Once again, I have the welcoming dilemma of deciding whether to hit Tahoe by myself.
The determination to hit the slopes is due to an upcoming snowboarding trip to Denver. Need some polishing up to join some advance skiiers. Plus, I've got extra discount tickets from 3 weekends ago.
The last time I took a snowboarding trip to Tahoe by myself, I mastered the blacks. Time to get that feeling back, with or without board buddies.
Life is good. There is nothing like this knowing feeling of getting to where I need to go, alone or in good company.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
the art of dating
It's no wonder that the men are intimidated. My friend A confided that she can't seem to meet anyone who is good enough. Financially independent, stylish, and the best female boarder and the best climber that I know. And, she can party.
Yet despite being perfect, she still has to play by the dating rules. Maybe that's why I like dating. It helps to have all these qualifications, but unlike a job, the role of the woman is still to make men desire her.
Some people just need to be impressed to commit, especially women. From my experience though, in order to really know someone, you still have to create that magic where the other person cannot get enough of you.
I am not advocating playing dumb or not to be oneself, but it's key to create enough opportunities for the guy to reveal his true self. I find it amazing that most of us don't even realize that we have several selves and rarely reveal our true selves.
Only by getting a glimpse of a person's core self can you know that the relationship is going to work.
Back to A. We concluded that she just need to focus on creating those opportunities. In the mean time, it's trying to keep track of this crazy girl who just came back from Whistler and is off to climb in Spain next month...
Yet despite being perfect, she still has to play by the dating rules. Maybe that's why I like dating. It helps to have all these qualifications, but unlike a job, the role of the woman is still to make men desire her.
Some people just need to be impressed to commit, especially women. From my experience though, in order to really know someone, you still have to create that magic where the other person cannot get enough of you.
I am not advocating playing dumb or not to be oneself, but it's key to create enough opportunities for the guy to reveal his true self. I find it amazing that most of us don't even realize that we have several selves and rarely reveal our true selves.
Only by getting a glimpse of a person's core self can you know that the relationship is going to work.
Back to A. We concluded that she just need to focus on creating those opportunities. In the mean time, it's trying to keep track of this crazy girl who just came back from Whistler and is off to climb in Spain next month...
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
courage
Have been quite happy lately because I am able to express myself and act on my intuition almost 100% of the time.
Slowly, I am learning to remove a lot of the fears that can hold me back and sap my precious energy.
Instead, life is about feeding the body, mind and soul all the good things that make me better.
It takes courage though. I have to say no to people who aren't meant to be in my life, no to people who anger me, and no to injustice.
Mostly, it takes courage to be selfish now and then. I am quite selfish, but I can also be quite generous. Happiness is striking the balance between taking and giving. I feel more and more on top of the world because I am striking that perfect balance each day in my professional AND personal life.
Sometimes fate lets me know it's time to scale back. Was suppose to have a dinner party tonight, and two people cancled and a third never got back to me. Guess I'll have to cook for one and finally list that ad on CL to sell the car. When I get the time to do things for myself, I take advantage. Do you?
Slowly, I am learning to remove a lot of the fears that can hold me back and sap my precious energy.
Instead, life is about feeding the body, mind and soul all the good things that make me better.
It takes courage though. I have to say no to people who aren't meant to be in my life, no to people who anger me, and no to injustice.
Mostly, it takes courage to be selfish now and then. I am quite selfish, but I can also be quite generous. Happiness is striking the balance between taking and giving. I feel more and more on top of the world because I am striking that perfect balance each day in my professional AND personal life.
Sometimes fate lets me know it's time to scale back. Was suppose to have a dinner party tonight, and two people cancled and a third never got back to me. Guess I'll have to cook for one and finally list that ad on CL to sell the car. When I get the time to do things for myself, I take advantage. Do you?
Monday, March 05, 2007
the field that you land on
In the parking lot at work, there is a walkway with flower beds on both sides. On the west side, the flowers thrive b/c they are in direct sunlight. On the east side, the plants don't bloom b/c they are in the shade. The parked cars block their sunlight.
