Was trying to go out dancing and even found 4 parties to go to tonight.
Of course, all 4 women I invited couldn't go for some reason.
Ended up at a fundraiser
function at a bar to meet up a friend. Wow, this is the pickup scene
huh? I don't mind being nice and talking, but the judgment gets old. Don't need people to tell me who I am.
Still, it's good to do something different. I probably don't want to date these men (those buttons looked uncomfortably tight), but it's good practice.
This is going to be the experiment year. Date people I normally would not come in contact with and do something different just to try it out. Can I change dramatically once again?!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
attack
I am so used to people attacking my choices in life because I don't always pick the most popular or the most logical choice.
I got upset during a meeting with a co-worker because my creative idea about how to move my projects forward elicited some personal attacks. I am glad that it wasn't rejected because there is merrit. Still, it's hard to work with people who are so controling that any change is viewed as threat and not embraced for its potential value.
Oh well.
Now I am truly grateful for having picked this job because it showed how no matter how great the projects, if the culture isn't right, I cannot be truly happy with my work.
Am beginning to see how everything fits together. I am having these moments of detachment where it all goes my way without giving away much.
Good to see how intuition is still my number one wild card.
I wasn't going to bring up my recent discussion with a local community activist in house, but the casual mention of it created a commotion. I am so glad that I went with my gut this afternoon.
No matter what happens at work, I have won so many battles in my personal life that nothing can shake me to the core any more. It's like being a good enough snowboarder finally that I don't have to look at the trail maps any more. Just head down the mountain and know that I'll manage to get back to the lift.
I got upset during a meeting with a co-worker because my creative idea about how to move my projects forward elicited some personal attacks. I am glad that it wasn't rejected because there is merrit. Still, it's hard to work with people who are so controling that any change is viewed as threat and not embraced for its potential value.
Oh well.
Now I am truly grateful for having picked this job because it showed how no matter how great the projects, if the culture isn't right, I cannot be truly happy with my work.
Am beginning to see how everything fits together. I am having these moments of detachment where it all goes my way without giving away much.
Good to see how intuition is still my number one wild card.
I wasn't going to bring up my recent discussion with a local community activist in house, but the casual mention of it created a commotion. I am so glad that I went with my gut this afternoon.
No matter what happens at work, I have won so many battles in my personal life that nothing can shake me to the core any more. It's like being a good enough snowboarder finally that I don't have to look at the trail maps any more. Just head down the mountain and know that I'll manage to get back to the lift.
not a yes woman
Recommended to the board to not seek back rent but rather just move forward with the land exchange deal and end the sporadic encroachment problem.
My recommendations were not even acknowledged.
Same thing with my attempt to bring in a new hire who would be able to help the company. No response at all despite support from other senior managers.
Note to self to keep applying for jobs.
It's a dark moment, but I am moving on. Maybe this is what it's like to work for people who lack leadership. Most of the people here can only follow and dare not think about the best solutions.
At the same time, I am calm about everything because I've got two back-to-back trips planned. Life is gooood.
My recommendations were not even acknowledged.
Same thing with my attempt to bring in a new hire who would be able to help the company. No response at all despite support from other senior managers.
Note to self to keep applying for jobs.
It's a dark moment, but I am moving on. Maybe this is what it's like to work for people who lack leadership. Most of the people here can only follow and dare not think about the best solutions.
At the same time, I am calm about everything because I've got two back-to-back trips planned. Life is gooood.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
oh my head hurts
Been given a new assignment at work, and it's just so silly. Our company the landlord never signed a contract with the tenant. The tenant pays rent every month. Now board member claims that the tenant owes rent for using land outside of the agreed upon area.
There is NO lease! What can I get then? The tenant has since scaled back, so there is no evidence of encroachment any more.
Cool problem. Shame on my company though for being sloppy landlords. Cannot believe how this company throws away money like that and then turn around and not offer simple things like a vision plan. seesh.
There is NO lease! What can I get then? The tenant has since scaled back, so there is no evidence of encroachment any more.
