No matter what, I have so many outlets for these no-so-hot weeks. Whether it is friends, family, work, workouts, or even food, I can always find ways to make myself feel better.
The key is to continually maintain relationships and outlets like making deposits to savings accounts, so when it's time to draw for one's sanity, those resources are available.
I am working tomorrow morning, Saturday, so it's a low key night tonight. Still, I am finally snapped out of my alone mode and ready to have some fun.
This looks to be one great weekend already...
Friday, July 21, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
love to work
Finally hit that state where work is euphoric.
It's a high from doing so many things all at once and doing them all well. It's the ability to keep track of several projects and know just what to do next. It's giving my undivided attention in that meeting even though four more meetings are scheduled for the day.
I always imagined myself as a worker bee, busily buzzing away. Relax? Never. Although I do miss the jobs where the tasks can be easily checked off after an hour or two. Now, almost every project is ongoing, so I have to create mini-tasks to check things off the list.
Okay, back to work!
It's a high from doing so many things all at once and doing them all well. It's the ability to keep track of several projects and know just what to do next. It's giving my undivided attention in that meeting even though four more meetings are scheduled for the day.
I always imagined myself as a worker bee, busily buzzing away. Relax? Never. Although I do miss the jobs where the tasks can be easily checked off after an hour or two. Now, almost every project is ongoing, so I have to create mini-tasks to check things off the list.
Okay, back to work!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
preparation
Went on a lunch blind date today.
At one point, I dropped some food on myself. Two weeks ago, the same thing happened during a lunch with a colleague, and my annoyance temporarily interrupted that lunch. Today, I remembered and just discreetly wiped the food off.
The date was all right, but the problem with being intuitive is that I usually figure out what the guy wants and can tell right away if I am not the right fit for that person. That's why I always end up falling for peope who are not ready to settle down yet because they don't have any fixed mental image to eliminate me.
Throughout the lunch, the person was trying hard to figure out my age. I do look young for my age, and so does he. Still, there is over 10 years of age difference. Another plus is that I have so many close friends and relatives much older and much younger than me that I can always sidestep those questions.
In the end, it's all about chemistry, but practice only helps...
At one point, I dropped some food on myself. Two weeks ago, the same thing happened during a lunch with a colleague, and my annoyance temporarily interrupted that lunch. Today, I remembered and just discreetly wiped the food off.
The date was all right, but the problem with being intuitive is that I usually figure out what the guy wants and can tell right away if I am not the right fit for that person. That's why I always end up falling for peope who are not ready to settle down yet because they don't have any fixed mental image to eliminate me.
Throughout the lunch, the person was trying hard to figure out my age. I do look young for my age, and so does he. Still, there is over 10 years of age difference. Another plus is that I have so many close friends and relatives much older and much younger than me that I can always sidestep those questions.
In the end, it's all about chemistry, but practice only helps...
Sunday, July 16, 2006
watching
Nothing like observing one's own changes.
Found myself behaving in ways similar to the guy I just dated. Pleasantly surprised. I like it when people are significant enough to leave their marks.
At the same time, I have started to let those peripherial relationships evolve without much effort on my part. Quite liberating although at the confusion of my so-called friends.
Life is good though. Despite a very hectic weekend, I feel more at peace then ever.
Found myself behaving in ways similar to the guy I just dated. Pleasantly surprised. I like it when people are significant enough to leave their marks.
At the same time, I have started to let those peripherial relationships evolve without much effort on my part. Quite liberating although at the confusion of my so-called friends.
Life is good though. Despite a very hectic weekend, I feel more at peace then ever.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
secret to happiness
Despite the ups and downs in my professional and dating life, I am having a very happy week.
After a depressing week/weekend, where I almost got sick from the stress, I finally snapped out of it. More than any medication, my firm belief in myself got me out of the dark hole.
Ironically, because I have achieved optimal physical health, it is inevitable that I am confronting my spirituality now.
Unlike many of my friends who are pursuing concrete goals like money, life partner or career, I have had all that already. For me, the secret to happiness is spiritual connection to my inner self.
I am happy when I can move through life effortlessly. When I know what choices to make because I am aware and connected to the world at large. Hesitation and worries are inefficient use of my time, and I avoid those moments by always being connected to my inner self.
Cultivating the self takes a lot of time on one's own, but it also requires a genuine interest in the world around us. By caring about others, we develop our intuition and can let our sense guide us to the inevitable outcome.
