honeymoon is over

Complaining at work is a good way to vent, but too much of it becomes a burden.

I don’t have much to complain about because I have not been at my work long enough. Also, I believe in fate too much to want to say anything against the status quo. Still, it surprises me that there are a couple of people who only have to whine about management.

Today, in the middle of a crunch project, I listened unwillingly to some very angry venting. I miss having my own office with a door!

True, there are plenty of fundamental problems with my office, and that’s why the turnover is so high. I realized that the complainers are the people who don’t do much about their situation; they just whine. The doers move on.

This week, two managers resigned. They both felt that they could not change and could not handle the negatives here. It does make me wonder: will I make real changes, accept the status quo, or just move on?

the relationship of work

Working with ambitious colleagues is so much easier than all other interactions in life.

Everyone is eager to get things done and want to achieve to advance their careers. Most people communicate exactly what they want or expect. Even if the expectations are not met, at least there are instructions. If you are or deal with attorneys, then expect the endless paper trail for you to read at leisure.

Why can’t the rest of life be like that? Parents with too many expectations? If family relations were like professional ties, then get the demands to me in writing. Better yet, write me an e-mail, and I will try to respond within a day. No one would be upset about being transferred directly to VM.

Significant others who are not communicating? Here is my memo on what we need to discuss, complete with bullet points.

In the age of prenups and workaholics, maybe this is the way to go. Two key points:

• lower expectations
• clear communications

what we need

I don’t understand how my sister can give so much to other people. During my visit to her over the weekend, she did not do even one thing just for herself. From the time I landed, it was non-stop attention. She took a day off just for me, and I was fed gourmet food. No wonder everyone says that my brother-in-law is lucky. I need a wife like my sister too!

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Guess it’s personality. I just don’t have what it takes to give so much. That’s why friends are so important to me. It’s giving, but on my own terms. My life is so planned, so I don’t have to anticipate what everyone else needs. We are having dinner at a certain time or going to a museum on a particular day.

Besides, the limited time that I interact with people means that they are usually on their best behavior. I try not to make dinner plans with friends on Fridays; they are usually tired and grouchy from the work week.

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How else is a person going to do all the things that they want to do? My sister has piles of magazines that she is waiting to read. She has a basket of crafts projects started but not finished. Her life is always about other people.

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My life is about people too, but it’s just the best part of other people. I subscribe to the gas-mask theory. The instructions that flight attendants give you is to secure your own gas mask before helping others. I can only give to others as much as I give myself.

human, not peg

Why do we judge ourselves so unnecessarily? Every time we examine our choices and say should, we are putting expectations on ourselves.

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Everything is meant to be.

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The doubts and the questioning of our past is the worst thing we can do to nurture our souls.

Don’t try to live your life into a perfect path because each life is unique. I don’t want to fit into a square box of what a woman should be. I am just me, oddly-shaped and the genesis of all my proud experiences.

true self

Was just reading about how a French girl has that air of “je ne sais quoi”. It’s her absolute self-possession; the way she grows into her true self without caring about what others think of her.

I was not raised French although I see the value of growing from within oneself.

The perfect example of knowing what’s right for oneself is love and marriage. Knowing who and when to take the plunge in the game of love is very personal, yet there seems to be some social pressure to be married and to be married by a certain time.

I see a few great relationships being spoiled by social pressures. If only we all are a little bit more like the French girl…

independence

Who’s your emergency contact? The person whose info you put down on medical forms and applications?

I had to think about this one the other day. Being single, I don’t have an SO who can be reached in a short moment’s notice. My sister, the default for a long time, moved a few states away.

In that moment, it was a reminder that regardless of who my emergency contact is, I have myself always.

what I covet

I have been lucky not just because of the opportunities in my life, but also for the amazing female role models.

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The one woman who is everything I want to be is my Fifth Grandaunt. She is the wife of my mother’s uncle. As young as 5 or 6, I would see Fifth Grandaunt at family gatherings. She was already a grandmother, but to me, she was the perfect woman.

She is the definition of grace, beauty, kindness and most of all, wisdom.

Besides being a supportive wife and caring mother, Fifth Grandaunt was the one that others go for advice. She greets everyone by name and takes time to listen to every little story, even the day of a six-year-old. Even at such a young age, I could see the power of her knowledge and wanted, and still want, to be just like her.

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This past December, I saw Fifth Grandaunt at a wedding. She was in her late 80s and still doing well. She walked slower but still spoke to me with that same warmth and assurance as twenty-five years ago.

