what did you do for earth day?

Went to Home Depot to look at paint today. They happen to gave out free energy efficient bulb. I ended up buying 2 sets of 4 energy efficient flood bulbs. Just put them in. Wow, what a difference. Most of the old bulbs were just giving out heat anyways. 14 watt bulbs replace the 65w ones. That's a cumulative saving of 408w per hour. If I use the bulbs one hour a day, that's 148,920w of savings a year! Whoa.

Just a thought - Happy Earth Day.

letting go

Having a good dating experience right now b/c I finally learned how to not expect anything. Just enjoying the experience is wonderful; it's rare to meet someone at the same place in life.

Why can't I do the same with career? If I am meant to be at this point, why feel some frustration?

Time to change my attitude and expectations about work.

Hum...

priorities

A happy hour with one girlfriend tonight is turning into a 5-women get-together. Psyched that I still have lots of female friends to meet up with on a regular basis. Two of the women tonight are married, but they are both going to be in downtown right after work.

Should be interesting, as we are going to one of those bars that gets packed on Fri nights.

Am suppose to go on a date after that, but I am not even sure when exactly. For the first time, I am letting someone else take care of the details.

This week was just all girlfriends. Monday was dinner w/one, Tuesday was study group with another, and Wed was watching hockey w/two more female fans. And I worked late Thurs. I will make time for the right guy, but he'll have to find his way onto my calendar.

I do want to settle down, but I can have it all. It's about finding someone who is just as independent.

at crossroads

Considering career change again.

Now that I am clear about my lifestyle, it's time to take the work to the next level. Want to have more challenge, respect and control.

This complete satisfaction with my personal life makes me wonder about the potential in my professional career. Can I take it to the next level just as I have with my life outside work?

someone is listening

Oh my...

rub it in, if you must

Recently, I notice that people announce their upcoming activities as a sign of importance, especially for work.

For instance, a colleague mentioned 4 times this morning that he has an important lunch with an industry heavy weight today.

At first, I thought it was funny that he kept talking about this lunch. Then, I realized that it was in the tone of "Important me going to lunch, and you, not important, not going to lunch."

I almost LOL because I actually went to a very leisurely lunch today with a friend of mine. The idea of a working lunch may be overrated b/c...it's work.

ability

An unexpected result for all the traveling and having fun in the last 6 months - a drive for a stellar career.

Not only do I want to always be able to finance a packed personal life, I want my work to reflect my energetic personality.

I like my work right now, but I want to love it. Never knew this is what aiming high is all about.

Don't know if all the ups and downs at work created this new sense of self, but I just know that there is untapped potential with career.

Started to apply to jobs and side gigs. No longer limited to a traditional path, but it'll also take like-minds to take that chance with me.

future of SF

Took a walking tour yesterday of downtown SF with SPUR, the planning organization in town.

It's amazing what's coming up for the downtown area.

You can create your own walking tour with this website of San Francisco development projects.

get your tickets

In the past, I've created evites and sent e-mails to have some company at film festivals. This time around, I am just going to put the link here in case anyone is interested:
San Francisco International Film Festival

Got tickets for The Unforeseen 4/27, All in This Tea 4/28, Hana 5/2, Reprise 5/6 and Ab Lib Night 5/7.

Get your tickets early. The easiest is to order online for will call. I like to go in person to the kabuki or embarcadero and have them in my hand.

Tip - read through the special categories, like spotlight to see some of the highlights already picked out by the festival. Or, pick films from a particular place that you want to visit. Indie films are always current on in a particular region/city/country.

testing the limit

2007 is rocking.

6 trips out of town so far, and I have DC and LA lined up in the next month. Peru in July and Miami in Sept! Hosted 9 overnight guests so far, and there will be plenty more visitors.

This is all in the name of fun.

All the going away had an effect. My routine fun things in town weren't as important. I missed a lot of dancing and local events like big films at the recent film festival.

Got me to think about directing all my extra energy into my career. Maybe I can handle a legal career after all? Just a thought as I think about how I am going to support my lifestyle.

live for the weekend

Just made a breakfast get-together with my friend E at 8am Sat morning.

I love the weekends b/c it's a true reflection of who I am.

After breakfast, am going to the south bay for coffee at 11 and the family for lunch after. Have dinner plans with another friend and then going to do my favorite thing - dancing at 10. My old dancing partner is finally free for a night out, and I am ready to boogie. Plus, might also check out a club near me that supposedly has great house music.

Sunday will be low key. Just a brunch and maybe movie and more family time. Might go to salsa class Sun night, since another friend is going.

I know that this crazy single period of my life will not last forever, so I want to take advantage of the opportunities. I feel lucky that life is so full right now. There will be a time to settle down, but not now.

Now if I can only figure out when to make time for the new guy...

bliss

Had lunch with a friend today. Asked how her relationship is going. She said just fine. There was a knowing smile that came with that "fine".

I always know when my friends are in a happy relationship. It's when they have very little to report. It's when they are almost quiet about how good it is. It's when they have that knowing smile because they are loved.

Sigh. Lucky Ducky (as my friend M from Rio says).

I don't know if I will experience that ever again, but I am hopeful. Bliss may be a ways off. It may just be around the corner. I just know that my happiness is all about being myself right now.

focus

Started a new study group with a couple of women I met in the real estate business. They are both project managers at real estate development companies. What I thought I would be doing upon joining the company a year ago but not what I am doing at all.

It's nice to have the support on the career front, since most of my friends from school are doing other things.

Tempted at times to go back to law, because it's the one place where I do get some respect. Love my lifestyle too much though.

Like everything else, each step of my journey has led me to good people. Starting to truly believe that even my career ups and downs have their purposes.

the best part...

about dating is this initial period, when all one can do is flirt.

There is a certain freedom b/c if it ends now, no one gets hurt.

Ironic that in the past, I just want to get to the actual relationship. Now I just want to prolong the fun.

Yes, it would be great to have that one person who I can count on, but I already have that person, me. Plus all my family and friends. Yes, it would be wonderful to start a family with someone, but that'll happen in due time. I've got lots of time.

I still hope that this next person will be the one to settle down with. If not, at least there will be lots of fun.

mission v. destiny

Read B. Obama's book "Dreams from My Father" over the weekend. Grateful that I have enough time to read a book cover to cover in a short time.

It was a glimpse into someone who is relatively obscure on the political scene. It also got me to think about destiny. Barack Obama is, like the rest of us, just a culmination of his experiences. Those experiences ultimately led him to his candidacy.

Perhaps one reason I am still trying to figure out how to live in Argentina for a year or two is to find my mission. I am grateful for my life and all the happiness. I often feel as if I am the luckiest person alive.

Now, it's time to see where else I can make a difference.

why car?

Am organizing a trip with 3 girlfriends in another city. We are e-mailing about transportation today. Seems like some in the group defaults to renting a car. Why?

I'm at a point in my life where I am trying to not drive as much as possible.

Take work. Am using the free shuttle at my work a couple of times a week and lobbying for a car share company to designate a car at my building's parking lot. Then I don't have to drive at all.

Take errands. Try to walk to as many things as possible or order things online.

Even for eating out. I am encouraging people to come over for dinner or go to places around me.

With parking, maintenance, chance of accident and getting lost, driving doesn't seem all that liberating at all. Still, all these friends read the blog, so I am sure we will eventually figure out the best way to get around, rental car or not.

ride

i am crazy about the snow, but growing up, i would never have guessed that i would be skiing and boarding

was and probably still is quite uncoordinated

but there is something about carving on powder and being in nature

got into the sport for social reasons, but now this is something just for me

took another lesson today. my first female instructor in 11 years. she is in her early 20s, ready to go to grad school

the best thing about taking advanced boarding lesson is that so few people do that i often get a private

very cool. two chicks carving blacks. she got me to tackle some baby moguls too

yeah. life is pretty good right now

hahaha

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/Careers/10/20/cb.cushy.jobs/index.html

I could be a motivational speaker. :)

checking out the competition

I stopped dating off of match, but it's still entertaining. I suppose it helps to narrow people by interest or values, but who isn't nice and together on these one-pagers? At the same time, it's great for first impressions. I think it should just be head shots only, so we can just trust our gut reaction.

I like match in reading what the other women have to say. The modern version of "come and get me". Saw the profile of one woman that I just could not stand. She is the friend of a friend. Don't know what it is, I had a genuine dislike for her. Yes, I actually can dislike someone, and I am quite curious about her b/c of my strong negative reaction towards her.

Reading her profile today, my reaction changed. Despite her father's subsidy of her lifestyle, she is just like everyone else and has to put up a profile to be asked out. I guess wanting to find the right guy is something I have in common with her. We're just going about it differently. I don't need someone who shares my passions, since I am fine doing those things on my own.