Looking at the flowers, I am reminded of what a hairdresser told me once: A woman's life is like a seed; her happiness is dependent on the conditions of the land the seed is scattered on.
Amazing how I don't have to live by traditional gender roles. I no longer derive my happiness from anyone else but myself.
True, like the flowers, there are lots of things outside my control that affect my destiny. Who knew tearing up the dance floor Sat night was going to trigger an old knee injury? Still, I have all the resources to fix myself and make it back to the slopes.
It's all up to me now. This seed is going places.
Looking at the flowers, I am reminded of what a hairdresser told me once: A woman's life is like a seed; her happiness is dependent on the conditions of the land the seed is scattered on.
Amazing how I don't have to live by traditional gender roles. I no longer derive my happiness from anyone else but myself.
True, like the flowers, there are lots of things outside my control that affect my destiny. Who knew tearing up the dance floor Sat night was going to trigger an old knee injury? Still, I have all the resources to fix myself and make it back to the slopes.
It's all up to me now. This seed is going places.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
arriving at the next level
It was a weekend full of love and attention by all my friends. Was a bit bummed about the dissing earlier in the week, but I now realize that moving on w/o getting hurt is the best kind of dating.
Totally amazed at how my friendships, men and female, are better than ever.
Yes, there are still so much to do and accomplish, but I am completely happy about most things.
Life feels harmonious despite an injured knee (again!). I now know eactly what to do and how to be in balance all the time. It's all within. There is no longer any doubts or any search for the answers. I just have to trust myself, and I naturally do the right thing, always.
Totally amazed at how my friendships, men and female, are better than ever.
Yes, there are still so much to do and accomplish, but I am completely happy about most things.
Life feels harmonious despite an injured knee (again!). I now know eactly what to do and how to be in balance all the time. It's all within. There is no longer any doubts or any search for the answers. I just have to trust myself, and I naturally do the right thing, always.
Friday, March 02, 2007
what are you worth
Just interviewed a female attorney who bills at $665 an hour. She is worth every penny too. I know I shouldn't be impressed by things like that, but it's so cool.
The best part is knowing that by switching careers, I am able to work on projects that hire attorneys who bill at that level. Excited.
The best part is knowing that by switching careers, I am able to work on projects that hire attorneys who bill at that level. Excited.
wimp
Why do some men cut things off completely just when the conversation is getting interesting?
I met enough men where they stop calling competely to know it's the code for "I am just not that into you." Still, I just wish they can send an e-mail if not the courtesy phone call to make it official.
I always give the courtesy of an ending speech, since it's nothing personal. Just don't feel the connection any more.
Oh well, back to dating again. Who will be the next Mr. Right (Now)?
I met enough men where they stop calling competely to know it's the code for "I am just not that into you." Still, I just wish they can send an e-mail if not the courtesy phone call to make it official.
I always give the courtesy of an ending speech, since it's nothing personal. Just don't feel the connection any more.
Oh well, back to dating again. Who will be the next Mr. Right (Now)?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
protect my singlehood
Talked to two friends yesterday about dating and making time to date. Have we become a culture that is so fixated on work and ourselves that we no longer make time to find that special someone?
At the same time, I do think it's all fated, so why fall prey to all the pressures to find someone? What if I am meant to be single forever and just live this decadent lifestyle for the rest of my life?
Given that most of the world has little appreciation for being single, an important habit to maintain my choice to be single is to avoid situations where being single is deemed negative. My friend went to Hawaii for a wedding stag, and she said that everything was good until the end, when everyone started to dance with their dates. That's why I don't go to friends' weddings stag any more or just skip out before the dancing starts.
Company parties, go with a female friend or carpool with a female co-worker and leave early.
Movies, go on a busy night right before lights go out and sit between two couples. There is always a single choice seat (that's a perk of a being single!)
Parties, throw one, so people will bring themselves to you.
Family functions, focus on the conversations on the other person.
