standing by my decision

I happened to look up parcel information for work, and I decided to check out my old place, the one that I bought together with my ex but then moved out of when we divorced. It was an amicable parting. He bought me out by paying me a lump sum that was suppose to cover my initial investment and the appreciation.

In California, community property is an asset acquired during marriage that is considered equally owned by both parties. At time of divorce, all assets are suppose to be divided equally.

At the time, I decided to take the buyout b/c I could not imagine throwing someone I cared about out into the streets. I took the cash, moved to my parents temporarily and got back on my feet shortly. Today, I have a place of my own.

My ex is now selling the place at a substantial windfall. He stands to gain double what I got from the settlement. The unequal payout is the reason why most of my family and friends urged me to sell the place and divide the proceeds equally.

Still, there are some decisions in life that are made more based on our gut than our logic. I knew that he probably would not have met, married his new wife and had a child as easily if it were not for his property in the City. The move would have taken a bigger toll than I could wish upon him even though he asked for a divorce in part due to my struggles with career.

I will never forget the way he declared that if my boss could not believe in me, how could he believe in me. However, I have long since forgiven.

The turn of events explained my father's prediction based on his fortune telling that my ex would need me more than I need him.

Today's information discovery is a reminder that I must always trust my gut in making unpopular decisions. I am glad that his new family will benefit as a result of my decision.

drama v. serenity

Over the weekend, met some new people who have lots of drama in their lives. Between dissatisfying work, mismanaged finances and unresolved romances, it's no wonder that the group partied hard.

It's all about being disciplined. Everyone talks about goals, but how many actually get rid of the distractions and focus?

Personally, I have a hard time focusing on my career, but it gets easier as I focus more in my own health and spirituality. By having sound mind and sound body, life's tough choices become much easier.

Work, money and love are all areas we want satisfaction, but those goals can't happen until we are healthy and spiritually connected to the universe. That means cutting off people or activities that hinder those first steps.

If one is struggling in matters of the heart, finance and work, it's time to tap into our physical and spiritual beings. The answers are all within, but we must be still to hear the messages.

what's truly important

Yesterday during our monthly managers' meeting, a co-worker pointed out Covey's Urgency/Importance Quadrant.

The concept is to prioritize our tasks into one of four categories: urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent, and not important and not urgent. For instance, networking is important but not urgent.

I spent most of yesterday thinking about the quadrant and noted that many people spend most of their time on the last category. There are constant distractions from life, and their feigned urgency pulls us toward unimportant matters.

So from now on, I will examine how I spend my time more closely and try to make time for the truly important things.

rapper toe

only those who suffer the lowest of low
will understand the joy of makin' it

i have had it good,
no doubt,
but i do see all the lows because
no one can hide from me

finally understand that
i don't have to suffer
to be motivated

but there is also no puttin' others down
because i have had to struggle too

having every opportunity means
i've got more to prove

am i running out of time,
or is this just the beginnin'?

and the bears are No 3!

It's an exciting time to be a Cal alum.

Goooooooooo BEARS!

opening my world

Everyone has their favorite activities and topics, and encouraging others to share their passions with me has opened my world. Whether it's sports or culture or career, I have been able to navigate through many worlds. The openness of the people who come through my life has fostered a generous spirit.

I am optimistic because of all my friends give their best selves to me. I am honored and hope that in return, I can share my best self.

Counter to intuition, being very open has only brought the most generous people to my life. It has not invited negative people in. In fact, by insisting on respect, those who are not so nice stand out glaringly.

Similarly, people with fear tend to drop out of my life. Many of the men I dated, for instance, let their fears get in the way and disappear before I can get hurt. I dare people to let go of their pretenses, and those who are afraid to be true will leave. Thus, I remain adventurous because I know only the gentlemen will remain in my life.

So it's another Friday and another weekend of possibilities ahead. Full speed ahead!

my light is not on

There is a concept in dating about whether someone is ready to settle down.

I meet a lot of people who want to have a partner and maybe a family, but they do very little to attract that person.

The metaphor for being ready to settle down is taxi cab lights. Don't you always see people trying to flag down a cab whose "taxi" light is not on? That cab is not available!

Now I know why I am single. Because my light is not on! Between having fun and career, I don't have much time left for a man. Being single by choice is liberating.

Still, I know that for a woman, her ability to attract a man is limited by her fertility. Having witnessed the struggle of single female friends past 35 trying to date, I am aware of the reality down the road.

So I'll be turning my light on, but maybe selectively. Keeping the light off has eliminated a lot of players and just friends types. It's a balance. I am ready to share my life with someone, but the bar been set high by all the good company I keep. I am an eternal optimist. If I am meant to be single for now, then let me enjoy this time just as I have enjoyed every other phase of my life.

we have a new sup!

What an exciting moment in SF history! The newest supervisor, although temporary, is Carmen Chu.

For a fellow Asian American woman who cares about policy, this is huge. Mayor Newsom was under pressure to select an Asian American b/c now-former Supervisor Ed Jew's district was predominantly Asian. Newsom also considered selecting a female because only 2 out of 11 supervisors are women.

As much as I believe in financial stability and having fun, I also believe strongly about making a difference in the world. The fact that Carmen Chu studied policy and worked as a budget analyst could be good for the City. She is someone who already made a difference.

This is a story I'll be watching...

true desires

A girlfriend e-mailed me this morning about taking a motorcycle-riding class. Getting the license has been a goal of mine. Looks like I am one step closer.

Whether it is in my professional or personal life, I have always had opportunities that align with my life goals.

True, I don't have lofty goals like saving human lives or be a billionaire, but I do have unique ideas about my lifestyle.

Besides money and time, the limiting factor is often finding activity partners. Usually, I just go ahead and plan the events and invite others. Lately, the invitations have been coming my way. Besides the motorcycle class, I am attending a number of events this fall thanks to thoughtful friends.

This is also the year that I am taking more trips with people. I haven't gone solo any where in a while. Not a complaint but an observation given that I do know what it's like to spend alone time.

Having fun with people just remind me that if we stay true to ourselves, opportunities will come our way if we choose to exercise them...

the thing I learned from sports

Playing sports is a great metaphor for life.

Besides good sportsmanship and working hard, there are a lot of ups and downs in sports, just like life.

I've struck out a lot lately in love, and I am okay with that. I was psyched about that blast from the past, but it looks like the game got rained out.

Given that I am not the most coordinated person, I usually have to take private lessons or practice lots before getting to an intermediate level in any sport. I envy athelets who have natural talent.

Still, having a steep learning curve in sports helps me see that life is like that. For every at bat, I can strike out, hit a fly that is caught or get tagged out. Now and then, I'll get on base (hehe) but then it has to do with my persistence.

I tend not to have baggage from the past because it's the way life is. I accept full responsibility for moving my life forward and leave some of the outcome to luck too. Life has been too full for me to think anything but positive, and I am grateful that the ups and downs just remind me that I need to keep stepping up the plate.

Here's to lots of wins and the losses that are worth more the wins. Play ball!

hesitation

The best advice I was given was to say yes to opportunities. A wise woman told me that very few people ever look back and regret doing something. Usually, the regret is over not taking an action.

The topic came up in the context of taking trips. How many people regret going some where? The regret is usually not taking the opportunity to travel to a foreign place. Thanks to this woman's advice, I have gone to two foreign countries every year for the last 4 years, and it's easy when I make it a priority.

Same thing with the small things in life. I get invited to events all the time, and I usually go without hesitation if I am free. In the process, I have met some amazing friends and have more than a drawer full of life experiences.

Yes it's a lot of planning, and sometimes it can be tiring. The way I see it, I have the rest of my life to do solitary things and to nap. Why not make those connections while these opportunities are abundant?

girlfriends

I read a study a long time ago that
1. a man's happiness is determined by his female companionship
2. a woman's happiness is determined by her female companionship

Ever since that study, I have been slowly building my female support team, and it has made all the difference.

Through life's ups and downs, my female friends' opinion and support helped me be stronger. The connections I have with my girlfriends have created a web that I fall into time after time. It's like a cradle that support me. Of course, my mother, sister and sister-in-law are part of this support system.

I learned long ago that a woman should never go to her man about her worries. It just complicate things unnecessarily. She always has her female friends.

Sure, I envy people who are one with their partners. That's just not me. I still look for that partner, but that's not looking so likely these days. I don't mind at all, as life has never been better. Being on my own is truly more me at this point. And my girlfriends are there to remind me that it's good to be me.

spirituality

Went for my first energy healing session last night.

Even though Maria, the practitioner, did not touch me at all, I was able to feel the energy at various points of the session. At times it was tension on the head, the shoulder and the stomach. At other times, it was a numbing sensation on the legs. I also felt pressure on my body and on my head as if a weight was on me.

Maria was centering me because ever since my trip to Peru, I was not feeling quite myself. Apparently, spiritual centers such as Macchu Picchu has high energy fields that change people's own energy levels. The trip probably explains my quick annoyance with people of late.

