Last night, I took off work early, since I'll be working both Sat and Sun.
Went to check out First Thursday, the art gallery openings until 730 in downtown SF the first Thursdays of every month. Met up with my friend and his friends. My friend went to RISD (Rhode Island School of Design), and some of the people and artists there were alums. We picked one of the buildings that had about 20 galleries and went down floor by floor.
Even though I frequent museums, this is a totally different scene, complete with its own dress code. The crowd consisted of art students, buyers and artists. Then there were people like me, who dressed so conservatively in comparison that I actually stood out. It was fascinating to people watch. I had never seen so many men (many hetero) who put so much effort into their looks!
And the shoes!!
It was such a creative experience. The night confirmed my belief that to be my best I must learn from the world and seek out new scenes and make them my own. I hope to go back to the gallery openings in the next few months and dress more appropriately next time!
Friday, September 08, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
advice
The odd thing about advice is that it's someone else's opinion about how I should run my life.
Why would I take advice from someone else besides myself when no one knows me as well?
This is why I rarely takes other's advice. I suggest that you do the same and figure it out for yourself. Yes, it takes more effort, but the outcome will be entirely your own.
Why would I take advice from someone else besides myself when no one knows me as well?
This is why I rarely takes other's advice. I suggest that you do the same and figure it out for yourself. Yes, it takes more effort, but the outcome will be entirely your own.
freedom
Feelin' free b/c I don't have to be anything except myself.
To fully accept myself means to allow myself to go with my whim. So what if it's not what YOU would do? So what if my choices don't seem right (to you)?
I have never been happier, yet more and more, I am meeting people who are weighted down by their worries.
Go ahead, dance around. Just like how I love to tear up the dance floor, I am quite enjoying this craziness of moving through life without a care in the world!
To fully accept myself means to allow myself to go with my whim. So what if it's not what YOU would do? So what if my choices don't seem right (to you)?
I have never been happier, yet more and more, I am meeting people who are weighted down by their worries.
Go ahead, dance around. Just like how I love to tear up the dance floor, I am quite enjoying this craziness of moving through life without a care in the world!
diversity
Had a conversation with a girlfriend last night who is always hard on herself. We even have a phrase for how she is: Shouda, Coulda, Woulda. She sometimes looks back at her past and regrets over what could have been.
I, on the other hand, looks forward. To me, the past happened already. Move on. Yes, I struggle with the present like anyone else, but I know that things will get better soon enough.
One thing that has helped me to cope with disappointments and challenges is diversity. By being exposed to so many different lifestyles and personalities ever since I was a kid, I know that my life is meant to have it own unique course.
Take wealth. Many people long for the life of the rich but really doesn't know all the responsibilities that come with wealth. I was fortunately to have witnessed the lives of several financially successful people through relatives and family friends. One fact of life that I learned before I was even ten was that wealthy people are not necessarily happier than the poor or the middle class.
Even though I strive for financial security like most people, I approach money very differently. I am fine with buying things second-hand or not eat out all the time if it means that I can have more free time.
By being with people who have money and those who don't have quite as much, I can see for myself what is it that I truly value.
Take many attorneys that I know. Many of them were enticed by the money and the prestige of the industry. Little did they know that the road to partnership is filled with long hours and overwhelming amount of work. It's also a profession that gives its workers so much money that it is not easy to walk away from the lifestyles of cleaning people and posh residents.
In the end, it's about one's values. There is no right or wrong values, since most people base their values on learned lessons and personal experience. Diversity does remind me that I have a lot more choices and don't have to settle for the obvious values, like marriage or wealth.
I, on the other hand, looks forward. To me, the past happened already. Move on. Yes, I struggle with the present like anyone else, but I know that things will get better soon enough.
One thing that has helped me to cope with disappointments and challenges is diversity. By being exposed to so many different lifestyles and personalities ever since I was a kid, I know that my life is meant to have it own unique course.
Take wealth. Many people long for the life of the rich but really doesn't know all the responsibilities that come with wealth. I was fortunately to have witnessed the lives of several financially successful people through relatives and family friends. One fact of life that I learned before I was even ten was that wealthy people are not necessarily happier than the poor or the middle class.
Even though I strive for financial security like most people, I approach money very differently. I am fine with buying things second-hand or not eat out all the time if it means that I can have more free time.