I am looking for someone who is on the same wavelength. Perhaps due to work, I do care a lot about my career and don't want someone to be in the way of that pursuit. In fact, people who work a lot are going to get bonus points in my book. They can slave away at the office while I take over the world (or just jet off to the next vacation)...

investigation

A co-worker was fired Friday while I was on vacation. Hum. I wasn't very close to him, but my curiosity got me to ask around.

Definitely politics more than anything. Am uncomfortable that a senior manager at a sister company wants me to help. They were friends. Why get involved when it is the will of the board/management to fire someone? Maybe this is meant to be?

What was incredulous was that the senior manager wasn't willing to stick her neck out but asked me to talk to the board! I started to investigate and realized that the person simply didn't meet the standard of his supervisor.

Welcome to the corporate world.

what we cannot control

Had a great weekend, thanks to good company. No, it wasn't a romantic trip, but hanging out with people who are willing to ski in nonstop rain and snow was quite a bonding experience.

The crazy weather was a reminder that there are so many things we cannot control. There is always our attitude and being grateful.

better to be a woman

Went to see a few movies by myself during the film festival that is in town. Going stag has its benefits: there is always a good seat, and I can focus on the movie. Even the usher recognized me (very few people watch movies by themselves?)...

Last night, I happen to sit between 3 men, except they were all going stag too. It was funny b/c they all left a seat b/t themselves and the next guy. Is that how it is at men's bathrooms? Good for me, since I got one of the best seats in the house.

My friend C would say this is a good time to pick up. It was good practice, to talk to people in line and around my seat. Still, I kept to myself and my magazine. Just not up to picking people up randomly. Maybe this weekend if I sit next to someone interesting?

rules

What's up with this guy who got my number and actually calls? You are not suppose to call. It's all courtesy. You know, to make the woman feel good and say goodbye before you proceed to get the numbers of the rest of the women in the room.

Even he admits that he is breaking the five day rule: get the number Sat and wait at least until Thurs to call. He called Tuesday night!


We do have a first date, so let's wait and see.

girl power

Over the weekend, my little cousin corrected me when I mentioned for all the "girls" to take a picture. This eight-year-old announced that we (the older cousins) are women, not girls.

It was a touching moment. The spunky spirit of the family has just been passed down.

Lately, despite the ups and downs in every other area of my life, many, many women have been there for me. As much as we talk about needing a man, there is a reason why statistically, female companionship is the number one indicator of a woman's happiness.

More than ever, it is these women, most of them single, that are seeing me through my highs and lows.

So even though my Prince Charming must be at some finishing school, I am all right with some love from the ladies.

changing and accepting

Feeling so content. More than ever, I am taking the time to listen to my intuition. Yes, it's nothing new for me to follow my gut, but never have I been so aware of its inevitable truth. By asking myself what is meant to be before an event, I am more aware of the true meaning behind ordinary moments.

Take tonight. I was suppose to meet up with a girlfriend and her friend at the film festival. Then, my friend called to say that she couldn't get tickets in time. It was going to be me and her friend. Given that we have never met, we ended up not meeting.

I was also planning to meet up with a blind date from CL but decided against it. Something about the pushy e-mails made me not pursue it. I even programmed his phone number in case I wanted to meet up, but that feeling never surfaced.

Part of the coincidence was that I am so used to going to movies by myself that I felt more confidant than usual (I am actually more calm rather than my hyper self).

Of course, this would be the night that I run into someone from my past. It was
good to see each other because this was a person who earned my respect. It was a pleasant surprise to see someone I cared about doing well.

In that moment, I felt like a new person because of all the meant-to-be. It was a very sweet moment that reminded me of all the good things ahead.

Life is indeed wonderful, and I am so moved by the beauty that comes into my life each and every day. I just hope I am smart enough to figure it out and cherish it with care and grace.

hanging up dancing shoes?

Was trying to go out dancing and even found 4 parties to go to tonight.
Of course, all 4 women I invited couldn't go for some reason.

Ended up at a fundraiser
function at a bar to meet up a friend. Wow, this is the pickup scene
huh? I don't mind being nice and talking, but the judgment gets old. Don't need people to tell me who I am.

Still, it's good to do something different. I probably don't want to date these men (those buttons looked uncomfortably tight), but it's good practice.

This is going to be the experiment year. Date people I normally would not come in contact with and do something different just to try it out. Can I change dramatically once again?!

attack

I am so used to people attacking my choices in life because I don't always pick the most popular or the most logical choice.

I got upset during a meeting with a co-worker because my creative idea about how to move my projects forward elicited some personal attacks. I am glad that it wasn't rejected because there is merrit. Still, it's hard to work with people who are so controling that any change is viewed as threat and not embraced for its potential value.

Oh well.

Now I am truly grateful for having picked this job because it showed how no matter how great the projects, if the culture isn't right, I cannot be truly happy with my work.

Am beginning to see how everything fits together. I am having these moments of detachment where it all goes my way without giving away much.

Good to see how intuition is still my number one wild card.

I wasn't going to bring up my recent discussion with a local community activist in house, but the casual mention of it created a commotion. I am so glad that I went with my gut this afternoon.

No matter what happens at work, I have won so many battles in my personal life that nothing can shake me to the core any more. It's like being a good enough snowboarder finally that I don't have to look at the trail maps any more. Just head down the mountain and know that I'll manage to get back to the lift.

not a yes woman

Recommended to the board to not seek back rent but rather just move forward with the land exchange deal and end the sporadic encroachment problem.

My recommendations were not even acknowledged.

Same thing with my attempt to bring in a new hire who would be able to help the company. No response at all despite support from other senior managers.

Note to self to keep applying for jobs.

It's a dark moment, but I am moving on. Maybe this is what it's like to work for people who lack leadership. Most of the people here can only follow and dare not think about the best solutions.

At the same time, I am calm about everything because I've got two back-to-back trips planned. Life is gooood.

oh my head hurts

Been given a new assignment at work, and it's just so silly. Our company the landlord never signed a contract with the tenant. The tenant pays rent every month. Now board member claims that the tenant owes rent for using land outside of the agreed upon area.

There is NO lease! What can I get then? The tenant has since scaled back, so there is no evidence of encroachment any more.

Cool problem. Shame on my company though for being sloppy landlords. Cannot believe how this company throws away money like that and then turn around and not offer simple things like a vision plan. seesh.

in that instant

The two people who I am crazily in love with are my parents. Yes, it's a bit odd, but I always feel better when I am around them.

Picked them up from the airport in the middle of the day. Even though I had to rush back to work, it was an instant mood booster.

Every time I see them after a long absence, I feel like a happy little kid, except I am 31 now, so a happy 31-year-old. The unconditional love and attention feel marvelous, and I am so grateful that they are in my life.

I just hope I can duplicate this love affair with my own kids. I have had the unconditional acceptance my whole life, and it's the biggest ingredient of what makes me me.

working women

Called my friend A after a 12-hour day. Monthly community meeting tonight. Turns out that she was still at work at 930pm.

As a reward, she is having coffee with her platonic friend/admirer at 11. Too bad she is not interested b/c I'm sure he is. A, you playah!

A and I talked about the state of those of us women who are independent and hard-working. We are not interested in 99% of the men we come across. Then 99% of that 1% we appreciate is married. That means...

...partly why so many of us are single. Hate to generalize, but I do know many, many more stellar single women than stellar single men.

I just have to gripe. I blame it on the mothers. If the mother has her own issues, then the result tend to be an unhealthy relationship with the son. Those of us who date the sons who don't respect women enough know the symptoms: the men are either needy or selfish.

Thank goodness for single girlfriends. Now that I have a harem of female friends, I can better handle this crazy life of a single working woman. Yes, still looking for my man, but only if he is worthy to meet all the chicas...

read between the lines

From: General Manager
Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2007 3:31 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: Re: Please call xxxxx

xxxxx,

It is not up to you to make announcements or pronouncements or redirect consultants, I am still the General Manager! While I concur that xxxxx is taking the lead on the RFP process, that process is a relatively narrow area of the settlement with xxxxx and I cannot agree with you on your assessment of original direction since I take my lead from the Chairman. So you will take direction from me on these issues and further I will be involved in all aspects of this effort.

be the man

One thing that I don't do any more is ask the guy out. After this last guy, I am spoiled. He always call, pick me up, and take me out. It was fun to meet someone who lives in the City for a change. I appreciate the experience, especially his good company.

More than ever, I am ready to settle down. Just have to wait for the right man. PJ said that I set my standards too high, but there is a reason that they call it settling. I am asking for a lot, but I have dated enough to know that it's not unrealistic.

The rest of my life goes on. Work is so intense right now it's crazy, but I am ready to ask for another raise and stepping up the networking. Like anything else, no point in complaining. Just have to get the work done. Happy right now because life is so harmonious and balanced.

dare

Rather than trying to go to Tahoe all by myself, I decided to do something daring and find a random person to go with on craigslist. I was open to gender and age.