Overall, the session was amazing. I learned so much about myself and have new-found respect for how we develop as human beings. Perhaps this is the "what's next" I knew was bound to happen. Looking forward to studying a new topic and learning more ways to find peace and happiness.

everyone has an idea

Volunteered at my friend's event last night. Fun to do something totally different and see a different world.

It was the world of start-ups.

Some how, by going away to grad school and then working in a non-tech field, I am quite removed from all the moving and shaking in Silicon Valley.

Is it time to try something new? I don't believe in accidents. Everything happens for a reason, so I am absorbing and checking it out.

Just when I think working both days last weekend was no big deal, I am crashing big time today. Now I can admit that I do need down time, even if it's running around having fun.

paradox

Having fun is a major priority in my life. Whether it's dancing, sports, or being with family and friends, having fun is the answer to all of life's questions.

For instance, when I am get pressured from work, I try to have more fun outside of work to create that balance. Rather than get caught up in the bundle of stress, I have fun to untie the knots and to find the answers.

Or, when others' judgment or stress imbue into my life, I have fun to find my center.

The paradox comes in that our culture doesn't teach us to do the opposite in order to find our true selves again. Instead, the linear way of looking at life tends to add more pressure to an already tense situation.

I want to see myself as disciplined but relaxed, organized but laid-back, accomplished but free-spirited. These opposite traits can work together to create a harmonious life, and having fun is the first step to be completely happy.

it's all play

Someone asked me once if money was not a concern, what would I do. I replied, an activist. In some ways, the community component of my work is just that. I advocate for my company. As a result of my work, I do understand some of the complexities of city planning and commmunity activism.

In fact, I love what I do and am paid for it. I am grateful, and that attitude is in turn helping me connect with the community.

My work has humbled me as no other life experience has been able to do. In turn, I am much more appreciative of all other components of my life.

More and more, I am trying to make all components of my life play. The more fun I have, the more productive I am. I just signed up to be on the Advisory Council to the President of a local community college. The chair of the committee is a contact through work. It should be another good outlet for my energy. That and being on the garden committee of my HOA. And my singles parties and wine tasting. What's next?!

living in the now

Challenge for you:
1. to throw away all the excess baggage from the past.
2. to cease the unnecessary worries about the future.
3. to live in the present and to embrace this very moment

Feeling quite happy b/c I have everything I ever need and have achieved all that I ever want. This is who I am meant to be. Life is good.

detour

Whoa. Someone from my past e-mailed me via Friendster. It's a welcoming whoa (as oppose to the contacts that make me grimace). :) Will keep you posted...or not.

On to the latest social observations:

Recently, I met a couple of new groups. Quiet exciting at first b/c I mistakenly thought more is better. Great! I am making more friends!

Then, it occurs to me that (to my horror) I am overly sensitive! I'll admit, that may be a PC way to say that I am an elitist, but you can make that call as you read the rest of this post.

After spending time and talking to people from these two groups, I realized that I can't be around people with negative energy.

Both groups have men and women in their 30s who are desparate to settle down. I was pleased with the attention from the men at first, then I wanted to run away from the pressure. Several people came with this implicit question: could you be the one I settle down with? I can sympathize with the women, but I can't hang out with them b/c I can't appreciate their efforts to find a husband.

I always assumed that one's mate is determined by fate, so why bother asking if someone could be the one. It's difficult to get close to people who spend so much time and energy trying to figure out something that they cannot control. I understand but don't want to be part of the madness.

The other source of negative energy is getting frustrated with some parts of their lives and then taking it out on other people. I certainly can relate to the frustration with life (see every other prior post on this blog), but to act out is not the answer. I believe in taking constructive steps to improve oneself and to minimize bad luck.

I witnessed quite a bit of lashing out and destructive behavior such as excessive drinking recently that I just have to distance myself. This makes me uncomfortable because I want to be accepting but instead can only minimize contact. Guess I am out of the running for sainthood. :P

Am grateful for the experience because these people created a giant mirror for me to see how my negative energy was what drove several good people away earlier in life. Grateful that so many people (yes YOU) stood by me and taught me how to change my ways. Now, it's second nature to always think positively and thus attract and keep the positive people. Hey, maybe that's why there is the blast from the past. Whoa.

make your best life

A clarification on the last post. The environment that fosters good manners is one that gives guidance AND freedom to allow individuals to make the appropriate choices. Overbearing parenting has the same affect as absentee parenting; it encourages inappropriate behavior.

Many children enter adulthood without many responsibilities or have sufficient life experience because their parents have done too much for them. From time management, finances, relationships to health, it's not about teaching the kids everything but teaching how to choose wisely.

Every child is different, so the most difficult task for the parent is to know when to be firm and when to let go.

Although I don't have kids, I feel so passionately about child rearing because I benefited so much from almost-perfect parents. Having enjoyed unconditional acceptance and love my entire life, it still shocks me when I meet adults who are trying to make up for what was lacking in their childhood.

Still, there is self-parenting. No one should blame just the parents, so I apologize for the tone in the last post. It is up to us as adults to cultivate a beautiful life from this point forward, regardless of the past.

new criteria

To make it simpler, I am posting my three current musts, in order of importance:
1. gentlemanly
2. worldly
3. successful (happy w/job)

It's not asking for much, noticed no physical criteria, no financial requirements nor educational standards.

Still, it's sad to think how many guys failed number one of late. I can't help it, but I blame the parents, especially the mothers. It's all in the formidable years; science shows that most behaviors are learned before 8. It's quite easy for most parents, especially mothers, to let their children behave badly.

It's not just on the parents though. I grew up in a very small community where plenty of caring adults - relatives, family friends, and even community elders - helped to guide my sense of right and wrong.

That guidance is still in my life. I have many older female friends (ranging from 40 to mid-60s) who are always there to offer their wisdom. Of course, my mother and close family friends also shape my conduct.

In contrast, most men simply don't have this collective wisdom to encourage gentlemanly behavior. I don't see older guys who treat ladies with respect, so the younger guys can follow suit. There isn't the community of responsible men who can tell men 18-35 that they should behave better, especially in the presence of women.

So, what to do? I think us women need to stop settling. If we see men being crass or being obnoxious, we need to distant ourselves or show our disapproval. For instance, I stopped inviting men who are offensive to my social events. I don't need that lowly kind of humor. In addition, I always speak up when a man is vulgar in my company. It's not acceptable!

There may not be an universal definition of worldly or successful, but one always know whether a man is gentlemanly or not. May you always be in the company of a gentleman!

pretender

Went out of town this past weekend. During the trip, one girlfriend suggested that we couldn't use a more complex word if there was a simpler word. For instance, rather than saying ubiquitous, we had to say everywhere. The result was hilarious; I ended up trying to use big words just for fun.

Then, I was saddened by how this started because my friend felt that men are intimidated by smart women.

During the trip, I happen to be reading the book by Maureen Dowd. Of course, fueled by my feminist urges, I chided my friend for her ludicrous idea.

I pointed out that no man would ever dumb himself down to nab a woman. In fact, the men who hit on us over the weekend all puffed themselves up quite a bit. The double-standard is very real.

My friend said that all this pretending was suppose to be fun, but it was yet another reminder that as a woman, we have to make our own rules or be ruled by what's not real. That's when the real fun starts, when we do simply what pleases us and not based on how to illicit a particular response.

no worries

Was late for a phone conference today due to another meeting right before. Yes, lesson learned, should have asked for the meeting to start later.

To make matters worst, I didn't have the call-in info due to a zealous round of deleting e-mails yesterday.

What can I do? Tried to reach the host's secretary, but she was not at her desk. E-mailed the host and waited for a response. Sure enough, I was able to call in, but late.

Still, at no point did I let fear take over or worry. This calm is just how it is at work now. My company is paying for plenty of talent to worry, so I am there to execute and to manage the process.

This has been the best month of work ever. Maybe this is the place to stay for a while after all...

get happy!

It's been a great week!

Between throwing parties and spending lots of time with family and friends, I realized that work is the least crazy part of my life. Truly appreciate the stability of work.

Now that work has a very competent admin, I can focus on getting my projects done, including a very exciting acquisition deal. It is a lot of work, but I love it. Every day is different, and I still get off in time to have fun.

To be loved by so many and to share all the simple things in life with people I care about. This is more than enough!

Life is perfect right now. Who knew this positive feeling would be so overwhelming?

what I know for sure

Life has always been taken up by having fun. Even work has to be fun (like right now) for me to appreciate it.

Men are always a source of fun, but I just haven't met the guy who can ride out the good times and the bad times with me. I do meet stellar guys, but it just isn't meant to be.

Instead, I count on my family, my friends, my routines and my sense of self.

I feel special to be single and completely happy. Don't see any reason to change the status quo any more. So this is what it means to get old; I am so comfortable in my life that the idea of a relationship no longer holds much appeal.

Cool but also twisted indeed.

just like that

Went to open salsa session with a friend. Happy to report that I finally got over my fear of dancing.

