The Chinese word for boredom is sometimes used to admonish people who have so much time on their hands that they act perverse. For example, the victim of a practicle joke will yell to the prankster "are you bored?!"
More and more, I grow aware of such unslightly behavior, and the root is boredom. For instance, today, I had a random stalker for my walk to and from the grocery store two blocks away. I believe that the person is just some observer of the SF Marathon and maybe tagged along out of boredom. A fellow shopper who I walked past on the way to the store actually approached me in the vegetable section and warned me about the stalker and described his outfit to me.
On the way home, I spotted that person across the street. I decided to follow him and crossed the street to be behind him. He reacted surprised by almost stopping completely but then decided to walk down the street. I turned onto my street but suspected that he would turn around to follow. I then turned around in the middle of my block.
Sure enough, the guy had turned in as well and was walking toward me. Knew it. I then set down my groceries at the side of the street and pulled out my phone as if to call. I took my time to get his physical description. Hopefully, I never have to use that information!
The fortunate thing was that he appeared embarrassed, and he walked without looking back. I was able to get home safely.
This is not the first time that I had been followed, but this is the first time that I felt completely calm. I cannot control others but I can always manage situations.
The incident brought full circle to the question of how do people improve themselves. Besides constantly learning, there has to be enough constructive activity for a person that prevents the mind from straying.
Unfortunatley, much of the population, including myself, has tried to solve the boredom issue with solutions that only compound the problem. For example, I used to enjoy shopping, especially bargain shopping. It was entertainment but not a real solution to boredom. Now that I have cut out shopping as a leisure activity (and only buy based on need), my life has improved.
Next will be more activities that not only combat boredom but bring real meaning to my life and the lives of others. Stayed tuned...
Sunday, July 30, 2006
don't compare
I try not to compare people but being subjected to unpleasant company makes me miss those good moments with great company.
signs of old age
Last night, went out with three girlfriends to dance. It was a younger crowd, so we danced in peace. Met up with another group of friends, but it was all crazy dancing.
Tonight, we hit another party, but it was an older crowd. I had the misfortune of running into four different guys that were friends of friends. Repeatedly the guys tried to come up to talk to me while our group was dancing.
Nothing ages a person faster than desperation. When we first left the party I felt frustrated by the unwelcome attention, then after some thought, I see how these men were just tired of being alone.
The worst thing for someone who feels lonely is to go to a club and feel trapped by his inhibition. Personally, I go clubbing to celebrate with my friends. Nothing projects joy more than freely dancing. If you are looking to meet someone at a party, then get their number and leave them alone! My agenda is to have fun and not to engage in a Q&A session.
Very grateful that I have the company of friends who danced with me all night long! Here's to kindred spirits.
Tonight, we hit another party, but it was an older crowd. I had the misfortune of running into four different guys that were friends of friends. Repeatedly the guys tried to come up to talk to me while our group was dancing.
Nothing ages a person faster than desperation. When we first left the party I felt frustrated by the unwelcome attention, then after some thought, I see how these men were just tired of being alone.
The worst thing for someone who feels lonely is to go to a club and feel trapped by his inhibition. Personally, I go clubbing to celebrate with my friends. Nothing projects joy more than freely dancing. If you are looking to meet someone at a party, then get their number and leave them alone! My agenda is to have fun and not to engage in a Q&A session.
Very grateful that I have the company of friends who danced with me all night long! Here's to kindred spirits.
Friday, July 28, 2006
crush
Our company is interviewing an attorney who is partner at a big firm.
Well, my initial impression when we invited him in for the first interview was so-so. Then, during that one hour, he impressed me enough to wonder if he was single. This guy is not only smart, he is a gentleman. Having practiced, let me tell you that it's rare to meet a nice litigator. His only flaw was that he also looked too young; our attorney was shocked that this guy has been praticing for 14 years.
There was a part of me that hoped we would reject him, so I can ask him out. He made the first cut.
Today, we brought him back for a small side project. At the start of our meeting, three of us were just chatting while waiting for our regular attorney. I suggested that our attorney was late because he was probably pulled over reading his Blackberry. He confessed that he too was addicted to his, but they have a house rule to not check it before 7.
My heart sank. That's "we" as in him and his SO.
It didn't help that the rest of the 2-hour meeting, this guy was brilliant. It's been a long while since I have been swept up by intellect, and the great brain is dosed with a great sense of humor and encased in a great-looking head and body...
His SO is a lucky woman/man (hey, you never know).
