what would you like

Lately, I have been observing grown adults asking the young members of their family where they should eat. Seriously, you wouldn't let your toddlers drive, so why let them decide where to eat?

Although making choices are one of the luxuries in life, I don't believe most children should be given so many choices. Most times, these children who are asked to choose are not ready for the responsibility.

I had a great childhood b/c I hardly have to make choices. I eat what was put in front of me. My choices were what's on the table or to be hungry. By not participating in my food choices, I also avoided a lot of bad habits. I didn't choose junk food over healthy food b/c I only had healthy food.

Same thing with consumption. The last time I visited a friend of mine, she was in the process of trying to get her daughter to throw up some of her 200+ collection of stuffed animals. Of course, by allowing the child to choose, about 150+ of the toys stayed. It was sad because the mother acted as if she didn't know how all this happened.

It isn't easy to be the disciplinarian, but it is absolutely necessary. Rather than focusing on choices, kids should be learning responsibilities and giving to others. A person has all of his adulthood to learn how to make consumption choices but only his formidable years to learn how to be a decent person.

moving

The 49ers announced that it will give up the new stadium deal at Candlestick and move to Santa Clara.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/11/09/BAGHUM9FAH6.DTL

My company owns neighboring land near the Candlestick stadium and has been talking with Lennar about some joint deals for transportation projects.

It's very likely that this is a PR ploy to get the City of SF to back off some of its demands on the 49ers, including a vote for the new stadium and no government funding for the project.

The one thing I have learned from this job is that it's all business. Each player strategizes to make the most gain for its projects. It's never personal, but many people are affected by these multi-million dollar deals.

More than ever, I am looking to leave because my life is all about interpersonal relationships. I cannot be in an environment where people don't care about the fundamental relationships. So, back to the job listings.

social style

Once in a while I will browse on random people's Friendster/MySpace/Xanga. It's always amusing how people are so different yet so similar.

One consistent theme is the idea that there are people who let you be you. I am always myself, so the idea of a select of people who let me be me isn't as important. Still, I do have my ring of support that I use to buffer against the craziness of life.

When I started the Dinner for the Ladies, it was an attempt to mimic this ring of support. After two years, I am no longer as close to the group b/c my social style is more random. The idea that one group is there to be supportive doesn't fit my lifestyle. I like one-on-one, so that nearly all my closest friends don't know each other, and the makeup of that group changes from time to time.

I love how I don't hang out with the same people week after week. Life is always random, and that's part of how I have fun: mixing the people and the pattern of socializing.

Perhaps that is why now, more than ever, I am ready for that serious relationship. I need the stability to balance all the randomness in friendship.

what fuels passion?

One great thing that came out of the New York trip was a reminder to live passionately and with meaning.

Ironically, what determines the right choices are not at all conscious but purely instinctive decisions.

Over the weekend, I was out shopping with a friend when it occurred to me that buying things no longer have the same fulfillment as back in graduate school. During school, shopping was a great escape from the stress of studying. Now, it's the shopping itself that is stressful. There are so many things that are more fulfilling that Sunday was quite tiring.

The transition was surprising because for me clothing has always been a way of expression. Now, my focus is career and relationships and how my instincts bring me closer to a higher level in those areas...

just another day in job hunting ville

I did not get the call back from the City of SF that was to be scheduled for today. I thought I had a great interview on Tuesday.

That's how it goes. While looking for a writing sample for yet another job application, I saw the nearly 100 cover letters that I sent out back when I was looking for an attorney job after taking the bar.

That was a dark period in my life... I was unemployed and having trouble in my personal relationship. Ultimately, I got out of that relationship and found a job. Still, the stress of trying to find a job while unemployed was unbearable.

In some ways, this latest rejection is barely a bump in the road.

This incident is exactly why I love getting older. Not many things phases me at this point because I have had a lot of ups and downs in my teens and 20s.

More and more, I can accept the uncontrollable and rely completely on my intuition. It's almost fun to go through life because everything is meant to be...

