Challenge for you:
1. to throw away all the excess baggage from the past.
2. to cease the unnecessary worries about the future.
3. to live in the present and to embrace this very moment
Feeling quite happy b/c I have everything I ever need and have achieved all that I ever want. This is who I am meant to be. Life is good.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
detour
Whoa. Someone from my past e-mailed me via Friendster. It's a welcoming whoa (as oppose to the contacts that make me grimace). :) Will keep you posted...or not.
On to the latest social observations:
Recently, I met a couple of new groups. Quiet exciting at first b/c I mistakenly thought more is better. Great! I am making more friends!
Then, it occurs to me that (to my horror) I am overly sensitive! I'll admit, that may be a PC way to say that I am an elitist, but you can make that call as you read the rest of this post.
After spending time and talking to people from these two groups, I realized that I can't be around people with negative energy.
Both groups have men and women in their 30s who are desparate to settle down. I was pleased with the attention from the men at first, then I wanted to run away from the pressure. Several people came with this implicit question: could you be the one I settle down with? I can sympathize with the women, but I can't hang out with them b/c I can't appreciate their efforts to find a husband.
I always assumed that one's mate is determined by fate, so why bother asking if someone could be the one. It's difficult to get close to people who spend so much time and energy trying to figure out something that they cannot control. I understand but don't want to be part of the madness.
The other source of negative energy is getting frustrated with some parts of their lives and then taking it out on other people. I certainly can relate to the frustration with life (see every other prior post on this blog), but to act out is not the answer. I believe in taking constructive steps to improve oneself and to minimize bad luck.
I witnessed quite a bit of lashing out and destructive behavior such as excessive drinking recently that I just have to distance myself. This makes me uncomfortable because I want to be accepting but instead can only minimize contact. Guess I am out of the running for sainthood. :P
Am grateful for the experience because these people created a giant mirror for me to see how my negative energy was what drove several good people away earlier in life. Grateful that so many people (yes YOU) stood by me and taught me how to change my ways. Now, it's second nature to always think positively and thus attract and keep the positive people. Hey, maybe that's why there is the blast from the past. Whoa.
On to the latest social observations:
Recently, I met a couple of new groups. Quiet exciting at first b/c I mistakenly thought more is better. Great! I am making more friends!
Then, it occurs to me that (to my horror) I am overly sensitive! I'll admit, that may be a PC way to say that I am an elitist, but you can make that call as you read the rest of this post.
After spending time and talking to people from these two groups, I realized that I can't be around people with negative energy.
Both groups have men and women in their 30s who are desparate to settle down. I was pleased with the attention from the men at first, then I wanted to run away from the pressure. Several people came with this implicit question: could you be the one I settle down with? I can sympathize with the women, but I can't hang out with them b/c I can't appreciate their efforts to find a husband.
I always assumed that one's mate is determined by fate, so why bother asking if someone could be the one. It's difficult to get close to people who spend so much time and energy trying to figure out something that they cannot control. I understand but don't want to be part of the madness.
The other source of negative energy is getting frustrated with some parts of their lives and then taking it out on other people. I certainly can relate to the frustration with life (see every other prior post on this blog), but to act out is not the answer. I believe in taking constructive steps to improve oneself and to minimize bad luck.
I witnessed quite a bit of lashing out and destructive behavior such as excessive drinking recently that I just have to distance myself. This makes me uncomfortable because I want to be accepting but instead can only minimize contact. Guess I am out of the running for sainthood. :P
Am grateful for the experience because these people created a giant mirror for me to see how my negative energy was what drove several good people away earlier in life. Grateful that so many people (yes YOU) stood by me and taught me how to change my ways. Now, it's second nature to always think positively and thus attract and keep the positive people. Hey, maybe that's why there is the blast from the past. Whoa.
Friday, September 07, 2007
make your best life
A clarification on the last post. The environment that fosters good manners is one that gives guidance AND freedom to allow individuals to make the appropriate choices. Overbearing parenting has the same affect as absentee parenting; it encourages inappropriate behavior.