Cool problem. Shame on my company though for being sloppy landlords. Cannot believe how this company throws away money like that and then turn around and not offer simple things like a vision plan. seesh.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
in that instant
The two people who I am crazily in love with are my parents. Yes, it's a bit odd, but I always feel better when I am around them.
Picked them up from the airport in the middle of the day. Even though I had to rush back to work, it was an instant mood booster.
Every time I see them after a long absence, I feel like a happy little kid, except I am 31 now, so a happy 31-year-old. The unconditional love and attention feel marvelous, and I am so grateful that they are in my life.
I just hope I can duplicate this love affair with my own kids. I have had the unconditional acceptance my whole life, and it's the biggest ingredient of what makes me me.
Picked them up from the airport in the middle of the day. Even though I had to rush back to work, it was an instant mood booster.
Every time I see them after a long absence, I feel like a happy little kid, except I am 31 now, so a happy 31-year-old. The unconditional love and attention feel marvelous, and I am so grateful that they are in my life.
I just hope I can duplicate this love affair with my own kids. I have had the unconditional acceptance my whole life, and it's the biggest ingredient of what makes me me.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
working women
Called my friend A after a 12-hour day. Monthly community meeting tonight. Turns out that she was still at work at 930pm.
As a reward, she is having coffee with her platonic friend/admirer at 11. Too bad she is not interested b/c I'm sure he is. A, you playah!
A and I talked about the state of those of us women who are independent and hard-working. We are not interested in 99% of the men we come across. Then 99% of that 1% we appreciate is married. That means...
...partly why so many of us are single. Hate to generalize, but I do know many, many more stellar single women than stellar single men.
I just have to gripe. I blame it on the mothers. If the mother has her own issues, then the result tend to be an unhealthy relationship with the son. Those of us who date the sons who don't respect women enough know the symptoms: the men are either needy or selfish.
Thank goodness for single girlfriends. Now that I have a harem of female friends, I can better handle this crazy life of a single working woman. Yes, still looking for my man, but only if he is worthy to meet all the chicas...
As a reward, she is having coffee with her platonic friend/admirer at 11. Too bad she is not interested b/c I'm sure he is. A, you playah!
A and I talked about the state of those of us women who are independent and hard-working. We are not interested in 99% of the men we come across. Then 99% of that 1% we appreciate is married. That means...
...partly why so many of us are single. Hate to generalize, but I do know many, many more stellar single women than stellar single men.
I just have to gripe. I blame it on the mothers. If the mother has her own issues, then the result tend to be an unhealthy relationship with the son. Those of us who date the sons who don't respect women enough know the symptoms: the men are either needy or selfish.
Thank goodness for single girlfriends. Now that I have a harem of female friends, I can better handle this crazy life of a single working woman. Yes, still looking for my man, but only if he is worthy to meet all the chicas...
read between the lines
From: General Manager
Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2007 3:31 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: Re: Please call xxxxx
xxxxx,
It is not up to you to make announcements or pronouncements or redirect consultants, I am still the General Manager! While I concur that xxxxx is taking the lead on the RFP process, that process is a relatively narrow area of the settlement with xxxxx and I cannot agree with you on your assessment of original direction since I take my lead from the Chairman. So you will take direction from me on these issues and further I will be involved in all aspects of this effort.
Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2007 3:31 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: Re: Please call xxxxx
xxxxx,
It is not up to you to make announcements or pronouncements or redirect consultants, I am still the General Manager! While I concur that xxxxx is taking the lead on the RFP process, that process is a relatively narrow area of the settlement with xxxxx and I cannot agree with you on your assessment of original direction since I take my lead from the Chairman. So you will take direction from me on these issues and further I will be involved in all aspects of this effort.
be the man
One thing that I don't do any more is ask the guy out. After this last guy, I am spoiled. He always call, pick me up, and take me out. It was fun to meet someone who lives in the City for a change. I appreciate the experience, especially his good company.
More than ever, I am ready to settle down. Just have to wait for the right man. PJ said that I set my standards too high, but there is a reason that they call it settling. I am asking for a lot, but I have dated enough to know that it's not unrealistic.