Yes, I am emotionally affected by not getting the call back, but I move on. I don't have to dwell on those emotional responses but can free my spirit and mind to be ready for the next event in life. Right now, that means a fun weekend with friends!!

spirituality

As much as I love to work, my expectation of the role of work in my life has changed. In the ten years since starting graduate school, I firmly believe that my work needs to fulfill me on a deeper level. Besides a paycheck, I want my work to be an extension of my spiritual self.

Is that too much to ask?

Having met enough people who love their jobs, I know my dream job is around the corner. I don't want to discount all the places I have been because ultimately, I contributed.

Had my interview with the City of SF yesterday. Will hear back today on whether I am moving to the next round of interviews. In the meanwhile, there is a lot of work to do at the current job. Everything will play out. Just have to be patient.

Will continue to cultivate the spirit despite the demands of the current work...

opinion v. judgment

It always amuses me how people who barely know me offer their advice on how I should conduct myself.

It's one thing to question other people's differences, it's another to judge and assume that there is a better way.

My whole life, I have been surrounded by people who judge. Fortunately, there is also plenty of support for me to be me. Rather than accepting judgment and change myself, I always resist and question the sources of that judgment.

I also catch myself being judgmental. It actually takes more effort to judge than to accept. Going to work on giving that unconditional acceptance...

this the world we live in

A person's spirit is what that person is born with. That spirit is the core of who we are. That saying about people never really change is referring to this core.

However, I am beginning to realize that we don't live in a world that value this spirit. Look at teachers' salaries for instance. If teachers are who children are most in contact with, why do we not pay teachers more than lawyers? Same thing with paternal leave. If the formable years are instrumental in a person's development, then why don't all societies sacrifice to give to new parents?

It's not too late though if one's spirit was not always carefully nurtured. Our everyday actions and thoughts have profound influence in our spiritual growth. It takes conscious choices to lead us to our true selves.

Take being good company. I am ashamed to say that I have not been the best company to people of late. In the rush to do so much, I forget much of basic politeness. How rude of me! It actually took a very good date for me to realize that giving to people is what I cared about the most. Just because I am in a more demanding job or have less time does not mean I should stop being caring.

Just because I live in a world that doesn't share my value of the true self does not mean I have to forget cultivating what I value the most.

Wow, that was a good vacation...

great vacation

After four days in New York, I am ready for life back in SF.

It was the most wonderful vacation. I definitely feel like myself again. I didn't even realize (well, friends have hinted) that I was losing my soul to the struggles at work. After a few days away from the office, I am whole again.

Glad for all the creativity. The people, the places and the experiences all stimulatd my spirit and call for me to grow in leaps and bounds the way I did last year when life was in perfect balance.

It's good to once again have a clear vision of what is meant to be.

my world

Took some heat last night from two friends for my latest attempt to change jobs. They both were disappointed and urged me to focus and to settle on one job for a while. The judgement was hard to take at first, since both have been friends with me for over 12 years.

I do appreciate having these two very successful friends in my life. One is a management consultant and the other one is an HR VP. Their careers are models of how one can do what one loves and get paid very well doing it.

Still, I also see the value of doing things my way, regardless of how illogical my choices may appear to others. I have taken so many risks in my life, including this job. The decision to work for family did not pan out, but I learned and made enough money to support myself.

At any given point, I try to make the best decision that I can, and I have to be my biggest supporter.

It's been a painful path to have to walk away from these amazing projects at work, but I am not productive at work any more. I struck a deal with a board member, and none of the deal was ever realized. It's time to focus on what I am passionate about once again.

sacred

A man has fallen.

He has fallen in love with a dear friend of mine.

So rare these days, to hear the story of passionate love.

The kind that consumes a person completely,

And fill the woman's apartment with flowers,

And her ears with sweet words.

I haven't felt that way for quit some time.

So it's the story about the fool in love,

That makes me believe that,

All is well in the world.

where life takes me

Unlike most of my friends, I stopped living a goal-oriented life in college. I remember that first year in undergrad, I was quite motivated.