Many children enter adulthood without many responsibilities or have sufficient life experience because their parents have done too much for them. From time management, finances, relationships to health, it's not about teaching the kids everything but teaching how to choose wisely.
Every child is different, so the most difficult task for the parent is to know when to be firm and when to let go.
Although I don't have kids, I feel so passionately about child rearing because I benefited so much from almost-perfect parents. Having enjoyed unconditional acceptance and love my entire life, it still shocks me when I meet adults who are trying to make up for what was lacking in their childhood.
Still, there is self-parenting. No one should blame just the parents, so I apologize for the tone in the last post. It is up to us as adults to cultivate a beautiful life from this point forward, regardless of the past.
Many children enter adulthood without many responsibilities or have sufficient life experience because their parents have done too much for them. From time management, finances, relationships to health, it's not about teaching the kids everything but teaching how to choose wisely.
Every child is different, so the most difficult task for the parent is to know when to be firm and when to let go.
Although I don't have kids, I feel so passionately about child rearing because I benefited so much from almost-perfect parents. Having enjoyed unconditional acceptance and love my entire life, it still shocks me when I meet adults who are trying to make up for what was lacking in their childhood.
Still, there is self-parenting. No one should blame just the parents, so I apologize for the tone in the last post. It is up to us as adults to cultivate a beautiful life from this point forward, regardless of the past.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
new criteria
To make it simpler, I am posting my three current musts, in order of importance:
1. gentlemanly
2. worldly
3. successful (happy w/job)
It's not asking for much, noticed no physical criteria, no financial requirements nor educational standards.
Still, it's sad to think how many guys failed number one of late. I can't help it, but I blame the parents, especially the mothers. It's all in the formidable years; science shows that most behaviors are learned before 8. It's quite easy for most parents, especially mothers, to let their children behave badly.
It's not just on the parents though. I grew up in a very small community where plenty of caring adults - relatives, family friends, and even community elders - helped to guide my sense of right and wrong.
That guidance is still in my life. I have many older female friends (ranging from 40 to mid-60s) who are always there to offer their wisdom. Of course, my mother and close family friends also shape my conduct.
In contrast, most men simply don't have this collective wisdom to encourage gentlemanly behavior. I don't see older guys who treat ladies with respect, so the younger guys can follow suit. There isn't the community of responsible men who can tell men 18-35 that they should behave better, especially in the presence of women.
So, what to do? I think us women need to stop settling. If we see men being crass or being obnoxious, we need to distant ourselves or show our disapproval. For instance, I stopped inviting men who are offensive to my social events. I don't need that lowly kind of humor. In addition, I always speak up when a man is vulgar in my company. It's not acceptable!
There may not be an universal definition of worldly or successful, but one always know whether a man is gentlemanly or not. May you always be in the company of a gentleman!
1. gentlemanly
2. worldly
3. successful (happy w/job)
It's not asking for much, noticed no physical criteria, no financial requirements nor educational standards.
Still, it's sad to think how many guys failed number one of late. I can't help it, but I blame the parents, especially the mothers. It's all in the formidable years; science shows that most behaviors are learned before 8. It's quite easy for most parents, especially mothers, to let their children behave badly.
It's not just on the parents though. I grew up in a very small community where plenty of caring adults - relatives, family friends, and even community elders - helped to guide my sense of right and wrong.
That guidance is still in my life. I have many older female friends (ranging from 40 to mid-60s) who are always there to offer their wisdom. Of course, my mother and close family friends also shape my conduct.
In contrast, most men simply don't have this collective wisdom to encourage gentlemanly behavior. I don't see older guys who treat ladies with respect, so the younger guys can follow suit. There isn't the community of responsible men who can tell men 18-35 that they should behave better, especially in the presence of women.