Seek out other singles. I love being single because of the myriad of people I have connected with. Two nights ago, I went to a panel on being an artist in San Francisco and gave one of the panelists a ride home. She and I had a lively discussion about how I can help the art scene in the City. That conversation would have been so limited if either one of us had someone else with us.
Most importantly, cultivate your own hobbies. Nothing more admirable than someone who can keep his or own own company well.
Yes, it'll be welcoming when I am settled down with that special someone again, but given that being single might be a dimishing luxury, I want to enjoy it fully!
At the same time, I do think it's all fated, so why fall prey to all the pressures to find someone? What if I am meant to be single forever and just live this decadent lifestyle for the rest of my life?
Given that most of the world has little appreciation for being single, an important habit to maintain my choice to be single is to avoid situations where being single is deemed negative. My friend went to Hawaii for a wedding stag, and she said that everything was good until the end, when everyone started to dance with their dates. That's why I don't go to friends' weddings stag any more or just skip out before the dancing starts.
Company parties, go with a female friend or carpool with a female co-worker and leave early.
Movies, go on a busy night right before lights go out and sit between two couples. There is always a single choice seat (that's a perk of a being single!)
Parties, throw one, so people will bring themselves to you.
Family functions, focus on the conversations on the other person.
Seek out other singles. I love being single because of the myriad of people I have connected with. Two nights ago, I went to a panel on being an artist in San Francisco and gave one of the panelists a ride home. She and I had a lively discussion about how I can help the art scene in the City. That conversation would have been so limited if either one of us had someone else with us.
Most importantly, cultivate your own hobbies. Nothing more admirable than someone who can keep his or own own company well.
Yes, it'll be welcoming when I am settled down with that special someone again, but given that being single might be a dimishing luxury, I want to enjoy it fully!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
the driver calls the shot
Tonight, I turned down a casaul dinner party at a friend's house to go on a date. I told my friend that it was due to fatigue from the long drive, and it was true. What I didn't explain was that her intensity isn't always something that I can entertain.
Even though I have so many friends, not all of them fit the different sides of me. Very few people see my dark side, but that side can surface, especially when I am tired.
Last night, driving in the blizzard in an unsuccessful attempt to get to Reno from our vacation home, I definitely hit that dark moment. The stress of having to navigate with almost-zero visiability wasn't painful; I was overwhelmed by being responsible for my four passengers. I always want everyone to have a good time, and just the possibility of getting hurt or killed in a snow storm was not part of the plan.
I then realized for the first time that the friends closest to me are the ones to whom I can reliquish control. They are so capable that I don't mind their advice or to follow their lead. At the same time, these people know how to let me take control most of the time b/c that's how I want to showcase my talents and that's how I care for someone.
Hum, makes me wonder...How a guy takes control isn't nearly as important as why I can give up control so easily? I am not sure yet, but these dates may just explain it finally...
Even though I have so many friends, not all of them fit the different sides of me. Very few people see my dark side, but that side can surface, especially when I am tired.
Last night, driving in the blizzard in an unsuccessful attempt to get to Reno from our vacation home, I definitely hit that dark moment. The stress of having to navigate with almost-zero visiability wasn't painful; I was overwhelmed by being responsible for my four passengers. I always want everyone to have a good time, and just the possibility of getting hurt or killed in a snow storm was not part of the plan.
I then realized for the first time that the friends closest to me are the ones to whom I can reliquish control. They are so capable that I don't mind their advice or to follow their lead. At the same time, these people know how to let me take control most of the time b/c that's how I want to showcase my talents and that's how I care for someone.
Hum, makes me wonder...How a guy takes control isn't nearly as important as why I can give up control so easily? I am not sure yet, but these dates may just explain it finally...
Thursday, February 22, 2007
my new career
Today I lunched with the project manager for one of the premier residential building in San Francisco.
And she's in her early 30s.
It's great to connect about our love for San Francisco and things like City Car Share and LEED.