There was an ad m4w looking for someone to carpool last weekend. I replied in part because that the person posted in the strictly platonic section. With a good feeling about the ad, I replied and sent in my picture.

After a few short e-mails, the guy and I agreed to meet at a Safeway parking lot near my place and take a day trip to Tahoe. Up until the in-person meeting, I didn't know what the person looked like.

Everything worked out, and I had a blast. Got to the blacks and found a kindred spirit. Even made it back Saturday night in time to join my future sister-in-law for her bachelorette party where we danced until wee hours.

The most interesting thing about the experience was everyone else's reaction. There was a lot of worrying and even some self-defense advice Friday. One friend even told that it was the stupidest thing I have ever done.

Yes, there were reasons to be alarmed, but I felt that I did what I could to hedge my risks. Day-trip snowboarders and skiiers have to be dedicated enough to make those trips. Plus, my e-mail exchanges with the person reassured me.

I truly believe in fate, and if it's in my cards to get hurt, then so be it. I have never had a failure because everything is meant to be. Still, I will never do this again because snow sports is to be shared with loved ones.

It was a strange weekend because for the first time, I found a reason to have kids. I want to share my world with my next in kin and to raise kids to express my values.

Don't know if it'll ever happen, but I dare to find out.

familiar territory

Once again, I have the welcoming dilemma of deciding whether to hit Tahoe by myself.

The determination to hit the slopes is due to an upcoming snowboarding trip to Denver. Need some polishing up to join some advance skiiers. Plus, I've got extra discount tickets from 3 weekends ago.

The last time I took a snowboarding trip to Tahoe by myself, I mastered the blacks. Time to get that feeling back, with or without board buddies.

Life is good. There is nothing like this knowing feeling of getting to where I need to go, alone or in good company.

the art of dating

It's no wonder that the men are intimidated. My friend A confided that she can't seem to meet anyone who is good enough. Financially independent, stylish, and the best female boarder and the best climber that I know. And, she can party.

Yet despite being perfect, she still has to play by the dating rules. Maybe that's why I like dating. It helps to have all these qualifications, but unlike a job, the role of the woman is still to make men desire her.

Some people just need to be impressed to commit, especially women. From my experience though, in order to really know someone, you still have to create that magic where the other person cannot get enough of you.

I am not advocating playing dumb or not to be oneself, but it's key to create enough opportunities for the guy to reveal his true self. I find it amazing that most of us don't even realize that we have several selves and rarely reveal our true selves.

Only by getting a glimpse of a person's core self can you know that the relationship is going to work.

Back to A. We concluded that she just need to focus on creating those opportunities. In the mean time, it's trying to keep track of this crazy girl who just came back from Whistler and is off to climb in Spain next month...

courage

Have been quite happy lately because I am able to express myself and act on my intuition almost 100% of the time.

Slowly, I am learning to remove a lot of the fears that can hold me back and sap my precious energy.

Instead, life is about feeding the body, mind and soul all the good things that make me better.

It takes courage though. I have to say no to people who aren't meant to be in my life, no to people who anger me, and no to injustice.

Mostly, it takes courage to be selfish now and then. I am quite selfish, but I can also be quite generous. Happiness is striking the balance between taking and giving. I feel more and more on top of the world because I am striking that perfect balance each day in my professional AND personal life.

Sometimes fate lets me know it's time to scale back. Was suppose to have a dinner party tonight, and two people cancled and a third never got back to me. Guess I'll have to cook for one and finally list that ad on CL to sell the car. When I get the time to do things for myself, I take advantage. Do you?

the field that you land on

In the parking lot at work, there is a walkway with flower beds on both sides. On the west side, the flowers thrive b/c they are in direct sunlight. On the east side, the plants don't bloom b/c they are in the shade. The parked cars block their sunlight.

Looking at the flowers, I am reminded of what a hairdresser told me once: A woman's life is like a seed; her happiness is dependent on the conditions of the land the seed is scattered on.

Amazing how I don't have to live by traditional gender roles. I no longer derive my happiness from anyone else but myself.

True, like the flowers, there are lots of things outside my control that affect my destiny. Who knew tearing up the dance floor Sat night was going to trigger an old knee injury? Still, I have all the resources to fix myself and make it back to the slopes.

It's all up to me now. This seed is going places.

arriving at the next level

It was a weekend full of love and attention by all my friends. Was a bit bummed about the dissing earlier in the week, but I now realize that moving on w/o getting hurt is the best kind of dating.

Totally amazed at how my friendships, men and female, are better than ever.

Yes, there are still so much to do and accomplish, but I am completely happy about most things.

Life feels harmonious despite an injured knee (again!). I now know eactly what to do and how to be in balance all the time. It's all within. There is no longer any doubts or any search for the answers. I just have to trust myself, and I naturally do the right thing, always.

what are you worth

Just interviewed a female attorney who bills at $665 an hour. She is worth every penny too. I know I shouldn't be impressed by things like that, but it's so cool.

The best part is knowing that by switching careers, I am able to work on projects that hire attorneys who bill at that level. Excited.

wimp

Why do some men cut things off completely just when the conversation is getting interesting?

I met enough men where they stop calling competely to know it's the code for "I am just not that into you." Still, I just wish they can send an e-mail if not the courtesy phone call to make it official.

I always give the courtesy of an ending speech, since it's nothing personal. Just don't feel the connection any more.

Oh well, back to dating again. Who will be the next Mr. Right (Now)?

protect my singlehood

Talked to two friends yesterday about dating and making time to date. Have we become a culture that is so fixated on work and ourselves that we no longer make time to find that special someone?

At the same time, I do think it's all fated, so why fall prey to all the pressures to find someone? What if I am meant to be single forever and just live this decadent lifestyle for the rest of my life?

Given that most of the world has little appreciation for being single, an important habit to maintain my choice to be single is to avoid situations where being single is deemed negative. My friend went to Hawaii for a wedding stag, and she said that everything was good until the end, when everyone started to dance with their dates. That's why I don't go to friends' weddings stag any more or just skip out before the dancing starts.

Company parties, go with a female friend or carpool with a female co-worker and leave early.

Movies, go on a busy night right before lights go out and sit between two couples. There is always a single choice seat (that's a perk of a being single!)

Parties, throw one, so people will bring themselves to you.

Family functions, focus on the conversations on the other person.

Seek out other singles. I love being single because of the myriad of people I have connected with. Two nights ago, I went to a panel on being an artist in San Francisco and gave one of the panelists a ride home. She and I had a lively discussion about how I can help the art scene in the City. That conversation would have been so limited if either one of us had someone else with us.

Most importantly, cultivate your own hobbies. Nothing more admirable than someone who can keep his or own own company well.

Yes, it'll be welcoming when I am settled down with that special someone again, but given that being single might be a dimishing luxury, I want to enjoy it fully!

infatuation

More reason to love SF:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?o=0&f=/c/a/2007/02/25/MNG2DOATDN1.DTL
http://www.greenleafsf.com/
http://www.sfmta.com/cms/mroutes/tthirdsvc.htm
free rides anyone?

the driver calls the shot

Tonight, I turned down a casaul dinner party at a friend's house to go on a date. I told my friend that it was due to fatigue from the long drive, and it was true. What I didn't explain was that her intensity isn't always something that I can entertain.

Even though I have so many friends, not all of them fit the different sides of me. Very few people see my dark side, but that side can surface, especially when I am tired.

Last night, driving in the blizzard in an unsuccessful attempt to get to Reno from our vacation home, I definitely hit that dark moment. The stress of having to navigate with almost-zero visiability wasn't painful; I was overwhelmed by being responsible for my four passengers. I always want everyone to have a good time, and just the possibility of getting hurt or killed in a snow storm was not part of the plan.

I then realized for the first time that the friends closest to me are the ones to whom I can reliquish control. They are so capable that I don't mind their advice or to follow their lead. At the same time, these people know how to let me take control most of the time b/c that's how I want to showcase my talents and that's how I care for someone.

Hum, makes me wonder...How a guy takes control isn't nearly as important as why I can give up control so easily? I am not sure yet, but these dates may just explain it finally...

my new career

Today I lunched with the project manager for one of the premier residential building in San Francisco.

And she's in her early 30s.

It's great to connect about our love for San Francisco and things like City Car Share and LEED.

Psyched on this new path I am taking about my work. If I am going to make it as a real estate developer, it's time to think bigger. Think of what I want to do, and think about how to get there.

Still the same old me, but feeling better about all the obsticles I am going to get through to get farther. Looking back, those three careers in the past have taken me this far, and it's time to get to that next level!

how to use advice

I am not so sure if I would ever follow other people's advice.

Think about it, if the advisor was happy with a particular choice, there were also numerous circumstances that one cannot emulate and thus cannot duplicate similar outcome.

On the other hand, if someone is advising on choices that he or she has never experienced, then why should you take advice from someone who has not realized the potential of that advice?