The rest of my life goes on. Work is so intense right now it's crazy, but I am ready to ask for another raise and stepping up the networking. Like anything else, no point in complaining. Just have to get the work done. Happy right now because life is so harmonious and balanced.
More than ever, I am ready to settle down. Just have to wait for the right man. PJ said that I set my standards too high, but there is a reason that they call it settling. I am asking for a lot, but I have dated enough to know that it's not unrealistic.
The rest of my life goes on. Work is so intense right now it's crazy, but I am ready to ask for another raise and stepping up the networking. Like anything else, no point in complaining. Just have to get the work done. Happy right now because life is so harmonious and balanced.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
dare
Rather than trying to go to Tahoe all by myself, I decided to do something daring and find a random person to go with on craigslist. I was open to gender and age.
There was an ad m4w looking for someone to carpool last weekend. I replied in part because that the person posted in the strictly platonic section. With a good feeling about the ad, I replied and sent in my picture.
After a few short e-mails, the guy and I agreed to meet at a Safeway parking lot near my place and take a day trip to Tahoe. Up until the in-person meeting, I didn't know what the person looked like.
Everything worked out, and I had a blast. Got to the blacks and found a kindred spirit. Even made it back Saturday night in time to join my future sister-in-law for her bachelorette party where we danced until wee hours.
The most interesting thing about the experience was everyone else's reaction. There was a lot of worrying and even some self-defense advice Friday. One friend even told that it was the stupidest thing I have ever done.
Yes, there were reasons to be alarmed, but I felt that I did what I could to hedge my risks. Day-trip snowboarders and skiiers have to be dedicated enough to make those trips. Plus, my e-mail exchanges with the person reassured me.
I truly believe in fate, and if it's in my cards to get hurt, then so be it. I have never had a failure because everything is meant to be. Still, I will never do this again because snow sports is to be shared with loved ones.
It was a strange weekend because for the first time, I found a reason to have kids. I want to share my world with my next in kin and to raise kids to express my values.
Don't know if it'll ever happen, but I dare to find out.
There was an ad m4w looking for someone to carpool last weekend. I replied in part because that the person posted in the strictly platonic section. With a good feeling about the ad, I replied and sent in my picture.
After a few short e-mails, the guy and I agreed to meet at a Safeway parking lot near my place and take a day trip to Tahoe. Up until the in-person meeting, I didn't know what the person looked like.
Everything worked out, and I had a blast. Got to the blacks and found a kindred spirit. Even made it back Saturday night in time to join my future sister-in-law for her bachelorette party where we danced until wee hours.
The most interesting thing about the experience was everyone else's reaction. There was a lot of worrying and even some self-defense advice Friday. One friend even told that it was the stupidest thing I have ever done.
Yes, there were reasons to be alarmed, but I felt that I did what I could to hedge my risks. Day-trip snowboarders and skiiers have to be dedicated enough to make those trips. Plus, my e-mail exchanges with the person reassured me.
I truly believe in fate, and if it's in my cards to get hurt, then so be it. I have never had a failure because everything is meant to be. Still, I will never do this again because snow sports is to be shared with loved ones.
It was a strange weekend because for the first time, I found a reason to have kids. I want to share my world with my next in kin and to raise kids to express my values.
Don't know if it'll ever happen, but I dare to find out.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
familiar territory
Once again, I have the welcoming dilemma of deciding whether to hit Tahoe by myself.
The determination to hit the slopes is due to an upcoming snowboarding trip to Denver. Need some polishing up to join some advance skiiers. Plus, I've got extra discount tickets from 3 weekends ago.
The last time I took a snowboarding trip to Tahoe by myself, I mastered the blacks. Time to get that feeling back, with or without board buddies.
Life is good. There is nothing like this knowing feeling of getting to where I need to go, alone or in good company.
The determination to hit the slopes is due to an upcoming snowboarding trip to Denver. Need some polishing up to join some advance skiiers. Plus, I've got extra discount tickets from 3 weekends ago.
The last time I took a snowboarding trip to Tahoe by myself, I mastered the blacks. Time to get that feeling back, with or without board buddies.