Somewhere between college and grad school, I started to adapt a laid back attitude. Hard to figure out why, but life just doesn't need to be all about achieving any more.

Being satisfied with the status quo does not win popularity contests. In fact, it has caused all sort of raised eyebrows. I just had a debate with a friend about making decisions. She picks a goal and takes steps toward that goal. I, on the other hand, always follow my gut. My friend was amazed that I never know what's next. She is in the top pharmacy school right now, and the way she got there was to completely focus during the application process.

For me, life is a series of events and experiences. Sometimes connected, other times at odds with one another. Bottom line is that I am usually happy and have little worries. Isn't that enough?

I do have some balance in my life by having some minimum expectations for the future. Still, I truly believe that by acquiring more life skills, I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. My latest dream is to possibly work and live in South America. That means I need Spanish, savings and more friends from the Southern Hemisphere!

dance the little dance

My new rule in dating is let the guy make the first move.

Being intuitive can be a curse b/c I can decipher romantic potential very clearly on the first meeting. The guy doesn't have to have one stellar trait, but if the feeling is right, then I am willing to invest the time. Apparently, it's different for most of the guys out there.

To account for the varying level of intuition out there, my new rule is to just be patient. Getting to know people is a two-way street, and given that I am not very conventional, I need to give people a chance to figure me out too.

At the same time, I have little apprecitation for the men who try so hard. Life is too short to be focusing so much on little old me. My life is about all my interests, and the ideal guy needs to be just as active.

It's strange for me to finally be ready for a relationship. Being the woman though, I feel that it is still best to let the man make the first move.. It's like salsa. I never appreciated instructional dancing b/c I didn't want the guy to lead. For the first time though, I want to learn most of the latin dances and am looking forward to have a partner who will offer his hand.

fraud

Feeling proud this morning because I foiled an attempt to collect my eBay personal information!

It was a standard e-mail from eBay stating that my account has been suspended due to a non-performance claim. The link to resolve the dispute took me to a eBay sign-in page. I proceeded to sign in. Then, as I was filling out some of the information, my intuition suggested that something was not quite right.

First of all, the link to describe the claim was not functional, so I cannot clearly understand the problem. Then, the page started to request some very sensitive information, including my social security number. That's when I quickly logged into www.ebay.com and found the fraud division to send the e-mail to. I also changed my password to my account.

Sure enough, two minutes later, eBay responded that this e-mail was not from the company. Phew, I was able to escape harm.

Was I lucky? Yes, but it was also many other skills that thwarted the scammers. Keeping up with current events helps because I read about these similar scams all the time. The articles mentioned the direct link to another page and that asking for social security number is always a flag. Just as important is correcting the mistake after the fact. By changing my password right away, I at least prevented the scammers from further access.

Most importantly, it is all about trusting my gut. I tend to trust the good in everyone, so the minute that anything causes my brow to furrow, it's a big warning sign. All right Mr/Ms "ebayonline", you may be clever, but not smart enough this time...

story telling

I don't believe in long-distance relationships, since the whole point of a relationship is to face life's ups and downs together.

On the other hand, I highly recommend long distance friendships. I have several friends who live outside of the area who have been key to my support system.

Rather than sharing meals or drinks, these friendships are built on phone calls and e-mails. The communications is a string of stories traded back and forth. These long-distance relationships focus on story telling, which can very effective therapy for life's ups and downs.

Also, the long distance relationships also make it unnecessary to see my other friends all the time. Sure, I am always up for spending time with people, but I no longer see any one friend on a weekly basis. In fact, I prefer to catch up with friends once a month or so. In the meantime, I am off to live and create some stories.

spirit

Went to dinner at a friend's house. She was someone I met through the Chamber of Commerce for work. This is a woman who is so energetic and full of life. Besides her business saviness, she also paints and has the most beautiful garden.

Last night, I met her husband for the first time, and he is also very similar in his optimism and good humor.

The couple just returned from his 30th college reunion. While looking at the pictures from that event, I noted something that everyone at the reunion also noticed, the husband looks 15 years younger than everyone else in the class. You can tell where he was in the pictures, because his youthfulness made him look out of place.

