where they took nothing back...
No one can do this to make a living. Crossroads pays 35% cash value of sales prices and 50% in trade. Which translates to $3-$10. I always trade and even take a credit to use another time. In fact, I learned about Crossroads b/c a friend w/designer taste would go there to get a little something for her 3-to-4-digit purchases. In comparison, I rarely buy clothing for over $50...
After the buyback, if at all, I shop. There are quite a few rules. I only look for one or two types of clothing at once. For instance, today was all about trendy tops, for work and for play. Tops are grouped by colors, and I usually look through 3-4 colors at the most. The limitation helps me stay focused. I don't think the human mind can process too much information at once, so rather than trying to buy outfits, I look for pieces. Somewhat like finding that last missing piece of a puzzle.
I don't particularly love shopping. Supposedly women are gatherers and love the variety of shopping (it's suppose to simulate our food-gathering skills). I find shopping quiet inefficient and treat it as a need, like buying groceries. Shopping is merely finding costume for my life; my true passion is living in the moment.
Back to the rules. I usually have an intuitive sense of what I am looking for, and every article of clothing gets 2 seconds. If it doesn't impress me, it is passed over.
If something catches my eye and doesn't look too big, then I look for the tag. It helps to know that most tags are on the left-hand side seam, except certain brands like Benetton is on the right shoulder seam. Few woman's brands still have it on the back of the neck, but less so these days.
The tag tells the fabric. 100% cotton is a pass. Lycra content makes it less likely to wrinkle and help to maintain the shape. The blended content is also how I only iron once a month.
Dry-clean only doesn't matter. I use Dryel, and most of the stuff can be hand-washed. The warning is just the manufacturer's way of making sure you don't ruin the stuff.
Most of the shopping is done on the floor. I can eliminate 99% of the rack right there at the rack. I don't even have to look at the tags to reject based on style and size on about 70% of the inventory.
Try on is next. This is even more intuitive. Well, sometimes comical. I have had so many things that I could not even zip up or pull down; it's a relief that I am the only one in the dressing room.
Today was rare; I actually found four tops for every occasion. Even a "we're a couple" top! Well, I'll get into dressing for dating another day. Total cost? I actually bought something designer so had to spend money. It wasn't bad. Four tops for under $37 given the credit.
The best part? The entire time spent in the store was 32 minutes, counting the buyback. I think it took me longer to post this entry...
social inequity
Was at Crushpad's happening open house Saturday. It's this wine-making facility in San Francisco. They buy grapes directly from vineyards for customers to create custom blends.
Yes, a brilliant idea: bringing wine making to the amature.
Our group that enjoys monthly wine tasting together considered for one minute on a potential vino joint venture, but then the idea of being stuck with 300 bottles that we all had to agree on...didn't fly.
Random thought: something not right about a place where you can plunk down $4K+ for a barrel of wine, hop on the light rail, and stop at 3 public housing projects en route...
Welcome to SF!
Yes, a brilliant idea: bringing wine making to the amature.
Our group that enjoys monthly wine tasting together considered for one minute on a potential vino joint venture, but then the idea of being stuck with 300 bottles that we all had to agree on...didn't fly.
Random thought: something not right about a place where you can plunk down $4K+ for a barrel of wine, hop on the light rail, and stop at 3 public housing projects en route...
Welcome to SF!
Monday, June 18, 2007
heroine
A friend invited me to a book signing, and I heard one of my heroes speak: Jackie Speier.
Here is a woman who was wounded by gun shots during a political investigation at age 28. Survived that and went on to be a pioneer in California politics. She then got married, had a child, lost an adoptive child (the birth mother wanted the child back), got pregnant, lost her husband in a car accident (by an uninsured motorist) while pregnant, and raised two children on her own, met a new husband, and continued to grow her career all this time.
I asked if she and her co-author could comment on how women of my generation have to chose either career or family while theirs seem to have it all. JackieSpeier said that she didn't get marry until 37, and Michealene Cristini Risley said the same thing, she waited to have kids.
Reading these women's professional bios was awe-inspiring, but meeting them and hearing the personal stories made me proud. Felt the kindred spirit w/these independent women who did what they needed to survive and shine as bright stars.
The best part was that my friend who invited me to this event had heard them speak before, and she thought of me and invited me tonight. T is in her 60s. I am touched by how others continue to lift my spirits despite the uncertainties in career and men.