These thoughts are the result of growing discomfort with friends who are always coming to me for advice. Even though I _love_ to tell people what to do, I am robbing people of their own experience if I give advice. Advice takes away the opportunity to struggle and to come up with the best choice at that particular given point.

What's more helpful is to listen and to let the person make his or her own choices.

Still, I like it when friends and family give me advice b/c that's how they demonstrate care. At the same time, I am learning how to use the advice as another way to look at the world.

For example. Over the weekend, my friend suggested that I don't ever talk about my dating life at work. I don't usually other than mentioning that I have a date; I am not remotely close to anyone at this job. Today, I violated my friend's rule and mentioned that I am no longer dating the last guy. I wasn't at all concerned, but my friend's words made me more aware of my co-worker's intentions in brining up the topic.

I realized that the person was trying to apologize for a mistake he made last week. This person accused me of wanting to leave the company (true) and demanded that I give two-months' notice (unlikely). Interesting given that this co-worker is a major reason for my current job search.

The irony was that the person handled the converation so badly that I didn't even want to discuss the matter and simply changed the topics to sports (safe with most men). It was that awkwardness that made me see the fear behind alienating me and the fear of losing my contribution to the team.

What a full circle, since fear is the reson why most people take advice rather than follow their intuition. I am happy to say that having erraticated fear from my life almost completely, I always make the right choices for me. Yes, my life has taken me down an unusal path, but I am here to live my own life and not to trace someone else's idea of a good life.

boycotting safeway

I've become one of those annonying consumers who may be delusional in thinking that she can change seller behavior.

Went to Safeway (16th and Potrero) this morning to buy groceries for dinner. My parents are staying with me, so my dad came along. The seafood department is suppose to open at 8am. It was quarter past. There was no one at the seafood counter, and the displays are completely empty.

Three employees used the PA system to call the counter help, but there was still no one after 10 minutes. I noticed that the seafood were in plastic bags, on a cart, off to the side. Finally, I had to leave to get to work on time. I put back all the produce b/c I didn't want to give them any of my money after the incident.

I was able to make a verbal complaint to the store manager, but it was futile. I realized that I am dealing with a store that probably doesn't care about food as much as me.

My dad didn't want me to cause a scene, but I told him it's a matter of principle. If something is bad enough to get me mad, then I need to stand up and make a change. It isn't enough to take bad service and let these unionized workers think that they will be able to let service slide. Management too need to be notified of the poor service to change its policies.

Looks like the small Asian grocery on 16th by Mission will be getting most of my business from now on.

focused or blinded?

Am working late today to attend a planning commmission meeting at 730.

The good thing about always having something planned every night of the week is that even when it's work, it can be fun.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for my co-worker. He called a minute ago upset that the event he is at did not have a name tag for him. He was upset.

What an opportunity to see that life goes on and one is really not all that important. Of course, he doesn't see it that way. Instead, he wanted me to get to the bottom of the situation and fix it.

I can only e-mail him the e-mail trail. And then I am off. Good timing, since I am off to vacation tomorrow. Will have to wait and see what happens next week...

why fight it?

All around me, I see how people try to fight against what is meant to be.

Am planning yet another ski trip with a small group. It's just amazing how many glitches the members of the party came up upon, if only they listen to the signs.

People wanted to fly out of the area with one another, yet they didn't buy their tickets together. Everyone was voicing their different opinions about how many days they wanted to be on the trip, yet the organizer still booked too many nights.

For once, I didn't step in to organize the trip, just as I didn't do so for one of the trips earlier this year. Yes, my intervention could have saved some people time and money, but planning is part of the experience. I hardly ever let the small details stop me from having a good time, and I feel even more detached from the trips.

It's been such a different experience this year, to just let go more. I don't really mind a lot of things because I have been more than lucky. When what I want isn't within reach, I know it just wasn't meant to be. It's much easier to let go than to struggle against what isn't meant to be.

kind words from my friend

From: xxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, February 13, 2007 3:23 PM
To: xxxxx
Subject: RE: thanks

If I've learned one thing over the past 7+ years, it is that we type A folks need to understand that it takes time to figure it out and that we need to give ourselves the room and time to figure it out. We expect to be at or near the top from very early, which is not really a legitimate expectation. The drive is healthy, but it needs to be checked by reality or else we'll drive ourselves crazy.

Okay, enough pop psychology for now. ;)

challenges

Nothing comes easily in life for me. Everything is a struggle, but I relish in the learning experience.

Take sports. I am not at all coordinated (lapse in my synaptic transmission). Still, I am so inspired by atheletes and the culture of sports that I am trying to learn a new sport every year. With a lot of tenacity, I somehow get to a point of being able to at least pick up the sport.

Lately, that same determination is translating to a lot of my personal goals. Take salsa. I have this big dream about moving to South America at some point. I am not sure whether I will ever make it, but I am slowly trying to find ways to get there.

One of the ways to be familiar with Latin culture is learn all the Latin dances. I started salsa a few months back but never got the hang of it. Now, I am finally making time for the lessons and moving along.

Instructional dancing is not easy; being led is nearly impossible for me as I love to dance freely. Still, I am determined that this is yet another arena in which I can get very comfortable at. The eventual goal is to learn most of the dances, including the tango.

I am grateful that by having to struggle for every little thing in my life, that the prize comes in the form of familiarity. I don't have to be the best of anything, but just knowing that I can do something is a big reward given how hard it is to get to the comfort zone.

Life is getting easier. I have never felt more confidant or more intuned with that is meant to be. Every action and every choice is made with complete conviction that it is the right thing to do. There is almost a pat on the back for job well done.

At the same time, the pace is nearly tornado like. It's the whirling sound of the treadmill going at 4.8. I love the treadmill now. It's knowing that I can adjust the speed up and down depending on what I wish to accomplish on a particular day. It's a good feeling to be going at my own pace. Finally.

time for everything and everyone

After dancing two nights in a row, I am tired. Tired yet happy. I am glad to be back to dancing by myself. It's Saturday night, and all I did was setup the TurboTax on the computer. Didn't even file yet. That's okay. That refund is just around the corner.

Even though I had two great offers to go out, I just knew it was a veg night.

Sure enough, I was rewarded with a wonderful phone call from Aunt Ellen.

Aunt Ellen is my mother's cousin. She is 15 years older than me, somewhere between an aunt and a cousin. Aunt Ellen also has two daughters that I am very close to b/c I went to graduate school near their home 10 years ago. I have watched these two babies grow into young ladies. The special bond w/Aunt Ellen's family is partly due to the fact that she is divorced, like me. We are our own Little Women when together.

Aunt Ellen called me tonight to thank me for spending time with her daughters the weekend after NY's when she chose to spend more time abroad visiting her mother. She had hired a babysitter for that week/weekend, but I decided to visit and make myself the designated guardian for that weekend. It was tough to have to chauffeur and cook and agonize about whether I made the right choice to take them to an R-rated movie.

I didn't know what to say when she thanked me. I am the one who is grateful. That weekend reminded me that I am still quite the confirmed bachelorette. Nothing makes one enjoy one's freedom like responsibilities.

At the same time, I am so grateful for that chance to spend time with two very busy high schoolers. My cousins have full load of classes, piano lessons, Chinese school, tutoring, band and even volunteering at the Orange County Children's Hospital. The honor was all mine to spend time with two very mature young women.

I am also grateful for Aunt Ellen. She inspires me. Our hour long conversations have been better than ever because we can respect each other's differences. She is a stay-at-home mom, and I am a single career woman. Her amazing cooking inspired me to be ever more creative with mine. She gutted her home and transformed it to a beautiful yet practical space, something I now want to do with mine.

It was absolutely the right choice to stay home and rest b/c I was duly rewarded with the most precious thing: ccnnecting with someone I love.

that's life, so what are you going to do about it

Was very late for my hair appointment last night, and then I had to rush off to pick up my cousin from the airport who is staying with me.

With coloring, cutting the appointment short has consequences. I just don't look quite right.

This morning, am off to sit in on a co-worker's presentation. How to not distract??

Good thing my cousin's friend gave me a good idea last night. Am going to wear a cap today and try to squeeze back into my hairdresser's schedule today. My other cousin has an appointment with the same stylist today, so maybe I can fit in there?

If not, there is always the at-home hair-coloring kit.

The key is I don't have time to waste over petty things like negative emotions or getting frustrated. Every challenge is an opportunity to solve a problem and to learn something.

2007 is off to an amazing start. That feeling of something revolutionary is still within me. Am psyched about a lot of things right now...

courting women

One thing that I do is I cater to my friends, especially my girlfriends.

When I meet a woman that I admire, I will "court" her and befriend her. It feels a bit like dating.