His theory is that he doesn't worry, but I know it's something more. Both the husband and wife have very strong spirits. The spirit is also the most important component of the body, mind and spirit.

Just as one exercises to strength the body and reads to enrich the mind, the spirit needs constant attention. The spirit is our creative selves. Laughter, the arts and human connection are the fuels for the spirit.

Anytime you combine activities that can lift and spirit as well as enrich the body or the mind, then it's even more dynamic. Dancing and teaching are good examples of activites that not only boost the body or the mind, but also nurture the spirit.

I feel quite lucky that my life is filled with people and activities that allow my spirit to be strong. My life's work will be to collect the endless inspirations for the spirit.

risk it all

I asked my uncle for raise today, and the same results as with asking the chairman: the runaround.

It's time for me to plan the exit strategy. I am at the company because I love my work, but I cannot work with people who don't value its people.

Just like losing my wallet, I have a clear sense of what I have to do next. It's good to have these ups and downs to move me toward my destiny...

sincere thanks

To the security crew who directed me when the airline counter staff was all gone,
To the shuttle driver who got me from Terminal 3 to Terminal 7 at LAX in 3 minutes,
To the United counter people who called every airline near where I lost my wallet,
To the LAPD who was so polite and reassuring while writing out my report,
To the friend who picked me up and then woke up 6 hours later to bring me back to the airport,
To the counter person who waived my $100 standby ticket fee,
To the parking structure manager whose creativity allowed me to have my car back w/only $20,

Big thanks.

15 hours later, the only things taken from me were $15 and three replaceable ID and credit cards and good as new. Life is good when one is tested and is barely bruised. Thanks to all who made it a great weekend.

the last supper

People ask me all the time about intuition. What is gut feeling?

One thing I enjoy about getting older is honing my intuition. This complete trust I have in every decision and every thought is like play, except the payoffs are for real. I love to have fun, and what is more fun than anything else is to follow my gut and do whatever I want, always!

So last night, while cooking my usual weekly meal, it occurred to me that this is the last group meal I'll be cooking for a while.

Just like that, I knew that this ritual is coming to an end. Sure, I'll be whipping up meals soon enough, but there was a strong sense that there will not be a group dinner next week...

Usually, there are signs to confirm my intuition, and that's how I improve it. Last night, there were definitely signs. Everyone was running late, and then one of my friends called in a frenzy that my street is blocked off! Apparently, someone left a suspicious package at the school across the street. Just when I went outside to check it out, they blew up the package offsite. Talk to about drama! As always, everything worked out. It was a lovely evening; got to know my friends better. Even had time to perfect a new receipe...

So, I look forward to that extra evening a week to do whatever I am meant to do next.

lesson learned

This past Saturday, I raced with a dragon boat team in the SF Dragon Boat Festival. What fun!

My team consisted of adults and high school teenagers who were part of two service organizations in the City. Perhaps due to the fact that some of the team members did not show up at every practice, our performance was not as consistent as the other teams. It was eye opening to see how some of the teams had matching life jackets and paddles while others just used the loaners provided by the festival.

Our team came in last in our heat in the first race. With each of the three heats, we got better. Still, the team never tasted victory.

I felt like a winner b/c I am not a fan of team sports. This was the first time in my life that I actually belonged to a team other than track and debate where I only competed in individual events.

For the sake of the high school kids, I am glad that we did not win and had to fight to not be last in the second and third race. Looking at these second or third-generation Asian kids, I wonder how many of them had opportunities to challenge themselves. It's so rare for young people to experience hardships these days. Even myself, I never worried about money until I was in fifth grade.

The dragon boat race was as real as it gets, with some of the corporate teams getting lots of advantages, and the results reflected those advantages. Perhaps this is why I love sports; it's the only area where one is challenged in a controlled environment yet can continue to improve and gain confidance.

It's a great thing that I don't have many challenges in my life. Yes, life is too easy at times. It's time to challenge myself rather than wait for life to hand me some hurdles.