I cannot wait to grow older, to past 50, so I might realize the possibility of wisdom that defined my Fifth Grandaunt.

consumed by consumption

Shopping as a leisure activity has started to lose its appeal. I am a big fan of shopping out of necessity. Why should I let retailers dictate what I desire when I can figure it out before I get to the stores?

Rather than browse for things and buy on impulse, I am all about keeping a running list of what I need. Then, on occasion, I will run to the store and pick up the items. If on sale, great, if not, then I look to the used goods markets like Crossroads or Craigslist.

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In the end, my time is too valuable for me to be consumed by the habit of consumption. I don’t have time to keep track of, clean, organize and store things. I want my life to be about joyous experiences that appreciate over time. Almost all consumer items depreciate as soon as they are purchased, so that pair of shoes cannot compete with the value of reading a great book or sharing a simple meals with friends.

ask and you shall receive

Ever since I read Squire Rushnell's book Winks, I have been having fun looking for the signs to answer my deepest desires. The trick is to be able to see the subtle responses.

Late last year, I wondered if I would ever fall for someone in a foolhardy way ever again. Then, unexpectedly, I met the sexiest man alive and was just smitten. Yet, the guy was just not at the same point in life, so I moved on. Still, to fall so freely and to be so happy, even if briefly, was all I ever wanted and got.

That's what life is all about. These little moments of joy and pleasant surprises that make up of our life. Every day is an opportunity to be grateful for something perfect, even if not on our terms.

the secret of success

Despite education being a good indication of achievement, I still believe that fate has the most influence on ultimate success.

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Recenlty, I found another key. It is trust.

Despite the constant reminder that business is war and that I have to be careful, my gut always tell me to be open and invite others to be free with me. Hey, if it works in my personal life...

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Sometimes I struggle with working with people I don't trust. Unlike personal life though, I cannot just write a simple just-not-into-you note or go on w/o looking back. Ironically, this challenge is happening at a good time. Maybe that's why I am not so quick to move on in my personal life.

part chicken lady

There is an expression in Taiwanese: chicken lady. She is a noisy busy body. Sometimes it also means doing the extra things that no one appreciates. In Taiwanese, the word chicken is prounced the same as the word extra.

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Well, I just tried to delete some repeated comments (had the wrong setting so the comments weren't showing up automatically before), so the comments would look neater. The page shows the acts of deletion but not the reason for delete. Now it looks like I am someone who censors unnecessarily.

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I can be such a chicken lady at times. hehe. Love it when I find something off about myself because it's so hard for other people to act so silly. whahahaha.

keeping my own secrets

In a time where professional achievements are such a big part of our identity, have we also let personal events be reasons to show off?

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If there is something I want to do more in 2006, it would be to be more private.

In time of pain, being public is useful. By the 40^th time I tell a traumatic experience, it is no longer upsetting but funny.

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On the other hand, I have found that keeping the good news to oneself a bit longer has its rewards. First of all, the news may be false. Let’s wait until we close on the property, get the test scores, or get the raise before spreading the news. Other wise, any changes in the expected plans will require some embarrassing explanation. Besides, most people sound like sour grapes when they don’t get what they expect.

Second, the other parties involved may not be ready to spread the good word. Out of respect for the other person, wait for them to break the news. At times, other people’s curiosity makes me forget that privacy is important to me.

Another reason to be private is the joy of basking in good news. The experience of keeping a secret to oneself is valuable because it happens so rarely. Try this experiment. Do something wonderful for yourself and not tell anyone. Doesn’t it stay on your mind that much longer? The minute we share, the news loses some of its special quality.

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I have plenty of happy thoughts in my life these days, but rather than telling everyone in sight, I am going to keep them to myself for a while...

logic v. gut

How does one trust oneself when outside messages interfere with our ability to listen to ourselves?

I have never had a problem in finding my intuition when it comes to personal life, but professional life is another matter.

There has been a time when every interview brought fright and every rejection brought frustration. The uncertainty continued until I found my true calling. Then, all of a sudden, it was as simple as listening to myself.

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Whether it is knowing when to start pushing my injured knee or how to maneuver at work, it is just about freeing my inhibition and let the intuition do the decision. After all, having faith in what is meant to be is the purest form of bliss.

what I learned today

Work is so amazing right now because the challenges are bigger than anything I have ever faced before. It's not just the technical challenges, but observing how all the big boys conduct themselves.