By being with people who have money and those who don't have quite as much, I can see for myself what is it that I truly value.
Take many attorneys that I know. Many of them were enticed by the money and the prestige of the industry. Little did they know that the road to partnership is filled with long hours and overwhelming amount of work. It's also a profession that gives its workers so much money that it is not easy to walk away from the lifestyles of cleaning people and posh residents.
In the end, it's about one's values. There is no right or wrong values, since most people base their values on learned lessons and personal experience. Diversity does remind me that I have a lot more choices and don't have to settle for the obvious values, like marriage or wealth.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
help oneself
Sometimes life goes up, sometimes it comes down.
It's been a very tough two weeks for my mother. For some reason, her empty-nest syndrome is in full force even though all three of us have left home for more than a couple of years.
One thing that is unique in my mother's life is that people have always catered to her. From her parents, friends, spouse and children, she is used to having people give into her every whim.
Unfortunately, the one exception is me. Keeping a very busy schedule has meant that I don't always see her or do everything for her that she needs. I subscribe to the air mask theory of giving. The airlines are always telling us to put the face mask on ourselves before helping others. I am selfish in that I can only give as much as I am whole, so that means I don't do as much for my mother as other people in her life.
It's just personality. I take pride in doing everything for myself and rely on people very rarely. For my mother, she has gotten used to people serving her and is having a hard time with the fact that there is not one person she can rely on any more. Even my father, who allowed my mother to sleep in when we were growing up (doesn't everyone's father make breakfast while the mother slept in?), is terminally ill and not always able to cater to her.
This episode of watching my mother's frustration has taught me that one must be flexible enough to adapt to change. Even though I am surrounded by friends and things to do in the City, there will be one day when I am more alone. The key is to stay one step ahead of one's circumstances.
It's been a very tough two weeks for my mother. For some reason, her empty-nest syndrome is in full force even though all three of us have left home for more than a couple of years.
One thing that is unique in my mother's life is that people have always catered to her. From her parents, friends, spouse and children, she is used to having people give into her every whim.
Unfortunately, the one exception is me. Keeping a very busy schedule has meant that I don't always see her or do everything for her that she needs. I subscribe to the air mask theory of giving. The airlines are always telling us to put the face mask on ourselves before helping others. I am selfish in that I can only give as much as I am whole, so that means I don't do as much for my mother as other people in her life.
It's just personality. I take pride in doing everything for myself and rely on people very rarely. For my mother, she has gotten used to people serving her and is having a hard time with the fact that there is not one person she can rely on any more. Even my father, who allowed my mother to sleep in when we were growing up (doesn't everyone's father make breakfast while the mother slept in?), is terminally ill and not always able to cater to her.
This episode of watching my mother's frustration has taught me that one must be flexible enough to adapt to change. Even though I am surrounded by friends and things to do in the City, there will be one day when I am more alone. The key is to stay one step ahead of one's circumstances.
clarity
When I see things for what they truly are
rather than what I wish them to be
or what I assume them to be,
that's when I have all the answers.
It's been absolutely the best weekend.
No, not all of my problems are solved,
but then, I don't have real problems in my life,
only facts that are not excepted fully.
Perhaps this is the power of the subconscious.
When we ask a question into the air,
the answers often take a while to appear.
What is needed is complete silence.
And faith.
I've always had the latter b/c of my intuition.
Now I also have stillness and clarity.
What is the most surprising is that one man
gave me the key to unlock the power within.
rather than what I wish them to be
or what I assume them to be,
that's when I have all the answers.
It's been absolutely the best weekend.
No, not all of my problems are solved,
but then, I don't have real problems in my life,
only facts that are not excepted fully.
Perhaps this is the power of the subconscious.
When we ask a question into the air,
the answers often take a while to appear.
What is needed is complete silence.
And faith.
I've always had the latter b/c of my intuition.
Now I also have stillness and clarity.
What is the most surprising is that one man
gave me the key to unlock the power within.
Monday, September 04, 2006
de-stress
After driving in crazy traffic and not getting enough sleep the whole weekend, I was all too glad to get home last night after my weekend in Tahoe.
The first thing was preparing a meal for my out-of-town guests. Something about the process of buying fresh food, figuring out a menu and actually cooking a full meal calmed me down instantly.
The minute I sniffed fruit at Safeway and peered at the seafood display, I felt rejuvenated. Nothing quite like the washing, chopping, marinating, seasoning and sauteeing the meats and vegetables to make me myself again.