Psyched on this new path I am taking about my work. If I am going to make it as a real estate developer, it's time to think bigger. Think of what I want to do, and think about how to get there.
Still the same old me, but feeling better about all the obsticles I am going to get through to get farther. Looking back, those three careers in the past have taken me this far, and it's time to get to that next level!
And she's in her early 30s.
It's great to connect about our love for San Francisco and things like City Car Share and LEED.
Psyched on this new path I am taking about my work. If I am going to make it as a real estate developer, it's time to think bigger. Think of what I want to do, and think about how to get there.
Still the same old me, but feeling better about all the obsticles I am going to get through to get farther. Looking back, those three careers in the past have taken me this far, and it's time to get to that next level!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
how to use advice
I am not so sure if I would ever follow other people's advice.
Think about it, if the advisor was happy with a particular choice, there were also numerous circumstances that one cannot emulate and thus cannot duplicate similar outcome.
On the other hand, if someone is advising on choices that he or she has never experienced, then why should you take advice from someone who has not realized the potential of that advice?
These thoughts are the result of growing discomfort with friends who are always coming to me for advice. Even though I _love_ to tell people what to do, I am robbing people of their own experience if I give advice. Advice takes away the opportunity to struggle and to come up with the best choice at that particular given point.
What's more helpful is to listen and to let the person make his or her own choices.
Still, I like it when friends and family give me advice b/c that's how they demonstrate care. At the same time, I am learning how to use the advice as another way to look at the world.
For example. Over the weekend, my friend suggested that I don't ever talk about my dating life at work. I don't usually other than mentioning that I have a date; I am not remotely close to anyone at this job. Today, I violated my friend's rule and mentioned that I am no longer dating the last guy. I wasn't at all concerned, but my friend's words made me more aware of my co-worker's intentions in brining up the topic.
I realized that the person was trying to apologize for a mistake he made last week. This person accused me of wanting to leave the company (true) and demanded that I give two-months' notice (unlikely). Interesting given that this co-worker is a major reason for my current job search.
The irony was that the person handled the converation so badly that I didn't even want to discuss the matter and simply changed the topics to sports (safe with most men). It was that awkwardness that made me see the fear behind alienating me and the fear of losing my contribution to the team.
What a full circle, since fear is the reson why most people take advice rather than follow their intuition. I am happy to say that having erraticated fear from my life almost completely, I always make the right choices for me. Yes, my life has taken me down an unusal path, but I am here to live my own life and not to trace someone else's idea of a good life.
Think about it, if the advisor was happy with a particular choice, there were also numerous circumstances that one cannot emulate and thus cannot duplicate similar outcome.
On the other hand, if someone is advising on choices that he or she has never experienced, then why should you take advice from someone who has not realized the potential of that advice?
These thoughts are the result of growing discomfort with friends who are always coming to me for advice. Even though I _love_ to tell people what to do, I am robbing people of their own experience if I give advice. Advice takes away the opportunity to struggle and to come up with the best choice at that particular given point.
What's more helpful is to listen and to let the person make his or her own choices.
Still, I like it when friends and family give me advice b/c that's how they demonstrate care. At the same time, I am learning how to use the advice as another way to look at the world.
For example. Over the weekend, my friend suggested that I don't ever talk about my dating life at work. I don't usually other than mentioning that I have a date; I am not remotely close to anyone at this job. Today, I violated my friend's rule and mentioned that I am no longer dating the last guy. I wasn't at all concerned, but my friend's words made me more aware of my co-worker's intentions in brining up the topic.
I realized that the person was trying to apologize for a mistake he made last week. This person accused me of wanting to leave the company (true) and demanded that I give two-months' notice (unlikely). Interesting given that this co-worker is a major reason for my current job search.
The irony was that the person handled the converation so badly that I didn't even want to discuss the matter and simply changed the topics to sports (safe with most men). It was that awkwardness that made me see the fear behind alienating me and the fear of losing my contribution to the team.