So, what to do? I think us women need to stop settling. If we see men being crass or being obnoxious, we need to distant ourselves or show our disapproval. For instance, I stopped inviting men who are offensive to my social events. I don't need that lowly kind of humor. In addition, I always speak up when a man is vulgar in my company. It's not acceptable!
There may not be an universal definition of worldly or successful, but one always know whether a man is gentlemanly or not. May you always be in the company of a gentleman!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
pretender
Went out of town this past weekend. During the trip, one girlfriend suggested that we couldn't use a more complex word if there was a simpler word. For instance, rather than saying ubiquitous, we had to say everywhere. The result was hilarious; I ended up trying to use big words just for fun.
Then, I was saddened by how this started because my friend felt that men are intimidated by smart women.
During the trip, I happen to be reading the book by Maureen Dowd. Of course, fueled by my feminist urges, I chided my friend for her ludicrous idea.
I pointed out that no man would ever dumb himself down to nab a woman. In fact, the men who hit on us over the weekend all puffed themselves up quite a bit. The double-standard is very real.
My friend said that all this pretending was suppose to be fun, but it was yet another reminder that as a woman, we have to make our own rules or be ruled by what's not real. That's when the real fun starts, when we do simply what pleases us and not based on how to illicit a particular response.
Then, I was saddened by how this started because my friend felt that men are intimidated by smart women.
During the trip, I happen to be reading the book by Maureen Dowd. Of course, fueled by my feminist urges, I chided my friend for her ludicrous idea.
I pointed out that no man would ever dumb himself down to nab a woman. In fact, the men who hit on us over the weekend all puffed themselves up quite a bit. The double-standard is very real.
My friend said that all this pretending was suppose to be fun, but it was yet another reminder that as a woman, we have to make our own rules or be ruled by what's not real. That's when the real fun starts, when we do simply what pleases us and not based on how to illicit a particular response.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
no worries
Was late for a phone conference today due to another meeting right before. Yes, lesson learned, should have asked for the meeting to start later.
To make matters worst, I didn't have the call-in info due to a zealous round of deleting e-mails yesterday.
What can I do? Tried to reach the host's secretary, but she was not at her desk. E-mailed the host and waited for a response. Sure enough, I was able to call in, but late.
Still, at no point did I let fear take over or worry. This calm is just how it is at work now. My company is paying for plenty of talent to worry, so I am there to execute and to manage the process.
This has been the best month of work ever. Maybe this is the place to stay for a while after all...
To make matters worst, I didn't have the call-in info due to a zealous round of deleting e-mails yesterday.
What can I do? Tried to reach the host's secretary, but she was not at her desk. E-mailed the host and waited for a response. Sure enough, I was able to call in, but late.
Still, at no point did I let fear take over or worry. This calm is just how it is at work now. My company is paying for plenty of talent to worry, so I am there to execute and to manage the process.
This has been the best month of work ever. Maybe this is the place to stay for a while after all...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
get happy!
It's been a great week!
Between throwing parties and spending lots of time with family and friends, I realized that work is the least crazy part of my life. Truly appreciate the stability of work.
Now that work has a very competent admin, I can focus on getting my projects done, including a very exciting acquisition deal. It is a lot of work, but I love it. Every day is different, and I still get off in time to have fun.
To be loved by so many and to share all the simple things in life with people I care about. This is more than enough!
Life is perfect right now. Who knew this positive feeling would be so overwhelming?
Between throwing parties and spending lots of time with family and friends, I realized that work is the least crazy part of my life. Truly appreciate the stability of work.
Now that work has a very competent admin, I can focus on getting my projects done, including a very exciting acquisition deal. It is a lot of work, but I love it. Every day is different, and I still get off in time to have fun.
To be loved by so many and to share all the simple things in life with people I care about. This is more than enough!
Life is perfect right now. Who knew this positive feeling would be so overwhelming?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
what I know for sure
Life has always been taken up by having fun. Even work has to be fun (like right now) for me to appreciate it.