Sometimes the childishness of my colleagues makes me feel like a babysitter, and it makes me question if this world will encourage me to embrace this demanding culture.

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Today, I witnessed of how two men tried to control one another in a conference call. Why was the consultant acting dumb when we all know that his English is excellent?

It was all about respect. Without respect, you cannot expect cooperation, no matter how much money is at stake. It is all about giving and taking. Seems simple, but people forget when they are under pressure.

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Slowly, work is taking over, and maybe I want it to because nothing else has been this fulfilling. Never before has all my efforts been so rewarded. I cannot wait to get up and go to work tomorrow!

look at me

The other day, I was waiting for the signal along Howard by Hawthorn Lane in SF. Funny, one time I had my birthday party at the club near this corner, and I just told people that it was across from The Gold Club, a gentleman's club.

That day, I happen to be waiting around 715pm, and the night shift must start at 8. One by one, the "girls" arrive and pull their cars up to the valet. It was funny because all three that I observed did not look particularly attractive as they had little or no makeup on and were very casualy-dressed.

Then there was me, in my power suit, walking to my car from a political fundraiser for a local supervisor.

In that moment, I felt very, very lucky. Lucky because my work day was over, while these girls were about to starting working. Because I didn't depend on tips for a living. And mostly, because my career is just starting while the women at the club that night will probably not be working there in another five years.

Originally, this blog was about dating, but as I looked around, I realized that dating is no longer as important. In fact, my life is about the world around me. In the end, I am not all that significant because I covet and live a happy, simple life. J the self-absorbed one signing off.

the possibilities

I know a few women who are on this mission to get married before they turn 31. The race down the aisle is blinding them to all the great catches along the way. Sure, Mr. Player may not be the right person to marry right now, but he can be so fun that he just might be the perfect life partner in a year or two.

Finding the one is all about investing enough time in the situation early on. Rather than measuring this person against preconceived standards, enjoy the dating process and let people reveal themselves.

Perhaps the biggest reward about dating and having fun is the change within. Being open to date people who are different has shaped the way I look at the world. I never embraced traveling until I dated someone worldly. I appreciate certain sports because some men took me to those live events for the first time years ago.

Yes, some women will continue their hunt for the right man in their focused manner. Too bad, because it's a blast getting to know all the possibilities out there...

listen to me!

The biggest lesson I am learning from work also applies to dating - listening.

Having worked in public, private, nonprofit arenas, there is one thing that everyone is looking for - a good listener.

It seems so obvious now, but the culture around us discourages taking the time to listen. Between our fast food, packed schedules and lack of sleep, how will we be able to figure out what people want?

Being quite opinionated myself, I am slowly digesting the need to inject more listening skills into my dating life. What? Not talk over you and not respond to everything you are telling me. Hum? I can just hear the snickering...

omega-3

Besides eating healthy, exercise, and taking my vitamins and supplements, the key to all my excess energy comes from...having fun.

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My childhood was filled with having fun that I could duplicate it in my adult life. Currently, there is some partying/dancing involved, but mostly, it's all about the small things. Whether it is reading, watching sports, talking on the phone with my sister, eating with my brother and his fiancee, or just keeping up with friends, I fill my life with easily obtainable goals that guard against the unpredictable events.

Dead battery? Not a problem, I had a friend who was able to wait with me until AAA comes. The longest work week that nearly burn me out? The weekend ski trip awaits!

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I am not waiting for Prince Charming to call because wishing for him is just not a good investment of my time. True, there is that one hot guy who is on my mind, but I've got to just keep moving forward because of inertia...Catch me if you can!!

timing is everything

You found your way
into my heart
by being you

At this moment though,
we are at different places

Do I wait or move on

Have the sweet memories been set
or is the best yet to come?

sympathy date

Perhaps the only thing worse than dating someone too long is to continue to spend time w/o explaining that it's just friendship.

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Last week, my guy friend went on a sympathy third date. After a couple of dates, he concluded that she was not a keeper. She asked him to a play next, and he accepted because he claimed to enjoy her company.

My friend thoroughly enjoyed the play. Apparently, the woman did too and proceeded to ask him out to another event the following week. My friend of course refused.

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In the world of dating, honesty about attraction is a must. Okay, maybe my friend doesn’t have to be brutally honest, but he cannot help it if there is no chemistry.

Perhaps he could have given the friend speech before the play? Or perhaps he could have invited another friend and made it a group outing (my personal favorite)? All I know is that the woman was into him, and he wasn’t into her. It would have been nice to tell her sooner than later.