What a full circle, since fear is the reson why most people take advice rather than follow their intuition. I am happy to say that having erraticated fear from my life almost completely, I always make the right choices for me. Yes, my life has taken me down an unusal path, but I am here to live my own life and not to trace someone else's idea of a good life.
boycotting safeway
I've become one of those annonying consumers who may be delusional in thinking that she can change seller behavior.
Went to Safeway (16th and Potrero) this morning to buy groceries for dinner. My parents are staying with me, so my dad came along. The seafood department is suppose to open at 8am. It was quarter past. There was no one at the seafood counter, and the displays are completely empty.
Three employees used the PA system to call the counter help, but there was still no one after 10 minutes. I noticed that the seafood were in plastic bags, on a cart, off to the side. Finally, I had to leave to get to work on time. I put back all the produce b/c I didn't want to give them any of my money after the incident.
I was able to make a verbal complaint to the store manager, but it was futile. I realized that I am dealing with a store that probably doesn't care about food as much as me.
My dad didn't want me to cause a scene, but I told him it's a matter of principle. If something is bad enough to get me mad, then I need to stand up and make a change. It isn't enough to take bad service and let these unionized workers think that they will be able to let service slide. Management too need to be notified of the poor service to change its policies.
Looks like the small Asian grocery on 16th by Mission will be getting most of my business from now on.
Went to Safeway (16th and Potrero) this morning to buy groceries for dinner. My parents are staying with me, so my dad came along. The seafood department is suppose to open at 8am. It was quarter past. There was no one at the seafood counter, and the displays are completely empty.
Three employees used the PA system to call the counter help, but there was still no one after 10 minutes. I noticed that the seafood were in plastic bags, on a cart, off to the side. Finally, I had to leave to get to work on time. I put back all the produce b/c I didn't want to give them any of my money after the incident.
I was able to make a verbal complaint to the store manager, but it was futile. I realized that I am dealing with a store that probably doesn't care about food as much as me.
My dad didn't want me to cause a scene, but I told him it's a matter of principle. If something is bad enough to get me mad, then I need to stand up and make a change. It isn't enough to take bad service and let these unionized workers think that they will be able to let service slide. Management too need to be notified of the poor service to change its policies.
Looks like the small Asian grocery on 16th by Mission will be getting most of my business from now on.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
focused or blinded?
Am working late today to attend a planning commmission meeting at 730.
The good thing about always having something planned every night of the week is that even when it's work, it can be fun.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for my co-worker. He called a minute ago upset that the event he is at did not have a name tag for him. He was upset.
What an opportunity to see that life goes on and one is really not all that important. Of course, he doesn't see it that way. Instead, he wanted me to get to the bottom of the situation and fix it.
I can only e-mail him the e-mail trail. And then I am off. Good timing, since I am off to vacation tomorrow. Will have to wait and see what happens next week...
The good thing about always having something planned every night of the week is that even when it's work, it can be fun.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for my co-worker. He called a minute ago upset that the event he is at did not have a name tag for him. He was upset.
What an opportunity to see that life goes on and one is really not all that important. Of course, he doesn't see it that way. Instead, he wanted me to get to the bottom of the situation and fix it.
I can only e-mail him the e-mail trail. And then I am off. Good timing, since I am off to vacation tomorrow. Will have to wait and see what happens next week...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
why fight it?
All around me, I see how people try to fight against what is meant to be.
Am planning yet another ski trip with a small group. It's just amazing how many glitches the members of the party came up upon, if only they listen to the signs.
People wanted to fly out of the area with one another, yet they didn't buy their tickets together. Everyone was voicing their different opinions about how many days they wanted to be on the trip, yet the organizer still booked too many nights.
For once, I didn't step in to organize the trip, just as I didn't do so for one of the trips earlier this year. Yes, my intervention could have saved some people time and money, but planning is part of the experience. I hardly ever let the small details stop me from having a good time, and I feel even more detached from the trips.