Well, my initial impression when we invited him in for the first interview was so-so. Then, during that one hour, he impressed me enough to wonder if he was single. This guy is not only smart, he is a gentleman. Having practiced, let me tell you that it's rare to meet a nice litigator. His only flaw was that he also looked too young; our attorney was shocked that this guy has been praticing for 14 years.
There was a part of me that hoped we would reject him, so I can ask him out. He made the first cut.
Today, we brought him back for a small side project. At the start of our meeting, three of us were just chatting while waiting for our regular attorney. I suggested that our attorney was late because he was probably pulled over reading his Blackberry. He confessed that he too was addicted to his, but they have a house rule to not check it before 7.
My heart sank. That's "we" as in him and his SO.
It didn't help that the rest of the 2-hour meeting, this guy was brilliant. It's been a long while since I have been swept up by intellect, and the great brain is dosed with a great sense of humor and encased in a great-looking head and body...
His SO is a lucky woman/man (hey, you never know).
confidance
Last night, a girlfriend and I went to happy hour. It was an alumni event for a business school, but for some reason, it was quite empty. It was a good chance to observe the few attendees.
Later in the event, two women stoped by. Both beautiful and very well put together. My friend commented that they appeared to be trying to hard. How? It was hard to pinpoint, but I agreed.
They both had outfits that didn't look quite appropriate for work. Either they work in retail, or someone changed just for the occassion. Then, there was the makeup. I was sitting across the room, and both their eyes and lips were just a bit too vivid.
Still, who can fault these women for looking their best, but when everyone else is coming straight from work, they did stand out.
In the end, nothing flatters like confidance, and no outfit or assessory is as winning as a big smile.
Later in the event, two women stoped by. Both beautiful and very well put together. My friend commented that they appeared to be trying to hard. How? It was hard to pinpoint, but I agreed.
They both had outfits that didn't look quite appropriate for work. Either they work in retail, or someone changed just for the occassion. Then, there was the makeup. I was sitting across the room, and both their eyes and lips were just a bit too vivid.
Still, who can fault these women for looking their best, but when everyone else is coming straight from work, they did stand out.
In the end, nothing flatters like confidance, and no outfit or assessory is as winning as a big smile.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
what do you know
This past Tuesday night, I sat in the Friends of Brisbane Library monthly meeting. Given that my company is looking to build in this small town, part of my job is to get to know the community.
Just as I had suspected, many people don't fully engage in the civic news. Even though the people I met were very passionate about having a better library, most of them do not follow what is going on in their cities.
Which makes me realize more than ever that the democratic process only works if there is a very committed and active population.
Personally, I just try to read. It helps that part of my weekly task at work is to track local municipal activities. And I vote.
The other day, someone asked me on a blind date what I would do if I was independently wealthy. I would be an activist. Why not now?
Just as I had suspected, many people don't fully engage in the civic news. Even though the people I met were very passionate about having a better library, most of them do not follow what is going on in their cities.
Which makes me realize more than ever that the democratic process only works if there is a very committed and active population.
Personally, I just try to read. It helps that part of my weekly task at work is to track local municipal activities. And I vote.
The other day, someone asked me on a blind date what I would do if I was independently wealthy. I would be an activist. Why not now?
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
externalities
Given all the gloabl-warming concerns, persuading people to save energy for the greater good does not seem so effective.
A better approach may be to show people the externalities that they stand to gain.
For instance, taking public transportation not only reduce gasoline consumption, it
1. is great exercise (b/c you usually have to walk a few blocks)
2. is a great time to read
3. is relaxing
4. helps with directions (this is my secret on how I know the city so well)
Next weekend, two girlfriens will be staying with me, and I hope to show them the SF Bay Area that very few people know, the one without a car...
A better approach may be to show people the externalities that they stand to gain.
For instance, taking public transportation not only reduce gasoline consumption, it
1. is great exercise (b/c you usually have to walk a few blocks)
2. is a great time to read
3. is relaxing
4. helps with directions (this is my secret on how I know the city so well)
Next weekend, two girlfriens will be staying with me, and I hope to show them the SF Bay Area that very few people know, the one without a car...
Friday, July 21, 2006
the sure things
No matter what, I have so many outlets for these no-so-hot weeks. Whether it is friends, family, work, workouts, or even food, I can always find ways to make myself feel better.
The key is to continually maintain relationships and outlets like making deposits to savings accounts, so when it's time to draw for one's sanity, those resources are available.
I am working tomorrow morning, Saturday, so it's a low key night tonight. Still, I am finally snapped out of my alone mode and ready to have some fun.
This looks to be one great weekend already...
