social cues

I own a ring that only fits on my ring fingers on either hand. Given that I wear another ring from my mother on the right hand most of the time, I decided to wear the ring on the left Wednesday.

Today, while wrapping up a phone call with a colleague whom I met with on Wednesday, he asked about it. Oh no, I responded, it was just for fun.

Lately, I have been thinking about social cues. The ring is an obvious example, but there are many subtle signs of how people identify themselves.

Fashion is a prime example. I can always tell whether a woman is older...by the shape of her pants. Very few woman under 35 will wear tapper pants. We are the generation of boot-cut/flare pants. Another tell-tale-sign is purse length. During the 90s, purse straps became shorter in length, so when I see a woman carrying a long purse (the kind that dangles by her hips), I think 40+.

Another sign I have been looking at is eyebrows. My girlfriends fall into two camps, those who shape their eyebrows, and those who maintain their au natural shapes... It's not a big deal, but it does change the way a person's face look.

In the end, it doesn't matter what people look like or how they choose to spend their money on grooming, but I just find it an easy way for people to tell me something about themselves.

celebrity

Today, I heard Jack Foster Jr. speak. The Foster family built Foster City from what was called Brewer's Island strating in 1958.
http://www.fostercity.org/community_info/Introduction-to-the-History-of-Foster-City.cfm

I always thought Foster City as a very-well planned community. Every home had water view and the engineering prevented flooding and liquefaction. I was in awe to listen to the story from the man who was there from the very beginning.

Besides his involvement in a iconic project, Mr. Foster also gained my respect when he said that we must address the housing crisis in California. He pointed out that the real estate market can crash because of 1. too much housing feeding to the economy or 2. the economy restricting b/c workers cannot afford to live here. Right now, we are heading down path number 2, with option number 1 receiving no support from the existing residents and policy makers.

I got into the real estate development business because I want to build affordable housing. Here in the Bay Area, that mission is just to build housing period. I love it here, but I will leave the Bay Area if it means that the people here are not going to support the development that is necessary to increase diversity.

right here, right now

I don't know why there is so much desire for people to be young again. I had a great childhood and have been happy in my younger years, but life has always gotten better for me.

For each person, every stage of life brings a particular set of circumstances and events. The trick to live in the moment is to enjoy that unique set of facts.

I don't want to be anything else but me right now. I don't want to be living in another period of my life but right now.

I feel so lucky because there is no where I rather be than in my life at this particular moment. I love all the good fortunes, but I also embrace all the surprises. There is no good or bad outcome, there are only the facts of my day.

life is like this

I invited 3 people to dinner tonight about a week ago. It was all very up in the air. Of course, as luck would have it, all three people canceled. I am so used to these ups and downs. Started to invite some people last-minute, still no takers. Guess I'll be eating some yummy lunch tomorrow!

Just like the fall on Saturday (that bruise looks so nasty!), life goes on. I firmly believe if I don't dwell on life's ups and downs, I can get so much more done in a day.

Now, time to start planning for the snow season!!

sincere thanks

You were there for me.

You listened and let me rant without judging.

You repeated my words, so I can hear myself.

You pointed out my flaws without hurting my feelings (too much).

You led me to the truth without embarassing me.

Your patience and care brought me much support and joy.

To all the girlfriends who listened and gave me the dose of reality I needed this weekend: thank you for being there.

wall flowers

It was sad to talk to a woman in her mid-20s while taking a dance break and found out that her friends and her drove all the way from San Jose to San Francisco tonight to club. There they were, sitting pretty, in a row, and all looking quite miserable.

At first, my friend and I encouraged them to join us on the dance floor. Then, it occurred to me that they just don't know how to have fun.

Sometime during the night, I fell and had a bruised knee, but I was able to keep dancing. This would not be the first time I fell, and it would not be the last. Still, I moved on and didn't give it too much thought. After all, the moment of the fall was long over, and I wanted to focus on the next moment, which was all about dancing up a storm.

As always, I had a great time. I hope the wall flowers will one day figure out that it's all about what is in the mind and soul and not perception.

no diva

I want to dance with somebody, somebody who loves me....
I want to dance with somebody, somebody who loves meeeee....

NOT.

what would you like

Lately, I have been observing grown adults asking the young members of their family where they should eat. Seriously, you wouldn't let your toddlers drive, so why let them decide where to eat?

Although making choices are one of the luxuries in life, I don't believe most children should be given so many choices. Most times, these children who are asked to choose are not ready for the responsibility.

I had a great childhood b/c I hardly have to make choices. I eat what was put in front of me. My choices were what's on the table or to be hungry. By not participating in my food choices, I also avoided a lot of bad habits. I didn't choose junk food over healthy food b/c I only had healthy food.