I try to spend time with the person. With someone who is busy, time with her means on her terms. For instance, if I know that someone loves to dance to a particular type of music, I will try to find venues near her that plays that type of music. I will travel out of my way to go to that club with her. I also know to take care of the details: check in her coat for her, buy her a drink, and hold her purse when she goes to the bathroom.

Food is a big one. I try to always cater to what the other woman wants to eat. Type of cuisine, price range, fine dining or hole in the wall. Once I know what that person prefers for her dining experience, I can usually suggest a restaurant that pleases her. I will usually drive and pick her up.

All just so that I can spend time with that person and enjoy her company completely.

I am grateful that by being flexible, I have friends who are so different from me and from each other. It also gives me a lot more appreciation for when a man takes me out. Still, it's been a while since a man did all the planning and know just how to make my day. At this point in my life though, is it even possible for a man to out court me??

beauty

Had to make a flyer for work and came across this image.

The arts and creative endeavors are important because they nurture the soul. It's as if beauty calls for us to be better.

It's a choice to be better all the time. I want to continue to make myself ever more beautiful by always thinking creatively and acting intuitively.

oh my heart

from Don Gambelin 10:12 am (15 minutes ago)
to xxxxx
date Feb 7, 2007 10:12 AM
subject RE: checking in

xxxxx,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I was travelling the last few business days.

Thanks for coming in for a second round of interviews with me, Archie, Amy, and Rachel. At this time, we are not going to take discussions with you any further. Thanks for your interest in Norcal and best of luck to you professionally.

Donald.

the love of my life

It's been a very tough day, or should I say, yesterday was tough.

Rough day at work, and I had to witness the Sharks plummeted against the Ducks. Many people have been trying to help but only make me feel worse.

Called my dad about the logistics of my parents' return to the States and their immediate departure on a cruise, and instantly, I felt better.

I had planned to take today off work because I was feeling so awful, but now, I am ready to hit the sack, get up, and go to work. Yes, that is the power of my dad's wisdom.

I always say, until I figure out how my dad can make anyone feel so much better, I am not going to have kids. There is just something in the way he _always_ say the right things that makes me whole. Never once did my dad raise his voice with us kids, yet we always behave perfectly in his presence.

That is the one quality I look for in a partner. That magical ability to put me at ease and give me strength. Close to finding it a couple of times, but it was never the right time. I will keep on searching for the love of my life...

my own timeline

Was down for a while b/c I am trying to come to terms with work. For the first time in my life, I care a great deal about my career. There was some frustration b/c I have yet to find my true calling.

Then, it all made sense.

Most people I talk to don't even know what it's like to not be career oriented. I am fortunate enough to spend a lot of time exploring other areas of life. Learning how to do a lot of other things (from sports to cooking) is something that I will have even when my career finally takes off.

This is one of the most exciting times of my life. To confront the crossroads of my career later in my adult life is perfect timing. Not only am I choosing the next job based on projects, I am also being choosy over people and lifestyle. It'll be tough to find the place where I can be myself and part of a dynamic team.

Just have to be patient. Ha. Even being patient is a new feeling.

Psyched about a lot of changes right now. Want to take my health to the next level for example. May take up vegetarianism again. I had even more energy for the brief time that I cut out meat before. I may need to call upon that lifestyle again.

Have a feeling that something big is about to happen. Cannot wait!

action or reaction

One of the benefits of being very busy is that there is little time to react emotionally to events.

I am constantly going from one activity to another and just enjoying the moment. There isn't any time to have unrealistic expectations or to wonder about could haves or should haves. When I need to relax, I work out my mind by reading and learning or work out my body with physical activities. Most importantly, I cultivate my connections to the world and the people in my life.

Of late, I have been quite happy because there is hardly any worrying in my life. In fact, the lack of worry is probably the main reason why I sleep so soundly at night. Worrying is a modern bad habit that may be the result of boredom and the lack of empowerment.

Modern society has failed its people by not focusing on empowerment. How does each individual achieve his or her potential? Rather than focusing on our inner selves and take actions to cultivate our spirits, there seems to be more reactions to the outside world.

It’s time to take action, stop reacting, and make the world a better place.

One of the benefits of being very busy is that there is little time to react emotionally to events.

I am constantly going from one activity to another and just enjoying the moment. There isn't any time to have unrealistic expectations or to wonder about could haves or should haves. When I need to relax, I work out my mind by reading and learning or work out my body with physical activities. Most importantly, I cultivate my connections to the world and the people in my life.

Of late, I have been quite happy because there is hardly any worrying in my life. In fact, the lack of worry is probably the main reason why I sleep so soundly at night. Worrying is a modern bad habit that may be the result of boredom and the lack of empowerment.

Modern society has failed its people by not focusing on empowerment. How does each individual achieve his or her potential? Rather than focusing on our inner selves and take actions to cultivate our spirits, there seems to be more reactions to the outside world.

It’s time to take action, stop reacting, and make the world a better place.

career development

Is it a sign of getting older that I want so much more out of my career? Back in college, I just want something stable. Now, after graduate schools and years of working, I expect more.

Not only do I want to support my lifestyle, I want to make a difference. I cannot be at a place where the main objective is to make more money for the shareholders. That should be one of the objectives, but there should be other things like creating a welcoming work place and to contribute to community.

I have been in enough work places to know what all those elements are like, and my mission is to find the right place.

More and more, my job is an extension of myself. I want to hand out my business card knowing that I earned that place and that it is a reflection of me.

the dark side

Very few people see my dark side. The best part about having so many friends is that I don't see many people often enough for them to see me at my worst.

Still, I like it when I get mad about something. That means there will be changes. I never settle for a compromising situation or dissatisfaction.

It's through these many changes that I cultivate my lifestyle. Whether it's going to grocery store at 8am on a weekday or always calling and e-mailing friends to plan get togethers, I like to call the shots.

That's why the single life is something I hold on to dearly. I have absolute control. It's a freedom that I am not quite ready to give up yet...

community

Heard the discussion on the radio this morning about the black communities lacking role models b/c many black men are either in prison or dead.

In a twisted way, there are similarities in Silicon Valley. This is an area where most of the workers are male, single and with few role models about how to be part of a community.

In the little free time that people do have, consumerism and entertainment have higher priorities than addressing the social ills around us.

Even I am guilty of being too passive. I have done more this past year, and my work has allowed me to do community work.

It's time to have new focus about making a difference in this world.

leave your trash behind?

Theresa Gill Jan 25 (5 days ago)
to xxxxx
cc
Jan Boone ,
David Cahill
date Jan 25, 2007 3:25 PM
subject recycle at the HP Pavilion

Hi xxxxx,

Thanks for emailing the HP Pavilion.

While we do not have receptacles in the public areas (due to co-mingling that renders all recycling garbage), we do recycle glass, plastic, cardboard and mixed paper from our back-of-house operations, suites, and bars. Also, after Sharks games we pick up recyclable beverage containers from the seating area.

In total, over 80% of HP Pavilion's waste is diverted to recycling or compost.

Theresa Gill

HP Pavilion ~ Receptionist
525 West Santa Clara Street
San Jose, Ca 95110
Phone: 408-287-7070
Fax: 408-999-5797
www.hppavilion.com
www.sjsharks.com

Go Sharks!

the next level

Now that life is very, very good, it's time to think about bigger dreams. Besides my daily comforts and having fun, I want to make a difference in the world.

In some ways, I know I have made a difference because I live by my own rules. By asserting my independence, I am reminding myself and those around me that trusting our intutition is the most important act.

So what's next now that I can get by and have more fun than ever?

You shall wait and see as I enter the next phase of creativity and connectivity...

celebration

The way I connect with many women in my life is completely serendipitous.

The network of women in my life, most of them older, has enriched my life beyond belief.

Lately, a friend has been on my mind. She is my ex-husband's co-worker's wife. When she first dated her husband, she was living abroad. During her visits to the US, I would be her tour guide b/c for a period, I was unemployed. That friendship has developed tremendously, and now she lives across town with her husband and child.

My thoughts of her gave me the idea to invite her family to dinner. Given her small child, I usually visit her, but it felt time to have a meal at my place.

Due to a schedule conflict, I called just now to reschedule. It turns out that she is pregnant again!! Her second preganancy was doubtful b/c she had her first child past 35, but this was such tremendous news.

I feel a sense of peace b/c she has been on my mind, and now I know why. It is the sacred newws of the arrival of a little one. Oh the joy of having a good friend being blessed by new life.

It's been a good weekend due in part to several female friends just sharing their lives and giving me a lot of support to the changes in my own life. It's both exciting and a bit scary to enter something new, but it's comforting to know that many people are out there thinking of me.

sense of well being

Something is in the air.

I always know when good things are happening. I sleep better, and I am joyous.

This is the best kind of happiness. The kind that permeates into all areas of my life. It is the motivation I need to give unconditionally to others and to try to make the world a better place. This is me being myself.