It's been such a different experience this year, to just let go more. I don't really mind a lot of things because I have been more than lucky. When what I want isn't within reach, I know it just wasn't meant to be. It's much easier to let go than to struggle against what isn't meant to be.
Am planning yet another ski trip with a small group. It's just amazing how many glitches the members of the party came up upon, if only they listen to the signs.
People wanted to fly out of the area with one another, yet they didn't buy their tickets together. Everyone was voicing their different opinions about how many days they wanted to be on the trip, yet the organizer still booked too many nights.
For once, I didn't step in to organize the trip, just as I didn't do so for one of the trips earlier this year. Yes, my intervention could have saved some people time and money, but planning is part of the experience. I hardly ever let the small details stop me from having a good time, and I feel even more detached from the trips.
It's been such a different experience this year, to just let go more. I don't really mind a lot of things because I have been more than lucky. When what I want isn't within reach, I know it just wasn't meant to be. It's much easier to let go than to struggle against what isn't meant to be.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
kind words from my friend
From: xxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, February 13, 2007 3:23 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: RE: thanks
If I've learned one thing over the past 7+ years, it is that we type A folks need to understand that it takes time to figure it out and that we need to give ourselves the room and time to figure it out. We expect to be at or near the top from very early, which is not really a legitimate expectation. The drive is healthy, but it needs to be checked by reality or else we'll drive ourselves crazy.
Okay, enough pop psychology for now. ;)
Sent: Tuesday, February 13, 2007 3:23 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: RE: thanks
If I've learned one thing over the past 7+ years, it is that we type A folks need to understand that it takes time to figure it out and that we need to give ourselves the room and time to figure it out. We expect to be at or near the top from very early, which is not really a legitimate expectation. The drive is healthy, but it needs to be checked by reality or else we'll drive ourselves crazy.
Okay, enough pop psychology for now. ;)
Sunday, February 11, 2007
challenges
Nothing comes easily in life for me. Everything is a struggle, but I relish in the learning experience.
Take sports. I am not at all coordinated (lapse in my synaptic transmission). Still, I am so inspired by atheletes and the culture of sports that I am trying to learn a new sport every year. With a lot of tenacity, I somehow get to a point of being able to at least pick up the sport.
Lately, that same determination is translating to a lot of my personal goals. Take salsa. I have this big dream about moving to South America at some point. I am not sure whether I will ever make it, but I am slowly trying to find ways to get there.
One of the ways to be familiar with Latin culture is learn all the Latin dances. I started salsa a few months back but never got the hang of it. Now, I am finally making time for the lessons and moving along.
Instructional dancing is not easy; being led is nearly impossible for me as I love to dance freely. Still, I am determined that this is yet another arena in which I can get very comfortable at. The eventual goal is to learn most of the dances, including the tango.
I am grateful that by having to struggle for every little thing in my life, that the prize comes in the form of familiarity. I don't have to be the best of anything, but just knowing that I can do something is a big reward given how hard it is to get to the comfort zone.
Life is getting easier. I have never felt more confidant or more intuned with that is meant to be. Every action and every choice is made with complete conviction that it is the right thing to do. There is almost a pat on the back for job well done.
At the same time, the pace is nearly tornado like. It's the whirling sound of the treadmill going at 4.8. I love the treadmill now. It's knowing that I can adjust the speed up and down depending on what I wish to accomplish on a particular day. It's a good feeling to be going at my own pace. Finally.
Take sports. I am not at all coordinated (lapse in my synaptic transmission). Still, I am so inspired by atheletes and the culture of sports that I am trying to learn a new sport every year. With a lot of tenacity, I somehow get to a point of being able to at least pick up the sport.
Lately, that same determination is translating to a lot of my personal goals. Take salsa. I have this big dream about moving to South America at some point. I am not sure whether I will ever make it, but I am slowly trying to find ways to get there.
One of the ways to be familiar with Latin culture is learn all the Latin dances. I started salsa a few months back but never got the hang of it. Now, I am finally making time for the lessons and moving along.