An example is how to squeeze more time out of the week. This week, I worked M-Th nights. Knowing that I have lots of meetings, I lunched and took breaks with friends. I even caught up with a friend from Japan for an hour yesterday during a 13-hour work day; we took a walk at the marina nearby.
It is by always knowing what I need can I fuel myself physically and spiritually and then in turn live my best life. That is happiness.
After a depressing week/weekend, where I almost got sick from the stress, I finally snapped out of it. More than any medication, my firm belief in myself got me out of the dark hole.
Ironically, because I have achieved optimal physical health, it is inevitable that I am confronting my spirituality now.
Unlike many of my friends who are pursuing concrete goals like money, life partner or career, I have had all that already. For me, the secret to happiness is spiritual connection to my inner self.
I am happy when I can move through life effortlessly. When I know what choices to make because I am aware and connected to the world at large. Hesitation and worries are inefficient use of my time, and I avoid those moments by always being connected to my inner self.
Cultivating the self takes a lot of time on one's own, but it also requires a genuine interest in the world around us. By caring about others, we develop our intuition and can let our sense guide us to the inevitable outcome.
An example is how to squeeze more time out of the week. This week, I worked M-Th nights. Knowing that I have lots of meetings, I lunched and took breaks with friends. I even caught up with a friend from Japan for an hour yesterday during a 13-hour work day; we took a walk at the marina nearby.
It is by always knowing what I need can I fuel myself physically and spiritually and then in turn live my best life. That is happiness.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
what's in a package
When it comes to health, it's good to have a few rules of thumb and stick to it. My favorite one right now is to try to not buy or eat anything that comes in a package.
Think about it, most things that come in a package need chemicals to keep it fresh or edible. Thus, my number one enemy: corn syrup. Some of you may know that corn syrup, especially the partially hydrogenated kind, has been linked to type II diabetes. I just don't like the taste. Sodas and most packaged baked goods have them. Check those labels, even most bread has corn syrup. I only found this out b/c I recently bought bread for a road trip and had to put so many loaves back.
Also, there is the money one saves by buying natural food. Buying packaged food is essentially letting someone else take another cut in the money chain. Very few desserts will be cheaper and healthier than the ones that one bakes by oneself.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, otherwise, life will be too boring. My exceptions to the rule? OJ, soymilk, miso and CHOCOLATE! (There are many more, but that's between me and my grocery store clerk.)
Think about it, most things that come in a package need chemicals to keep it fresh or edible. Thus, my number one enemy: corn syrup. Some of you may know that corn syrup, especially the partially hydrogenated kind, has been linked to type II diabetes. I just don't like the taste. Sodas and most packaged baked goods have them. Check those labels, even most bread has corn syrup. I only found this out b/c I recently bought bread for a road trip and had to put so many loaves back.
Also, there is the money one saves by buying natural food. Buying packaged food is essentially letting someone else take another cut in the money chain. Very few desserts will be cheaper and healthier than the ones that one bakes by oneself.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, otherwise, life will be too boring. My exceptions to the rule? OJ, soymilk, miso and CHOCOLATE! (There are many more, but that's between me and my grocery store clerk.)
Monday, July 10, 2006
check, check, check
Cannot waste a second to worry or stress. The past few weeks were tough b/c I was letting the stress build up.
The key is to be very organized and to plan in the fun stuff. I am giving myself a golf lesson, a couple of lunches with friends this week. Determined to have it all.
Today, I got all my work done, and I am taking a 2 hour break before heading to a PR event at 8.
Okay, so in this have-it-all world, there is no man and no kids. Still, I have my "baby" in my garage and plenty of people to share food.
A very happy day, and it's only Monday!
The key is to be very organized and to plan in the fun stuff. I am giving myself a golf lesson, a couple of lunches with friends this week. Determined to have it all.
Today, I got all my work done, and I am taking a 2 hour break before heading to a PR event at 8.
Okay, so in this have-it-all world, there is no man and no kids. Still, I have my "baby" in my garage and plenty of people to share food.
A very happy day, and it's only Monday!
work-life balance
In the end, it is outlook. I got so burnt out from work that I ended up just sleeping most of the weekend. Did catch the World Cup Finals with my dad. No matter what, I always have my family.
Decided to focus on work and the friends in my life rather than how I am feeling. As long as I can keep up the health routine, I should be able to handle anything. Been spending countless hours on frivilous emotions that have no resolutions.