Here is a woman who was wounded by gun shots during a political investigation at age 28. Survived that and went on to be a pioneer in California politics. She then got married, had a child, lost an adoptive child (the birth mother wanted the child back), got pregnant, lost her husband in a car accident (by an uninsured motorist) while pregnant, and raised two children on her own, met a new husband, and continued to grow her career all this time.
I asked if she and her co-author could comment on how women of my generation have to chose either career or family while theirs seem to have it all. JackieSpeier said that she didn't get marry until 37, and Michealene Cristini Risley said the same thing, she waited to have kids.
Reading these women's professional bios was awe-inspiring, but meeting them and hearing the personal stories made me proud. Felt the kindred spirit w/these independent women who did what they needed to survive and shine as bright stars.
The best part was that my friend who invited me to this event had heard them speak before, and she thought of me and invited me tonight. T is in her 60s. I am touched by how others continue to lift my spirits despite the uncertainties in career and men.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
hard core
Went climbing today. It's been a while. Still, glad that I can just take it up when a friend wants to go.
Saw a female climber who had a serious knee injury that she hobbled around with crutches. Looked like she had knee surgery.
She was climbing regardless! She used her two hands and one leg, climbing 10As! That's what I climb w/all my limbs!
Wow, it's good to see someone who loves something so much that she is willing to participate despite her injury.
Saw a female climber who had a serious knee injury that she hobbled around with crutches. Looked like she had knee surgery.
She was climbing regardless! She used her two hands and one leg, climbing 10As! That's what I climb w/all my limbs!
Wow, it's good to see someone who loves something so much that she is willing to participate despite her injury.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
eye opening
Went to Oakland to hang out with my friend A Friday night. She is African-American. Met her at a happy hour through a friend and just love her positive energy.
We sat by the window during dinner and checked out the other patrons and the people on the street. At one point, we noticed a very beautiful black woman. She joined another couple in the table next to us. We were curious as who was her date, since there was a fourth setting.
What was it about her? It was her stylish hair, her bohemian-yet-glamours outfit, and her confidence. She was HOT and elegant.
A few minutes later, another cute woman walked by. We concluded that she must be from the South. She was dressed for church, complete with dress pumps... It turned out that she was the fourth in the dinner party.
A was not surprised. She concluded that if she is set on finding a black man, she is going to have to move out of the Bay Area. Apparently, there are not enough black men who are college educated or above relative to black women in the same social-economic class.
This is the first time in my life that I entered the black community outside of work. I am glad A and I have become good friends; I am starting to see the world through her eyes. It is a very different world. The Bay Area black woman is like the South Bay Asian man, doesn't have enough available candidates in her own ethnicity.
Well, the night ended well. We went to a club across the street and chilled. When the music turned to salsa, A and I got up to twirl ourselves around. A couple of black guys asked us to dance. It was refreshing to dance with a gentleman who led with patience. Why does it not surprise me that this young man grew up in a foreign country?! I rarely meet an American man (of any ethnicity) who impresses me. :P
I didn't give him my number though. Not quite ready to give up my preference of dating Asian men.
Still, one couple figured it out. A and I asked an Asian brother to take a photo of us, and he was with a hot black woman...
We sat by the window during dinner and checked out the other patrons and the people on the street. At one point, we noticed a very beautiful black woman. She joined another couple in the table next to us. We were curious as who was her date, since there was a fourth setting.
What was it about her? It was her stylish hair, her bohemian-yet-glamours outfit, and her confidence. She was HOT and elegant.
A few minutes later, another cute woman walked by. We concluded that she must be from the South. She was dressed for church, complete with dress pumps... It turned out that she was the fourth in the dinner party.
A was not surprised. She concluded that if she is set on finding a black man, she is going to have to move out of the Bay Area. Apparently, there are not enough black men who are college educated or above relative to black women in the same social-economic class.
This is the first time in my life that I entered the black community outside of work. I am glad A and I have become good friends; I am starting to see the world through her eyes. It is a very different world. The Bay Area black woman is like the South Bay Asian man, doesn't have enough available candidates in her own ethnicity.
Well, the night ended well. We went to a club across the street and chilled. When the music turned to salsa, A and I got up to twirl ourselves around. A couple of black guys asked us to dance. It was refreshing to dance with a gentleman who led with patience. Why does it not surprise me that this young man grew up in a foreign country?! I rarely meet an American man (of any ethnicity) who impresses me. :P
I didn't give him my number though. Not quite ready to give up my preference of dating Asian men.