Who knew? All the pressure is on the guy. Just like in dating. Haha. Instead of wondering what I should be doing and worry about not being able to follow, I just let the guy do all the work.

Yes, I was very uncomfortable in letting the guy do the thinking and acting, but I am starting to like it. Last night was so fun. I kept up. Just have to do my part and smile.

Everyone was right; I would love salsa. My friend and I are planning to take up tango next. Excited that I found a new dancing partner...

evolution

I was quite excited about possibly going club dancing with an out-of-town friend tonight, but for one reason or another, I didn't have my potential dancing partner. Fortunately, this is the not the first time that I found myself unable to go dancing. In fact, I have taken up salsa in order to find an outlet for my love of dancing.

Having hated instructional dancing and had a terrible time at my first few salsa experiences, even the group lessons, I wasn't sure if salsa was for me. Fortunately, a friend who takes many dance lessons suggested that I do a few privates. The first couple of classes reminded me one major rule in my life: there is always an efficient way to learn, and with time and money, it is possible to be proficient at almost everything.

Rather than thinking that I have to give up dancing, I am finding a new outlet. I even started to invite friends who are excellent salsa dancers to join me.

In fact, rather than staying disappointed of not dancing, I am looking forward to meeting a friend at salsa tomorrow night. Besides, last night's unexpected dancing w/newly made friends was a reminder that life has a way to answer our desires.

no need to explain

Got several feedbacks that my blog has not been inspiring of late. All this effort to date and nothing.

My apologies. ;) Don't mean to repeat the same formula: go out, try, and nada. Life is like that. Looking at the surface can be defeating and makes you wonder: why bother?

Upon closer examination though, the real meaning surfaces. A good debate tonight with an older female friend (I have several, this one is in her late 50s) clarified why I am not receptive to love quite just yet.

I had unresolved feelings for someone I dated last year. He is no longer into me, but I believed that a connection still exists. Somehow, his independence, his quirkiness, and the je-ne-sais-quoi drew me to him time after time. Rather than just let the kite go, I insisted on making it a romantic connection. No can do.

We still have e-mail exchanges, but they are initiated by me and answered with politeness from him. He and I are not friends, so why not move on?

What he has been is an ideal that kept me from getting involved and getting hurt until I am ready. This week, I finally let go. Like Mr. TO, this will just be another chapter that gives me hope on finding real love.

Yes, M, I admit it, I am looking for love.

knowing one's fate

It's technically "tomorrow", so I am going to post again, bur for the new day. :D

Had to talk about how knowing my fate has comforted me. By now, most of you know that my dad is an amature fortune teller who is very accurate. He correctly predicted that I would divorce and that I will settle down in my late 30s. I am only 32 right now.

Anyways, the proof of his wisdom is due to the numerous disasterous dating experiences of the last 4 years of singlehood. If it wasn't for Dad, I would seriously be depressed.

The latest not-meant-to-be: A guy contacted me online back in May when I was on a dating site, but dismissed him b/c he was geographically-undesirable (back when I only wanted to date men who lived in the City). He actually wrote again b/c we had a mutual friend who suggested that we go out.

Of course, back then being more than 20 minutes away seemed tough, so I never followed up.

Fast forward to last night. Our mutual friend invited him to a small celebration (some friends passed the CFA, and one friend just got engaged!), so I had no idea he was coming out.

OMG! The guy was cool and attractive. His goodness was so evident that I couldn't wait to get to know him better. I asked my friend about him today, and of course, there was a catch. He just started to date someone recently.

DOH!!! I am so bummed. I cannot believe that this is like the sixth nice guy I have met in the last year where some unfortunate factor (usually another woman) just made it not so. Actually, it's been more he's-not-into-me than anything else. Image-control, but I'll save that for another entry...

Good thing I know about my destiny, or else I would really be hating life right now. Instead, it makes for great practice to spot the good guys from the jerks (don't even get me started on that roster!!). I now can confidently say that I am looking for a man whose heart makes him handsome, and I know exactly what that looks like now.

So I wait. One day, there will be that one guy who is confident, generous, gentlemanly, relaxed, and into me. So, I wait. And wait. And wait. There's plenty of time because we were probably connected in prior lives already. In the meanwhile, let's have some fun! ;)

hedging

Lamented to a friend tonight on how several guys recently act disinterested in the beginning of the date and only open their hearts (and wallets) when I entertain them enough through wit and humor...

She told me that's called hedging. Apparently the trend of coffee or drinks are a way for guys not to invest a great deal in case the date doesn't work out.

Ironic, but a great date can only happen if both parties are willing to dive right in and invest full attention. I have had many first dates where the guys make it clear early on that they are not thrilled about paying for me. That's all fine by me, but implicitly in the unwillingness to pay is also an emotionally guarded self that influence the other person's interest.

I try not to look at the money issue and have ruined more than one first date by paying for myself, but I think the subconscious result of hedging is the fear that this might not work out.

Given that I take risks in all areas of my life, I am quite carefree on the first date. It's fun when the guy can get carried away by me and enjoy that complete acceptance I try to give everyone in my life. Still, I always notice when the fear of rejection or a bad date lurks behind the guy's behavior on dates.

Maybe that's why the jerks/bad boys always get the woman. They are offering the same freedom that I try to give the men.

Still, having hedged a couple of times myself, it's not noble behavior. Ahh, karma.

diversity

Besides having progressive parents, another lucky aspect of my childhood was the diverse characters. Surprising b/c I grew up in a homogeneous culture. Still, I knew so many unconventional adults growing up, especially women, that I don't think too much about the shoulds.

Why should women get married and have children when I knew some who were quite happy in their own unique situations?

Why should a woman look to others for approval when many females in my childhood were independent AND well respected?

I just don't know what fate has planned for me, and I am adventurous enough to not know exactly what is going to happen. I love how all the individuals I keep meeting remind me that I must staying on my own unbeaten path.

being oneself

Having been different my entire life, I don't ever try to conform. It drives my mother crazy, but as I asked her, what should I do differently if I am happy?

More than ever, I feel free because I waste very little time and energy wondering how far I am from my goals. Sometimes I wonder about people who are completely driven by their goals. How do you let life unfold otherwise? What fun is knowing you will get to certain places?

I feel very driven, but it's to always live in the moment. My most defined goal is to be happy, and I have obtained that almost on a daily basis. More than ever, happiness comes from enjoying the world and the people around me.

Whether it is hosting a big party or reading a good book, I have found my peace.

So what's next??

where it leads me

My work has brought me into the Brisbane community.

Besides working on the development projects in this small city, I also handles community relations for the company.

One documentary coming out of this community full of artists is a film about the San Bruno Mountain.

Here the trailer for those who love nature. You can click on the format link to download HD versions.

be the man

If the guy is going invite me to a nice restaurant, at least have the courtesy to make reservations. Instead, it was an awkward splitting of an appetizer sampler and one entree at the bar. I ended up paying for dessert elsewhere b/c I was hungry. Commute or not, cheap or not, asking me out at 8 should just be a dinner date.

I overlooked the dinner faux pas, but the illegal left turn where it said no left turn except buses and taxis pretty much summarized the night. He did it anyway after I pointed out the sign.

Being the man should mean having good judgment and being a gentleman. It shouldn't be so hard to do the right thing. I appreciate very much the attention and the effort, but I don't think there will be a second date...

so much easier this way

For a change, I am going to let the guy lead the whole dating dance.

Duh.

Yes, I know, I shouda figured this out long ago. It's ironic b/c my need to control is great at work but not in dating. If the guy is not ready, he is not ready. At least I finally stopped trying if the guy isn't on board. It sucks to be attracted to someone who doesn't make time for me, but at least I have learned to sit out of that situation.

Given that I am ready to settle down, the guy is going to have to drive. He will have to do most of the work to get things going, so I can get to know him and decide whether the ride is worth the time.

It's so much easier this year, since the guy is making the plans and initiating. Maybe that's work is so much better; I can finally focus. Also, I can quickly tell when it's not meant to be. I am not wasting time wondering if the guy is worthy. It's quite obvious when we don't think inside our heads so much. Live and learn.

The only minus to letting someone else drive is when it's the rejection, it hurts a lot. My pride has been sufficiently bruised this year b/c I take the rejection rather than trying to make something out of nothing.

stress, fat and ailments

The body produces excess cortisol when it's under stress. This hormone has been linked to higher blood pressure, decreased bone density, and blood sugar imbalance.

Ever since I learned about cortisol a couple of years ago, I have been paying attention to the two interesting effects of this "stress hormone": increased abdominal fat and lowered immunity. I truly believe that cortisol can explain why our populations have unhealthy bodies and are sick so frequently.

So what to do? Besides eating well and regular exercise, the big one is stress management. I am learning to cut out sources of stress, including people who are toxic.

Perhaps that's why I am much more selective about the company that I keep. Other than family, I have learned to let the friends come and go. I still put in efforts to cultivate my friends, but I do let them go if it's just too hard to stay connected.