Yes, life is about all this and many other simple things that make me happy!
The first thing was preparing a meal for my out-of-town guests. Something about the process of buying fresh food, figuring out a menu and actually cooking a full meal calmed me down instantly.
The minute I sniffed fruit at Safeway and peered at the seafood display, I felt rejuvenated. Nothing quite like the washing, chopping, marinating, seasoning and sauteeing the meats and vegetables to make me myself again.
Yes, life is about all this and many other simple things that make me happy!
unexpected wisdom
Went to Tahoe for the weekend. A blast. Nothing like getting away and doing nothing except eat and walk around.
In one conversation with my friend, he pointed out that some of us are attracted to people not quite right for us because we are just not ready to settled down.
I've always been honest with myself and others that I am not ready to settle down. Still, it was in that moment I see how silly I have been trying to have relationships with men who couldn't be bothered.
Just like that, I am no longer going to force any relationship on anyone. At the same time, I am going to stay aways from people who expect too much from me. Or at least just be politely refuse their well intentions.
In one conversation with my friend, he pointed out that some of us are attracted to people not quite right for us because we are just not ready to settled down.
I've always been honest with myself and others that I am not ready to settle down. Still, it was in that moment I see how silly I have been trying to have relationships with men who couldn't be bothered.
Just like that, I am no longer going to force any relationship on anyone. At the same time, I am going to stay aways from people who expect too much from me. Or at least just be politely refuse their well intentions.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
small victories
Yesterday, my GM asked me to review a new contract with our environmental consultants. My company is in litigation, and our attorneys have asked the environmental consultants for additional services.
After reviewing the contract, I e-mailed the GM on why the fee for litigation work is 50% more than their regular fee. The main environmental consultant was already the top-billing person from that company.
The GM then directly forwarded my e-mail to the VP at environmental consulting company...
This morning, I received an e-mail from the VP: they are knocking off the increase and billing us the regular rate. Yeah!
This incident follows a similar event two month ago. I urged the GM in June to challenge a summer associate's billing b/c summer associates tends to bill excessively due to the steep learning curve. After continually checking in with the GM, the GM finally pushed the partner for an answer. We were able to slash that associate's billing by half. Yet another victory for the company.
More than ever, I feel absorbed by work. It's not a bad thing, since I am still getting to do all the fun things in my life... Life feels lucky.
After reviewing the contract, I e-mailed the GM on why the fee for litigation work is 50% more than their regular fee. The main environmental consultant was already the top-billing person from that company.
The GM then directly forwarded my e-mail to the VP at environmental consulting company...
This morning, I received an e-mail from the VP: they are knocking off the increase and billing us the regular rate. Yeah!
This incident follows a similar event two month ago. I urged the GM in June to challenge a summer associate's billing b/c summer associates tends to bill excessively due to the steep learning curve. After continually checking in with the GM, the GM finally pushed the partner for an answer. We were able to slash that associate's billing by half. Yet another victory for the company.
More than ever, I feel absorbed by work. It's not a bad thing, since I am still getting to do all the fun things in my life... Life feels lucky.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
dark side
So I am trying to explain the last blog entry to a friend, and it occurred to me that this friend is just too nice to understand.
Having a dark side means making unpopular choices and taking big risks. It's rejecting the conventional choices and mocking the assumptions.
The dark side is also all about being overly sensitive and seeing the danger of not questioning everything.
I have worked hard to cultivate my lifestyle. I value the abrupt starts and stops in almost every area of my life. By changing careers and romantic partners, I can decide for myself what is right and what is next.
For all the people I have stepped on or cast aside, I do apologize. However, for those who have kept up the intellectual and emotional ping-pong, the best is still ahead. We may not always agree, but in showing you my dark side, we are the best of friends.
Having a dark side means making unpopular choices and taking big risks. It's rejecting the conventional choices and mocking the assumptions.
The dark side is also all about being overly sensitive and seeing the danger of not questioning everything.
I have worked hard to cultivate my lifestyle. I value the abrupt starts and stops in almost every area of my life. By changing careers and romantic partners, I can decide for myself what is right and what is next.
For all the people I have stepped on or cast aside, I do apologize. However, for those who have kept up the intellectual and emotional ping-pong, the best is still ahead. We may not always agree, but in showing you my dark side, we are the best of friends.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
heart ache
By spending so much time of late with people who are supportive, it is now easy to identify people who just cannot accept me for who I am.