Still, one couple figured it out. A and I asked an Asian brother to take a photo of us, and he was with a hot black woman...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
do no wrong
At times, it's fun to impress others with our wit and accomplishments, but who can you really count on?
Over the weekend, E and I talked about how if we truly care about someone, that person can do no wrong.
Last night, E and I were planning to meet up for a drink, and he canceled. No big deal, since we just saw each other Sunday. In fact, it's nice to know that he is in the inner circle...
Over the weekend, E and I talked about how if we truly care about someone, that person can do no wrong.
Last night, E and I were planning to meet up for a drink, and he canceled. No big deal, since we just saw each other Sunday. In fact, it's nice to know that he is in the inner circle...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
playing
My girlfriend J told me recently that she's just looking to fall in love. Wow. I don't even think about that any more.
For me, having fallen in love enough times, I don't know if I need that any more.
My timeline is unconventional. While most of my single female friends (even the ones much older than me) are looking for their hubbies, I just ask for the one person that I can feel happy around.
Well, I have that already, so even if it's not mutual, I don't have to look any more.
So that's it in the dating department. It's time to just play with everything else. Time to explore other areas of my life...
For me, having fallen in love enough times, I don't know if I need that any more.
My timeline is unconventional. While most of my single female friends (even the ones much older than me) are looking for their hubbies, I just ask for the one person that I can feel happy around.
Well, I have that already, so even if it's not mutual, I don't have to look any more.
So that's it in the dating department. It's time to just play with everything else. Time to explore other areas of my life...
Monday, June 11, 2007
embrace the unknown
In a world where everything is plotted out like a printed map, my life is a series of adventures.
Rather than finding meaning in a linear life, where one feels compelled to make a certain amount of money or to get married by a certain age, I offer a more vibrant alternative to live.
The majority of my choices in life were based on instinct. I just know I have to do it. It's more efficient for me to go with my gut than the sit around, twittle my thumb, and wonder/worry until the window of opportunity closes.
It gets harder to let go of expectations as people age. Still, think back to being a child. A kid doesn't think too much about consequences or how he or she should act. They just know who to hang out with (usually good people who are patient with them) and what to do next.
I want to be more child-like now more than ever because all around, everyone is so serious and sometimes jaded. I have enough people telling me that I am making mistakes that I don't even think negatively any more.
It's all very amusing to me that life does get easier, if you allow it to be easy. I have never feel better, and it's all because I choose to embrace the unknown. Guess this is what is meant by letting go!
Rather than finding meaning in a linear life, where one feels compelled to make a certain amount of money or to get married by a certain age, I offer a more vibrant alternative to live.
The majority of my choices in life were based on instinct. I just know I have to do it. It's more efficient for me to go with my gut than the sit around, twittle my thumb, and wonder/worry until the window of opportunity closes.
It gets harder to let go of expectations as people age. Still, think back to being a child. A kid doesn't think too much about consequences or how he or she should act. They just know who to hang out with (usually good people who are patient with them) and what to do next.
I want to be more child-like now more than ever because all around, everyone is so serious and sometimes jaded. I have enough people telling me that I am making mistakes that I don't even think negatively any more.
It's all very amusing to me that life does get easier, if you allow it to be easy. I have never feel better, and it's all because I choose to embrace the unknown. Guess this is what is meant by letting go!
set me up!
Ready to get back out to the dating scene. Right, I never left.
Am ready to be set up though. So go through all your contact list and find me... a SF slacker who is respected!
Decided that while I am in my uber-ambitious mode right now, I just don't have time to deal with another driven, selfish man.
Bring me the beta male (as oppose to the alpha male). Still, I cannot be bored with a simple man, so maybe he gets respect through his humor or pecs or abs.
This is going to be an interesting summer!
Am ready to be set up though. So go through all your contact list and find me... a SF slacker who is respected!
Decided that while I am in my uber-ambitious mode right now, I just don't have time to deal with another driven, selfish man.
Bring me the beta male (as oppose to the alpha male). Still, I cannot be bored with a simple man, so maybe he gets respect through his humor or pecs or abs.
This is going to be an interesting summer!
Saturday, June 09, 2007
the secret to success
This has been a good week of connections.
A friend from SoCal came up for a retreat with her sister, and I met her for coffee for a couple of hours Thursday night. She didn't have the best time at the retreat, so she was especially appreciative of my company. I was the one who was grateful for her company! She is a professor (one year away from tenure!) at a Cal State university. We met while she was aphD and myself a masters student.
The two hours together wasn't long, but it made me happier than usual at the speed dating event.
