stereotypes

I have a few female friends who are beyond child-bearing years, and hanging out with them is always interesting.

One thing is that they care more about the guy's financial status, where as I care about a man's potential as a father. Also, men never know what to do with these very together women who don't want kids.

It's different. Just as I am changing as I grow older, I care less about a man's lifestyle than what this person will teach me and my kids.

One reason my ex and I broke up was that we couldn't imagine raising kids with one another. That's why he and I parted on good terms, and he now has a family of his own.

It's all fate, but I am looking for that man to start a family with. At the same time, I trust that my gut will guide me to the right person. Fortunately, all but two people made the cut in the past three years. Well, those two are unavailable, so I am keeping my eyes out. Just enjoy and let things unfold!

accepting my fate

Reporting back after Thursday night out: SF party scene is not happening Thursday nights!

Actually, it's about knowing where to go and understanding the crowd. Now that I know where to go Sat nights, it's time to do the same for Thursdays.

On to the today's topic. Every time I try to approach a guy romantically, disaster happens. The thought is to do nothing and wait for a manly man to do something...NOT.

I just have to follow my gut. It's ironic. Because I believe in fate I can be completely uninhibited. Last night, when M and I were tearing it up at Fluid, I sensed that some people wished that they could be just as free. They can, they just have to know that there is very little consequence to following one's gut.

So I am going to follow my gut w/all the guys...until they make me annoyed or mad. Grrrr! :P

All right, back to my happy self again...

what I seek

Party weekend. Going out tonight, Fri and Sat night.

Board member aka Uncle asked if I can cancel my plans tomorrow night to go to a dinner w/Willie Brown. Uncle promised that I'll learn from Willie Brown. No thanks. I know he is one of the most powerful people, but I am out to celebrate with my friend at this fundraiser.

Going to put some effort to talk to guys. This year is all about changing myself. The dating has been so fun, and I don't see any end to that. Still, time to mix it up. Will try to talk to 2 guys at each event. Never know!

always enough time and money

Took my match profile off the site this morning.

Over time, I have trained myself to get more out of my time and money. Looking at my match experience this past year, it wasn't the best use of my time.

I demand so much of my time and money that if any experience doesn't feel worthy, I move on.

How do I know? What is the litmus test? Again, intuition. Making the right choices should be so easy that you know they are meant to be. If an experience isn't working, then move on. Don't dwell. Holding onto something that is not meant to be just drains our spirits.

Take my second car. From the purchase to the sale, it's been a beautiful and fun experience! Now that the car is taking up more of my time and money given other priorities, it's time to let it go. The buyer is picking it up tomorrow, and I will move on to the next big thing.

Wonder what is that next big thing (or person)?!

yet another dating theory

E asked me today why all these people are single when we all seem to want the same thing. The men just want a nice girl, and the women just want a nice guy...

It's not that simple. I think there are two deterrents.

One is that our criteria have been warped by our unrealistic expectations. The men don't just want a nice girl. She has to be HOT, smart, educated and stylish. The women don't just want a nice guy. He has to be tall, handsome, athletic, funny, and make more money than her.

Hey, I am just summarizing these past few years' research. Personally, no two guys have been alike in my dating history.

The second challenge to finding someone is unwillingness to compromise. My divorce is a big lesson in that I was not ready to compromise with someone else. Maybe our generation has it too easy. We all grow up so cuddled by our families and live so comfortably that we don't know how to deal with adversity.

Unless we have had a very successful relationship in our 20s, most singles in our early 30s are out of practice when it comes to compromising with others. Most of us don't even have roommates because we can afford to have our own places.

Perhaps the number one consequence of busy work lives and zero community involvement is the loss of training ground for how to compromise. The work place is not a substitute for how to deal with people because there is the common goal of profit or getting something done. It is only through settling conflicting goals that we learn how to compromise.

unrealistic expectation + refusal to compromise = not finding someone

I am going to apply this theory on myself. Hopefully the match experience will be a starting point. I did e-mail a couple of people back. Will keep you posted.

love is in the air

I really need to get my broken camera issue resolved. Saw this couple hugging right in the middle of Financial District today and wished I had a camera to capture their infatuation for one another. What was even more cute was the way the woman was slightly embarrassed.

They are definitely in that beginning lovey-dovey stage. It got me to think, hey, I have had more of those moments than anyone I know, since I tend to end things when it starts to go downhill but before they crash and burn. Yet I can always jump right back into dating w/o the baggage or the fear.