Life is good. There is nothing like this knowing feeling of getting to where I need to go, alone or in good company.
the art of dating
It's no wonder that the men are intimidated. My friend A confided that she can't seem to meet anyone who is good enough. Financially independent, stylish, and the best female boarder and the best climber that I know. And, she can party.
Yet despite being perfect, she still has to play by the dating rules. Maybe that's why I like dating. It helps to have all these qualifications, but unlike a job, the role of the woman is still to make men desire her.
Some people just need to be impressed to commit, especially women. From my experience though, in order to really know someone, you still have to create that magic where the other person cannot get enough of you.
I am not advocating playing dumb or not to be oneself, but it's key to create enough opportunities for the guy to reveal his true self. I find it amazing that most of us don't even realize that we have several selves and rarely reveal our true selves.
Only by getting a glimpse of a person's core self can you know that the relationship is going to work.
Back to A. We concluded that she just need to focus on creating those opportunities. In the mean time, it's trying to keep track of this crazy girl who just came back from Whistler and is off to climb in Spain next month...
Yet despite being perfect, she still has to play by the dating rules. Maybe that's why I like dating. It helps to have all these qualifications, but unlike a job, the role of the woman is still to make men desire her.
Some people just need to be impressed to commit, especially women. From my experience though, in order to really know someone, you still have to create that magic where the other person cannot get enough of you.
I am not advocating playing dumb or not to be oneself, but it's key to create enough opportunities for the guy to reveal his true self. I find it amazing that most of us don't even realize that we have several selves and rarely reveal our true selves.
Only by getting a glimpse of a person's core self can you know that the relationship is going to work.
Back to A. We concluded that she just need to focus on creating those opportunities. In the mean time, it's trying to keep track of this crazy girl who just came back from Whistler and is off to climb in Spain next month...
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
courage
Have been quite happy lately because I am able to express myself and act on my intuition almost 100% of the time.
Slowly, I am learning to remove a lot of the fears that can hold me back and sap my precious energy.
Instead, life is about feeding the body, mind and soul all the good things that make me better.
It takes courage though. I have to say no to people who aren't meant to be in my life, no to people who anger me, and no to injustice.
Mostly, it takes courage to be selfish now and then. I am quite selfish, but I can also be quite generous. Happiness is striking the balance between taking and giving. I feel more and more on top of the world because I am striking that perfect balance each day in my professional AND personal life.
Sometimes fate lets me know it's time to scale back. Was suppose to have a dinner party tonight, and two people cancled and a third never got back to me. Guess I'll have to cook for one and finally list that ad on CL to sell the car. When I get the time to do things for myself, I take advantage. Do you?
Slowly, I am learning to remove a lot of the fears that can hold me back and sap my precious energy.
Instead, life is about feeding the body, mind and soul all the good things that make me better.
It takes courage though. I have to say no to people who aren't meant to be in my life, no to people who anger me, and no to injustice.
Mostly, it takes courage to be selfish now and then. I am quite selfish, but I can also be quite generous. Happiness is striking the balance between taking and giving. I feel more and more on top of the world because I am striking that perfect balance each day in my professional AND personal life.
Sometimes fate lets me know it's time to scale back. Was suppose to have a dinner party tonight, and two people cancled and a third never got back to me. Guess I'll have to cook for one and finally list that ad on CL to sell the car. When I get the time to do things for myself, I take advantage. Do you?
Monday, March 05, 2007
the field that you land on
In the parking lot at work, there is a walkway with flower beds on both sides. On the west side, the flowers thrive b/c they are in direct sunlight. On the east side, the plants don't bloom b/c they are in the shade. The parked cars block their sunlight.
Looking at the flowers, I am reminded of what a hairdresser told me once: A woman's life is like a seed; her happiness is dependent on the conditions of the land the seed is scattered on.
Amazing how I don't have to live by traditional gender roles. I no longer derive my happiness from anyone else but myself.
True, like the flowers, there are lots of things outside my control that affect my destiny. Who knew tearing up the dance floor Sat night was going to trigger an old knee injury? Still, I have all the resources to fix myself and make it back to the slopes.