Same thing with consumption. The last time I visited a friend of mine, she was in the process of trying to get her daughter to throw up some of her 200+ collection of stuffed animals. Of course, by allowing the child to choose, about 150+ of the toys stayed. It was sad because the mother acted as if she didn't know how all this happened.

It isn't easy to be the disciplinarian, but it is absolutely necessary. Rather than focusing on choices, kids should be learning responsibilities and giving to others. A person has all of his adulthood to learn how to make consumption choices but only his formidable years to learn how to be a decent person.

moving

The 49ers announced that it will give up the new stadium deal at Candlestick and move to Santa Clara.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/11/09/BAGHUM9FAH6.DTL

My company owns neighboring land near the Candlestick stadium and has been talking with Lennar about some joint deals for transportation projects.

It's very likely that this is a PR ploy to get the City of SF to back off some of its demands on the 49ers, including a vote for the new stadium and no government funding for the project.

The one thing I have learned from this job is that it's all business. Each player strategizes to make the most gain for its projects. It's never personal, but many people are affected by these multi-million dollar deals.

More than ever, I am looking to leave because my life is all about interpersonal relationships. I cannot be in an environment where people don't care about the fundamental relationships. So, back to the job listings.

social style

Once in a while I will browse on random people's Friendster/MySpace/Xanga. It's always amusing how people are so different yet so similar.

One consistent theme is the idea that there are people who let you be you. I am always myself, so the idea of a select of people who let me be me isn't as important. Still, I do have my ring of support that I use to buffer against the craziness of life.

When I started the Dinner for the Ladies, it was an attempt to mimic this ring of support. After two years, I am no longer as close to the group b/c my social style is more random. The idea that one group is there to be supportive doesn't fit my lifestyle. I like one-on-one, so that nearly all my closest friends don't know each other, and the makeup of that group changes from time to time.

I love how I don't hang out with the same people week after week. Life is always random, and that's part of how I have fun: mixing the people and the pattern of socializing.

Perhaps that is why now, more than ever, I am ready for that serious relationship. I need the stability to balance all the randomness in friendship.

what fuels passion?

One great thing that came out of the New York trip was a reminder to live passionately and with meaning.

Ironically, what determines the right choices are not at all conscious but purely instinctive decisions.

Over the weekend, I was out shopping with a friend when it occurred to me that buying things no longer have the same fulfillment as back in graduate school. During school, shopping was a great escape from the stress of studying. Now, it's the shopping itself that is stressful. There are so many things that are more fulfilling that Sunday was quite tiring.

The transition was surprising because for me clothing has always been a way of expression. Now, my focus is career and relationships and how my instincts bring me closer to a higher level in those areas...

just another day in job hunting ville

I did not get the call back from the City of SF that was to be scheduled for today. I thought I had a great interview on Tuesday.

That's how it goes. While looking for a writing sample for yet another job application, I saw the nearly 100 cover letters that I sent out back when I was looking for an attorney job after taking the bar.

That was a dark period in my life... I was unemployed and having trouble in my personal relationship. Ultimately, I got out of that relationship and found a job. Still, the stress of trying to find a job while unemployed was unbearable.

In some ways, this latest rejection is barely a bump in the road.

This incident is exactly why I love getting older. Not many things phases me at this point because I have had a lot of ups and downs in my teens and 20s.

More and more, I can accept the uncontrollable and rely completely on my intuition. It's almost fun to go through life because everything is meant to be...

Yes, I am emotionally affected by not getting the call back, but I move on. I don't have to dwell on those emotional responses but can free my spirit and mind to be ready for the next event in life. Right now, that means a fun weekend with friends!!

spirituality

As much as I love to work, my expectation of the role of work in my life has changed. In the ten years since starting graduate school, I firmly believe that my work needs to fulfill me on a deeper level. Besides a paycheck, I want my work to be an extension of my spiritual self.

Is that too much to ask?

Having met enough people who love their jobs, I know my dream job is around the corner. I don't want to discount all the places I have been because ultimately, I contributed.

Had my interview with the City of SF yesterday. Will hear back today on whether I am moving to the next round of interviews. In the meanwhile, there is a lot of work to do at the current job. Everything will play out. Just have to be patient.

Will continue to cultivate the spirit despite the demands of the current work...

opinion v. judgment

It always amuses me how people who barely know me offer their advice on how I should conduct myself.

It's one thing to question other people's differences, it's another to judge and assume that there is a better way.

My whole life, I have been surrounded by people who judge. Fortunately, there is also plenty of support for me to be me. Rather than accepting judgment and change myself, I always resist and question the sources of that judgment.

