logic v. gut

How does one trust oneself when outside messages interfere with our ability to listen to ourselves?

I have never had a problem in finding my intuition when it comes to personal life, but professional life is another matter.

There has been a time when every interview brought fright and every rejection brought frustration. The uncertainty continued until I found my true calling. Then, all of a sudden, it was as simple as listening to myself.

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Whether it is knowing when to start pushing my injured knee or how to maneuver at work, it is just about freeing my inhibition and let the intuition do the decision. After all, having faith in what is meant to be is the purest form of bliss.

what I learned today

Work is so amazing right now because the challenges are bigger than anything I have ever faced before. It's not just the technical challenges, but observing how all the big boys conduct themselves.

Sometimes the childishness of my colleagues makes me feel like a babysitter, and it makes me question if this world will encourage me to embrace this demanding culture.

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Today, I witnessed of how two men tried to control one another in a conference call. Why was the consultant acting dumb when we all know that his English is excellent?

It was all about respect. Without respect, you cannot expect cooperation, no matter how much money is at stake. It is all about giving and taking. Seems simple, but people forget when they are under pressure.

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Slowly, work is taking over, and maybe I want it to because nothing else has been this fulfilling. Never before has all my efforts been so rewarded. I cannot wait to get up and go to work tomorrow!

look at me

The other day, I was waiting for the signal along Howard by Hawthorn Lane in SF. Funny, one time I had my birthday party at the club near this corner, and I just told people that it was across from The Gold Club, a gentleman's club.

That day, I happen to be waiting around 715pm, and the night shift must start at 8. One by one, the "girls" arrive and pull their cars up to the valet. It was funny because all three that I observed did not look particularly attractive as they had little or no makeup on and were very casualy-dressed.

Then there was me, in my power suit, walking to my car from a political fundraiser for a local supervisor.

In that moment, I felt very, very lucky. Lucky because my work day was over, while these girls were about to starting working. Because I didn't depend on tips for a living. And mostly, because my career is just starting while the women at the club that night will probably not be working there in another five years.

Originally, this blog was about dating, but as I looked around, I realized that dating is no longer as important. In fact, my life is about the world around me. In the end, I am not all that significant because I covet and live a happy, simple life. J the self-absorbed one signing off.

the possibilities

I know a few women who are on this mission to get married before they turn 31. The race down the aisle is blinding them to all the great catches along the way. Sure, Mr. Player may not be the right person to marry right now, but he can be so fun that he just might be the perfect life partner in a year or two.

Finding the one is all about investing enough time in the situation early on. Rather than measuring this person against preconceived standards, enjoy the dating process and let people reveal themselves.

Perhaps the biggest reward about dating and having fun is the change within. Being open to date people who are different has shaped the way I look at the world. I never embraced traveling until I dated someone worldly. I appreciate certain sports because some men took me to those live events for the first time years ago.

Yes, some women will continue their hunt for the right man in their focused manner. Too bad, because it's a blast getting to know all the possibilities out there...

listen to me!

The biggest lesson I am learning from work also applies to dating - listening.

Having worked in public, private, nonprofit arenas, there is one thing that everyone is looking for - a good listener.

It seems so obvious now, but the culture around us discourages taking the time to listen. Between our fast food, packed schedules and lack of sleep, how will we be able to figure out what people want?

Being quite opinionated myself, I am slowly digesting the need to inject more listening skills into my dating life. What? Not talk over you and not respond to everything you are telling me. Hum? I can just hear the snickering...

omega-3

Besides eating healthy, exercise, and taking my vitamins and supplements, the key to all my excess energy comes from...having fun.

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My childhood was filled with having fun that I could duplicate it in my adult life. Currently, there is some partying/dancing involved, but mostly, it's all about the small things. Whether it is reading, watching sports, talking on the phone with my sister, eating with my brother and his fiancee, or just keeping up with friends, I fill my life with easily obtainable goals that guard against the unpredictable events.

Dead battery? Not a problem, I had a friend who was able to wait with me until AAA comes. The longest work week that nearly burn me out? The weekend ski trip awaits!

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I am not waiting for Prince Charming to call because wishing for him is just not a good investment of my time. True, there is that one hot guy who is on my mind, but I've got to just keep moving forward because of inertia...Catch me if you can!!

timing is everything

You found your way
into my heart
by being you

At this moment though,
we are at different places

Do I wait or move on

Have the sweet memories been set
or is the best yet to come?

sympathy date

Perhaps the only thing worse than dating someone too long is to continue to spend time w/o explaining that it's just friendship.

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Last week, my guy friend went on a sympathy third date. After a couple of dates, he concluded that she was not a keeper. She asked him to a play next, and he accepted because he claimed to enjoy her company.

My friend thoroughly enjoyed the play. Apparently, the woman did too and proceeded to ask him out to another event the following week. My friend of course refused.

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In the world of dating, honesty about attraction is a must. Okay, maybe my friend doesn’t have to be brutally honest, but he cannot help it if there is no chemistry.

Perhaps he could have given the friend speech before the play? Or perhaps he could have invited another friend and made it a group outing (my personal favorite)? All I know is that the woman was into him, and he wasn’t into her. It would have been nice to tell her sooner than later.

theory of love

Most relationship end badly because people hang on for too long. Rather than moving on when it's time, many couples try to re-capture what was great about the relationship when it is just not meant to be.

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Might I recommend: the bell-shaped curve theory of dating.