Conversely, things that are important need to be re-examined. Even if I believe the importance of having a great job and a life partner, I am not going to worry about why they aren't here yet. It's the journey, but it's my joyous journey. I am not going to let anyone else judge me; the way things are is mean to be.

just friends

It can be tricky to be platonic with guy friends who are single. I finally figured out, so it's quite simple. Unless a guy is going to pursue me full on, he will stay just as a friend.

I developed feelings that were more than friends for this one guy friend, and the few times our schedules would work out for a meal or a drink, the chemistry was amazing.

Still, it occurred to me that I don't want just a friend, or friend with benefits, or anything limited that this would have turned into. I talked to him about this one day, and he was clear that he did not want the same thing.

Yes, it was a little sad, since we had such great times. I am looking for a boyfriend, so this guy is just not going to be a candidate.

Today, he called again to invite me over to watch a movie. I have plans. So that's the extent of this friendship. It's good to have friends to hang out, and I have more than my shares of male and female friends to share all the simple things. It's just time to find that one person who will be there for me all the time and who drive me crazily happy all the time!

it's called...

a girl crush when I meet a fellow woman who is cool. that's probably why I court women. oh.

the making of something wonderful

I probably applied to more jobs than anyone I know because of all the career changes, but mostly the changes occur because I have grown so much at each job.

It's time to change again. Except this time, it's truly a group effort. I started the job search by talking to two mentors who are attorneys in the industry. The year of lunches made me see that I have cultivated a good set of skills.

Then, I befriended 3 women real estate project managers, and their advice have been invaluable. I knew I was going in the right direction, and their friendship was inspiring. They all enjoy their jobs but gave me insights on the limitations of project management.

Now, I am starting to talk to industry heavy weights. It's quite exciting because I am learning on the job and through all the networking. My sights are higher - acquisition. I don't have all the pieces yet, but I know I love deal making. This latest project was a taste of how satisfying getting a deal done can be.

I never intend to be career-oriented, but I love to work and am more driven than ever. Kicking into high gear!

romance v. practicality

A cousin in his early 20s is staying with me this week. Last night, showed him the Ferry Building, and he asked if guys take me there on dates.

I laughed and replied no because now that I date mostly guys in their 30s, it's less about romance and more about finding someone compatible as a life partner.

At the same time, his question made me glad for the way things work out. I definitely have had more romance and fun than I ever thought possible in a life time. All the fun and joy make me believe in the goodness of everyone and in the magic of romantic love.

The search continues and with ever more faith.

metamorphosis

I never though I would be career-oriented, but after this week, I might be changing focus.

My company sued one of its neighboring property two years ago for contamination, and the two sides decided to settle after many attempts to mediate. I have been integrally involved in the entire process, first acting as in-house counsel, then as project manager as we solicited remediation contractors in an RFP process.

Yesterday, the board decided to move forward with the deal. It's a GO. I nearly passed out from the exhilaration.

In light of the disappointments on the dating front, I welcomed the news with pride. This project has been my baby, and I also sit on the City of SF Redevelopment Agency Community Advisory Committee for the proposed redevelopment area.

While many friends found partners and welcomed babies, I have my projects. Without realizing, I have cultivated a career that grows in leaps and bounds. I put just as much effort into my personal life, but for some reason, the relationships just don't quite work out.

It is truly fate. I put in equal efforts in many areas of my life, yet my career has been the most rewarding. Odd, but I accept my fate.

It's a GO!

So exciting. This morning, the board of directors at my company decided to move forward with the settlement of our $99M lawsuit. I feel so proud b/c I have been the project manager for the remediation contract to clean up the contaminated site. It's been a lot of work, but now it's all worth it.

Well, the transfer agreement happens September 4th. Cross my fingers.

So this is how one become career oriented. It's so much easier to devote myself to work and be rewarded than wonder whether some guy is going to be into me. :P

bruise to the ego

It's been a rough week on the dating front. Getting rejected not once, but twice. I should be used to these things and not take it personally, but when you poke a needle at a very full balloon, it bursts rather than deflates slowly.

The rejections were subtle but obvious. Why do I have to be so intuitive? I don't get hurt any more b/c I can see the inevitable end so early that I usually bow out gracefully. Still, being graceful does not prevent one from feeling unwanted.

At the same time, these rejections speak more about my own preference. If I was more into them, then I would put more effort and make more time. So it's all meant to be.

Moving on. Time to focus back to my hobbies and plan the next party. It's going to be a singles party where everyone has to bring a single member of the opposite sex. The couples have to bring two single people. hehe. Should be interesting.

can't read too much into it

Went to a DJ show tonight. Took public transit. :) Met my friend there, and her group grew to 20+. Cool b/c those of us who stayed on the dance floor loved it.

Then I go to get a water. It took forever b/c the three groups in front of me all had 5 or 6 orders of drinks each. I finally asked to cut in front of the third group.

By the time I got back to the pit, I had no idea where my friend was. We tried texting each other, but it was just too packed. What was I gonna do? I just ended up dancing by myself for the rest of the night. I usually stayed around couples b/c there is usually a space b/t them and the other people (mostly guys).

With a breakfast get-together tomorrow morning, I decided to take off before too late. Of course, couldn't flag down a cab. Ended up walking home by myself. It was only 20 minutes, and it was safe b/c the bars were getting out and people were all walking to their cars or waiting for cabs.

Got home safely. Equally important, I had the best time. Appreciated how I am used to being on my own and always know what to do to achieve desired result.

Okay. Crashing. It's tomorrow already.

it's a good date

...when the conversation feels like it could last forever;
...when i wonder about how i look b/c i usually don't care that much;
...when i walk away impressed - and that's hard to do!
...when i am glad to be set up;

just like the favorite song that was playing when i pulled into the parking space - who knew?! i like these little surprises in life. even if nothing came of the first date, at least it was a great time...

making friends

I accept the trade-offs of not having best friends.

That means having to do more to court people who already have best buddies. Take the b-day I missed last Saturday. I am now inviting the few guy friends at the party to dinner. They've all been over for dinner before, but it's been a while since we've all hung out.

First, the invite. It has to be known that I am invite the others. Then, I have to track down every single one, make sure that there is an opening, and pursuade each person to be here.

Why so much work? Because I enjoy entertaining, and because unconventional methods requires more persuasion. Friendships are like this. They take time to cultivate.

The best part is that most of the people in my life are used to these invites, so they come over, empty-handed, and ready to eat and share the good life!

opposite of what i had expected

Sometimes it's good to just blab b/c that let's me test out theories. It also burns out the people who don't really care.

Looking back at the best relationships, and they were people who understood all my theories, even if they didn't agree. I miss those times.

The current guy is history b/c he either doesn't have the patience or just not that into me to hear me out.

The irony is that the one guy that I was in love with in the last four years always said the right things. So much so that I don't even have to keep on talking. I know he gets it, and that's enough for me to stop talking and just be happy.

Now that I know what I am looking for, it's a lot easier to hang out with men. I truly enjoy their company now. Ironic b/c it's so much easier to see when they are not right. Sigh...

make time

Some of my fellow travelers on the Peru trip packed giant suitcases to ensure that they had everything, especially the right outfits. They looked great. Yours truly did not put much thought into my outfit selection b/c of other priorities. I was at a house party an hour away right before it was time to leave for the airport. Of course, I packed before leaving for the party! ;)

I ended up wearing mostly my ski clothing and some random hiking items found at Sports Basement the day of departure. It was a bummer to not have any party outfits to wear on our nights out at Cusco, but consider how much time I gained by not spending it on packing, it was worth it.

One of the observations during my trip was how much time people spend on vanity. I am all about looking good, but when I travel, I don't much care. Traveling is for me to see the world and not for the world to see me. I repeated my outfits and didn't always match. By not focusing on myself, I also managed to read almost three books, over 900 pages, during the trip.

This trip was a reminder that I can do so much more with my time. It never occurred to me to slow down b/c I always feel as if I can do more. From the last entry, looks like I am about to make more time by not going dancing as much. What's next?...

diversity in friends

Got invited to a b-day party tonight. The b-day star and the organizer are two guy friends that I know. Was excited about going, since I have been going to their b-day celebrations for the past few years. After several attempts to find a wing-woman or a group of girlfriends to go with, I am left with passing on the event.

By always hanging out with different friends, it is nearly impossible to find party buddies/dancing partners so last-minute.

Given my constant planning and courting women, very rarely have I had to stay in on a Saturday night.

By being out of the country for the last two weeks, I haven't followed up with the usual suspects. It's even harder that almost all my party buddies are in relationships; I get them when the SOs are busy or out of town.

I don't mind at all. Just as on the trip these past two weeks, I embrace all that life brings me. There is a great chance that I might be single for a while, so I have to get used to spending time by myself. There is also a chance that the current guy is the one, so I should relish this time to be alone. Will continue to let life unfold. Party or not, I am in a happy state right now.

i did it

After 4 days of hiking, I made it to Machu Picchu. It was an amazing experience. Felt lucky that everything worked out for me to be able to take this trip of a lifetime.