Then, going down to San Jose was a way to see my brother and sister-in-law who are consumed by their new home for the moment. I'm so proud of them, always figuring out how to finance and execute all their dreams.
Quite a few friends came out for drinks with me Fri night, so it was good to chill.
My girlfriend D hosted the party, and the gender ratio was terrible. At least D had a good time with all the attention. It as 7 to 25... At one point, C's SO went to get me a drink, and immediately, two guys swooped in. I was able to clue the one next to me that she's taken as they both turned on the charm. C and I had to excuse ourselves to go find her guy.
I wasn't in the mood to chit chat, so a couple of girlfriends and I headed to another club to dance instead. It was a blast. Got to cherish these moments of dancing w/girlfriends!
This morning, on my way home, I had breakfast with a City girl married to a South Bay guy. It was wonderful to catch up. We got into business ideas. Yes, this year (my b-day is around the corner, so my years start in June) is more focus on making money. Selling my car was a good start. What's next?!
A friend from SoCal came up for a retreat with her sister, and I met her for coffee for a couple of hours Thursday night. She didn't have the best time at the retreat, so she was especially appreciative of my company. I was the one who was grateful for her company! She is a professor (one year away from tenure!) at a Cal State university. We met while she was aphD and myself a masters student.
The two hours together wasn't long, but it made me happier than usual at the speed dating event.
Then, going down to San Jose was a way to see my brother and sister-in-law who are consumed by their new home for the moment. I'm so proud of them, always figuring out how to finance and execute all their dreams.
Quite a few friends came out for drinks with me Fri night, so it was good to chill.
My girlfriend D hosted the party, and the gender ratio was terrible. At least D had a good time with all the attention. It as 7 to 25... At one point, C's SO went to get me a drink, and immediately, two guys swooped in. I was able to clue the one next to me that she's taken as they both turned on the charm. C and I had to excuse ourselves to go find her guy.
I wasn't in the mood to chit chat, so a couple of girlfriends and I headed to another club to dance instead. It was a blast. Got to cherish these moments of dancing w/girlfriends!
This morning, on my way home, I had breakfast with a City girl married to a South Bay guy. It was wonderful to catch up. We got into business ideas. Yes, this year (my b-day is around the corner, so my years start in June) is more focus on making money. Selling my car was a good start. What's next?!
Thursday, June 07, 2007
reporting back
Just got back from the speed dating event. Wow, the people are so young. Okay, so my friend's friend, the organizer, was desparate. Yikes, what a way to make a living. Despite her efforts, about 3 guys had to sit out in each round as it is.
Still, better odds for most of these guys! Several were from the South Bay, and a lot were so straight-laced. One guy was kind of a jerk, but probably b/c he was too buzzed.
Overall, good event, since it was very diverse, both ethnicity and geography. Good practice, but no connection for me. Just one guy stood out, but he lives in Sunnyvale and is young, maybe 5 years younger.
It's just another experience. I don't spend all that much time judging experiences. Just have to get up and go.
Side note. My mind is stuck on someone in my past. We started to e-mail again, but I am not going to do anything. Dating has been easier of late b/c the guy makes the first move. Learning from salsa that it's easier to respond to signals. For now, focusing on studying...
Still, better odds for most of these guys! Several were from the South Bay, and a lot were so straight-laced. One guy was kind of a jerk, but probably b/c he was too buzzed.
Overall, good event, since it was very diverse, both ethnicity and geography. Good practice, but no connection for me. Just one guy stood out, but he lives in Sunnyvale and is young, maybe 5 years younger.
It's just another experience. I don't spend all that much time judging experiences. Just have to get up and go.
Side note. My mind is stuck on someone in my past. We started to e-mail again, but I am not going to do anything. Dating has been easier of late b/c the guy makes the first move. Learning from salsa that it's easier to respond to signals. For now, focusing on studying...
go w/it
A friend just called about an hour ago, asking if I am willing to go to a speed dating event to even up the gender ratio.
I am actually a bit too old for the party tonight, but that's b/t you and me.
Good thing I have done this before. Got my list of questions. I usually ask people to pick a number between 1-7 and have a pre-printed list of questions. It's a lot more interesting than where are you from, where did you go to school, zzzz...
I always have a surprise question. One that is the funny one. Tonight's question is what makes a woman hot. Let's hope most people pick that one.
I'll report back later. Should be a good night, since they are making the ratio more even. BTW, this is also a mixed race event.
I am actually a bit too old for the party tonight, but that's b/t you and me.