Men are always a source of fun, but I just haven't met the guy who can ride out the good times and the bad times with me. I do meet stellar guys, but it just isn't meant to be.
Instead, I count on my family, my friends, my routines and my sense of self.
I feel special to be single and completely happy. Don't see any reason to change the status quo any more. So this is what it means to get old; I am so comfortable in my life that the idea of a relationship no longer holds much appeal.
Cool but also twisted indeed.
Men are always a source of fun, but I just haven't met the guy who can ride out the good times and the bad times with me. I do meet stellar guys, but it just isn't meant to be.
Instead, I count on my family, my friends, my routines and my sense of self.
I feel special to be single and completely happy. Don't see any reason to change the status quo any more. So this is what it means to get old; I am so comfortable in my life that the idea of a relationship no longer holds much appeal.
Cool but also twisted indeed.
Monday, August 27, 2007
just like that
Went to open salsa session with a friend. Happy to report that I finally got over my fear of dancing.
Who knew? All the pressure is on the guy. Just like in dating. Haha. Instead of wondering what I should be doing and worry about not being able to follow, I just let the guy do all the work.
Yes, I was very uncomfortable in letting the guy do the thinking and acting, but I am starting to like it. Last night was so fun. I kept up. Just have to do my part and smile.
Everyone was right; I would love salsa. My friend and I are planning to take up tango next. Excited that I found a new dancing partner...
Who knew? All the pressure is on the guy. Just like in dating. Haha. Instead of wondering what I should be doing and worry about not being able to follow, I just let the guy do all the work.
Yes, I was very uncomfortable in letting the guy do the thinking and acting, but I am starting to like it. Last night was so fun. I kept up. Just have to do my part and smile.
Everyone was right; I would love salsa. My friend and I are planning to take up tango next. Excited that I found a new dancing partner...
Sunday, August 26, 2007
evolution
I was quite excited about possibly going club dancing with an out-of-town friend tonight, but for one reason or another, I didn't have my potential dancing partner. Fortunately, this is the not the first time that I found myself unable to go dancing. In fact, I have taken up salsa in order to find an outlet for my love of dancing.
Having hated instructional dancing and had a terrible time at my first few salsa experiences, even the group lessons, I wasn't sure if salsa was for me. Fortunately, a friend who takes many dance lessons suggested that I do a few privates. The first couple of classes reminded me one major rule in my life: there is always an efficient way to learn, and with time and money, it is possible to be proficient at almost everything.
Rather than thinking that I have to give up dancing, I am finding a new outlet. I even started to invite friends who are excellent salsa dancers to join me.
In fact, rather than staying disappointed of not dancing, I am looking forward to meeting a friend at salsa tomorrow night. Besides, last night's unexpected dancing w/newly made friends was a reminder that life has a way to answer our desires.
Having hated instructional dancing and had a terrible time at my first few salsa experiences, even the group lessons, I wasn't sure if salsa was for me. Fortunately, a friend who takes many dance lessons suggested that I do a few privates. The first couple of classes reminded me one major rule in my life: there is always an efficient way to learn, and with time and money, it is possible to be proficient at almost everything.
Rather than thinking that I have to give up dancing, I am finding a new outlet. I even started to invite friends who are excellent salsa dancers to join me.
In fact, rather than staying disappointed of not dancing, I am looking forward to meeting a friend at salsa tomorrow night. Besides, last night's unexpected dancing w/newly made friends was a reminder that life has a way to answer our desires.
Friday, August 24, 2007
no need to explain
Got several feedbacks that my blog has not been inspiring of late. All this effort to date and nothing.
My apologies. ;) Don't mean to repeat the same formula: go out, try, and nada. Life is like that. Looking at the surface can be defeating and makes you wonder: why bother?
Upon closer examination though, the real meaning surfaces. A good debate tonight with an older female friend (I have several, this one is in her late 50s) clarified why I am not receptive to love quite just yet.