The vacation was long, 12 days. I was ready to come back and am back at work this Friday morning.

Lots of thoughts but will take my time in jotting them down.

growing

I love a good party, especially hosting. This 4th, I ended up attending other people's instead. It was wonderful to meet new people and catch up with old friends. The best part is the second party was close to my brother's place, so I could stop by and get rested. Those South Bay events are fun, but the drive is long.

I like spending time with people who are very different. The experience challenges me and makes me see everything more clearly.

The one thing that I felt today from many men that has been missing in a lot of the men I dated of late is sweetness, a certain eagerness that is almost clumsy. I see how I've lost so much of that when I talk to men. Blah, I must sound so stuck up.

This latest crush is no longer b/c he takes my company for granted. I told him that I don't want to be a convenience. Why be more than friends if he isn't going to be serious about me? True, no one knows what is going to happen, but I always know when the guy is not into me. Curse or blessing? Definitely a blessing.

So I move on.

p.s. The iPhone made an appearance. So Bay Area where the place to review gadgets is at parties and not the retail stores.

right to choose

Been spending time with older women who don't have children. These women have cultivated themselves and have the luxury to care for anyone they choose, including me. I like being taken under their wings. The wisdom from an older female friend is invaluable as I navigate through my career and love life.

I now know that women are always givers, and it is in our nature to care. That's why motherhood is so fulfilling; it is the ultimate role as care takers. Still, I give in my own ways. My life will always be filled with people, and I will always give w/o expecting anything in return.

It is quite liberating to be in my 30s and to have zero pressure to marry and to have kids. Perhaps this lack of desparateness is what makes me more attractive now than five years ago. I don't have to cater to anyone in hopes of settling down. I am with a man because I enjoy his company. Dating and getting to know men have shaped me because I learn from all of these men's best qualities.

Similarly, I am learning much from my older female friends, especially that life is meant to be lived with joy and passion. I am inspired to live each day as if it were my last. So I could use more sleep and stay in more, but I have the rest of my life to rest. For now, I am having too much fun!

the old and the new

Went on a tour of SOMA buildings Fri. Caught a good picture of past, present and future. It's the Chronicle headquarters in SOMA, the renovated Mint, and the InterContinental Hotel.

friend of the moment

I tend to change my female friend of the moment just as I change the men I date. I have no qualm about dropping female friends of the moment if I feel that there is no longer meeting of the minds or reciprocation. I used to give without expecting anything in return. Now that I am much more selfish, I don't try too hard if it takes more than three to four tries to get together.

I learn to move on w/friends given my dating experience. Men have taught me how to not take lost connections personally. If a woman is important enough, the guy will make the effort.

Maybe learning how to move on is the reason why I have civilized break-ups. I don't understand how people have shouting matches or arguments at the end. It's just not worth the emotional upheaval. Connections are suppose to uplift us. If it feels like too much work or scary, then either work on ourselves, communicate clearly, or exit gracefully.

One interesting note. At times, my female friends have commented negatively on the men of the moment. I always pick the romantic interest over the friend. Not listening to friends has worked out very well for me; they reveal the friends of the moment.

thinking too much

I think the last post was a reaction to J's comment last Fri that I am not going to make it through July w/o dating someone.

Should be an interesting month. Yes, let the guy lead for a change. Did I mention that I am taking private salsa lessons? Going to a salsa club tonight to be twirled around.

Can't talk about or think about dating too much. I do everything by gut, but then when I write about it, it takes the fun out of the magical experiences.

Oh! Some exciting news. I have an informational lunch w/a big company next Thursday. It's for a possible position. Cross my fingers.

how the game is played

Ended a hanging out session. Stayed out in public. ;) It wasn't a date b/c there wasn't any formality to it. I am not sure where I stand, but I always know before the guy when it's not going to work out. :P

The night ended w/o much commotion. I know it's not meant to be. Almost amused that the men often think there is more b/c of their hormones. Too bad I am focused on career right now. I want to have a magical experience, but I cannot invest in a man when work is my mistress.

Ultimatley, I see how people see me; I get a lot of facination and admiration but not true understanding. Until that one guy is willing to walk to the end of the earth for me and me him, game is at love. Hum, still no ace yet, but it's a five-set game baby.

satisfaction

I can die happy now.

It's a random but powerful thought that popped into my head yesterday. I have everything I want in life.

Was exchanging e-mails with a new friend. In telling me their how-we-met story, she joked that she meant to go out, date lots of men and break some hearts but ended up marrying her high school sweetheart. Then I remembered being 12 and believing that I was going to be single forever. It's an odd example of wanting something and getting it, but many facets of my reality are subconscious goals from childhood.

That's why whenever I ask my dad for advice, he always say that I have all the answers myself. Yes, I do!

We all have the answers. Every single one of us has the insight to overcome every challenge, if we listen to our intuition.

Life is quite easy. There is no negativity, only the wonder of how we will choose to embrace challenges and fulfill our destiny.

loving this book

I stayed up last night to read Min Jin Lee's book. Half way through, and I love it!!

Besides the great writing and the relevance of the story to our generation, the plot makes me so grateful to be me.

My life is quite ordinary. I don't have any worries, am surrounded by lots of support, and I have all the resources to realize my goals.

Excited that this will be a year of even more good reading!

clear my head

B/t the hike yesterday and the walk tonight, I feel invincible. Others have yoga, but I have my own ways of centering myself.

What's even more perfect is how fate introduces the opportunities for me to hike or walk.

The hike was partly work; I represent the company at community functions. Although I would probably have hiked even if not to represent the company, it was this job that led me to one of the most hidden treasures in the Bay Area, the San Bruno Mountain.

Same thing tonight; I felt better after a long walk. C and I met for our regular dinner out. It's always fun b/c we always eat well despite the tab; some unexpected saving always happen, especially at the better dinners. Tonight, b/t the happy hour wine prices and my discount card, it was more like buying each other lunch.

After, I walked home. The 2.7 miles felt short b/c at times I was going faster than the post-parade traffic on Van Ness. The trek made me want to find some more walking trips aroudn town...

being smarter

Tonight, I drove back late from hanging out with a girlfriend, around 2am. Driving around SF late at night is liberating b/c there isn't any traffic. I also paid more attention b/c people are crazier at that time of the night.

Sure enough, there was a couple, attempting to cross the street in the middle of the block. They were forced to go back on the median when my car passed by them.

It was a stylish couple, although a foolish one. I felt so sorry for the woman b/c she was dragged by this man, with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

Then, I felt sorry for both of them. Obviously, being in this relationship lowered their intelligence enough that they actually thought it was a good idea to cross the street from the middle of the block, in the dark.

Lately, many friends asked what I am looking for in a man. I finally figured out my answer. I want someone who can inspire me to be better.

There is someone that I admire right now who makes me want to be better, and that's a start.

the more things change...

Went to Berkeley w/a community member who is more of a friend. She treated me to chocolates at Alegio and lunch at Chez Panisse. It was for my b-day, since I picked up the tab for her b-day a couple of months ago. It's been amazing to have all these mentors and older friends over the years who showed me that being successful starts with a frame a mind.

The Gourmet Ghetto is no longer ghetto. It's pretty, and upscale!

The one surprise to this lovely lunch was how the food was great but not as wow as I remembered it. Okay, so it's the Cafe and not the actual restaurant. Still, living in SF has upped my expectations of everything.

It was the perfect break to a busy work week, and now I am ready to head off to celebrate my b-day!

read this book

Went to my second book reading in a week. Good thing I don't have rules about events.

Actually bought the book at the signing. Fun to have a book signed out to me!

Glad that I have Monday's experience to compare. This is a first-time writer and a fiction book. Also an Asian American story.

Talked to the author Min Jin Lee after about how I don't have much of an Asian American experience b/c I was raised overseas by progressive parents. My parents accomplished so much that I don't have to live out their dreams. I wish I can live their reality!

That's why I want to buy the book. Maybe now I'll finally understand some of my friends better.

It was marvelous to be inspired by someone who is so passionate about fiction. I never read fiction, but now I am going to start. Love it when someone gets me to try something new...

hobby

Went to my favorite store today. Crossroads is a chain of thrift stores all over the country. They buy and sell current fashion, and the key is that they are quite selective about the items that they buy back.

Shopping at Crossroads is part of how I change my style. And more importantly, how I afford my lifestyle.

Rather than just shop at the stores as a retail experience, it is thrift shopping. There is a certain element of serendipidy. One also accept the likelihood of not finding anything, or worst, finding something almost right but for size, color, or defect (tear/stain/etc.).

To make it even more worth while, I usually sell something back and use the credit to buy something. The key is to get rid of things that don't quite work before they are completely outdated.