The key is to continually maintain relationships and outlets like making deposits to savings accounts, so when it's time to draw for one's sanity, those resources are available.
I am working tomorrow morning, Saturday, so it's a low key night tonight. Still, I am finally snapped out of my alone mode and ready to have some fun.
This looks to be one great weekend already...
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
love to work
Finally hit that state where work is euphoric.
It's a high from doing so many things all at once and doing them all well. It's the ability to keep track of several projects and know just what to do next. It's giving my undivided attention in that meeting even though four more meetings are scheduled for the day.
I always imagined myself as a worker bee, busily buzzing away. Relax? Never. Although I do miss the jobs where the tasks can be easily checked off after an hour or two. Now, almost every project is ongoing, so I have to create mini-tasks to check things off the list.
Okay, back to work!
It's a high from doing so many things all at once and doing them all well. It's the ability to keep track of several projects and know just what to do next. It's giving my undivided attention in that meeting even though four more meetings are scheduled for the day.
I always imagined myself as a worker bee, busily buzzing away. Relax? Never. Although I do miss the jobs where the tasks can be easily checked off after an hour or two. Now, almost every project is ongoing, so I have to create mini-tasks to check things off the list.
Okay, back to work!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
preparation
Went on a lunch blind date today.
At one point, I dropped some food on myself. Two weeks ago, the same thing happened during a lunch with a colleague, and my annoyance temporarily interrupted that lunch. Today, I remembered and just discreetly wiped the food off.
The date was all right, but the problem with being intuitive is that I usually figure out what the guy wants and can tell right away if I am not the right fit for that person. That's why I always end up falling for peope who are not ready to settle down yet because they don't have any fixed mental image to eliminate me.
Throughout the lunch, the person was trying hard to figure out my age. I do look young for my age, and so does he. Still, there is over 10 years of age difference. Another plus is that I have so many close friends and relatives much older and much younger than me that I can always sidestep those questions.
In the end, it's all about chemistry, but practice only helps...
At one point, I dropped some food on myself. Two weeks ago, the same thing happened during a lunch with a colleague, and my annoyance temporarily interrupted that lunch. Today, I remembered and just discreetly wiped the food off.
The date was all right, but the problem with being intuitive is that I usually figure out what the guy wants and can tell right away if I am not the right fit for that person. That's why I always end up falling for peope who are not ready to settle down yet because they don't have any fixed mental image to eliminate me.
Throughout the lunch, the person was trying hard to figure out my age. I do look young for my age, and so does he. Still, there is over 10 years of age difference. Another plus is that I have so many close friends and relatives much older and much younger than me that I can always sidestep those questions.
In the end, it's all about chemistry, but practice only helps...
Sunday, July 16, 2006
watching
Nothing like observing one's own changes.
Found myself behaving in ways similar to the guy I just dated. Pleasantly surprised. I like it when people are significant enough to leave their marks.
At the same time, I have started to let those peripherial relationships evolve without much effort on my part. Quite liberating although at the confusion of my so-called friends.
Life is good though. Despite a very hectic weekend, I feel more at peace then ever.
Found myself behaving in ways similar to the guy I just dated. Pleasantly surprised. I like it when people are significant enough to leave their marks.
At the same time, I have started to let those peripherial relationships evolve without much effort on my part. Quite liberating although at the confusion of my so-called friends.
Life is good though. Despite a very hectic weekend, I feel more at peace then ever.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
secret to happiness
Despite the ups and downs in my professional and dating life, I am having a very happy week.
After a depressing week/weekend, where I almost got sick from the stress, I finally snapped out of it. More than any medication, my firm belief in myself got me out of the dark hole.
Ironically, because I have achieved optimal physical health, it is inevitable that I am confronting my spirituality now.
Unlike many of my friends who are pursuing concrete goals like money, life partner or career, I have had all that already. For me, the secret to happiness is spiritual connection to my inner self.
I am happy when I can move through life effortlessly. When I know what choices to make because I am aware and connected to the world at large. Hesitation and worries are inefficient use of my time, and I avoid those moments by always being connected to my inner self.
Cultivating the self takes a lot of time on one's own, but it also requires a genuine interest in the world around us. By caring about others, we develop our intuition and can let our sense guide us to the inevitable outcome.
An example is how to squeeze more time out of the week. This week, I worked M-Th nights. Knowing that I have lots of meetings, I lunched and took breaks with friends. I even caught up with a friend from Japan for an hour yesterday during a 13-hour work day; we took a walk at the marina nearby.
It is by always knowing what I need can I fuel myself physically and spiritually and then in turn live my best life. That is happiness.