As much as these relatives and friends mean to me, I have to limit my time with them.
I blame myself for being overly sensitive, but there is no need to wonder about matters that cannot be helped.
In the past, I just let the pressures built up. Now, thanks to more time with people who can accept me unconditionally, I can let go of the ties that bind.
Some people are just not meant to be part of the journey forward.
As much as these relatives and friends mean to me, I have to limit my time with them.
I blame myself for being overly sensitive, but there is no need to wonder about matters that cannot be helped.
In the past, I just let the pressures built up. Now, thanks to more time with people who can accept me unconditionally, I can let go of the ties that bind.
Some people are just not meant to be part of the journey forward.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
turn off
Went to a b-day party last night. It was in the lounge area of a restaurant and was mellow. Got to really talk to people without having to shout too much, so that was nice.
Despite the laid-back atmosphere, one guy and one woman stood out in my mind b/c they were intense. Specifically, they were more close-minded.
The guy and I were talking about his new home in SOMA. I mentioned that DNA Lounge, right by his place, was a cool place. Immediately, he commented that the club was grungy, as if the place reaked. I tried to explain why I liked the place, but his overwhelming dislike for the place dominated the conversation.
Okay, see you later sir...
A few minutes later, I was talking to this woman. It turns out that we met at a pool party a month before. I made the connection b/c I rarely go down to the South Bay, so I knew I must have met her at one of the two times I was down there this year.
She didn't recognize me because my hair was different. I joked that my hair only look this good when I get out of the salon, where I was a few hours before the party. She immediately commented that I could make my hair look that way, but I was just lazy and unwilling to make my hair look good. It was so shocking to be accused of being lazy that I was defensive. Still, I managed to laugh it off and change the subject.
Then I remembered her once again, with this hostile attitude at the pool party...
Despite these incidents, the party was fun! I caught up with a few friends and met some new people. Still, the negative experiences stood out because I hope to always give people a positive experience. I believe one of the fundamental duties of being human is to bring joy to others' lives by accepting them unconditionally.
For those times when I judged you or made you uncomfortable. I apologize. I promise that I will continue to strive to be a delightful person, especially to all of you that I care so much about!!
Despite the laid-back atmosphere, one guy and one woman stood out in my mind b/c they were intense. Specifically, they were more close-minded.
The guy and I were talking about his new home in SOMA. I mentioned that DNA Lounge, right by his place, was a cool place. Immediately, he commented that the club was grungy, as if the place reaked. I tried to explain why I liked the place, but his overwhelming dislike for the place dominated the conversation.
Okay, see you later sir...
A few minutes later, I was talking to this woman. It turns out that we met at a pool party a month before. I made the connection b/c I rarely go down to the South Bay, so I knew I must have met her at one of the two times I was down there this year.
She didn't recognize me because my hair was different. I joked that my hair only look this good when I get out of the salon, where I was a few hours before the party. She immediately commented that I could make my hair look that way, but I was just lazy and unwilling to make my hair look good. It was so shocking to be accused of being lazy that I was defensive. Still, I managed to laugh it off and change the subject.
Then I remembered her once again, with this hostile attitude at the pool party...
Despite these incidents, the party was fun! I caught up with a few friends and met some new people. Still, the negative experiences stood out because I hope to always give people a positive experience. I believe one of the fundamental duties of being human is to bring joy to others' lives by accepting them unconditionally.
For those times when I judged you or made you uncomfortable. I apologize. I promise that I will continue to strive to be a delightful person, especially to all of you that I care so much about!!
Friday, August 25, 2006
i have a big head
Work is busier than ever, but for some reason, I am enjoying it.
Life is back to having fun and loving life.
It is as if the stress of the previous six months have disappeared.
There is a certain clarity, and I feel invincible right now.
This must be how fighters are in a ring, taunting the opponent. C'mon, show me what you've got!
Life is back to having fun and loving life.
It is as if the stress of the previous six months have disappeared.
There is a certain clarity, and I feel invincible right now.
This must be how fighters are in a ring, taunting the opponent. C'mon, show me what you've got!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
time for everything
Monday 6pm - restaurants that take reservations - I tend to avoid SF restaurants Fri and Sat night - why deal with the crowd, the noise and the temp staff who has not tried everything on the menu?