Instructional dancing is not easy; being led is nearly impossible for me as I love to dance freely. Still, I am determined that this is yet another arena in which I can get very comfortable at. The eventual goal is to learn most of the dances, including the tango.
I am grateful that by having to struggle for every little thing in my life, that the prize comes in the form of familiarity. I don't have to be the best of anything, but just knowing that I can do something is a big reward given how hard it is to get to the comfort zone.
Life is getting easier. I have never felt more confidant or more intuned with that is meant to be. Every action and every choice is made with complete conviction that it is the right thing to do. There is almost a pat on the back for job well done.
At the same time, the pace is nearly tornado like. It's the whirling sound of the treadmill going at 4.8. I love the treadmill now. It's knowing that I can adjust the speed up and down depending on what I wish to accomplish on a particular day. It's a good feeling to be going at my own pace. Finally.
time for everything and everyone
After dancing two nights in a row, I am tired. Tired yet happy. I am glad to be back to dancing by myself. It's Saturday night, and all I did was setup the TurboTax on the computer. Didn't even file yet. That's okay. That refund is just around the corner.
Even though I had two great offers to go out, I just knew it was a veg night.
Sure enough, I was rewarded with a wonderful phone call from Aunt Ellen.
Aunt Ellen is my mother's cousin. She is 15 years older than me, somewhere between an aunt and a cousin. Aunt Ellen also has two daughters that I am very close to b/c I went to graduate school near their home 10 years ago. I have watched these two babies grow into young ladies. The special bond w/Aunt Ellen's family is partly due to the fact that she is divorced, like me. We are our own Little Women when together.
Aunt Ellen called me tonight to thank me for spending time with her daughters the weekend after NY's when she chose to spend more time abroad visiting her mother. She had hired a babysitter for that week/weekend, but I decided to visit and make myself the designated guardian for that weekend. It was tough to have to chauffeur and cook and agonize about whether I made the right choice to take them to an R-rated movie.
I didn't know what to say when she thanked me. I am the one who is grateful. That weekend reminded me that I am still quite the confirmed bachelorette. Nothing makes one enjoy one's freedom like responsibilities.
At the same time, I am so grateful for that chance to spend time with two very busy high schoolers. My cousins have full load of classes, piano lessons, Chinese school, tutoring, band and even volunteering at the Orange County Children's Hospital. The honor was all mine to spend time with two very mature young women.
I am also grateful for Aunt Ellen. She inspires me. Our hour long conversations have been better than ever because we can respect each other's differences. She is a stay-at-home mom, and I am a single career woman. Her amazing cooking inspired me to be ever more creative with mine. She gutted her home and transformed it to a beautiful yet practical space, something I now want to do with mine.
It was absolutely the right choice to stay home and rest b/c I was duly rewarded with the most precious thing: ccnnecting with someone I love.
Even though I had two great offers to go out, I just knew it was a veg night.
Sure enough, I was rewarded with a wonderful phone call from Aunt Ellen.
Aunt Ellen is my mother's cousin. She is 15 years older than me, somewhere between an aunt and a cousin. Aunt Ellen also has two daughters that I am very close to b/c I went to graduate school near their home 10 years ago. I have watched these two babies grow into young ladies. The special bond w/Aunt Ellen's family is partly due to the fact that she is divorced, like me. We are our own Little Women when together.
Aunt Ellen called me tonight to thank me for spending time with her daughters the weekend after NY's when she chose to spend more time abroad visiting her mother. She had hired a babysitter for that week/weekend, but I decided to visit and make myself the designated guardian for that weekend. It was tough to have to chauffeur and cook and agonize about whether I made the right choice to take them to an R-rated movie.
I didn't know what to say when she thanked me. I am the one who is grateful. That weekend reminded me that I am still quite the confirmed bachelorette. Nothing makes one enjoy one's freedom like responsibilities.
At the same time, I am so grateful for that chance to spend time with two very busy high schoolers. My cousins have full load of classes, piano lessons, Chinese school, tutoring, band and even volunteering at the Orange County Children's Hospital. The honor was all mine to spend time with two very mature young women.