It's time to be me again.
Decided to focus on work and the friends in my life rather than how I am feeling. As long as I can keep up the health routine, I should be able to handle anything. Been spending countless hours on frivilous emotions that have no resolutions.
It's time to be me again.
Friday, July 07, 2006
I'm lucky
Despite a holiday in the middle of the week, it felt like a very long week.
Fortunatley, a friend joined me to climb for a couple of hours tonight. Plus, I ran into my neighbors who were walking with their kid, and they fed me some yummy stew for dinner!
Now that I have released all the stress of the week, I feel amazing. Still, I have been complaining to everyone in my life. So grateful for all the acts of kindness. Hopefully I can remain in this zen state and continue to be a good friend and neighbor.
Fortunatley, a friend joined me to climb for a couple of hours tonight. Plus, I ran into my neighbors who were walking with their kid, and they fed me some yummy stew for dinner!
Now that I have released all the stress of the week, I feel amazing. Still, I have been complaining to everyone in my life. So grateful for all the acts of kindness. Hopefully I can remain in this zen state and continue to be a good friend and neighbor.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
rise above
I had my performance review at work today. It didn't go too well. I spent half the time explaining unsuccessfully to my general manager why I struggle with working in this company. Fortunately, I was able to steer the review and got it done. I am glad that I contained my emotions and moved forward.
It's all about being a better person. Take for instance, we interviewed an environmental attorney this morning. He was such an eloquent speaker and intelligent thinker that the rest of the group was able to follow along in a very meaningful discussion. So delightful to be in his presence!
That has always been one of my goals. To be the one who brings up the level of interaction and bring out the best in other people. Sure, it's a lot of work, but over time, it's becoming easier. I am excited about work now because I am finally more passionate about it. This is the balance I am looking for. I already feel completely satisfied by my personal life. Now, my career will have the same return.
It's all about being a better person. Take for instance, we interviewed an environmental attorney this morning. He was such an eloquent speaker and intelligent thinker that the rest of the group was able to follow along in a very meaningful discussion. So delightful to be in his presence!
That has always been one of my goals. To be the one who brings up the level of interaction and bring out the best in other people. Sure, it's a lot of work, but over time, it's becoming easier. I am excited about work now because I am finally more passionate about it. This is the balance I am looking for. I already feel completely satisfied by my personal life. Now, my career will have the same return.
playing with fire
The best part about dating someone truly wonderful was that it built up my defense against guys who can never be more than friends.
Lately, when I talk to guys, I can see right through to their motives. It's easy to spot the users because I spent so many months with the most sincere person I know. After being with a good guy, it's hard to hang with the users. Perhaps I have learned on my own too.
Still, it's nice to have that one person who everyone else has to measure up against. I mean, had.
Lately, when I talk to guys, I can see right through to their motives. It's easy to spot the users because I spent so many months with the most sincere person I know. After being with a good guy, it's hard to hang with the users. Perhaps I have learned on my own too.
Still, it's nice to have that one person who everyone else has to measure up against. I mean, had.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
glad to be single still
Yesterday, a friend confided that he is tired of being single and is ready for someone in his life.
I, too, am ready for someone in my life, but my motivation is completely different. My friend said that he is tired of having to figure out what to do every weekend. I don't think planning for the weekend goes away once a person has a partner.
Having been in great relationships, I do look forward to the next one because relationships always change me dramatically. I crave the process of growing with someone into a new person.
At the same time, I like who I have evolved into as a result of staying single for the last 3 years. I have seeked out many single people and women in relationships in order to have activity buddies. I couldn't have these amazing friendships had it not for being single.
Trade offs.
The one thing that I don't have is the social pressure of having someone. I truly believe that as individuals, partners can never replace our own company. Until a person can accept the possibility of being alone forever, he or she will never be truly satisfied in a relationship. Until we look to ourselves completely for answers, we cannot be the best partner for our significant other.
I, too, am ready for someone in my life, but my motivation is completely different. My friend said that he is tired of having to figure out what to do every weekend. I don't think planning for the weekend goes away once a person has a partner.
Having been in great relationships, I do look forward to the next one because relationships always change me dramatically. I crave the process of growing with someone into a new person.
At the same time, I like who I have evolved into as a result of staying single for the last 3 years. I have seeked out many single people and women in relationships in order to have activity buddies. I couldn't have these amazing friendships had it not for being single.
Trade offs.