The buyback can be embarassing, as the buyer rejects item after item. I love it though; if they reject it, I shouldn't have it in my closet anyways. Today, I happen to have a few barely-worn items. Given that I hardly shop these days, even at Crossroads, I have had quite a few trips where they took nothing back...

No one can do this to make a living. Crossroads pays 35% cash value of sales prices and 50% in trade. Which translates to $3-$10. I always trade and even take a credit to use another time. In fact, I learned about Crossroads b/c a friend w/designer taste would go there to get a little something for her 3-to-4-digit purchases. In comparison, I rarely buy clothing for over $50...

After the buyback, if at all, I shop. There are quite a few rules. I only look for one or two types of clothing at once. For instance, today was all about trendy tops, for work and for play. Tops are grouped by colors, and I usually look through 3-4 colors at the most. The limitation helps me stay focused. I don't think the human mind can process too much information at once, so rather than trying to buy outfits, I look for pieces. Somewhat like finding that last missing piece of a puzzle.

I don't particularly love shopping. Supposedly women are gatherers and love the variety of shopping (it's suppose to simulate our food-gathering skills). I find shopping quiet inefficient and treat it as a need, like buying groceries. Shopping is merely finding costume for my life; my true passion is living in the moment.

Back to the rules. I usually have an intuitive sense of what I am looking for, and every article of clothing gets 2 seconds. If it doesn't impress me, it is passed over.

If something catches my eye and doesn't look too big, then I look for the tag. It helps to know that most tags are on the left-hand side seam, except certain brands like Benetton is on the right shoulder seam. Few woman's brands still have it on the back of the neck, but less so these days.

The tag tells the fabric. 100% cotton is a pass. Lycra content makes it less likely to wrinkle and help to maintain the shape. The blended content is also how I only iron once a month.

Dry-clean only doesn't matter. I use Dryel, and most of the stuff can be hand-washed. The warning is just the manufacturer's way of making sure you don't ruin the stuff.

Most of the shopping is done on the floor. I can eliminate 99% of the rack right there at the rack. I don't even have to look at the tags to reject based on style and size on about 70% of the inventory.

Try on is next. This is even more intuitive. Well, sometimes comical. I have had so many things that I could not even zip up or pull down; it's a relief that I am the only one in the dressing room.

Today was rare; I actually found four tops for every occasion. Even a "we're a couple" top! Well, I'll get into dressing for dating another day. Total cost? I actually bought something designer so had to spend money. It wasn't bad. Four tops for under $37 given the credit.

The best part? The entire time spent in the store was 32 minutes, counting the buyback. I think it took me longer to post this entry...

social inequity

Was at Crushpad's happening open house Saturday. It's this wine-making facility in San Francisco. They buy grapes directly from vineyards for customers to create custom blends.

Yes, a brilliant idea: bringing wine making to the amature.

Our group that enjoys monthly wine tasting together considered for one minute on a potential vino joint venture, but then the idea of being stuck with 300 bottles that we all had to agree on...didn't fly.

Random thought: something not right about a place where you can plunk down $4K+ for a barrel of wine, hop on the light rail, and stop at 3 public housing projects en route...

Welcome to SF!

heroine

A friend invited me to a book signing, and I heard one of my heroes speak: Jackie Speier.

Here is a woman who was wounded by gun shots during a political investigation at age 28. Survived that and went on to be a pioneer in California politics. She then got married, had a child, lost an adoptive child (the birth mother wanted the child back), got pregnant, lost her husband in a car accident (by an uninsured motorist) while pregnant, and raised two children on her own, met a new husband, and continued to grow her career all this time.

I asked if she and her co-author could comment on how women of my generation have to chose either career or family while theirs seem to have it all. JackieSpeier said that she didn't get marry until 37, and Michealene Cristini Risley said the same thing, she waited to have kids.

Reading these women's professional bios was awe-inspiring, but meeting them and hearing the personal stories made me proud. Felt the kindred spirit w/these independent women who did what they needed to survive and shine as bright stars.

The best part was that my friend who invited me to this event had heard them speak before, and she thought of me and invited me tonight. T is in her 60s. I am touched by how others continue to lift my spirits despite the uncertainties in career and men.

hard core

Went climbing today. It's been a while. Still, glad that I can just take it up when a friend wants to go.

Saw a female climber who had a serious knee injury that she hobbled around with crutches. Looked like she had knee surgery.

She was climbing regardless! She used her two hands and one leg, climbing 10As! That's what I climb w/all my limbs!

Wow, it's good to see someone who loves something so much that she is willing to participate despite her injury.

eye opening

Went to Oakland to hang out with my friend A Friday night. She is African-American. Met her at a happy hour through a friend and just love her positive energy.

We sat by the window during dinner and checked out the other patrons and the people on the street. At one point, we noticed a very beautiful black woman. She joined another couple in the table next to us. We were curious as who was her date, since there was a fourth setting.

What was it about her? It was her stylish hair, her bohemian-yet-glamours outfit, and her confidence. She was HOT and elegant.

A few minutes later, another cute woman walked by. We concluded that she must be from the South. She was dressed for church, complete with dress pumps... It turned out that she was the fourth in the dinner party.

A was not surprised. She concluded that if she is set on finding a black man, she is going to have to move out of the Bay Area. Apparently, there are not enough black men who are college educated or above relative to black women in the same social-economic class.

This is the first time in my life that I entered the black community outside of work. I am glad A and I have become good friends; I am starting to see the world through her eyes. It is a very different world. The Bay Area black woman is like the South Bay Asian man, doesn't have enough available candidates in her own ethnicity.

Well, the night ended well. We went to a club across the street and chilled. When the music turned to salsa, A and I got up to twirl ourselves around. A couple of black guys asked us to dance. It was refreshing to dance with a gentleman who led with patience. Why does it not surprise me that this young man grew up in a foreign country?! I rarely meet an American man (of any ethnicity) who impresses me. :P

I didn't give him my number though. Not quite ready to give up my preference of dating Asian men.

Still, one couple figured it out. A and I asked an Asian brother to take a photo of us, and he was with a hot black woman...

do no wrong

At times, it's fun to impress others with our wit and accomplishments, but who can you really count on?

Over the weekend, E and I talked about how if we truly care about someone, that person can do no wrong.

Last night, E and I were planning to meet up for a drink, and he canceled. No big deal, since we just saw each other Sunday. In fact, it's nice to know that he is in the inner circle...

playing

My girlfriend J told me recently that she's just looking to fall in love. Wow. I don't even think about that any more.

For me, having fallen in love enough times, I don't know if I need that any more.

My timeline is unconventional. While most of my single female friends (even the ones much older than me) are looking for their hubbies, I just ask for the one person that I can feel happy around.

Well, I have that already, so even if it's not mutual, I don't have to look any more.

So that's it in the dating department. It's time to just play with everything else. Time to explore other areas of my life...

embrace the unknown

In a world where everything is plotted out like a printed map, my life is a series of adventures.

Rather than finding meaning in a linear life, where one feels compelled to make a certain amount of money or to get married by a certain age, I offer a more vibrant alternative to live.

The majority of my choices in life were based on instinct. I just know I have to do it. It's more efficient for me to go with my gut than the sit around, twittle my thumb, and wonder/worry until the window of opportunity closes.

It gets harder to let go of expectations as people age. Still, think back to being a child. A kid doesn't think too much about consequences or how he or she should act. They just know who to hang out with (usually good people who are patient with them) and what to do next.

I want to be more child-like now more than ever because all around, everyone is so serious and sometimes jaded. I have enough people telling me that I am making mistakes that I don't even think negatively any more.

It's all very amusing to me that life does get easier, if you allow it to be easy. I have never feel better, and it's all because I choose to embrace the unknown. Guess this is what is meant by letting go!

set me up!

Ready to get back out to the dating scene. Right, I never left.

Am ready to be set up though. So go through all your contact list and find me... a SF slacker who is respected!

Decided that while I am in my uber-ambitious mode right now, I just don't have time to deal with another driven, selfish man.

Bring me the beta male (as oppose to the alpha male). Still, I cannot be bored with a simple man, so maybe he gets respect through his humor or pecs or abs.

This is going to be an interesting summer!

the secret to success

This has been a good week of connections.

A friend from SoCal came up for a retreat with her sister, and I met her for coffee for a couple of hours Thursday night. She didn't have the best time at the retreat, so she was especially appreciative of my company. I was the one who was grateful for her company! She is a professor (one year away from tenure!) at a Cal State university. We met while she was aphD and myself a masters student.

The two hours together wasn't long, but it made me happier than usual at the speed dating event.

Then, going down to San Jose was a way to see my brother and sister-in-law who are consumed by their new home for the moment. I'm so proud of them, always figuring out how to finance and execute all their dreams.

Quite a few friends came out for drinks with me Fri night, so it was good to chill.

My girlfriend D hosted the party, and the gender ratio was terrible. At least D had a good time with all the attention. It as 7 to 25... At one point, C's SO went to get me a drink, and immediately, two guys swooped in. I was able to clue the one next to me that she's taken as they both turned on the charm. C and I had to excuse ourselves to go find her guy.