In that instant, I was glad for my life. Rather than focusing on all the issues of a marriage or a serious relationship, which I did in the past, I can just enjoy those sweet moments. Why be conventional and settle down before I am good and ready? If it's meant to be, that next guy is going to be the one!

the best manager...

...is not always the nicest. That person is the most respected. Sometimes a manager has to make difficult choices for the good of the team.

After hearing that advice at a b-school forum two nights ago, I put theory to practice.

I urged my General Manager not to be nice but to be fair in a matter. He is so nice that he always end up doing more work or put the company at risk.

I like to think that I am a nice person, but I also want to do the right thing.

Sometimes being right requires disappointing people who were expecting too much. Hey, that's what dating is all about.

:D

from my match profile - active again

Welcome! You are now entering the sphere where good things happen.

This is a place where laughter is the universal language, and everyone knows just what to do upon arrival. Life is easy here because this is where preparation meets opportunity.

Success happens much more than failure because each person is confident in following intuition. Everyone constantly learns in order to make wiser choices.

The goal is that perfect balance of work, play and relationships. All three requires diligence, faith and creativity. Other key values include friendship, fun and upmost respect for one another.

What you will not find here: unrealistic expectations and fear. Expectations oppose the values of acceptance and understanding. Fear negates communications. Rather than wanting what is not there and being afraid of what is true, simply enjoy the moment and the answers will reveal themselves.

Good luck. May you find what you seek.

silicon valley syndrom

Carpooled with friends down to the hike Sunday, and on the way back, we talked about how the Valley's culture is different.

It's driven, and that's a turn-off.

Maybe it's the fact that the young people are relatively isolated from families and people in other age groups. The way people get to know one another is to show off their latest gadgets and to list their professional and financial accomplishments.

Even the restaurant owner had a conversation with us about someone's new Blackjack.

Where are the people into intrinsic things like culture and acceptance?

the day that restored me

After 5 hours of hiking through the "moderate" Pinnacles trail, I was exhausted but also completely clear about life again. Answered many of my own questions too.

Definitely need to hike more before the Peru trip.

new journey

Between the breakup and the potential job offer, I didn't get sick but was feeling down. I know everything is meant to be, but I need the signs to convince me.

And then they appeared.

First, found buyers for my car. It's not all finalized, but it's as good as done. By pricing the car fair, it was an easy sell. Yet another female driver who is going to baby the car.

Second, discovered the perfect pair of nightstand lamps at a consignment shop. Been looking for over a year. For those who know me, that's perfection - recycle, save money, and not compromise on style.

Then, met someone who made me understood the breakup. No, it's not another guy.

In fact, it was a sweet woman. She reminded me of what being feminine is all about, and what's been missing in me lately - humility.

Being in her presence lifted me so much that I know I have a while to go before settling down.

Back to perfecting the practice of being a lady.

cheers

My monthly wine tasting ended up at District last night. I was all ready to scope out the men, except there were only two Asian guys the whole night outside of my three guy friends. Is Mission Bay the new Marina?!

Was explaining to my friend how this time around, I am going to go up to interesting men and talk to them. In the middle of that speech, the first Asian guy finished his drink and left. doh.

By the time M arrived, I was buzzed enough, and we tried to approach Asian guy number two. He appeared to be picking up a white chick, unsuccessfully. Felt bad because some how he went from standing behind her to getting her seat, and she was trying to leave. M & I went for a closer look, and I feel bad for saying this, but we dismissed him b/c we were not impressed by the woman.

Well, I had fun hanging out with my friends. It was a good group, 7 of us. The wine was excellent, and the food was better than most wine places. Just don't know if I like the crowd. I must have turned into one of these snobs. Must be diverse to impress me??

body, mind, spirit

Had my second private salsa lesson, and it was even better than the first. A different instructor, and we danced for a whole hour.

Instructional dancing is so unfamiliar. What? The guy is going to tell me what to do?! The first few times in open sessions were frustrating. Even the group lessons were discouraging.

Then, my friend A suggested private lessons. He has been dancing at studios for a couple of years and love it. He was right.

It's all about slowing everything down and watching for the signals.

Learning salsa got me to think about how I behave in life. I am so intuitive that I don't give much thought to the rules. Yet, knowing the rules (the dance moves) gives me more options in responding to the unexpected (the partner's signals). Only by easily conquering the everyday obstacles will I be able to focus on what's truly important - spiritual growth.

This next phase of life is all about learning the rules and arming myself with even more expertise in many areas...

saying goodbye to my baby

1998 BMW Z3 Manual-Great Condition with only 70k miles

Always garaged. Rarely driven in the rain. It is in great condition, with regular 3K oil change and all recommended services. Services were done by Auto Repair Center, Noe Valley Auto and Advanced Auto Repair, all in the City. The past year services included all new tires, 60K service.