The one thing that I don't have is the social pressure of having someone. I truly believe that as individuals, partners can never replace our own company. Until a person can accept the possibility of being alone forever, he or she will never be truly satisfied in a relationship. Until we look to ourselves completely for answers, we cannot be the best partner for our significant other.
Monday, July 03, 2006
electric moment
While in Vegas this past weekend, I was "electrocuted" by a man. My friend and I were walking around Wynn when I caught the eyes of someone laughing with his friends. He looked so happy. All I could do was smile back, and HE smiled back. And my heart skipped a beat in that moment. Too bad we were on our way to the airport. Still, it's moments like those that I know I will never settle.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
good or bad
Sometimes something happens and appears to be a great thing, but upon closer examination, a different set of reasonings can alter the character of an event.
Take for instance, my short weekend trip to Vegas. Had so much fun (some things will have to stay there!) that I completely erased the stress of work.
From the last post, I was getting burnt out. This vacation was just what I needed right? Well, not if the vacation erased the stress that can remind me why I am job hunting...
In the end, there is no good or bad, there is only what my gut tells me. One of the best things about vacations is that I always read more than usual, since I travel by myself quite a bit. For this short trip, I was at the airports for a total of 7 hours. So satisfying to be able to read an entire Sunday LA Times from front page to the calendar section! Not to mention reading half way through a think book.
All the reading does still my mind (not quite able to start meditating yet). In the stillness, I realized that I have been focusing too much on petty things. It's a shame that I have not done much to better myself of late.
The first step to make the world better is to keep learning and keep getting better.
Take for instance, my short weekend trip to Vegas. Had so much fun (some things will have to stay there!) that I completely erased the stress of work.
From the last post, I was getting burnt out. This vacation was just what I needed right? Well, not if the vacation erased the stress that can remind me why I am job hunting...
In the end, there is no good or bad, there is only what my gut tells me. One of the best things about vacations is that I always read more than usual, since I travel by myself quite a bit. For this short trip, I was at the airports for a total of 7 hours. So satisfying to be able to read an entire Sunday LA Times from front page to the calendar section! Not to mention reading half way through a think book.
All the reading does still my mind (not quite able to start meditating yet). In the stillness, I realized that I have been focusing too much on petty things. It's a shame that I have not done much to better myself of late.
The first step to make the world better is to keep learning and keep getting better.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
now I know...
...how it feels to work 14-hour days, and the next two days promise to be intense as the company follows up on the next political battle... yawn...time to rest...
inspiration
Had lunch today with the President of the Housing Leadership Council of San Mateo County. Some friends of ours suggested the meeting because Mark and I are both interested in affordable housing. Mark plan to help put in 25,000 units of housing in San Mateo County, which would be ten percent of the existing stock.
During our last meeting in LA, I confided in Mark that I wasn't sure about my current job. Today, we revisited what's next. He asked me to think about my ideal job, disregarding all constraints.
Hum.
Given that I believe in fate, I never gave the future much thought. In some ways, my 2-page resume reflects the inability to settle down on a path. At the same time, I need that wide range of experiences to know that there is a better fit. For example, my office does not have a receptionist now. The board doesn't think we need one after the last one left. It's about efficiency. So many of us scramble for the phone now that it's inefficient.
Well, I have an interview tomorrow with the Mayor's Office of Housing. We'll see.
During our last meeting in LA, I confided in Mark that I wasn't sure about my current job. Today, we revisited what's next. He asked me to think about my ideal job, disregarding all constraints.
Hum.
Given that I believe in fate, I never gave the future much thought. In some ways, my 2-page resume reflects the inability to settle down on a path. At the same time, I need that wide range of experiences to know that there is a better fit. For example, my office does not have a receptionist now. The board doesn't think we need one after the last one left. It's about efficiency. So many of us scramble for the phone now that it's inefficient.
Well, I have an interview tomorrow with the Mayor's Office of Housing. We'll see.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
not ready
Came out of a city council meeting last night at 1030. My first thought was thank goodness that I don't have anyone to go home to. It's like the summer of 98, when I was in law school and clerked with the LA Redevelopment Agency. I attended numerous Political Action Committees (PACs) at night and on weekends.
It was fun when I was 20 because I was learning so much. I am still learning, but now there are competiting interests ten years later. I have dinner guests tonight and Thursday night. A bachelorette party in Vegas over the weekend. Want to squeeze 2 visits to the gym this week and practice my golf at the range before my trip.