Tuesday 8am - the best time to go to Safeway - most stocking clerks start their shifts around this time, so this is the best time to get produce at Safeway. the seafood department is open as well. perfect time to pick up fresh seafood for the home-made meals that night
Wednesday 730am - golf ranges - both Presidio and San Bruno are open at 7 but never has any crowd b/c people are commuting. it's possible to hit 70 balls and still get to work by 9! Presidio is closed Tuesday until noon
Wednesday 7pm - public library/book stores - reading at night is a luxury, and you can hit the main library until 8 Tues, Wed, Thurs or borders until 11 or midnight most nights. all these places have cafes in case you need something sweet to go with your book or magazine
Thursday 7pm - museums - most have late nights on Thursdays, and it's usually discounted
Thursday 8pm - Costco - b/c it closes at 830, and they stock everything for the weekend (Fri evening and Sat are the worst times to go)
Friday 630pm - climbing gym - ladies night are never as popular as they should be, so avoid the crowds and save $ ladies! first Fri of the month at the Touchstone gyms and first and third Fri at Planet Granite gyms
Friday 930pm - SOMA Trader Joe's - this location closes at 10, but not a lot of people take advantage (Sat and Sun are the worst times to go)
Saturday 7pm - gym - while everyone is waiting for a table or looking for parking, you can pump away and get a head start in your endorphin production before the night out on the town
Sunday 930am - Civic Center farmers' market - don't have the same cachet as Ferry's Building, but getting a week's grocery for $15 is worth it. restricted parking for the trucks unloading ends at 930, so you'll always find parking on Hyde
Tuesday 8am - the best time to go to Safeway - most stocking clerks start their shifts around this time, so this is the best time to get produce at Safeway. the seafood department is open as well. perfect time to pick up fresh seafood for the home-made meals that night
Wednesday 730am - golf ranges - both Presidio and San Bruno are open at 7 but never has any crowd b/c people are commuting. it's possible to hit 70 balls and still get to work by 9! Presidio is closed Tuesday until noon
Wednesday 7pm - public library/book stores - reading at night is a luxury, and you can hit the main library until 8 Tues, Wed, Thurs or borders until 11 or midnight most nights. all these places have cafes in case you need something sweet to go with your book or magazine
Thursday 7pm - museums - most have late nights on Thursdays, and it's usually discounted
Thursday 8pm - Costco - b/c it closes at 830, and they stock everything for the weekend (Fri evening and Sat are the worst times to go)
Friday 630pm - climbing gym - ladies night are never as popular as they should be, so avoid the crowds and save $ ladies! first Fri of the month at the Touchstone gyms and first and third Fri at Planet Granite gyms
Friday 930pm - SOMA Trader Joe's - this location closes at 10, but not a lot of people take advantage (Sat and Sun are the worst times to go)
Saturday 7pm - gym - while everyone is waiting for a table or looking for parking, you can pump away and get a head start in your endorphin production before the night out on the town
Sunday 930am - Civic Center farmers' market - don't have the same cachet as Ferry's Building, but getting a week's grocery for $15 is worth it. restricted parking for the trucks unloading ends at 930, so you'll always find parking on Hyde
Sunday, August 20, 2006
social pressure
As much as I love my friends, sometimes I have to remove myself from the social circles to avoid the pressures.
Life is not about obtaining the same identical goals. What makes most people happy may not be what I am looking for from men, career and self.
The reasons why I value people who are so different is that they are actually more open-minded to let me be me.
Looking forward to meeting many, many more different-minded people for the next few years as I continue to enjoy the single life.
Life is not about obtaining the same identical goals. What makes most people happy may not be what I am looking for from men, career and self.
The reasons why I value people who are so different is that they are actually more open-minded to let me be me.
Looking forward to meeting many, many more different-minded people for the next few years as I continue to enjoy the single life.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
joy
What gives me the most joy in life is perfect balance. Reaching that state of near perfection is why this is the best year yet.
There is not one thing or one person in my life that means everything, except my sense of self.
By adding my health, my work, my family, my friends and all the things that I do for fun, my life is complete.
At the same time, if any one thing goes wrong, I have all the other parts to remind me that sometimes life goes up and then it comes down. It is all part of the rhythm of life.
The best part is that getting older means lots of practice to achieve balance. I finally have the experience to appreciate my reality.