I am also grateful for Aunt Ellen. She inspires me. Our hour long conversations have been better than ever because we can respect each other's differences. She is a stay-at-home mom, and I am a single career woman. Her amazing cooking inspired me to be ever more creative with mine. She gutted her home and transformed it to a beautiful yet practical space, something I now want to do with mine.
It was absolutely the right choice to stay home and rest b/c I was duly rewarded with the most precious thing: ccnnecting with someone I love.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
that's life, so what are you going to do about it
Was very late for my hair appointment last night, and then I had to rush off to pick up my cousin from the airport who is staying with me.
With coloring, cutting the appointment short has consequences. I just don't look quite right.
This morning, am off to sit in on a co-worker's presentation. How to not distract??
Good thing my cousin's friend gave me a good idea last night. Am going to wear a cap today and try to squeeze back into my hairdresser's schedule today. My other cousin has an appointment with the same stylist today, so maybe I can fit in there?
If not, there is always the at-home hair-coloring kit.
The key is I don't have time to waste over petty things like negative emotions or getting frustrated. Every challenge is an opportunity to solve a problem and to learn something.
2007 is off to an amazing start. That feeling of something revolutionary is still within me. Am psyched about a lot of things right now...
With coloring, cutting the appointment short has consequences. I just don't look quite right.
This morning, am off to sit in on a co-worker's presentation. How to not distract??
Good thing my cousin's friend gave me a good idea last night. Am going to wear a cap today and try to squeeze back into my hairdresser's schedule today. My other cousin has an appointment with the same stylist today, so maybe I can fit in there?
If not, there is always the at-home hair-coloring kit.
The key is I don't have time to waste over petty things like negative emotions or getting frustrated. Every challenge is an opportunity to solve a problem and to learn something.
2007 is off to an amazing start. That feeling of something revolutionary is still within me. Am psyched about a lot of things right now...
Friday, February 09, 2007
courting women
One thing that I do is I cater to my friends, especially my girlfriends.
When I meet a woman that I admire, I will "court" her and befriend her. It feels a bit like dating.
I try to spend time with the person. With someone who is busy, time with her means on her terms. For instance, if I know that someone loves to dance to a particular type of music, I will try to find venues near her that plays that type of music. I will travel out of my way to go to that club with her. I also know to take care of the details: check in her coat for her, buy her a drink, and hold her purse when she goes to the bathroom.
Food is a big one. I try to always cater to what the other woman wants to eat. Type of cuisine, price range, fine dining or hole in the wall. Once I know what that person prefers for her dining experience, I can usually suggest a restaurant that pleases her. I will usually drive and pick her up.
All just so that I can spend time with that person and enjoy her company completely.
I am grateful that by being flexible, I have friends who are so different from me and from each other. It also gives me a lot more appreciation for when a man takes me out. Still, it's been a while since a man did all the planning and know just how to make my day. At this point in my life though, is it even possible for a man to out court me??
When I meet a woman that I admire, I will "court" her and befriend her. It feels a bit like dating.
I try to spend time with the person. With someone who is busy, time with her means on her terms. For instance, if I know that someone loves to dance to a particular type of music, I will try to find venues near her that plays that type of music. I will travel out of my way to go to that club with her. I also know to take care of the details: check in her coat for her, buy her a drink, and hold her purse when she goes to the bathroom.
Food is a big one. I try to always cater to what the other woman wants to eat. Type of cuisine, price range, fine dining or hole in the wall. Once I know what that person prefers for her dining experience, I can usually suggest a restaurant that pleases her. I will usually drive and pick her up.
All just so that I can spend time with that person and enjoy her company completely.
I am grateful that by being flexible, I have friends who are so different from me and from each other. It also gives me a lot more appreciation for when a man takes me out. Still, it's been a while since a man did all the planning and know just how to make my day. At this point in my life though, is it even possible for a man to out court me??
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