It's all up to me now. This seed is going places.
Looking at the flowers, I am reminded of what a hairdresser told me once: A woman's life is like a seed; her happiness is dependent on the conditions of the land the seed is scattered on.
Amazing how I don't have to live by traditional gender roles. I no longer derive my happiness from anyone else but myself.
True, like the flowers, there are lots of things outside my control that affect my destiny. Who knew tearing up the dance floor Sat night was going to trigger an old knee injury? Still, I have all the resources to fix myself and make it back to the slopes.
It's all up to me now. This seed is going places.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
arriving at the next level
It was a weekend full of love and attention by all my friends. Was a bit bummed about the dissing earlier in the week, but I now realize that moving on w/o getting hurt is the best kind of dating.
Totally amazed at how my friendships, men and female, are better than ever.
Yes, there are still so much to do and accomplish, but I am completely happy about most things.
Life feels harmonious despite an injured knee (again!). I now know eactly what to do and how to be in balance all the time. It's all within. There is no longer any doubts or any search for the answers. I just have to trust myself, and I naturally do the right thing, always.
Totally amazed at how my friendships, men and female, are better than ever.
Yes, there are still so much to do and accomplish, but I am completely happy about most things.
Life feels harmonious despite an injured knee (again!). I now know eactly what to do and how to be in balance all the time. It's all within. There is no longer any doubts or any search for the answers. I just have to trust myself, and I naturally do the right thing, always.
Friday, March 02, 2007
what are you worth
Just interviewed a female attorney who bills at $665 an hour. She is worth every penny too. I know I shouldn't be impressed by things like that, but it's so cool.
The best part is knowing that by switching careers, I am able to work on projects that hire attorneys who bill at that level. Excited.
The best part is knowing that by switching careers, I am able to work on projects that hire attorneys who bill at that level. Excited.
wimp
Why do some men cut things off completely just when the conversation is getting interesting?
I met enough men where they stop calling competely to know it's the code for "I am just not that into you." Still, I just wish they can send an e-mail if not the courtesy phone call to make it official.
I always give the courtesy of an ending speech, since it's nothing personal. Just don't feel the connection any more.
Oh well, back to dating again. Who will be the next Mr. Right (Now)?
I met enough men where they stop calling competely to know it's the code for "I am just not that into you." Still, I just wish they can send an e-mail if not the courtesy phone call to make it official.
I always give the courtesy of an ending speech, since it's nothing personal. Just don't feel the connection any more.
Oh well, back to dating again. Who will be the next Mr. Right (Now)?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
protect my singlehood
Talked to two friends yesterday about dating and making time to date. Have we become a culture that is so fixated on work and ourselves that we no longer make time to find that special someone?
At the same time, I do think it's all fated, so why fall prey to all the pressures to find someone? What if I am meant to be single forever and just live this decadent lifestyle for the rest of my life?
Given that most of the world has little appreciation for being single, an important habit to maintain my choice to be single is to avoid situations where being single is deemed negative. My friend went to Hawaii for a wedding stag, and she said that everything was good until the end, when everyone started to dance with their dates. That's why I don't go to friends' weddings stag any more or just skip out before the dancing starts.
Company parties, go with a female friend or carpool with a female co-worker and leave early.
Movies, go on a busy night right before lights go out and sit between two couples. There is always a single choice seat (that's a perk of a being single!)
Parties, throw one, so people will bring themselves to you.
Family functions, focus on the conversations on the other person.
Seek out other singles. I love being single because of the myriad of people I have connected with. Two nights ago, I went to a panel on being an artist in San Francisco and gave one of the panelists a ride home. She and I had a lively discussion about how I can help the art scene in the City. That conversation would have been so limited if either one of us had someone else with us.
Most importantly, cultivate your own hobbies. Nothing more admirable than someone who can keep his or own own company well.
Yes, it'll be welcoming when I am settled down with that special someone again, but given that being single might be a dimishing luxury, I want to enjoy it fully!