Good thing I have done this before. Got my list of questions. I usually ask people to pick a number between 1-7 and have a pre-printed list of questions. It's a lot more interesting than where are you from, where did you go to school, zzzz...
I always have a surprise question. One that is the funny one. Tonight's question is what makes a woman hot. Let's hope most people pick that one.
I'll report back later. Should be a good night, since they are making the ratio more even. BTW, this is also a mixed race event.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
rules are meant to be...
...tested.
Sometimes rules are necessary for safety and order, and I am good at following. At times, I follow the rules so well that I can then bend the rules.
The few struggles that I have in life are due to attempts to create my own set of rules. The light bulb went on today: I am truly happy because I figure out for myself which rules to follow and which ones to bend.
Rules of dating are easy to bend because it's more about getting to the core of who people are rather than societal rules about men and women (in the hetero dating world). The reason why I can date players and the needy people for a while because I know how to engage at their level.
Career is tougher because the rules are more linear. Still, by making unconventional choices, I have gotten so much out of my professional paths. I am grateful for the challenges, but ultimately I want a job that reflects the core of who I am.
I am proud of my life. The present balance is an accurate reflection of my true self. Even this pride is a careful balance between egotism and humility.
My life's mission is the prefect balance of opposites. My ability to move easily between two extremes allows me to freely express any mood at any given moment. The executive, the admin. The serious adult, the gleeful child. The foreigner, the American. The philosopher, the athlete.
Having twice as many roles means that I have to make time for more life experiences. Making time is the number one priority right now. Having fun is equally important because that's how my subconscious mind can appear and recharge my physical and intellectual selves.
Enough esoteric musings. Off to salsa class and then gym...
Sometimes rules are necessary for safety and order, and I am good at following. At times, I follow the rules so well that I can then bend the rules.
The few struggles that I have in life are due to attempts to create my own set of rules. The light bulb went on today: I am truly happy because I figure out for myself which rules to follow and which ones to bend.
Rules of dating are easy to bend because it's more about getting to the core of who people are rather than societal rules about men and women (in the hetero dating world). The reason why I can date players and the needy people for a while because I know how to engage at their level.
Career is tougher because the rules are more linear. Still, by making unconventional choices, I have gotten so much out of my professional paths. I am grateful for the challenges, but ultimately I want a job that reflects the core of who I am.
I am proud of my life. The present balance is an accurate reflection of my true self. Even this pride is a careful balance between egotism and humility.
My life's mission is the prefect balance of opposites. My ability to move easily between two extremes allows me to freely express any mood at any given moment. The executive, the admin. The serious adult, the gleeful child. The foreigner, the American. The philosopher, the athlete.
Having twice as many roles means that I have to make time for more life experiences. Making time is the number one priority right now. Having fun is equally important because that's how my subconscious mind can appear and recharge my physical and intellectual selves.
Enough esoteric musings. Off to salsa class and then gym...
Monday, June 04, 2007
looking back...
In my effort to leave the current job, I completely lost sight of enjoying the current work experience.
On my daily commute, I pass a large public housing project, and I was reminded of when I was a volunteer attorney for a few residents there.
It was odd to walk into these subsidized housing that were never meant to be permanent. Besides the dilapidated physical environment, the residents face constant problems with neighbors and the public housing authority. My role was to ensure that some of these residents didn't end up on the streets while dealing with landlord-tenant issues.
My work is so different now, but the commitment to be the best hasn't changed. I am reminded of having and serving my purpose.
I am grateful that my life is so magical. If my only issue is not finding a soulmate, then I am indeed lucky.
Monday. Back to work. Should be a quick week. Will be studying like mad for the next 3 weeks.
On my daily commute, I pass a large public housing project, and I was reminded of when I was a volunteer attorney for a few residents there.
It was odd to walk into these subsidized housing that were never meant to be permanent. Besides the dilapidated physical environment, the residents face constant problems with neighbors and the public housing authority. My role was to ensure that some of these residents didn't end up on the streets while dealing with landlord-tenant issues.
My work is so different now, but the commitment to be the best hasn't changed. I am reminded of having and serving my purpose.
I am grateful that my life is so magical. If my only issue is not finding a soulmate, then I am indeed lucky.
Monday. Back to work. Should be a quick week. Will be studying like mad for the next 3 weeks.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
cancelation
Never thought I would have this day, but I went with my gut and canceled two planned events.
One was a lunch with a group of six girlfriends, and the other was a dinner party at a friend's place.