I had unresolved feelings for someone I dated last year. He is no longer into me, but I believed that a connection still exists. Somehow, his independence, his quirkiness, and the je-ne-sais-quoi drew me to him time after time. Rather than just let the kite go, I insisted on making it a romantic connection. No can do.
We still have e-mail exchanges, but they are initiated by me and answered with politeness from him. He and I are not friends, so why not move on?
What he has been is an ideal that kept me from getting involved and getting hurt until I am ready. This week, I finally let go. Like Mr. TO, this will just be another chapter that gives me hope on finding real love.
Yes, M, I admit it, I am looking for love.
My apologies. ;) Don't mean to repeat the same formula: go out, try, and nada. Life is like that. Looking at the surface can be defeating and makes you wonder: why bother?
Upon closer examination though, the real meaning surfaces. A good debate tonight with an older female friend (I have several, this one is in her late 50s) clarified why I am not receptive to love quite just yet.
I had unresolved feelings for someone I dated last year. He is no longer into me, but I believed that a connection still exists. Somehow, his independence, his quirkiness, and the je-ne-sais-quoi drew me to him time after time. Rather than just let the kite go, I insisted on making it a romantic connection. No can do.
We still have e-mail exchanges, but they are initiated by me and answered with politeness from him. He and I are not friends, so why not move on?
What he has been is an ideal that kept me from getting involved and getting hurt until I am ready. This week, I finally let go. Like Mr. TO, this will just be another chapter that gives me hope on finding real love.
Yes, M, I admit it, I am looking for love.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
knowing one's fate
It's technically "tomorrow", so I am going to post again, bur for the new day. :D
Had to talk about how knowing my fate has comforted me. By now, most of you know that my dad is an amature fortune teller who is very accurate. He correctly predicted that I would divorce and that I will settle down in my late 30s. I am only 32 right now.
Anyways, the proof of his wisdom is due to the numerous disasterous dating experiences of the last 4 years of singlehood. If it wasn't for Dad, I would seriously be depressed.
The latest not-meant-to-be: A guy contacted me online back in May when I was on a dating site, but dismissed him b/c he was geographically-undesirable (back when I only wanted to date men who lived in the City). He actually wrote again b/c we had a mutual friend who suggested that we go out.
Of course, back then being more than 20 minutes away seemed tough, so I never followed up.
Fast forward to last night. Our mutual friend invited him to a small celebration (some friends passed the CFA, and one friend just got engaged!), so I had no idea he was coming out.
OMG! The guy was cool and attractive. His goodness was so evident that I couldn't wait to get to know him better. I asked my friend about him today, and of course, there was a catch. He just started to date someone recently.
DOH!!! I am so bummed. I cannot believe that this is like the sixth nice guy I have met in the last year where some unfortunate factor (usually another woman) just made it not so. Actually, it's been more he's-not-into-me than anything else. Image-control, but I'll save that for another entry...
Good thing I know about my destiny, or else I would really be hating life right now. Instead, it makes for great practice to spot the good guys from the jerks (don't even get me started on that roster!!). I now can confidently say that I am looking for a man whose heart makes him handsome, and I know exactly what that looks like now.
So I wait. One day, there will be that one guy who is confident, generous, gentlemanly, relaxed, and into me. So, I wait. And wait. And wait. There's plenty of time because we were probably connected in prior lives already. In the meanwhile, let's have some fun! ;)
Had to talk about how knowing my fate has comforted me. By now, most of you know that my dad is an amature fortune teller who is very accurate. He correctly predicted that I would divorce and that I will settle down in my late 30s. I am only 32 right now.
Anyways, the proof of his wisdom is due to the numerous disasterous dating experiences of the last 4 years of singlehood. If it wasn't for Dad, I would seriously be depressed.
The latest not-meant-to-be: A guy contacted me online back in May when I was on a dating site, but dismissed him b/c he was geographically-undesirable (back when I only wanted to date men who lived in the City). He actually wrote again b/c we had a mutual friend who suggested that we go out.