This theory believes that the best part of dating is capturing the ride up. This is when you are getting to know someone, flirting, finding commonalities, and feeling as if you two are fated to be together. At times, that stage is very short [record screeching to a halt]. Other times, that stage is nice and long, and this is probably how most people transition into bf/gf and SO and even marriage.

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For most dating experiences, what goes up comes down at some point. At first, it's something small: the way he chews with his mouth open. Then, it grows, like when he lies to you. Again, record screeching to a halt.

Time to move on.

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Of course, a lot of it is timing. What guy No. 5 did that is so annoying now seems so charming on guy No. 10. And that's all fate. Still, it's good to have a theory, and mine is the bell-shaped theory of dating. And I am sticking to it.

will the real you stand up?

No matter how smooth or how suave, eventually everyone reveals him/herself. When people wish that they had seen the real person they were dating, what they are saying is that they chose to not see the truth.

It's much eaiser to see people for who they are than to project them into our ideal.

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The trick to get people to be themselves right away. Three common ways...

The first is to accept people unconditionally. On the first date, I am not thinking about anything other than to enjoy this person's company. They can make a fool of themselves, they can make a fool of me, but all I am trying to do is to have fun. This is why I love first dates. I have no expectations, and that's the key to getting to know someone beyond just the facts.

Perhaps that's why I rarely go to fancy restaurants for first dates. It's hard to joke and laugh out loud when someone is asking if everything's all right every 15 minutes...

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The second way to have people reveal themselves is to reveal yourself. This part sounds simple, but it's amazing how few people can do it.

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The last is luck. Bad luck that is. I always hope that something will go terribly wrong on the first date. Nothing like a bad meal, heavy rain, or strange encounter with third parties to bring out the worst or the best in people. More than once men were their most charming under unfortunate circumstances and won me over, even if just for the date.

Another way to have "bad luck" is to do something very ordinary. My favorite date is an afternoon in the park. The simplicity of being out in nature builds the foundation of a relationship - conversation. Even the mundane tasks of finding parking and getting lost help to reveal people's true colors.

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Forget the checklist and forget the ideal. Dating is about having fun and enjoying people's company. So why not take this chance to be your true self? After all, the more fun you have, the more fate will reveal itself and give you all the answers.

Mr. TO

Late Friday night/Sat morning, I get a text from _him_.

No one else from my dating past can make my heart skip a beat, but he still can. He was the one.

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Regardless of how long ago that was, the memories are just as sweet today. To meet someone who made me feel so alive and happy for every second of every day. To find someone who was the answer to the bad relationship. Wow.

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We started out as acquaintenances, the kind you were introduced to at a party. Then we became friends, the kind you just say hi and give a hug upon meeting.

One night, I was at a very happenin' party and talking to so many great guys. Still, no one stood out, and it got to that point where I was ready to go home. Then, in comes Mr. TO, and literally, the room lit up. The minute I saw him, I was so glad that I decided to come to this party. I must have the silliest grin on my face, b/c he saw and came by. That hug was when I knew he was the one.

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Looking back, those initial moments were more lust than anything else. The difference between the one and everyone else is magic. Whether it is being the only ones at an event too early or saying sweet things that just touch your heart, the one is perfect. The one never hurt you and only brings you tenderness. You can feel so proud to be next to this perfect human being. For someone, that moment lasts a lifetime. For me, it was enough to make me believe in love again.

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Back to reality, Mr. TO just want to chat while he was waiting for his g/f. What, did you think it was something more? Maybe in the next lifetime.

sat down

I am a big proponent of CL, and despite the following chain of events, will continue to support the site...

Met NY guy on CL. Was just looking for someone to chill with on X-mas night. It was impromptu, so most friends were busy. NY guy's post was simple: looking for someone to chill w/on X-mas night...

This being real life, I spent that night alone. The reply turned into an online conversation after NY guy went back home. Don't know about others, but I usually have a good sense of who's on the other end. The key is to reveal just enough, like an R-rated movie. After one way-too-flattering e-mail, I stopped writing. Please, don't tell me that I am all that when you don't even know my dark side.

It turns out, NY guy was about to visit SF and asked if I want to meet for dinner. Why not?

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Dinner was Friday night. I made reservations. Thursday night, NY guy calls to confirm.

Hello.

Just as I had suspected, zero chemistry. Still, I am open to meeting people.

Hi. How about if I pick you up from the hotel.

Why don't you park at the hotel, and we can cab to the restaurant?

Don't be silly, I'll pick you up and drop you off. (Meanwhile, my mind is on work and isn't even paying attention to the intent of the suggestion.)

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Friday night, I'm on my way to pick up NY guy, and he doesn't answer. VM. Two more calls, VM. After a few calls to friends, it hits me that NY guy will not be returning my call.

Call the restaurant and declared that, I have to cancel my reservation b/c my date stood me up. The gasp on the other end made me feel better. Besides, it's Friday night, so some lucky folks got the table before 830.

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The night was not entirely lost. I did meet hot guy at Trader Joe's...HELLOOOOO! ;) Plus, I did save money b/c I go Dutch on first dates.

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Sat morning, the loser had the audacity to write, just want to confirm tonight! Please.

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Well, the best part of all is that NY guy never was going to be anything more than a friend, but he even screwed that up. Mean while, I am trying to decide whether to follow up with good-natured hottie at Trade Joe's...