This is a 4-cylinder car which gets about 27 miles per gallon. Handles perfectly. It comes with all the extras: alarm, heated seats, chrome upgrade package, mesh wind blocker, CD changer and premium speakers. I'll also include the converter to play music with any mp3 player/iPod.

Other specs:
* Model year 1998
* 1.9 4-cylinder engine
* 70k miles
* 5-speed manual transmission
* Clean title
* Clean carfax
* No accidents

the things I am learning

“Volatile Organic Compounds” is defined as any chemical compound based on carbon chains or rings (and also containing hydrogen) with vapor pressure greater than 2mm of mercury (0.27 kPa) at 25° C, including without limitation industrial solvents, fuel oxygenates, by-products produced by chlorination of water treatment, and components of petroleum fuels, hydraulic fluids, paint thinners and dry cleaning agents. Volatile Organic Compounds specifically includes without limitation perchloroethylene (also commonly referred to as perchloroethene, tetrachloroethylene, tetrachloroethene, “PERC” or “PCE”), trichloroethylene (also commonly referred to as trichloroethene or “TCE”), trichloroethane (also commonly referred to as “TCA”) and vinyl chloride.

Slowly, I am being changed by work, and I welcome it. Just as all the relationships in my life has directed me to who I am meant to be, my professional life has always shaped me. Am excited about what's next. Second-round of interview coming up!

ka-ching!

Cultivating friendships is the best rewards program.

While I was going through the ups and downs of this last little dating episode, my friends were there to help me stay balanced and sane.

By always making time for my friends, I have been able to draw upon their support when it matters the most.

I am past the point in my life where I need lots of advice. Instead, I just need people who know how to have a good time without any drama. In the last two days, I managed to go to happy hour, dinner w/girlfriend, Sat breakfast at the best bakery in the Mission, rollerblading on the Embarcadero, and my favorite, dancing tonight. All these friends just stepped in to have some fun with me.

Wait, that's life every week! So, it goes to show, that by knowing my priorities and maintaining the perfect balance, life moves along happily, man or no man. Yes, life would be even better with a partner, but that day will be here soon enough.

For now, I am one happy chica! Wheeeee!

being very single, again...

Even though I had a gut feeling to call it off with the latest guy, I stuck it out on the advice of several close friends. True, rarely does someone share my lifestyle and can be so much fun.

After one too many canceled dates, it's over.

As much as I want to be understanding, I am just beyond waiting for these boys to become men. Instead of making excuses and expect me to be understanding, why not just admit that you are not up to par?

Is it my fault that I am ready to settle down while you are still so juvenile?

True, I detest elitism, but when it comes to finding the perfect mate, I cannot help but be picky. If I am going to ask that my children emulate this man, shouldn't he be the most perfect human being that I connect with?

The irony. The more I am single, the more I have time and resources to perfect myself, while most of the men (and women) are wasting time stressed out about not having someone. Com'on. Come carrying me off to the sunset before I bench my own weight already! btw, I'm at 70% of my body weight on the bench.

Okay, hitting the gym. These staying-in Friday and Saturday nights are doing wonders for my fitness!!


Lastly, this is yet another example of risk everything and GAIN everything. The more I opened my heart, the more I was able to see the other person clearly. By letting go of myself and being completely attuned to him, I see how it's not meant to be. Feel blessed to move on w/o getting hurt, again. Peace.

still the mind

Seven of my library books arrived this week. Any CA resident can reserve and check books out from SF library system. I usually find books on Amazon and "order" through the library. The library delivers it right to the closest branch.

Dived right into the Dalai Lama's Ethics for the New Millennium. A refreshing change from all the LEED reading.

It occurred to me that I had forgotten to make time for myself in the last few months. It's been so much planning and doing that I haven't been still. I love the frenzy pace, but it's time to change and be still. Just as I am switching from snow sports to summer activities, it's time to reassess activities and people.

Wonder what's next...

round one concluded

The interview was fine. I have the personality and the vision to fit in the firm. Ended up talking about how to make the land use legal business better.

Still, whether I can actually do the research and writing is on everyone's mind, including mine.

Let's see if I make it to the second round.

The irony was that my tentative date w/M was canceled b/c he worked late. That might be me soon enough...

priorities

I just turned down 2 tickets to the Sharks game tonight, and this just might be their last game this season. They are down 3-2 in the playoffs against the Detroit Red Wings.

That's how much the interview tomorrow means to me.

Sorry G, I said that I would take you...