There is not one thing or one person in my life that means everything, except my sense of self.
By adding my health, my work, my family, my friends and all the things that I do for fun, my life is complete.
At the same time, if any one thing goes wrong, I have all the other parts to remind me that sometimes life goes up and then it comes down. It is all part of the rhythm of life.
The best part is that getting older means lots of practice to achieve balance. I finally have the experience to appreciate my reality.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
this is how
How do I meet so many people?
Being outgoing helps, but following through is the key. Whenever I meet a cool person, I try to spend some time one-on-one with that person to get to know them.
Last Saturday night, I met a girl who was very together. You know, the type that is kind of serious at first but funny once you get to know her. She asked if I would join a dragon boat team for a race in late September.
At first, I fully rejected the idea but offered to invite other women for her. As the week wore on, I realized that this is a chance to get to know her and her group of friends better. Besides, the time committment is minimal, 2 hours for 3 weekends and then the morning of the race.
As life settles into a routine, it takes more effort to do something different. Life does present plenty of opportunity at every turn. It's up to us to say why not.
Being outgoing helps, but following through is the key. Whenever I meet a cool person, I try to spend some time one-on-one with that person to get to know them.
Last Saturday night, I met a girl who was very together. You know, the type that is kind of serious at first but funny once you get to know her. She asked if I would join a dragon boat team for a race in late September.
At first, I fully rejected the idea but offered to invite other women for her. As the week wore on, I realized that this is a chance to get to know her and her group of friends better. Besides, the time committment is minimal, 2 hours for 3 weekends and then the morning of the race.
As life settles into a routine, it takes more effort to do something different. Life does present plenty of opportunity at every turn. It's up to us to say why not.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
finding the one, part 2
Just as my right brain contradicts with my left brain, my other theory on finding the right partner is all about the head and not the heart.
It has to do with our history.
More and more, I am convinced that respecting our identiy from our family history is key to happiness. Just as learning about our genetics can improve our health, understanding the family tree can lead to the one.
According to one of my favorite books, A General Theory of Love (Lewis, Amini and Lannon), we often end up with people who are similar to the parent that we don't get along with because we are trying to resolve some unfinished business. Of course, those relationships are never completely fulfilling just as we rarely come to terms with one or both parents.
Perhaps finding the one is all about checklists, but not for our partners, but for ourselves. If I know that my social life is very important to me, how will someone compliment that nonstop schedule. The conclusion: this is not the right time to have someone in my life!
In the end, Part 1 and 2 are the same. It is all about looking inward and knowing who we are at the core and how to surround ourselves with the people who allow us to grow. The trick is to assess those people with our intuititon and not our feelings or other people's opinions.
It has to do with our history.
More and more, I am convinced that respecting our identiy from our family history is key to happiness. Just as learning about our genetics can improve our health, understanding the family tree can lead to the one.
According to one of my favorite books, A General Theory of Love (Lewis, Amini and Lannon), we often end up with people who are similar to the parent that we don't get along with because we are trying to resolve some unfinished business. Of course, those relationships are never completely fulfilling just as we rarely come to terms with one or both parents.
Perhaps finding the one is all about checklists, but not for our partners, but for ourselves. If I know that my social life is very important to me, how will someone compliment that nonstop schedule. The conclusion: this is not the right time to have someone in my life!
In the end, Part 1 and 2 are the same. It is all about looking inward and knowing who we are at the core and how to surround ourselves with the people who allow us to grow. The trick is to assess those people with our intuititon and not our feelings or other people's opinions.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
finding the one, part 1
Some people carry around their checklist or some loose preferences for the person they want to end up with. Fortunatley, these lists are constantly edited, so there are usually some accuracy in the lists.
I offer a simpler method for finding the one: be your own best company.
Spend an entire Sunday afternoon by yourself (phone calls allowed). Take up a simple activity that you have always enjoyed but wish for more of. Being outdoors? Reading? Surfing (web or on water!)? Shopping? The only two requirements are that 1. you must not have company and 2. you are actively engaged with yourself. You must be able to ask yourself at any given point what/when/where/how. It can even be work, excep this should be a peripheral project.
For instance, I went to a condo project site today to take some photos. Our overseas animation creators did not accurately depict the surrounding waterfront property. I had to decide what, when, where, and how to take the pictures. The pace was perfect, and I cannot complain about being on a state park on a Sunday afternoon.