Of course, back then being more than 20 minutes away seemed tough, so I never followed up.
Fast forward to last night. Our mutual friend invited him to a small celebration (some friends passed the CFA, and one friend just got engaged!), so I had no idea he was coming out.
OMG! The guy was cool and attractive. His goodness was so evident that I couldn't wait to get to know him better. I asked my friend about him today, and of course, there was a catch. He just started to date someone recently.
DOH!!! I am so bummed. I cannot believe that this is like the sixth nice guy I have met in the last year where some unfortunate factor (usually another woman) just made it not so. Actually, it's been more he's-not-into-me than anything else. Image-control, but I'll save that for another entry...
Good thing I know about my destiny, or else I would really be hating life right now. Instead, it makes for great practice to spot the good guys from the jerks (don't even get me started on that roster!!). I now can confidently say that I am looking for a man whose heart makes him handsome, and I know exactly what that looks like now.
So I wait. One day, there will be that one guy who is confident, generous, gentlemanly, relaxed, and into me. So, I wait. And wait. And wait. There's plenty of time because we were probably connected in prior lives already. In the meanwhile, let's have some fun! ;)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
hedging
Lamented to a friend tonight on how several guys recently act disinterested in the beginning of the date and only open their hearts (and wallets) when I entertain them enough through wit and humor...
She told me that's called hedging. Apparently the trend of coffee or drinks are a way for guys not to invest a great deal in case the date doesn't work out.
Ironic, but a great date can only happen if both parties are willing to dive right in and invest full attention. I have had many first dates where the guys make it clear early on that they are not thrilled about paying for me. That's all fine by me, but implicitly in the unwillingness to pay is also an emotionally guarded self that influence the other person's interest.
I try not to look at the money issue and have ruined more than one first date by paying for myself, but I think the subconscious result of hedging is the fear that this might not work out.
Given that I take risks in all areas of my life, I am quite carefree on the first date. It's fun when the guy can get carried away by me and enjoy that complete acceptance I try to give everyone in my life. Still, I always notice when the fear of rejection or a bad date lurks behind the guy's behavior on dates.
Maybe that's why the jerks/bad boys always get the woman. They are offering the same freedom that I try to give the men.
Still, having hedged a couple of times myself, it's not noble behavior. Ahh, karma.
She told me that's called hedging. Apparently the trend of coffee or drinks are a way for guys not to invest a great deal in case the date doesn't work out.
Ironic, but a great date can only happen if both parties are willing to dive right in and invest full attention. I have had many first dates where the guys make it clear early on that they are not thrilled about paying for me. That's all fine by me, but implicitly in the unwillingness to pay is also an emotionally guarded self that influence the other person's interest.
I try not to look at the money issue and have ruined more than one first date by paying for myself, but I think the subconscious result of hedging is the fear that this might not work out.
Given that I take risks in all areas of my life, I am quite carefree on the first date. It's fun when the guy can get carried away by me and enjoy that complete acceptance I try to give everyone in my life. Still, I always notice when the fear of rejection or a bad date lurks behind the guy's behavior on dates.
Maybe that's why the jerks/bad boys always get the woman. They are offering the same freedom that I try to give the men.
Still, having hedged a couple of times myself, it's not noble behavior. Ahh, karma.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
diversity
Besides having progressive parents, another lucky aspect of my childhood was the diverse characters. Surprising b/c I grew up in a homogeneous culture. Still, I knew so many unconventional adults growing up, especially women, that I don't think too much about the shoulds.
Why should women get married and have children when I knew some who were quite happy in their own unique situations?
Why should a woman look to others for approval when many females in my childhood were independent AND well respected?
I just don't know what fate has planned for me, and I am adventurous enough to not know exactly what is going to happen. I love how all the individuals I keep meeting remind me that I must staying on my own unbeaten path.