After a depressing week/weekend, where I almost got sick from the stress, I finally snapped out of it. More than any medication, my firm belief in myself got me out of the dark hole.
Ironically, because I have achieved optimal physical health, it is inevitable that I am confronting my spirituality now.
Unlike many of my friends who are pursuing concrete goals like money, life partner or career, I have had all that already. For me, the secret to happiness is spiritual connection to my inner self.
I am happy when I can move through life effortlessly. When I know what choices to make because I am aware and connected to the world at large. Hesitation and worries are inefficient use of my time, and I avoid those moments by always being connected to my inner self.
Cultivating the self takes a lot of time on one's own, but it also requires a genuine interest in the world around us. By caring about others, we develop our intuition and can let our sense guide us to the inevitable outcome.
An example is how to squeeze more time out of the week. This week, I worked M-Th nights. Knowing that I have lots of meetings, I lunched and took breaks with friends. I even caught up with a friend from Japan for an hour yesterday during a 13-hour work day; we took a walk at the marina nearby.
It is by always knowing what I need can I fuel myself physically and spiritually and then in turn live my best life. That is happiness.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
what's in a package
When it comes to health, it's good to have a few rules of thumb and stick to it. My favorite one right now is to try to not buy or eat anything that comes in a package.
Think about it, most things that come in a package need chemicals to keep it fresh or edible. Thus, my number one enemy: corn syrup. Some of you may know that corn syrup, especially the partially hydrogenated kind, has been linked to type II diabetes. I just don't like the taste. Sodas and most packaged baked goods have them. Check those labels, even most bread has corn syrup. I only found this out b/c I recently bought bread for a road trip and had to put so many loaves back.
Also, there is the money one saves by buying natural food. Buying packaged food is essentially letting someone else take another cut in the money chain. Very few desserts will be cheaper and healthier than the ones that one bakes by oneself.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, otherwise, life will be too boring. My exceptions to the rule? OJ, soymilk, miso and CHOCOLATE! (There are many more, but that's between me and my grocery store clerk.)
Think about it, most things that come in a package need chemicals to keep it fresh or edible. Thus, my number one enemy: corn syrup. Some of you may know that corn syrup, especially the partially hydrogenated kind, has been linked to type II diabetes. I just don't like the taste. Sodas and most packaged baked goods have them. Check those labels, even most bread has corn syrup. I only found this out b/c I recently bought bread for a road trip and had to put so many loaves back.
Also, there is the money one saves by buying natural food. Buying packaged food is essentially letting someone else take another cut in the money chain. Very few desserts will be cheaper and healthier than the ones that one bakes by oneself.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, otherwise, life will be too boring. My exceptions to the rule? OJ, soymilk, miso and CHOCOLATE! (There are many more, but that's between me and my grocery store clerk.)
Monday, July 10, 2006
check, check, check
Cannot waste a second to worry or stress. The past few weeks were tough b/c I was letting the stress build up.
The key is to be very organized and to plan in the fun stuff. I am giving myself a golf lesson, a couple of lunches with friends this week. Determined to have it all.
Today, I got all my work done, and I am taking a 2 hour break before heading to a PR event at 8.
Okay, so in this have-it-all world, there is no man and no kids. Still, I have my "baby" in my garage and plenty of people to share food.
A very happy day, and it's only Monday!
The key is to be very organized and to plan in the fun stuff. I am giving myself a golf lesson, a couple of lunches with friends this week. Determined to have it all.
Today, I got all my work done, and I am taking a 2 hour break before heading to a PR event at 8.
Okay, so in this have-it-all world, there is no man and no kids. Still, I have my "baby" in my garage and plenty of people to share food.
A very happy day, and it's only Monday!
work-life balance
In the end, it is outlook. I got so burnt out from work that I ended up just sleeping most of the weekend. Did catch the World Cup Finals with my dad. No matter what, I always have my family.
Decided to focus on work and the friends in my life rather than how I am feeling. As long as I can keep up the health routine, I should be able to handle anything. Been spending countless hours on frivilous emotions that have no resolutions.
It's time to be me again.
Decided to focus on work and the friends in my life rather than how I am feeling. As long as I can keep up the health routine, I should be able to handle anything. Been spending countless hours on frivilous emotions that have no resolutions.
It's time to be me again.
Friday, July 07, 2006
I'm lucky
Despite a holiday in the middle of the week, it felt like a very long week.
Fortunatley, a friend joined me to climb for a couple of hours tonight. Plus, I ran into my neighbors who were walking with their kid, and they fed me some yummy stew for dinner!