Feel glad that I am moving on from the latest guy. There was a bit of disappointment because he was so wonderful, but he and I both know that we are both not ready to connect with anyone deeply. Given that we both feel the same, let's see if a friendship can develop. I don't usually stay friends with dates, but it happens.
It was fun when I was 20 because I was learning so much. I am still learning, but now there are competiting interests ten years later. I have dinner guests tonight and Thursday night. A bachelorette party in Vegas over the weekend. Want to squeeze 2 visits to the gym this week and practice my golf at the range before my trip.
Feel glad that I am moving on from the latest guy. There was a bit of disappointment because he was so wonderful, but he and I both know that we are both not ready to connect with anyone deeply. Given that we both feel the same, let's see if a friendship can develop. I don't usually stay friends with dates, but it happens.
Monday, June 26, 2006
the p-word
I like to think I enlighten people with my wealth of knowledge. Unfortunately, my passion to share information touched several nerves this weekend.
At a bridal shower, I supported the concept of a pre-nuptial agreement. I have never gotten so many dirty looks! Most people there didn't support it.
The reality is that with 50% of the marriage ending in divorce, prenup is the necessary insurance. How many of us get home insurance when very few things ever happen in a given year?
Still, I am glad I spoke up. What was the most surprising was how little people knew about the subject. I was in a room full of married women and women wanting to get married. Please! It is sad how much ignorance exists in the relm of dating and marriage.
At a bridal shower, I supported the concept of a pre-nuptial agreement. I have never gotten so many dirty looks! Most people there didn't support it.
The reality is that with 50% of the marriage ending in divorce, prenup is the necessary insurance. How many of us get home insurance when very few things ever happen in a given year?
Still, I am glad I spoke up. What was the most surprising was how little people knew about the subject. I was in a room full of married women and women wanting to get married. Please! It is sad how much ignorance exists in the relm of dating and marriage.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
birthday present
I had one of my best birthdays ever. Yes, it involved a man... The best day trip ever.
The romance is over for me. After 14 hours, I can tell that the magic is not meant to be. It's not official, but somehow, there is enough said and not said for me to get the message loud and clear.
Everyone else knew this from the beginning that he is not the right one for me. Still, to have a man make me so happy that I can deflect all negative words and events of late, it was indeed magical.
I date not just to find my soulmate. I venture into the emotional unknown to grow and to have those special experiences. This last round was so perfect in its own way. I did fall in love and out of it without getting hurt. I am forever transformed.
Let's hope this next year is just as lucky.
The romance is over for me. After 14 hours, I can tell that the magic is not meant to be. It's not official, but somehow, there is enough said and not said for me to get the message loud and clear.
Everyone else knew this from the beginning that he is not the right one for me. Still, to have a man make me so happy that I can deflect all negative words and events of late, it was indeed magical.
I date not just to find my soulmate. I venture into the emotional unknown to grow and to have those special experiences. This last round was so perfect in its own way. I did fall in love and out of it without getting hurt. I am forever transformed.
Let's hope this next year is just as lucky.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
oh no...
I went out with this guy briefly who used to say "Oh no!" whenever something goes wrong. It was endearing in the beginning because his "Oh no!" had genuine fear and worry in the tone. Then it got to be annonying. Yes, I know we are late for the movie, but do you have to make it so stressful?
Still, when I am having a bad moment now, I just say to myself that I am having a "Oh no!" moment. Which is today.
I always know when someone is not the right person any more. It can be sad b/c sometimes the other person never see it coming.
We had so much potential. We are about to spend 12 hours on a road trip tomorrow. Oh well, I am going as a platonic friend. It's fine. I don't think he can tell the difference.
I was so sad last night (sadness preceeds "Oh no!" moments). Sometimes I wish I was not intuitive and don't have to go through guys like tissues. Well, this is who I am, and I am better for it. I always know when it was time to move on.
Still, when I am having a bad moment now, I just say to myself that I am having a "Oh no!" moment. Which is today.
I always know when someone is not the right person any more. It can be sad b/c sometimes the other person never see it coming.
We had so much potential. We are about to spend 12 hours on a road trip tomorrow. Oh well, I am going as a platonic friend. It's fine. I don't think he can tell the difference.
I was so sad last night (sadness preceeds "Oh no!" moments). Sometimes I wish I was not intuitive and don't have to go through guys like tissues. Well, this is who I am, and I am better for it. I always know when it was time to move on.
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