Lately, been having a lot of these moments. Is this what it means to be in my 30s? This incredible feeling that everything is going my way because I just naturally go down the path that is meant to be.

Oh yeah, life is good.

feeling unstoppable

Sometimes life is easy, and right now, it's as good as it gets. Yesterday was a bit down b/c I had to do some really silly things, like "chaperon" two checks through to make sure some consultants get paid. At the end of the day, things get done. Got to focus on that.

Round 3 of interviews with a company tomorrow.

After the offer, am going to bring up doing my own outside consulting work. I might not have to quit completely. Stay tuned.

baby

I have a college roommate who lives in Brazil. She and I were friends for one semester when she came to the US to study masters in material engineering.

That was 1993.

We stayed friends all these years and kept in touch via e-mail and letters. We visited each other. I went to Rio, and she came to SF. That visit to Rio changed me. Now I want to spend some time in South America. Maybe move to Buenos Aires to work.

Next month, she will be a mother. I am excited because she is such a wonderful person and will make the world a better place by her contribution as a mother. I am looking forward to meeting a new friend.

SBC/ATT phone customer?

I received a privacy notice from AT&T. AT&T will sell my information to its family of companies unless I opt out.

Today, I tried to opt out, but the website in the mailing led to a "no longer exist" page.

It took a some researching, but I was able to find the actual page:
https://www.att.com/gen/general?pid=3990

What exactly is "family of companies"? I am sure anyone who pays AT&T mega bucks can be in its family. Still, it'll be interesting to see if I do get more junk mail now that I am a land line phone customer...

making a living

Went to see the Peking Acrobat Sunday. A perfomer fell during the last act, but I doubt many people noticed. She was in the back row, jumping down from a human pyramid. She fell on her side and was in so much pain and could not get up. Her fellow performer carried her off and left her in the wing.

Given where I was sitting, I could see her feet as she laid in the wing before someone could attend to her. :(

It was a good performance, but there is a part of me that thought about what a hard life it must be. To practice endlessly, to travel all the time and be away from families, and to be at risk of injury or death.

In comparison, my life is amazingly cushy. My work is much more mental and social than physical, and I take risks to have fun. I am truly grateful.

popularity contest

I like trying new things, and this weekend, it's going to be paintball. A friend suggested it, and I set up the evite, inviting about 60 people.

So far, only 3 of us responded yes.

The idea originator is a bit discouraged, e-mailing me that only 3 people are going.

I've never let the lack of company stop me before. I went skiing once and snowboarding twice all by myself in Tahoe when no one had time to go. All three trips were fine. I got to do what I wanted.

Sure, it's more fun to do things with people, but sometimes, not everyone else is willing to take advantage of the opportunities at hand. I am very lucky to be able to do so many things, either with people or on my own.

Yes, it would be great to always have someone the to accompany me. After so many solo adventures, including international travel, it's all the same to me. I am here to live it up, and if someone joins me for the ride, great. If not, I'll see you in the rear-view mirror!

get that look

Several friends have asked me about how to get toned abs and arms. Yes, there are plenty of exercises you can do, and I am happy to give some one-on-one training sessions.

However, the diet is just as important if not more important.

Take lunch. Today, I made a salad with the following:
spinach
carrot
avocado
apple
orange
sunflower seed
honey
kiwi for dessert

It took more time to cut up all the vegetables and fruits than to eat them, but there was no cooking, so no oil. Usually, I would add extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar for taste.

Three hours later, and I am not at all hungry b/c my taste buds were fed with so many flavors. Eating well does take a lot of time, but it sure is yummy. It's nice to be able to look fit, but I will settle for just being healthy.

buy, buy, buy

I live close to a Best Buy retail store, and every so often, I see a line outside the store of people lining up to get the latest gadget.

Now, I am all for cool electronics (I love my XM!), but spending precious time in order to get stuff??

What is happening to our culture? Why is there a priority placed on the act of consumption?

I buy stuff mostly out of need and efficiency. For instance, XM elimates the need for CDs and saves time on music selection. What the people waiting at a store after hours tells me is that we now have created a need to consume. Rather than consume to satisfy other needs, the act of buying something has gained importance as a value.

Whoa! That is alarming because consumption is not an intrinsic need. The act of consumption satsifes a personal urge, and that's it. There isn't any positive externalities. When someone buys an object, that transaction satisfies the consumer's internal urge. The act of consumption then served its purpose.

It's time that we make more conscious choices as a world in how we spend our money and time. Let's learn more about each other and ourselves. Let's buy wholesome food and support local farmers. Let's recycle and save Planet Earth.

I am stingy with my time and money because I want to do more with my life and change the world.

In comparison, in the time that the people waiting for the Wii were in line, I supported six farmers at the Farmers' Market. All these people did was stood around in the cold while I bought groceries for the entire week...

the investigation continues

Name : xxxxx Email : xxxxx Section : Airport Facilities Subject : Question Comments : How does SFO handle sorting garbage offsite? Who is the vendor? I want Caltrain to use the same people b/c they don't have recycling b/c the various companies they use refuse to sort through the garbage. It would be great to have them use the same company and recycle. Thanks!!

Response

Dear xxxxx, The airport does some of the separating of materials and then it is picked up by South City Scavengers for recycllng and waste management.

asked and answered

"Lindell, Astrid" lindella@samtrans.com

date Jan 18, 2007 3:30 PM

subject Caltrain Comment CT1/190

Ms. xxxxx:

Thank you for your suggestion that Caltrain implement recycling at the stations. We tried this in the past, but people unfortunately dumped so much garbage in the recycling containers that the various recycling companies we were dealing with refused to handle the recycling.

Astrid Lindell

Caltrain Customer Relations Specialist

do the right thing

There is no excuse for not achieving your dreams. Big or small, our dreams connect us to our destiny. Ideas of what’s next are the universe’s way of guiding us to our fated future.

I firmly believe that one sure way to have realistic dreams rather than copycat fantasies is to have fun. By having fun, we are living in the moment and freeing our conscious mind, and it is during this time of play the subconscious is able to emerge and guide us.

Most of my dreams are not all that fantastic, but they are my true desires that fuel my existence. I am very motivated by achieving these goals, big and small. 2006 was especially so! I am the luckiest person in the world b/c I am living out my dreams right now!!

For some reason, the mainstream culture is not at all conducive for joy and happiness. Think about it – most people worry and stress, leading to poor health and unhappiness. There must be another way!

And there is another way. It’s all about blocking out what others may say and just focus on your own voice. I have had the people closest to me trying to “help” me only to lead me further from what is meant to be. It took years of struggling, but now I am finally on track.

How do I get here? It’s different for everyone, but the number one detractor from happiness is fear. Everyone has heard it before, but being afraid is actually very pervasive in the modern culture. Think about it, the advertising industry uses it all the time to influence consumption. It’s something that parents naturally teach their kids by worrying. Don’t confuse care w/worry and fear. Caring is to wish the best for oneself and others. Worry is imagining that other person can do wrong. Fear is the belief that one might make the wrong choices.

Intuition is the full-proof way of always doing the right thing. If I do what I believe is right at a given point in time, then I am making the best choice I can at that time. Then I am always making the right choice, for me.

Madam Speaker

Saw Nancy Pelosi, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Willie Brown, Gavin Newson and Karmela Harris Monday morning for the annual MLK Jr. breakfast in downtown.

Star struck. Nancy is my idol. She is probably the most powerful woman in the country right now. She is so eloquent and passionate, and a mother of five. To me, she is someone who stands up for what she believes and works hard to accomplish her goals despite all odds. To be the first female speaker of the house 200 years after the creation of the country...

More and more, I am learning to stand up for what I believe, in all aspects of my life. Whether it is being generous or not settling at work, I do what my guts tell me even if no one else dares to take the same risks.

What if Nancy Pelosi didn't believe in herself and didn't think she could one day be third in line for the Presidency??

More than ever, I dare myself to imagine big dreams and to make them all come true!

it was -7F

Went to SLC and back. The skiing was swEEEt! Didn't take too many pics. Still getting used to have a fun camera.

Wish that I was a better skiier, so I can really tackle those blacks. Some runs were not pretty. :P

Still, this trip was just the way I like it. Lots of down time, easy skiing and great company! Of course, I also walked around downtown SLC. Was a little sad by the depressed economy. Seeing a city not doing well for me is like someone who loves food seeing spoiled food. What a waste!

Guess the city just never recovered by ramping up too much for the Olympics and not being able to fill all the extra hotel spaces...

pass it on

I happen to be on a cell phone plan where it's free to receive text but not send it.