I also catch myself being judgmental. It actually takes more effort to judge than to accept. Going to work on giving that unconditional acceptance...

this the world we live in

A person's spirit is what that person is born with. That spirit is the core of who we are. That saying about people never really change is referring to this core.

However, I am beginning to realize that we don't live in a world that value this spirit. Look at teachers' salaries for instance. If teachers are who children are most in contact with, why do we not pay teachers more than lawyers? Same thing with paternal leave. If the formable years are instrumental in a person's development, then why don't all societies sacrifice to give to new parents?

It's not too late though if one's spirit was not always carefully nurtured. Our everyday actions and thoughts have profound influence in our spiritual growth. It takes conscious choices to lead us to our true selves.

Take being good company. I am ashamed to say that I have not been the best company to people of late. In the rush to do so much, I forget much of basic politeness. How rude of me! It actually took a very good date for me to realize that giving to people is what I cared about the most. Just because I am in a more demanding job or have less time does not mean I should stop being caring.

Just because I live in a world that doesn't share my value of the true self does not mean I have to forget cultivating what I value the most.

Wow, that was a good vacation...

great vacation

After four days in New York, I am ready for life back in SF.

It was the most wonderful vacation. I definitely feel like myself again. I didn't even realize (well, friends have hinted) that I was losing my soul to the struggles at work. After a few days away from the office, I am whole again.

Glad for all the creativity. The people, the places and the experiences all stimulatd my spirit and call for me to grow in leaps and bounds the way I did last year when life was in perfect balance.

It's good to once again have a clear vision of what is meant to be.

my world

Took some heat last night from two friends for my latest attempt to change jobs. They both were disappointed and urged me to focus and to settle on one job for a while. The judgement was hard to take at first, since both have been friends with me for over 12 years.

I do appreciate having these two very successful friends in my life. One is a management consultant and the other one is an HR VP. Their careers are models of how one can do what one loves and get paid very well doing it.

Still, I also see the value of doing things my way, regardless of how illogical my choices may appear to others. I have taken so many risks in my life, including this job. The decision to work for family did not pan out, but I learned and made enough money to support myself.

At any given point, I try to make the best decision that I can, and I have to be my biggest supporter.

It's been a painful path to have to walk away from these amazing projects at work, but I am not productive at work any more. I struck a deal with a board member, and none of the deal was ever realized. It's time to focus on what I am passionate about once again.

sacred

A man has fallen.

He has fallen in love with a dear friend of mine.

So rare these days, to hear the story of passionate love.

The kind that consumes a person completely,

And fill the woman's apartment with flowers,

And her ears with sweet words.

I haven't felt that way for quit some time.

So it's the story about the fool in love,

That makes me believe that,

All is well in the world.

where life takes me

Unlike most of my friends, I stopped living a goal-oriented life in college. I remember that first year in undergrad, I was quite motivated.

Somewhere between college and grad school, I started to adapt a laid back attitude. Hard to figure out why, but life just doesn't need to be all about achieving any more.

Being satisfied with the status quo does not win popularity contests. In fact, it has caused all sort of raised eyebrows. I just had a debate with a friend about making decisions. She picks a goal and takes steps toward that goal. I, on the other hand, always follow my gut. My friend was amazed that I never know what's next. She is in the top pharmacy school right now, and the way she got there was to completely focus during the application process.

For me, life is a series of events and experiences. Sometimes connected, other times at odds with one another. Bottom line is that I am usually happy and have little worries. Isn't that enough?

I do have some balance in my life by having some minimum expectations for the future. Still, I truly believe that by acquiring more life skills, I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. My latest dream is to possibly work and live in South America. That means I need Spanish, savings and more friends from the Southern Hemisphere!

dance the little dance

My new rule in dating is let the guy make the first move.

Being intuitive can be a curse b/c I can decipher romantic potential very clearly on the first meeting. The guy doesn't have to have one stellar trait, but if the feeling is right, then I am willing to invest the time. Apparently, it's different for most of the guys out there.

To account for the varying level of intuition out there, my new rule is to just be patient. Getting to know people is a two-way street, and given that I am not very conventional, I need to give people a chance to figure me out too.

At the same time, I have little apprecitation for the men who try so hard. Life is too short to be focusing so much on little old me. My life is about all my interests, and the ideal guy needs to be just as active.

It's strange for me to finally be ready for a relationship. Being the woman though, I feel that it is still best to let the man make the first move.. It's like salsa. I never appreciated instructional dancing b/c I didn't want the guy to lead. For the first time though, I want to learn most of the latin dances and am looking forward to have a partner who will offer his hand.