At the end of the project, there is a certain satisfaction of accomplishment. More importantly, I achieved a state of ease. I am lucky to have often arrived at this point, and more so as I have gotten older. It is almost zen-like not because of my accomplishment, but because of how I led myself through a conscious yet almost-effortless process.
The same should be said about being with the one. Being with the right person is all about being comfortable and being at ease but with a sense of purpose.
It appears that many people confuse lust with this sense of well being. I myself made the mistake in the past in thinking that the right person is going to add excitement to my life. That is usually inevitable because of lust (how do you think the human species has endured?!).
One fallacy in using lust as a measurement of compatibility is that it does not last.
What does endure is compatibility through our mental engagement and some inexplicable ease that comes from the confidance of accomplishing something great.
Relationships are not easy, but it should not be frustrating. We should be with people who make us optimistic and joyful, especially if this person is to be our romantic partner, no matter for how long.
The reason that it is so hard for people to be in the right relationship with someone is because they have yet to relate to themselves completely. I have a long way to go despite my fortunate of being able to accept myself. Perhaps when I can completely let go of the attachment out of fear of not being loved, I will find my true love.
I offer a simpler method for finding the one: be your own best company.
Spend an entire Sunday afternoon by yourself (phone calls allowed). Take up a simple activity that you have always enjoyed but wish for more of. Being outdoors? Reading? Surfing (web or on water!)? Shopping? The only two requirements are that 1. you must not have company and 2. you are actively engaged with yourself. You must be able to ask yourself at any given point what/when/where/how. It can even be work, excep this should be a peripheral project.
For instance, I went to a condo project site today to take some photos. Our overseas animation creators did not accurately depict the surrounding waterfront property. I had to decide what, when, where, and how to take the pictures. The pace was perfect, and I cannot complain about being on a state park on a Sunday afternoon.
At the end of the project, there is a certain satisfaction of accomplishment. More importantly, I achieved a state of ease. I am lucky to have often arrived at this point, and more so as I have gotten older. It is almost zen-like not because of my accomplishment, but because of how I led myself through a conscious yet almost-effortless process.
The same should be said about being with the one. Being with the right person is all about being comfortable and being at ease but with a sense of purpose.
It appears that many people confuse lust with this sense of well being. I myself made the mistake in the past in thinking that the right person is going to add excitement to my life. That is usually inevitable because of lust (how do you think the human species has endured?!).
One fallacy in using lust as a measurement of compatibility is that it does not last.
What does endure is compatibility through our mental engagement and some inexplicable ease that comes from the confidance of accomplishing something great.
Relationships are not easy, but it should not be frustrating. We should be with people who make us optimistic and joyful, especially if this person is to be our romantic partner, no matter for how long.
The reason that it is so hard for people to be in the right relationship with someone is because they have yet to relate to themselves completely. I have a long way to go despite my fortunate of being able to accept myself. Perhaps when I can completely let go of the attachment out of fear of not being loved, I will find my true love.
tone of voice
Last night, I was relaxing and watching TV when a friend called to go drinking. I answered b/c I thought about going out. Somehow, the tone of the invitation (demanding) and the shows I was watching (recording one and surfing 4 others) made it seem better to just stay home.
I knew I made the right decision when I had to sound negative and very tired about staying home. If this person was a true friend, he wouldn't have given me such a hard time for staying in.
Then, an hour later, another friend texted about having a drink. It was completely different tone. The person started the message apologizing in case he woke me up. Timing. The shows were over, and I was just about to head to bed.
It turned out to be a great night.
I cannot help but notice tone more and more in my everyday life. It makes me almost want to record myself to make sure I am always my most charming self. Regardless of what the message is, I should always speak with care and grace.
It still amazes me how much I am changing ever since last December...
I knew I made the right decision when I had to sound negative and very tired about staying home. If this person was a true friend, he wouldn't have given me such a hard time for staying in.
Then, an hour later, another friend texted about having a drink. It was completely different tone. The person started the message apologizing in case he woke me up. Timing. The shows were over, and I was just about to head to bed.
It turned out to be a great night.
I cannot help but notice tone more and more in my everyday life. It makes me almost want to record myself to make sure I am always my most charming self. Regardless of what the message is, I should always speak with care and grace.
It still amazes me how much I am changing ever since last December...
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