After some research, here are some sites that allow you to text for free. They are the cell phone company's own websites. If you know the receiver's carrier, then you can text for free.
t-mobile
https://wmg.tmomail.net/customer_site/jsp/messaging_lo.jsp?WT.srch=2&Result_Inq=answer&InqSource=TMO
verizon
https://www.vtext.com/customer_site/jsp/messaging_lo.jsp
spring
http://messaging.sprintpcs.com/textmessaging/compose;JSESSIONID_JFS=Fmkeo6qaNrIaH12d4esUKkmKP244ZEA6dH2JPfq2iU5wVARD5jjO!493563551!182801589!7060!7002
cingular
https://www.cingular.com/olam/gotoPhone.olamexecute?event=goToPhoneLandingPage&reportActionEvent=A_PHON_PHONE_LANDING_RETR

So far, not all of the text have been instantaneous, but Verizon and Sprint seem to be working well. Also, Cingular's site can only be accessed after logging into a Cingular account.

Just some random info that might be helpful...

once again...

I live for the euphoria that dating brings, and I am once again captured by that everything-is-perfect feeling. Except this time around I am old enough to just let it all sink in. I finally realize that most people are quite honest when things are good, and that's what's worth appreciating about relationships.

As I have gotten older, I am going backwards. I am less jaded and ever more hopeful. Perhaps I am truly blessed because I can the good in everyone. What is truly beautiful is always seeing people for who they are and not how they fall short or are not quite who we want them to be.

It's easier to date now than in my 20s because I am not asking for anything except time and an open mind. It's a lot easier to date and to befriend people b/c I am just looking for people to share life experiences to start off.

The next level is to build a life-long connection with those few special people. Maybe it's not entirely necessary b/c I have it with my parents and my siblings. Maybe I can accept the fact that romance is not meant to be right now.

Ironically it is this very acceptance of the possibility of being alone that makes the dating oh so wonderful!

follow your dreams

So I just committed myself to four months of Spanish classes, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am psyched about learning another language. Spanish is such a useful language that I cannot wait for all the doors it's going to open. Do have an indirect goal to live in South America for a while but learning the language is a first step.

I am beginning to see that my life doesn't have one big goal, like have a family or make oodles of money. Rather, I have many, many small goals that I am checking off the list. The last three years were fabulous b/c I did so many things. Now, it's more about bigger goals and more self improvement. Cannot wait to see what will happen this year!

absolute bliss

For a while now, I have been quite content b/c life has been very, very good. I have almost zero complaints, and everything is going my way.

Has my luck changed? What is different?

It turns out, it's just my attitude. Am generally a positive person, but there have been quite a few emotional hurdles because I used to expect so much from myself.

These days, it's just all about enjoying the moment. That, and following my intuition. I find it amusing that people spend so much precious time thinking about what to do next. If people use all that thinking time to just feel and do, then they would be happier even if all they did was nothing.

Yesterday and today, there is just a sense of peace and joy. I have done little this holiday season, yet the happiness if overflowing. Well, it's almost time to get moving again. Next up, back to LA/OC!

how to please me

Before you get too excited, this is a PG post, so the title is about a spiritual connection.

Looking back at the club experience Friday night, I have to say that a lot of men tried to pick up in all the wrong ways. Many times, men try to impress by doing what they think is important, mostly showing off.

I appreciate the fact that they care and want to impress, but to impress me, I am looking for someone who is completely themselves and can let me be me.

Unfortunately, I have only met a handful of men who is able to put others at ease and can let others be themselves. Even I am not entirely skilled in the art of unconditional acceptance.

So I find myself uncomfortable when men try to impress. Really, if you are trying, it's not going to work.

So the match guys are trying, and it's endearing. At the same time, I find myself pulling back more than usual because I just don't follow the rules of the game. In fact, I am probably labeled a terrible person because I am not returning e-mails. Oh well.

Just like that, the whole dating puzzle has been solved. I am looking forward to playing it by my rules. Similar to my experience with having fun, the dating game is going to be effortless b/c it is, like everything else, all about intuition!

don't get stuck

Tonight, a friend told me about his latest round of "off" in his on-again, off-again relationship. Sigh. I teased him that his life is "drama, drama, drama," and he replied that he doesn't need any more drama.

Can't he see that after 2 years, the relationship isn't going to work. They aren't even engaged, and there are so many issues.

The bell-shaped theory of love! Realize that no matter how good the good is, if there is repeated negativity, move on.

Ironically, the friend wanted to go for a drive later today, and although I agreed, I am going to pass. I don't need to be the escape. To be a better friend, I am going to let him figure this one on his own.

Slowly, I see that I have been more positive this year b/c I have been able to capture all the goodness in others and let them get through the downs with distanced support. It's what I do for myself, get through tough patches on my own, with friends near by when I need it.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year!

no regrets

It's almost the new year, and I want to focus on good habits. The first one being forward-looking.

There are many things out of my control, such as when I will move on from this job. So, rather than focus on the status quo, I want to stay positive and change what I can.

The first is to network more. I just read about the Residential Builders Association in San Francisco in the newspaper and how they were the entity opposing some of the increased fees for residential developers.

Task list: find out as much as I can and possibly join the organization. First step: their website is under construction. Second step: found phone number and address. Third step: to contact the organization directly.

See, as soon as I move, there is no time to dwell on the status quo but to move forward.

I don't want to waste my most precious resource, my mental energy, on worrying or negative thoughts. My mental energy is to gather and to direct the other resources at my disposal: time, money, people and information.

So, in this last work day of 2006, I can look back with satisfaction that much has been done. Now I eager look forward and cannot wait for this next chapter of my life to begin.

that little thrill

So my adventure on match is in full swing (no pun intended!). If any of it works out, then I am going to have to edit out all these posts, so read it while you can! hahaha.

Actually, these are just meant to be hypothesis about how this online dating is suppose to work.

I like online dating b/c the beginning is quite superficial and is all fate. I like the way someone looks or write, boom, I wink back. The initial rejections or non-responses are all taken in good humor, nothing personal.

First things first. The profile. Having edited others' and getting comments on mine, the profile needs to be short and positive. Nothing too long b/c it will just seem long-winded. Personally, I appreciate the profiles that reveal nothing specific yet gives a good picture of what the person is like.

Then, after making the initial contact, it's the e-mailing. You are just trying to get to the point where you'll meet. I am not a big fan of e-mailing, since it's all useless until you meet. Chemistry is the one thing that the web has not replaced. So many people write for eons only to be disappointed by the first date. Get thee to the first date.

I might be meeting someone this week already. Fun!

am I boring you

Today, a friend suggested that I write about some of my useful tips about SF. Why? Is all this musing not useful to you?

For instance, when in SOMA, take Howard and Folsom rather than Mission, Harrison or Bryant because the lights are rigged to be green on those two streets. Every neighborhood in SF have the street(s) where the lights are timed to be green all the time.

Most people know about Fell and Oak. There is Sutter and Bush, Fulton (not Geary), Lincoln (not Irving), Van Ness in the Mission, etc. The trick is to know how to speed or slow down your car in order to hit all the green lights.

Or the shortcuts. Try some of the bus routes. Usually the bus routes are to avoid traffic jams. For instance, the 12 and the 10 bus go to the left lane on Folsom to avoid traffic going to the 80 Eastbound during commute hours.

The list is endless, but it's more fun for each person to discover them rather than me writing them down. Then again, maybe these are things people want to read??

how do you really know?

One question I wonder about is why so many people want to settle down. Is it something they really want, or is it merely peer pressure. It seems to be that more people are Lemmings than truly independent thinkers.

After all, how can you really want something if you never had it? How can people tell me that they want to have a significant other or a family when they may not know all the consequences of these choices?

I meet and at times date men who want to have a partner, yet most of them just want someone to fulfill their own goals. A partner is another human beings who have her own objectives too. I have not yet met a man who really want to compromise, at least not with an opinionated person like me.

Is that even possible, or am I just dating the wrong people? Is it Darwinism to try to find that one person who will help you achieve your goals, or is it merely how society has trained us to look at life partners?

Much of it is patterning after our parents. My parents are so giving that I see how my siblings definitely give more to their partners. It's one of the unresolved issues for the family: are we destined to put ourselves behind our partners because that's how my parents have taught us?

I was overly giving in many of my relationships, but now that my determination to achieve certain professional and personal goals is so great, I cannot even have a relationship. Or can I? Who will be that one person willin to compromise with me, or will I always give too much because that is my destiny? Ironic that my focus on my career will ensure that my future relationships will be more balanced than my siblings'.

the perfect place

Being single in my 30s is absolutely wonderful! Who knew that dating would be so much better now than ever?

My own theory is that the pool of women in their 30s who are 1) financially independent, 2) not desparate to settle down, and 3) not psycho is so small that I actually have an advantage on the dating scene.

Yes, it helps to be fit. Still, I pity all the women who listened to their mothers and settled down before they have a chance to truly enjoy the best era of a woman's life: her 30s!!

The other night, I decided to eat by myself on a Saturday night, so I did. It was a lovely meal, and I didn't feel anything negative about dining alone. I am just too old to be wasting time having or indulging in negative emotions.