At the same time, I do think it's all fated, so why fall prey to all the pressures to find someone? What if I am meant to be single forever and just live this decadent lifestyle for the rest of my life?
Given that most of the world has little appreciation for being single, an important habit to maintain my choice to be single is to avoid situations where being single is deemed negative. My friend went to Hawaii for a wedding stag, and she said that everything was good until the end, when everyone started to dance with their dates. That's why I don't go to friends' weddings stag any more or just skip out before the dancing starts.
Company parties, go with a female friend or carpool with a female co-worker and leave early.
Movies, go on a busy night right before lights go out and sit between two couples. There is always a single choice seat (that's a perk of a being single!)
Parties, throw one, so people will bring themselves to you.
Family functions, focus on the conversations on the other person.
Seek out other singles. I love being single because of the myriad of people I have connected with. Two nights ago, I went to a panel on being an artist in San Francisco and gave one of the panelists a ride home. She and I had a lively discussion about how I can help the art scene in the City. That conversation would have been so limited if either one of us had someone else with us.
Most importantly, cultivate your own hobbies. Nothing more admirable than someone who can keep his or own own company well.
Yes, it'll be welcoming when I am settled down with that special someone again, but given that being single might be a dimishing luxury, I want to enjoy it fully!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
the driver calls the shot
Tonight, I turned down a casaul dinner party at a friend's house to go on a date. I told my friend that it was due to fatigue from the long drive, and it was true. What I didn't explain was that her intensity isn't always something that I can entertain.
Even though I have so many friends, not all of them fit the different sides of me. Very few people see my dark side, but that side can surface, especially when I am tired.
Last night, driving in the blizzard in an unsuccessful attempt to get to Reno from our vacation home, I definitely hit that dark moment. The stress of having to navigate with almost-zero visiability wasn't painful; I was overwhelmed by being responsible for my four passengers. I always want everyone to have a good time, and just the possibility of getting hurt or killed in a snow storm was not part of the plan.
I then realized for the first time that the friends closest to me are the ones to whom I can reliquish control. They are so capable that I don't mind their advice or to follow their lead. At the same time, these people know how to let me take control most of the time b/c that's how I want to showcase my talents and that's how I care for someone.
Hum, makes me wonder...How a guy takes control isn't nearly as important as why I can give up control so easily? I am not sure yet, but these dates may just explain it finally...
Even though I have so many friends, not all of them fit the different sides of me. Very few people see my dark side, but that side can surface, especially when I am tired.
Last night, driving in the blizzard in an unsuccessful attempt to get to Reno from our vacation home, I definitely hit that dark moment. The stress of having to navigate with almost-zero visiability wasn't painful; I was overwhelmed by being responsible for my four passengers. I always want everyone to have a good time, and just the possibility of getting hurt or killed in a snow storm was not part of the plan.
I then realized for the first time that the friends closest to me are the ones to whom I can reliquish control. They are so capable that I don't mind their advice or to follow their lead. At the same time, these people know how to let me take control most of the time b/c that's how I want to showcase my talents and that's how I care for someone.
Hum, makes me wonder...How a guy takes control isn't nearly as important as why I can give up control so easily? I am not sure yet, but these dates may just explain it finally...
Thursday, February 22, 2007
my new career
Today I lunched with the project manager for one of the premier residential building in San Francisco.
And she's in her early 30s.
It's great to connect about our love for San Francisco and things like City Car Share and LEED.
Psyched on this new path I am taking about my work. If I am going to make it as a real estate developer, it's time to think bigger. Think of what I want to do, and think about how to get there.
Still the same old me, but feeling better about all the obsticles I am going to get through to get farther. Looking back, those three careers in the past have taken me this far, and it's time to get to that next level!
And she's in her early 30s.
It's great to connect about our love for San Francisco and things like City Car Share and LEED.
Psyched on this new path I am taking about my work. If I am going to make it as a real estate developer, it's time to think bigger. Think of what I want to do, and think about how to get there.
Still the same old me, but feeling better about all the obsticles I am going to get through to get farther. Looking back, those three careers in the past have taken me this far, and it's time to get to that next level!
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