I wasn't in the mood to chit chat, so a couple of girlfriends and I headed to another club to dance instead. It was a blast. Got to cherish these moments of dancing w/girlfriends!

This morning, on my way home, I had breakfast with a City girl married to a South Bay guy. It was wonderful to catch up. We got into business ideas. Yes, this year (my b-day is around the corner, so my years start in June) is more focus on making money. Selling my car was a good start. What's next?!

reporting back

Just got back from the speed dating event. Wow, the people are so young. Okay, so my friend's friend, the organizer, was desparate. Yikes, what a way to make a living. Despite her efforts, about 3 guys had to sit out in each round as it is.

Still, better odds for most of these guys! Several were from the South Bay, and a lot were so straight-laced. One guy was kind of a jerk, but probably b/c he was too buzzed.

Overall, good event, since it was very diverse, both ethnicity and geography. Good practice, but no connection for me. Just one guy stood out, but he lives in Sunnyvale and is young, maybe 5 years younger.

It's just another experience. I don't spend all that much time judging experiences. Just have to get up and go.

Side note. My mind is stuck on someone in my past. We started to e-mail again, but I am not going to do anything. Dating has been easier of late b/c the guy makes the first move. Learning from salsa that it's easier to respond to signals. For now, focusing on studying...

go w/it

A friend just called about an hour ago, asking if I am willing to go to a speed dating event to even up the gender ratio.

I am actually a bit too old for the party tonight, but that's b/t you and me.

Good thing I have done this before. Got my list of questions. I usually ask people to pick a number between 1-7 and have a pre-printed list of questions. It's a lot more interesting than where are you from, where did you go to school, zzzz...

I always have a surprise question. One that is the funny one. Tonight's question is what makes a woman hot. Let's hope most people pick that one.

I'll report back later. Should be a good night, since they are making the ratio more even. BTW, this is also a mixed race event.

rules are meant to be...

...tested.

Sometimes rules are necessary for safety and order, and I am good at following. At times, I follow the rules so well that I can then bend the rules.

The few struggles that I have in life are due to attempts to create my own set of rules. The light bulb went on today: I am truly happy because I figure out for myself which rules to follow and which ones to bend.

Rules of dating are easy to bend because it's more about getting to the core of who people are rather than societal rules about men and women (in the hetero dating world). The reason why I can date players and the needy people for a while because I know how to engage at their level.

Career is tougher because the rules are more linear. Still, by making unconventional choices, I have gotten so much out of my professional paths. I am grateful for the challenges, but ultimately I want a job that reflects the core of who I am.

I am proud of my life. The present balance is an accurate reflection of my true self. Even this pride is a careful balance between egotism and humility.

My life's mission is the prefect balance of opposites. My ability to move easily between two extremes allows me to freely express any mood at any given moment. The executive, the admin. The serious adult, the gleeful child. The foreigner, the American. The philosopher, the athlete.

Having twice as many roles means that I have to make time for more life experiences. Making time is the number one priority right now. Having fun is equally important because that's how my subconscious mind can appear and recharge my physical and intellectual selves.

Enough esoteric musings. Off to salsa class and then gym...

looking back...

In my effort to leave the current job, I completely lost sight of enjoying the current work experience.

On my daily commute, I pass a large public housing project, and I was reminded of when I was a volunteer attorney for a few residents there.

It was odd to walk into these subsidized housing that were never meant to be permanent. Besides the dilapidated physical environment, the residents face constant problems with neighbors and the public housing authority. My role was to ensure that some of these residents didn't end up on the streets while dealing with landlord-tenant issues.

My work is so different now, but the commitment to be the best hasn't changed. I am reminded of having and serving my purpose.

I am grateful that my life is so magical. If my only issue is not finding a soulmate, then I am indeed lucky.

Monday. Back to work. Should be a quick week. Will be studying like mad for the next 3 weeks.

cancelation

Never thought I would have this day, but I went with my gut and canceled two planned events.

One was a lunch with a group of six girlfriends, and the other was a dinner party at a friend's place.

Both were out of the the City, and some weekends, I just want to stay in SF.

Once again, I am changing. Like how some things are constant, other things change. It does take more understanding from the people in my life. Ironic b/c most of my friends have gone through their major life changes and are settling down while I am still on the upward climb.

Right now, it's the steepest part fo the hill, and I am embracing the ascend.

stereotypes

I have a few female friends who are beyond child-bearing years, and hanging out with them is always interesting.

One thing is that they care more about the guy's financial status, where as I care about a man's potential as a father. Also, men never know what to do with these very together women who don't want kids.

It's different. Just as I am changing as I grow older, I care less about a man's lifestyle than what this person will teach me and my kids.

One reason my ex and I broke up was that we couldn't imagine raising kids with one another. That's why he and I parted on good terms, and he now has a family of his own.

It's all fate, but I am looking for that man to start a family with. At the same time, I trust that my gut will guide me to the right person. Fortunately, all but two people made the cut in the past three years. Well, those two are unavailable, so I am keeping my eyes out. Just enjoy and let things unfold!

accepting my fate

Reporting back after Thursday night out: SF party scene is not happening Thursday nights!

Actually, it's about knowing where to go and understanding the crowd. Now that I know where to go Sat nights, it's time to do the same for Thursdays.

On to the today's topic. Every time I try to approach a guy romantically, disaster happens. The thought is to do nothing and wait for a manly man to do something...NOT.

I just have to follow my gut. It's ironic. Because I believe in fate I can be completely uninhibited. Last night, when M and I were tearing it up at Fluid, I sensed that some people wished that they could be just as free. They can, they just have to know that there is very little consequence to following one's gut.

So I am going to follow my gut w/all the guys...until they make me annoyed or mad. Grrrr! :P

All right, back to my happy self again...

what I seek

Party weekend. Going out tonight, Fri and Sat night.

Board member aka Uncle asked if I can cancel my plans tomorrow night to go to a dinner w/Willie Brown. Uncle promised that I'll learn from Willie Brown. No thanks. I know he is one of the most powerful people, but I am out to celebrate with my friend at this fundraiser.

Going to put some effort to talk to guys. This year is all about changing myself. The dating has been so fun, and I don't see any end to that. Still, time to mix it up. Will try to talk to 2 guys at each event. Never know!

always enough time and money

Took my match profile off the site this morning.

Over time, I have trained myself to get more out of my time and money. Looking at my match experience this past year, it wasn't the best use of my time.

I demand so much of my time and money that if any experience doesn't feel worthy, I move on.

How do I know? What is the litmus test? Again, intuition. Making the right choices should be so easy that you know they are meant to be. If an experience isn't working, then move on. Don't dwell. Holding onto something that is not meant to be just drains our spirits.

Take my second car. From the purchase to the sale, it's been a beautiful and fun experience! Now that the car is taking up more of my time and money given other priorities, it's time to let it go. The buyer is picking it up tomorrow, and I will move on to the next big thing.

Wonder what is that next big thing (or person)?!

yet another dating theory

E asked me today why all these people are single when we all seem to want the same thing. The men just want a nice girl, and the women just want a nice guy...

It's not that simple. I think there are two deterrents.

One is that our criteria have been warped by our unrealistic expectations. The men don't just want a nice girl. She has to be HOT, smart, educated and stylish. The women don't just want a nice guy. He has to be tall, handsome, athletic, funny, and make more money than her.

Hey, I am just summarizing these past few years' research. Personally, no two guys have been alike in my dating history.

The second challenge to finding someone is unwillingness to compromise. My divorce is a big lesson in that I was not ready to compromise with someone else. Maybe our generation has it too easy. We all grow up so cuddled by our families and live so comfortably that we don't know how to deal with adversity.

Unless we have had a very successful relationship in our 20s, most singles in our early 30s are out of practice when it comes to compromising with others. Most of us don't even have roommates because we can afford to have our own places.

Perhaps the number one consequence of busy work lives and zero community involvement is the loss of training ground for how to compromise. The work place is not a substitute for how to deal with people because there is the common goal of profit or getting something done. It is only through settling conflicting goals that we learn how to compromise.

unrealistic expectation + refusal to compromise = not finding someone

I am going to apply this theory on myself. Hopefully the match experience will be a starting point. I did e-mail a couple of people back. Will keep you posted.

love is in the air

I really need to get my broken camera issue resolved. Saw this couple hugging right in the middle of Financial District today and wished I had a camera to capture their infatuation for one another. What was even more cute was the way the woman was slightly embarrassed.

They are definitely in that beginning lovey-dovey stage. It got me to think, hey, I have had more of those moments than anyone I know, since I tend to end things when it starts to go downhill but before they crash and burn. Yet I can always jump right back into dating w/o the baggage or the fear.

In that instant, I was glad for my life. Rather than focusing on all the issues of a marriage or a serious relationship, which I did in the past, I can just enjoy those sweet moments. Why be conventional and settle down before I am good and ready? If it's meant to be, that next guy is going to be the one!

the best manager...