Now that I have released all the stress of the week, I feel amazing. Still, I have been complaining to everyone in my life. So grateful for all the acts of kindness. Hopefully I can remain in this zen state and continue to be a good friend and neighbor.
Fortunatley, a friend joined me to climb for a couple of hours tonight. Plus, I ran into my neighbors who were walking with their kid, and they fed me some yummy stew for dinner!
Now that I have released all the stress of the week, I feel amazing. Still, I have been complaining to everyone in my life. So grateful for all the acts of kindness. Hopefully I can remain in this zen state and continue to be a good friend and neighbor.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
rise above
I had my performance review at work today. It didn't go too well. I spent half the time explaining unsuccessfully to my general manager why I struggle with working in this company. Fortunately, I was able to steer the review and got it done. I am glad that I contained my emotions and moved forward.
It's all about being a better person. Take for instance, we interviewed an environmental attorney this morning. He was such an eloquent speaker and intelligent thinker that the rest of the group was able to follow along in a very meaningful discussion. So delightful to be in his presence!
That has always been one of my goals. To be the one who brings up the level of interaction and bring out the best in other people. Sure, it's a lot of work, but over time, it's becoming easier. I am excited about work now because I am finally more passionate about it. This is the balance I am looking for. I already feel completely satisfied by my personal life. Now, my career will have the same return.
It's all about being a better person. Take for instance, we interviewed an environmental attorney this morning. He was such an eloquent speaker and intelligent thinker that the rest of the group was able to follow along in a very meaningful discussion. So delightful to be in his presence!
That has always been one of my goals. To be the one who brings up the level of interaction and bring out the best in other people. Sure, it's a lot of work, but over time, it's becoming easier. I am excited about work now because I am finally more passionate about it. This is the balance I am looking for. I already feel completely satisfied by my personal life. Now, my career will have the same return.
playing with fire
The best part about dating someone truly wonderful was that it built up my defense against guys who can never be more than friends.
Lately, when I talk to guys, I can see right through to their motives. It's easy to spot the users because I spent so many months with the most sincere person I know. After being with a good guy, it's hard to hang with the users. Perhaps I have learned on my own too.
Still, it's nice to have that one person who everyone else has to measure up against. I mean, had.
Lately, when I talk to guys, I can see right through to their motives. It's easy to spot the users because I spent so many months with the most sincere person I know. After being with a good guy, it's hard to hang with the users. Perhaps I have learned on my own too.
Still, it's nice to have that one person who everyone else has to measure up against. I mean, had.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
glad to be single still
Yesterday, a friend confided that he is tired of being single and is ready for someone in his life.
I, too, am ready for someone in my life, but my motivation is completely different. My friend said that he is tired of having to figure out what to do every weekend. I don't think planning for the weekend goes away once a person has a partner.
Having been in great relationships, I do look forward to the next one because relationships always change me dramatically. I crave the process of growing with someone into a new person.
At the same time, I like who I have evolved into as a result of staying single for the last 3 years. I have seeked out many single people and women in relationships in order to have activity buddies. I couldn't have these amazing friendships had it not for being single.
Trade offs.
The one thing that I don't have is the social pressure of having someone. I truly believe that as individuals, partners can never replace our own company. Until a person can accept the possibility of being alone forever, he or she will never be truly satisfied in a relationship. Until we look to ourselves completely for answers, we cannot be the best partner for our significant other.
I, too, am ready for someone in my life, but my motivation is completely different. My friend said that he is tired of having to figure out what to do every weekend. I don't think planning for the weekend goes away once a person has a partner.
Having been in great relationships, I do look forward to the next one because relationships always change me dramatically. I crave the process of growing with someone into a new person.
At the same time, I like who I have evolved into as a result of staying single for the last 3 years. I have seeked out many single people and women in relationships in order to have activity buddies. I couldn't have these amazing friendships had it not for being single.
Trade offs.
The one thing that I don't have is the social pressure of having someone. I truly believe that as individuals, partners can never replace our own company. Until a person can accept the possibility of being alone forever, he or she will never be truly satisfied in a relationship. Until we look to ourselves completely for answers, we cannot be the best partner for our significant other.
Monday, July 03, 2006
electric moment
While in Vegas this past weekend, I was "electrocuted" by a man. My friend and I were walking around Wynn when I caught the eyes of someone laughing with his friends. He looked so happy. All I could do was smile back, and HE smiled back. And my heart skipped a beat in that moment. Too bad we were on our way to the airport. Still, it's moments like those that I know I will never settle.
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