Both were out of the the City, and some weekends, I just want to stay in SF.
Once again, I am changing. Like how some things are constant, other things change. It does take more understanding from the people in my life. Ironic b/c most of my friends have gone through their major life changes and are settling down while I am still on the upward climb.
Right now, it's the steepest part fo the hill, and I am embracing the ascend.
One was a lunch with a group of six girlfriends, and the other was a dinner party at a friend's place.
Both were out of the the City, and some weekends, I just want to stay in SF.
Once again, I am changing. Like how some things are constant, other things change. It does take more understanding from the people in my life. Ironic b/c most of my friends have gone through their major life changes and are settling down while I am still on the upward climb.
Right now, it's the steepest part fo the hill, and I am embracing the ascend.
Friday, June 01, 2007
stereotypes
I have a few female friends who are beyond child-bearing years, and hanging out with them is always interesting.
One thing is that they care more about the guy's financial status, where as I care about a man's potential as a father. Also, men never know what to do with these very together women who don't want kids.
It's different. Just as I am changing as I grow older, I care less about a man's lifestyle than what this person will teach me and my kids.
One reason my ex and I broke up was that we couldn't imagine raising kids with one another. That's why he and I parted on good terms, and he now has a family of his own.
It's all fate, but I am looking for that man to start a family with. At the same time, I trust that my gut will guide me to the right person. Fortunately, all but two people made the cut in the past three years. Well, those two are unavailable, so I am keeping my eyes out. Just enjoy and let things unfold!
One thing is that they care more about the guy's financial status, where as I care about a man's potential as a father. Also, men never know what to do with these very together women who don't want kids.
It's different. Just as I am changing as I grow older, I care less about a man's lifestyle than what this person will teach me and my kids.
One reason my ex and I broke up was that we couldn't imagine raising kids with one another. That's why he and I parted on good terms, and he now has a family of his own.
It's all fate, but I am looking for that man to start a family with. At the same time, I trust that my gut will guide me to the right person. Fortunately, all but two people made the cut in the past three years. Well, those two are unavailable, so I am keeping my eyes out. Just enjoy and let things unfold!
accepting my fate
Reporting back after Thursday night out: SF party scene is not happening Thursday nights!
Actually, it's about knowing where to go and understanding the crowd. Now that I know where to go Sat nights, it's time to do the same for Thursdays.
On to the today's topic. Every time I try to approach a guy romantically, disaster happens. The thought is to do nothing and wait for a manly man to do something...NOT.
I just have to follow my gut. It's ironic. Because I believe in fate I can be completely uninhibited. Last night, when M and I were tearing it up at Fluid, I sensed that some people wished that they could be just as free. They can, they just have to know that there is very little consequence to following one's gut.
So I am going to follow my gut w/all the guys...until they make me annoyed or mad. Grrrr! :P
All right, back to my happy self again...
Actually, it's about knowing where to go and understanding the crowd. Now that I know where to go Sat nights, it's time to do the same for Thursdays.
On to the today's topic. Every time I try to approach a guy romantically, disaster happens. The thought is to do nothing and wait for a manly man to do something...NOT.
I just have to follow my gut. It's ironic. Because I believe in fate I can be completely uninhibited. Last night, when M and I were tearing it up at Fluid, I sensed that some people wished that they could be just as free. They can, they just have to know that there is very little consequence to following one's gut.
So I am going to follow my gut w/all the guys...until they make me annoyed or mad. Grrrr! :P
All right, back to my happy self again...
Thursday, May 31, 2007
what I seek
Party weekend. Going out tonight, Fri and Sat night.
Board member aka Uncle asked if I can cancel my plans tomorrow night to go to a dinner w/Willie Brown. Uncle promised that I'll learn from Willie Brown. No thanks. I know he is one of the most powerful people, but I am out to celebrate with my friend at this fundraiser.
Going to put some effort to talk to guys. This year is all about changing myself. The dating has been so fun, and I don't see any end to that. Still, time to mix it up. Will try to talk to 2 guys at each event. Never know!
Board member aka Uncle asked if I can cancel my plans tomorrow night to go to a dinner w/Willie Brown. Uncle promised that I'll learn from Willie Brown. No thanks. I know he is one of the most powerful people, but I am out to celebrate with my friend at this fundraiser.
Going to put some effort to talk to guys. This year is all about changing myself. The dating has been so fun, and I don't see any end to that. Still, time to mix it up. Will try to talk to 2 guys at each event. Never know!
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