...is not always the nicest. That person is the most respected. Sometimes a manager has to make difficult choices for the good of the team.

After hearing that advice at a b-school forum two nights ago, I put theory to practice.

I urged my General Manager not to be nice but to be fair in a matter. He is so nice that he always end up doing more work or put the company at risk.

I like to think that I am a nice person, but I also want to do the right thing.

Sometimes being right requires disappointing people who were expecting too much. Hey, that's what dating is all about.

:D

from my match profile - active again

Welcome! You are now entering the sphere where good things happen.

This is a place where laughter is the universal language, and everyone knows just what to do upon arrival. Life is easy here because this is where preparation meets opportunity.

Success happens much more than failure because each person is confident in following intuition. Everyone constantly learns in order to make wiser choices.

The goal is that perfect balance of work, play and relationships. All three requires diligence, faith and creativity. Other key values include friendship, fun and upmost respect for one another.

What you will not find here: unrealistic expectations and fear. Expectations oppose the values of acceptance and understanding. Fear negates communications. Rather than wanting what is not there and being afraid of what is true, simply enjoy the moment and the answers will reveal themselves.

Good luck. May you find what you seek.

silicon valley syndrom

Carpooled with friends down to the hike Sunday, and on the way back, we talked about how the Valley's culture is different.

It's driven, and that's a turn-off.

Maybe it's the fact that the young people are relatively isolated from families and people in other age groups. The way people get to know one another is to show off their latest gadgets and to list their professional and financial accomplishments.

Even the restaurant owner had a conversation with us about someone's new Blackjack.

Where are the people into intrinsic things like culture and acceptance?

the day that restored me

After 5 hours of hiking through the "moderate" Pinnacles trail, I was exhausted but also completely clear about life again. Answered many of my own questions too.

Definitely need to hike more before the Peru trip.

new journey

Between the breakup and the potential job offer, I didn't get sick but was feeling down. I know everything is meant to be, but I need the signs to convince me.

And then they appeared.

First, found buyers for my car. It's not all finalized, but it's as good as done. By pricing the car fair, it was an easy sell. Yet another female driver who is going to baby the car.

Second, discovered the perfect pair of nightstand lamps at a consignment shop. Been looking for over a year. For those who know me, that's perfection - recycle, save money, and not compromise on style.

Then, met someone who made me understood the breakup. No, it's not another guy.

In fact, it was a sweet woman. She reminded me of what being feminine is all about, and what's been missing in me lately - humility.

Being in her presence lifted me so much that I know I have a while to go before settling down.

Back to perfecting the practice of being a lady.

cheers

My monthly wine tasting ended up at District last night. I was all ready to scope out the men, except there were only two Asian guys the whole night outside of my three guy friends. Is Mission Bay the new Marina?!

Was explaining to my friend how this time around, I am going to go up to interesting men and talk to them. In the middle of that speech, the first Asian guy finished his drink and left. doh.

By the time M arrived, I was buzzed enough, and we tried to approach Asian guy number two. He appeared to be picking up a white chick, unsuccessfully. Felt bad because some how he went from standing behind her to getting her seat, and she was trying to leave. M & I went for a closer look, and I feel bad for saying this, but we dismissed him b/c we were not impressed by the woman.

Well, I had fun hanging out with my friends. It was a good group, 7 of us. The wine was excellent, and the food was better than most wine places. Just don't know if I like the crowd. I must have turned into one of these snobs. Must be diverse to impress me??

body, mind, spirit

Had my second private salsa lesson, and it was even better than the first. A different instructor, and we danced for a whole hour.

Instructional dancing is so unfamiliar. What? The guy is going to tell me what to do?! The first few times in open sessions were frustrating. Even the group lessons were discouraging.

Then, my friend A suggested private lessons. He has been dancing at studios for a couple of years and love it. He was right.

It's all about slowing everything down and watching for the signals.

Learning salsa got me to think about how I behave in life. I am so intuitive that I don't give much thought to the rules. Yet, knowing the rules (the dance moves) gives me more options in responding to the unexpected (the partner's signals). Only by easily conquering the everyday obstacles will I be able to focus on what's truly important - spiritual growth.

This next phase of life is all about learning the rules and arming myself with even more expertise in many areas...

saying goodbye to my baby

1998 BMW Z3 Manual-Great Condition with only 70k miles

Always garaged. Rarely driven in the rain. It is in great condition, with regular 3K oil change and all recommended services. Services were done by Auto Repair Center, Noe Valley Auto and Advanced Auto Repair, all in the City. The past year services included all new tires, 60K service.

This is a 4-cylinder car which gets about 27 miles per gallon. Handles perfectly. It comes with all the extras: alarm, heated seats, chrome upgrade package, mesh wind blocker, CD changer and premium speakers. I'll also include the converter to play music with any mp3 player/iPod.

Other specs:
* Model year 1998
* 1.9 4-cylinder engine
* 70k miles
* 5-speed manual transmission
* Clean title
* Clean carfax
* No accidents

the things I am learning

“Volatile Organic Compounds” is defined as any chemical compound based on carbon chains or rings (and also containing hydrogen) with vapor pressure greater than 2mm of mercury (0.27 kPa) at 25° C, including without limitation industrial solvents, fuel oxygenates, by-products produced by chlorination of water treatment, and components of petroleum fuels, hydraulic fluids, paint thinners and dry cleaning agents. Volatile Organic Compounds specifically includes without limitation perchloroethylene (also commonly referred to as perchloroethene, tetrachloroethylene, tetrachloroethene, “PERC” or “PCE”), trichloroethylene (also commonly referred to as trichloroethene or “TCE”), trichloroethane (also commonly referred to as “TCA”) and vinyl chloride.

Slowly, I am being changed by work, and I welcome it. Just as all the relationships in my life has directed me to who I am meant to be, my professional life has always shaped me. Am excited about what's next. Second-round of interview coming up!

ka-ching!

Cultivating friendships is the best rewards program.

While I was going through the ups and downs of this last little dating episode, my friends were there to help me stay balanced and sane.

By always making time for my friends, I have been able to draw upon their support when it matters the most.

I am past the point in my life where I need lots of advice. Instead, I just need people who know how to have a good time without any drama. In the last two days, I managed to go to happy hour, dinner w/girlfriend, Sat breakfast at the best bakery in the Mission, rollerblading on the Embarcadero, and my favorite, dancing tonight. All these friends just stepped in to have some fun with me.

Wait, that's life every week! So, it goes to show, that by knowing my priorities and maintaining the perfect balance, life moves along happily, man or no man. Yes, life would be even better with a partner, but that day will be here soon enough.

For now, I am one happy chica! Wheeeee!

being very single, again...

Even though I had a gut feeling to call it off with the latest guy, I stuck it out on the advice of several close friends. True, rarely does someone share my lifestyle and can be so much fun.

After one too many canceled dates, it's over.

As much as I want to be understanding, I am just beyond waiting for these boys to become men. Instead of making excuses and expect me to be understanding, why not just admit that you are not up to par?

Is it my fault that I am ready to settle down while you are still so juvenile?

True, I detest elitism, but when it comes to finding the perfect mate, I cannot help but be picky. If I am going to ask that my children emulate this man, shouldn't he be the most perfect human being that I connect with?

The irony. The more I am single, the more I have time and resources to perfect myself, while most of the men (and women) are wasting time stressed out about not having someone. Com'on. Come carrying me off to the sunset before I bench my own weight already! btw, I'm at 70% of my body weight on the bench.

Okay, hitting the gym. These staying-in Friday and Saturday nights are doing wonders for my fitness!!


Lastly, this is yet another example of risk everything and GAIN everything. The more I opened my heart, the more I was able to see the other person clearly. By letting go of myself and being completely attuned to him, I see how it's not meant to be. Feel blessed to move on w/o getting hurt, again. Peace.

still the mind

Seven of my library books arrived this week. Any CA resident can reserve and check books out from SF library system. I usually find books on Amazon and "order" through the library. The library delivers it right to the closest branch.

Dived right into the Dalai Lama's Ethics for the New Millennium. A refreshing change from all the LEED reading.

It occurred to me that I had forgotten to make time for myself in the last few months. It's been so much planning and doing that I haven't been still. I love the frenzy pace, but it's time to change and be still. Just as I am switching from snow sports to summer activities, it's time to reassess activities and people.

Wonder what's next...

round one concluded

The interview was fine. I have the personality and the vision to fit in the firm. Ended up talking about how to make the land use legal business better.

Still, whether I can actually do the research and writing is on everyone's mind, including mine.

Let's see if I make it to the second round.

The irony was that my tentative date w/M was canceled b/c he worked late. That might be me soon enough...

priorities

I just turned down 2 tickets to the Sharks game tonight, and this just might be their last game this season. They are down 3-2 in the playoffs against the Detroit Red Wings.

That's how much the interview tomorrow means to me.

Sorry G, I said that I would take you...