There are bigger fish to fry. I have so many big dreams right now that I cannot be bothered with useless yet common thoughts about not having a man. I am truly in a perfect place because my life is going to be a rocket taking off. I already have so much good accompany along for the ride that I don't mind not having a co-pilot for now. It's time to focus and make all my dreams come true!

right back at me

Had to confront the pressure that I impose on others when I pursue.

Ouch. That hurts.

Sorry to all the men that I push against the wall. My defense is that I was so taken with you!

Fortunately, that is no longer possible now, with this new life where I have less time. Given the importance I place on relationships, I don't want one right now. Anyone, man or woman, who thinks that I can be this ideal friend/significant other to them is mistaken.

It is all timing.

Next experiment: match. Should be fun!

burning question answered

Ran into the attorney that I had a huge crush on. He was with his dog...and his financee. There you go, taken. Upon hearing this story, my friend J said that I was lucky that I didn't do anyting. Yes, lucky indeed.

Life goes on.

Somewhat satisfied that I get to know every answer on my own terms. Have a feeling that the job situation is about to change...we'll see...

chasing men

Many of my friends don't understand why I chase after men who are not always eager to be my partner.

I don't pursue men to make them mine. In fact, I "pursue" women more than I do men. When I meet someone who can make me take notice, I want to get to know that person b/c they might be able to add to my life.

With women, it's easy; they become new girlfriends.

With men, it's a little harder. I've had a lot of men pass through my life because I didn't know how to just be their friends first and foremost. Some of the connections faded b/c neither party sees a romantic future.

Now I know better. For now, I am not suppose to have that one great love, that'll happen in due time. In this new phase of my life, it's all about enjoying people, especially all the amazing men in my life...

choices

For the first time in my life, I canceled a social event for work. I made plans with a friend for a special guided tour of a current museum exhibit at 5. After being out of the office all day, I found out about a conference call at 530. Usually I skip the calls if they conflict, but it felt important to be on that call.

It was not a rewarding choice. Not much came out of the call, and afterwards, as I was trying to give my two managers more input, it just didn't seem to matter.

Still, I am glad I experienced something people do everyday, give up their personal committment for work.

One thing that is great about my current job, it tests my values almost everyday. I am always myself, but I see clearly how that self belongs somewhere else. I belong in a place where being myself is the most valuable thing to that organization. I have that right now, in my personal life, so I am grateful.

relax

Watched a bit of Zoolander on TV last night, and the scene with the song Relax was funny. At the same time, that song feels like the perfect theme song for my life today.

It's been a while since I have been so relaxed. After a wonderful vacation and a visit to my masseuse, I am better than ever. Have a sports injury slowly healing, but I am no longer bogged down by the little things.

Why is that?

Perhaps I am finally able to let go of work. I recognized that work is not going to be the core of my identity right now. Yes I enjoys working, but I also value my life outside of work. Striking that balance was hard b/c I was measuring myself by the monetary and power status of those around me. Tough to view work objectively when I pressure myself to be something bigger than myself.

Right now, I just want to savor what I have in my life.

This holiday season, it's been a blessing to do so little. I have so little responsibilities right now. Even the idea of looking for a serious relationship seems ridiculous. I was mistaken. Just when I think I am ready for a significant other, the idea of just enjoying lots of men is still appealing. Why work at a relationship when I can have these loose ties?

It's a new stage in life, and I no longer call the shots. Yet I continue to gravitate toward the risks. Let's see what this next stage is all about.

all in stride

It's the holidays. I love how I don't have to shop for anyone; my family doesn't exchange gifts.

Definitely a time to reflect. There are so many things on my to-do list. Time to invest some resources on those things: Spanish, swimming, better health and most importantly, spirituality.

More and more, I see how all my deepest wishes have come true because I always kept an open mind as to what should be the final outcome.

We are not suppose to have the answers. By posing a sincere question, the universe answers in its own way.

For instance, in my community relations work, there is an artist to whom I wish to send a holiday card. She is a successful artist, one who manages to sell enough art work to sustain herself and her family. For some reason, I just couldn't find her physical address.

She had invited me to one of her recent shows, but it's almost an hour drive away. As luck would have it, the gallery is near my parents' home, so I was able to view the show during one of my visits home. Just in time as the show closes this week.

As part of the introductory material, this artist had include her business card with her physical address on it! I was able to write her a nice note that very afternoon.

Life is full of these small wonders. A book that speaks to this wonder is When God Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life. I am not religious, but this book describes exactly my belief that there is something greater than ourselves.

The key about spirituality is the power it gives us. I have complete faith in myself, and that is significant considering that I wasn't always so sure of myself. When I care about someone else, that is the same power that I hope to bestow onto them. To know that whatever happens, I will be all right is pure joy.

cause and effect

Blogging has changed me in a fundamental way. The habit of just freely speak my mind has infiltrated every aspect of my life. It used to be that I share my life with just a few select people and have many peripheral friends. Now that I have been writing freely for nearly a year online and for the last 20 years via a journal, I am truly myself all the time.

The one positive externality of open self expression is that I can see everything so clearly and adapt accordingly. For instance, today during yet another long mediation session, I was able to see how everyone else's complete absorption in the litigation created so much unnecessary stress. The mediator told us that he woke up at 5 in the morning thinking about the case!

I just cannot get stressed out about work any more. Like the dating, it's just another natural cycle of life that will come and go.

Of course, the best part to the mediation session is flirting with the attractive environmental attorney. It's fun to have a crush on someone. The crush will too pass, but it certainly has been a delicious rush interacting with him.

Psyched that I beat out jet lag completely from the trip. The trick is to not sleep or sleep very little the night or two nights before and use the travel time to sleep to the time of the destination. That and fueling with healthy diet throughout the trip and after arrival!

the best vacation ever

I came back from a week-long vacation, and it was what I needed.

Being relaxed completely was so nice. Mostly, I spent time with family, ate, slept and read. Most importantly, my soul got a break to rediscover what is truly important to me.

So silly that I have been caught up by work and my emotional responses to work that I forgot that my life has never been just about work. Taiwan has a Lemmings culture, where everyone has similar outlook. That similarity reminded me that I was trying to emulate a lot of workaholics I know.

I have never been one to follow the norm. It's okay to have my own rules about work and play. I'll probably not be rich because of my insistence on having fun, but I will continue to be happy.

This was also a trip to focus on financial goals. Need to start to think about how to finance my dream to take a year off and live in South America in the next five years!!

being different

This past weekend, I went snowboarding with some friends, mostly guys. It was a blast.

One reason why I am so comfortable being around men is that men tend to embrace each other's differences. Many men get a kick out of being outrageous around their closest friends.

Unfortunatley, the same cannot be said for all women. In fact, I have worked harder on my female friendships b/c when I find that special woman who can let me be me, I court her. I put more effort into my female friendships b/c it is rare for me to find those few who appreciate my refusal to conform.

This year, I have definitely come into my own, with the help of all my friends. With such a wide range of friends, I finally figured out who I am. Although continuing to grow at a rapid pace and unable to stay still, I like this place that I am in right now. I do whatever I want, and I do it on my terms.

True, I cannot control a lot of things and people in my life, but I have absolute control over my mind and my actions. There is an incredible freedom in being able to follow my gut every step of the way and just know what to do in every situation.

This past weekend, snowboarding on runs that I couldn't even imagine just a year ago was such a high. Last year, in order to make it to the blacks, I took two days off work and lived in Tahoe all by myself for 2 nights. Taking private lessons in the middle of the week was what got me to master snowboarding. I am still not true black yet, but this is the season that I want to be good enough to travel the world and snowboard at resorts outside of Tahoe.

What's your dream? Dare to be different, but step up to the challenge and make those dreams your reality.

small victories

Last night, I swam more than I ever did - eight laps of freestyle!

Due to an accident at my first swimming lesson, I hate putting my face in the water. So whenever I was in the pool, it was with a lifesaver or backstroke.

After watching Riding Giants, a surfing movie, two years ago, I knew that I will one day want to learn to surf. Well, got to swim first.

Even living at great places with pools, I never could go for more than 2 laps. It's just so traumatizing.

Well, with a friend's encouragement and her great pool, I finally did it! It was a break through for me. Today, I have been on cloud nine. Who knew that it took something so small to change my whole outlook? Cannot wait to go to Hawaii and learn to surf next!

the art of rejection

I have been polling my friends about how to reject men romantically. The one drawback about going on lots of dates with people is that there are rejections, on both sides. Almost everyone says to be direct, but I tried that and just don't think it's me.

I've been rejected enough times to know that it's not fun being on the receiving end of one of _those_ speech. One cannot be nice about it.

What's easier is to allow people to see for themselves why the relationship would never work. I am always my crazy self, so more often than not, men know exactly why they wouldn't want to be involved with me long term...

Besides, it cannot be easy to date someone who is just not quite ready to settle down just yet...