Why should women get married and have children when I knew some who were quite happy in their own unique situations?
Why should a woman look to others for approval when many females in my childhood were independent AND well respected?
I just don't know what fate has planned for me, and I am adventurous enough to not know exactly what is going to happen. I love how all the individuals I keep meeting remind me that I must staying on my own unbeaten path.
Monday, August 20, 2007
being oneself
Having been different my entire life, I don't ever try to conform. It drives my mother crazy, but as I asked her, what should I do differently if I am happy?
More than ever, I feel free because I waste very little time and energy wondering how far I am from my goals. Sometimes I wonder about people who are completely driven by their goals. How do you let life unfold otherwise? What fun is knowing you will get to certain places?
I feel very driven, but it's to always live in the moment. My most defined goal is to be happy, and I have obtained that almost on a daily basis. More than ever, happiness comes from enjoying the world and the people around me.
Whether it is hosting a big party or reading a good book, I have found my peace.
So what's next??
More than ever, I feel free because I waste very little time and energy wondering how far I am from my goals. Sometimes I wonder about people who are completely driven by their goals. How do you let life unfold otherwise? What fun is knowing you will get to certain places?
I feel very driven, but it's to always live in the moment. My most defined goal is to be happy, and I have obtained that almost on a daily basis. More than ever, happiness comes from enjoying the world and the people around me.
Whether it is hosting a big party or reading a good book, I have found my peace.
So what's next??
Friday, August 17, 2007
where it leads me
My work has brought me into the Brisbane community.
Besides working on the development projects in this small city, I also handles community relations for the company.
One documentary coming out of this community full of artists is a film about the San Bruno Mountain.
Here the trailer for those who love nature. You can click on the format link to download HD versions.
be the man
If the guy is going invite me to a nice restaurant, at least have the courtesy to make reservations. Instead, it was an awkward splitting of an appetizer sampler and one entree at the bar. I ended up paying for dessert elsewhere b/c I was hungry. Commute or not, cheap or not, asking me out at 8 should just be a dinner date.
I overlooked the dinner faux pas, but the illegal left turn where it said no left turn except buses and taxis pretty much summarized the night. He did it anyway after I pointed out the sign.
Being the man should mean having good judgment and being a gentleman. It shouldn't be so hard to do the right thing. I appreciate very much the attention and the effort, but I don't think there will be a second date...
I overlooked the dinner faux pas, but the illegal left turn where it said no left turn except buses and taxis pretty much summarized the night. He did it anyway after I pointed out the sign.
Being the man should mean having good judgment and being a gentleman. It shouldn't be so hard to do the right thing. I appreciate very much the attention and the effort, but I don't think there will be a second date...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
so much easier this way
For a change, I am going to let the guy lead the whole dating dance.
Duh.
Yes, I know, I shouda figured this out long ago. It's ironic b/c my need to control is great at work but not in dating. If the guy is not ready, he is not ready. At least I finally stopped trying if the guy isn't on board. It sucks to be attracted to someone who doesn't make time for me, but at least I have learned to sit out of that situation.
Given that I am ready to settle down, the guy is going to have to drive. He will have to do most of the work to get things going, so I can get to know him and decide whether the ride is worth the time.
It's so much easier this year, since the guy is making the plans and initiating. Maybe that's work is so much better; I can finally focus. Also, I can quickly tell when it's not meant to be. I am not wasting time wondering if the guy is worthy. It's quite obvious when we don't think inside our heads so much. Live and learn.
The only minus to letting someone else drive is when it's the rejection, it hurts a lot. My pride has been sufficiently bruised this year b/c I take the rejection rather than trying to make something out of nothing.
Duh.
Yes, I know, I shouda figured this out long ago. It's ironic b/c my need to control is great at work but not in dating. If the guy is not ready, he is not ready. At least I finally stopped trying if the guy isn't on board. It sucks to be attracted to someone who doesn't make time for me, but at least I have learned to sit out of that situation.
Given that I am ready to settle down, the guy is going to have to drive. He will have to do most of the work to get things going, so I can get to know him and decide whether the ride is worth the time.
It's so much easier this year, since the guy is making the plans and initiating. Maybe that's work is so much better; I can finally focus. Also, I can quickly tell when it's not meant to be. I am not wasting time wondering if the guy is worthy. It's quite obvious when we don't think inside our heads so much. Live and learn.
The only minus to letting someone else drive is when it's the rejection, it hurts a lot. My pride has been sufficiently bruised this year b/c I take the rejection rather than trying to make something out of nothing.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
stress, fat and ailments
The body produces excess cortisol when it's under stress. This hormone has been linked to higher blood pressure, decreased bone density, and blood sugar imbalance.
Ever since I learned about cortisol a couple of years ago, I have been paying attention to the two interesting effects of this "stress hormone": increased abdominal fat and lowered immunity. I truly believe that cortisol can explain why our populations have unhealthy bodies and are sick so frequently.
So what to do? Besides eating well and regular exercise, the big one is stress management. I am learning to cut out sources of stress, including people who are toxic.
Perhaps that's why I am much more selective about the company that I keep. Other than family, I have learned to let the friends come and go. I still put in efforts to cultivate my friends, but I do let them go if it's just too hard to stay connected.
Conversely, things that are important need to be re-examined. Even if I believe the importance of having a great job and a life partner, I am not going to worry about why they aren't here yet. It's the journey, but it's my joyous journey. I am not going to let anyone else judge me; the way things are is mean to be.
Ever since I learned about cortisol a couple of years ago, I have been paying attention to the two interesting effects of this "stress hormone": increased abdominal fat and lowered immunity. I truly believe that cortisol can explain why our populations have unhealthy bodies and are sick so frequently.
So what to do? Besides eating well and regular exercise, the big one is stress management. I am learning to cut out sources of stress, including people who are toxic.
Perhaps that's why I am much more selective about the company that I keep. Other than family, I have learned to let the friends come and go. I still put in efforts to cultivate my friends, but I do let them go if it's just too hard to stay connected.
Conversely, things that are important need to be re-examined. Even if I believe the importance of having a great job and a life partner, I am not going to worry about why they aren't here yet. It's the journey, but it's my joyous journey. I am not going to let anyone else judge me; the way things are is mean to be.
Monday, August 13, 2007
just friends
It can be tricky to be platonic with guy friends who are single. I finally figured out, so it's quite simple. Unless a guy is going to pursue me full on, he will stay just as a friend.
I developed feelings that were more than friends for this one guy friend, and the few times our schedules would work out for a meal or a drink, the chemistry was amazing.
Still, it occurred to me that I don't want just a friend, or friend with benefits, or anything limited that this would have turned into. I talked to him about this one day, and he was clear that he did not want the same thing.
Yes, it was a little sad, since we had such great times. I am looking for a boyfriend, so this guy is just not going to be a candidate.
Today, he called again to invite me over to watch a movie. I have plans. So that's the extent of this friendship. It's good to have friends to hang out, and I have more than my shares of male and female friends to share all the simple things. It's just time to find that one person who will be there for me all the time and who drive me crazily happy all the time!
I developed feelings that were more than friends for this one guy friend, and the few times our schedules would work out for a meal or a drink, the chemistry was amazing.
Still, it occurred to me that I don't want just a friend, or friend with benefits, or anything limited that this would have turned into. I talked to him about this one day, and he was clear that he did not want the same thing.
Yes, it was a little sad, since we had such great times. I am looking for a boyfriend, so this guy is just not going to be a candidate.
Today, he called again to invite me over to watch a movie. I have plans. So that's the extent of this friendship. It's good to have friends to hang out, and I have more than my shares of male and female friends to share all the simple things. It's just time to find that one person who will be there for me all the time and who drive me crazily happy all the time!
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